NSV - Ladies, why do you get mad when this happens to you?

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Replies

  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Your bicep =/= woman's breast

    sorry

    try again.


    I agree with this. It also matters if the person I'm talking to glances or stares. Glancing is appreciating, staring is creepy. It is funny to me how men think that their appreciation of a women's body should be a compliment no matter how that appreciation is shown. As a young women that was abused as a child, I spent many years trying to hid behind fat just so that I wouldn't be noticed. I'd lose weight and the comments and attention would start, and I'd gain the weight right back. I am older and wiser now and I know how to handle unwanted attention, so it is not as bothersome. But men please get out of that frame of mind that all women should like any and all appreciation you show to them, and any way that you show it...... Some of us just don't.
    This is a really good point and explanation.

    I was never abused. However, I was a C cup extreme hourglass when I was NINE YEARS OLD. I have been dealing with the attention for a very long time. When I was 15, a 33-year-old man told me he couldn't wait until I was 18 so we could have sex. That is merely one example of many.

    There is appreciating and complimenting a woman's figure and then there is the leering creep factor. We women learn to deal with it because we have to. But it gets tiresome.
  • murphy612
    murphy612 Posts: 734 Member
    Why do we sometimes get mad? Really? Well, once men have been objectified solely on their physical appearance or assets as long as women have we can revisit this conversation. I'm shocked you'd even have to ask that question, do you have a daughter!?! lol
  • TX_Aggie_Dad
    TX_Aggie_Dad Posts: 173
    Two thoughts:

    1. I would suspect that the level of "creepiness" of someone checking out your breasts is inversely related to how good-looking you think the person is that is checking you out. I find it hard to believe that most women would be offended if they were having a conversation with a really hot guy and they caught him checking out their breasts.

    2. If you are wearing a low cut blouse and get offended that someone might get distracted and glance down at your breasts when you are talking to them, how do you think you'd function if men had penises on their chest and wore banana hammicks at work. Distracting, no?
  • mikeatmichael
    mikeatmichael Posts: 92 Member
    It's annoying because it means the person you are talking to values your breasts more than what you have to say.

    We can multitask. ;-)
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
    Why do we sometimes get mad? Really? Well, once men have been objectified solely on their physical appearance or assets as long as women have we can revisit this conversation. I'm shocked you'd even have to ask that question, do you have a daughter!?! lol

    I've been around enough women, and worked with enough women to know that women objectify men just as much, if not more than men objectify women. In some cases, it seems to be more acceptable. I have a female friend on facebook who will post "hot guys" to her newsfeed and make "mmm-hmmm!" comments, but if I were to post women in swimsuits or whatever, and I post "mmm-hmmm" comments, then I'm distasteful and objectifying women.

    And yes, the acceptability factor of compliments given or the amount of staring taking place is directly proportional to the level of attraction the recipient has for the person complimenting or staring.
  • arains89
    arains89 Posts: 442 Member
    Two thoughts:

    1. I would suspect that the level of "creepiness" of someone checking out your breasts is inversely related to how good-looking you think the person is that is checking you out. I find it hard to believe that most women would be offended if they were having a conversation with a really hot guy and they caught him checking out their breasts.

    2. If you are wearing a low cut blouse and get offended that someone might get distracted and glance down at your breasts when you are talking to them, how do you think you'd function if men had penises on their chest and wore banana hammicks at work. Distracting, no?

    ^^ THIS! LOL
  • allisonrinkel
    allisonrinkel Posts: 224 Member
    It's annoying because it means the person you are talking to values your breasts more than what you have to say. Complimenting someone's hard work to achieve some nice muscles is quite different than drooling over someone's breasts.
    YES!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Two thoughts:

    1. I would suspect that the level of "creepiness" of someone checking out your breasts is inversely related to how good-looking you think the person is that is checking you out. I find it hard to believe that most women would be offended if they were having a conversation with a really hot guy and they caught him checking out their breasts.

    2. If you are wearing a low cut blouse and get offended that someone might get distracted and glance down at your breasts when you are talking to them, how do you think you'd function if men had penises on their chest and wore banana hammicks at work. Distracting, no?
    A glance is not a stare. I don't care what you look like. Personality does affect how attractive I think someone is and gawking is not a positive personality trait.

    I don't mind men looking within reason. There is a line, however.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Why do we sometimes get mad? Really? Well, once men have been objectified solely on their physical appearance or assets as long as women have we can revisit this conversation. I'm shocked you'd even have to ask that question, do you have a daughter!?! lol

    I've been around enough women, and worked with enough women to know that women objectify men just as much, if not more than men objectify women. In some cases, it seems to be more acceptable. I have a female friend on facebook who will post "hot guys" to her newsfeed and make "mmm-hmmm!" comments, but if I were to post women in swimsuits or whatever, and I post "mmm-hmmm" comments, then I'm distasteful and objectifying women.

    And yes, the acceptability factor of compliments given or the amount of staring taking place is directly proportional to the level of attraction the recipient has for the person complimenting or staring.
    I don't like when women do that, either. It's in poor taste, IMO.
  • caspergirl7
    caspergirl7 Posts: 590 Member
    It's annoying because it means the person you are talking to values your breasts more than what you have to say. Complimenting someone's hard work to achieve some nice muscles is quite different than drooling over someone's breasts.

    ^^Exactly!!
  • jillianbeeee
    jillianbeeee Posts: 345 Member
    now that I have lost some and am starting to feel better, I just smile and say thank you. After two years of being "heavy" its a compliment to be flirted with or as my teenage daughter would say "checked out" No problems with this women. I love it and I have earned it! :)
  • savithny
    savithny Posts: 1,200 Member
    A glance is one thing. A look, when I'm in a social environment, is one thing. I might not like it, but I know it happens.

    Also: during a conversation? My eyes are up here. Staring at them constantly is pretty much saying that what I say/think/feel doesn't matter.

    Don't do it in the workplace. Ever. It's sending the message that the only thing women in the workplace are good for is to ogle.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Really you need to ask that question?

    Difference between having your hard work pointed out or a random body part that you really have no control over.

    :grumble:
  • murphy612
    murphy612 Posts: 734 Member
    Why do we sometimes get mad? Really? Well, once men have been objectified solely on their physical appearance or assets as long as women have we can revisit this conversation. I'm shocked you'd even have to ask that question, do you have a daughter!?! lol

    I've been around enough women, and worked with enough women to know that women objectify men just as much, if not more than men objectify women. In some cases, it seems to be more acceptable. I have a female friend on facebook who will post "hot guys" to her newsfeed and make "mmm-hmmm!" comments, but if I were to post women in swimsuits or whatever, and I post "mmm-hmmm" comments, then I'm distasteful and objectifying women.

    And yes, the acceptability factor of compliments given or the amount of staring taking place is directly proportional to the level of attraction the recipient has for the person complimenting or staring.
    I don't like when women do that, either. It's in poor taste, IMO.

    I didn't say women do not do it now, but this hasn't always been the case. I said being objectified as LONG as females have. It gets old after while and men will probably start to feel the same way.

    I agree, it's not very classy.
  • mmm_drop
    mmm_drop Posts: 1,126 Member
    It just depends on the situation. I used to work with a dude that had full-on conversations with my breasts until one day I just blurted out, "They won't talk back to ya, ya know?" Strange, he had no problem making eye contact after that.

    However, I enjoy catching a man glance here and there; it is flattering.
  • _Waffle_
    _Waffle_ Posts: 13,049 Member
    Took a bike ride on an old rail trail through some of the neighboring counties. I ran into an old friend who's kids used to be in Sunday school with mine, hadn't seen her face to face for a few years. We exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes and caught up on the kids, I gestured a bit when I talked. (not that much, its not like I'm Italian) She broke face/eye contact every time I moved. I paused a bit after a while and she'd look back up at my face.

    I told her I started at the trail head, she assumed I started at the one a couple miles away but I actually started at the other end of trail in the next county. I made a hitch-hiker fist with my hand lifting my arm pointing back over my shoulder with my thumb to the other end. I saw her eyes pop.

    "Holy Freakin' God, look at those guns,... how did you do it, you look great!"

    *Inserts paper into typewriter.*

    Cycles of Love (A novel)

    Chapter 1. A Chance Encounter.

    Sweat rolled down my back as I rode my bike down the old rail trail. This once glorious rail line had long been forgotten by most and unused by an actual train since the late 1800s. The trail spanned 3 counties and aside from the washed out bridge outside of Jefferson City the path was still smooth and clear of debris and it provided a perfect place for me to ride and clear my head after a long day at the office.....

    [Insert back story about wife passing in a sad and touching manner]

    I had just stopped to grab a quick drink from my CamelBak and removed my shirt to better enjoy the breeze when she wandered onto the trail. Her bright summer dress was a striking contrast to the dark tar stained timbers on the trail and I watched her for a few moments as she gathered flowers in a basket. She was so focused on her task that she didn't notice me till I cleared my throat and said "Hello. Beautiful day out isn't it?" She looked up and gasped in surprise finding that she wasn't alone in the empty field.

    [Something about a cool stream of water nearby]
  • Mariannewww
    Mariannewww Posts: 67
    I have never caught a guy checking out the boos but then I never wear a top that would create a decent viewing platform. That said, if a woman has got them out I find myself having a good old (quick) look. Sometimes they are difficult to avoid. No staring though

    Once I thought a cute guy was giving me the appreciative up and down when talking, feeling quite good etc... Turned out I was just flying SUPER LOW ... Bad times
  • msuspartan10
    msuspartan10 Posts: 72 Member
    My boobs aren't big enough for anyone to want to start a conversation with them so that's never been an issue but I get a rush when I get a glance. As other's have mentioned, there's a big difference between an appreciative glance and a leer. For example, I was talking to a not yet 18 year old friend of mine and a guy practically walked into a door frame because he was watching her over his shoulder on his way out the door. That's creepy, not a compliment.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    Oh goodness everyone is so sensitive. Be honest and admit that as a woman we all like to get noticed and complimented for our looks. I do think he meant glancing not staring. I love catching my bf look at my *kitten* when I bend over or checking me out quickly during a conversation. Makes me smile real big.

    Yes, but that is your bf, we all want to know that or loves are attracted to us. Really how would you feel if a man that you didn't know was just staring at your *kitten*? Some may like it but most probably not.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    Two thoughts:

    1. I would suspect that the level of "creepiness" of someone checking out your breasts is inversely related to how good-looking you think the person is that is checking you out. I find it hard to believe that most women would be offended if they were having a conversation with a really hot guy and they caught him checking out their breasts.

    2. If you are wearing a low cut blouse and get offended that someone might get distracted and glance down at your breasts when you are talking to them, how do you think you'd function if men had penises on their chest and wore banana hammicks at work. Distracting, no?


    You are way off base with #1. It never mattered to me what the guy looked like, if he was leering, rude or inappropriate,,, then creepy. One example for you. When I was 38 or so I lost a lot of weight on the Atkins diet. I was talking to several co workers (which included a really good looking male co-worker that all the single gals were chasing), about the diet. When I got to the part about high protein, he interrupted me and made a gesture to his groin and said "lets go out to the car for lunch I can help you with the high protein". Funny huh?,, all the men laughed, and didn't really understand what I got so angry about. This is just one example, you would have to be a women to understand the creep factor.

    #2 I agree with, low cut blouses in the workplace are inappropriate, but still do not give a man the right to stare or leer.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    this thread confirms it. Women are weird.
  • kirstyfairhead
    kirstyfairhead Posts: 220 Member
    If I have been working hard to get fit, healthy, slim, ripped etc etc then having someone looking at my bod or complimenting me on my slimness is all good. The one thing that deserves no particular attention is my rack, as I have done nothing to 'earn' it. (although I would have inevitably shrunk it from losing body fat)

    I have had men looking at my rack my whole life and they weren't appreciating my health or my hard work!!! My BF% is slowly reducing and I am hoping that I will soon be the proud owner of the smallest rack I have had since I was 13!

    I will however still smile when those guys say wow you've lost weight, you're looking good girl, and I will continue smiling when they add 'in their own mind' shame her rack's disappeared!!!
  • savithny
    savithny Posts: 1,200 Member
    this thread confirms it. Women are weird.

    Because we don't want to go through the world reduced to a pair of breasts with legs? Because we think its inappropriate for our coworkers and bosses to visibly demonstrate that our secondary sexual characteristics are more important than our brains, our characters, or the work we put in?

    Again, unless the job is "pole dancer," make eye contact in the workplace, guys. It's not that difficult.

    Also, to the other quote from a guy above? No, good looking guys don't get a free pass. They MIGHT get a free pass in the bar, in a dance club, or at a party. At school, at work? It doesn't make a difference. Hot guys can actually be creepier, because a lot of them have gone through life not hearing "no," all that much, and the sense of entitlement can get really, really, out of hand.
  • marybowldseddington
    marybowldseddington Posts: 71 Member
    If someone is blatantly talking to my chest instead of to my face, I will usually make a smart mouth comment like , "quick what color are my eyes"...they immediatley look at my eyes and recognize that they were staring at my chest. We both then laugh it off with a gee thanks I appreciate that you like them..sort of thing. Then move on..as long as the guy moves on then I chalk it up to men are visual creatures and "sometimes" dont realize they are doing it. It is only after the fact that the staring continues that it becomes not a compliment but creepy.

    As far as checking out a guys guns...I dont see the connection between breast and arms. Although our human bodies are covered completely in skin, some parts are more errogenous than others so staring at those parts is more sexual in nature. IE...staring at a mans pecs vs his bicep.

    Different women can be turned on by different things..IE some women like pecs, others abs, or even trapizius...I dont personally know of any women who get turned on by biceps but I guess anything is possible. Men and boobs...not all men like them big but I think it would be safe to say that most straight men like breasts of some shape and size. They may as individuals also appreciate legs, necks, shoulders etc but female humans breasts are beautiful no matter what.

    It is only when men are looking only at our chest and not listening at all that it becomes creepy, esp if we have made it clear in some way or another to knock it off.
  • sunglasses_and_ocean_waves
    sunglasses_and_ocean_waves Posts: 2,757 Member
    Why do we sometimes get mad? Really? Well, once men have been objectified solely on their physical appearance or assets as long as women have we can revisit this conversation. I'm shocked you'd even have to ask that question, do you have a daughter!?! lol

    I've been around enough women, and worked with enough women to know that women objectify men just as much, if not more than men objectify women. In some cases, it seems to be more acceptable. I have a female friend on facebook who will post "hot guys" to her newsfeed and make "mmm-hmmm!" comments, but if I were to post women in swimsuits or whatever, and I post "mmm-hmmm" comments, then I'm distasteful and objectifying women.

    And yes, the acceptability factor of compliments given or the amount of staring taking place is directly proportional to the level of attraction the recipient has for the person complimenting or staring.

    Yeah but your level of attractiveness goes way down if you start gettin' creepy. Like you've got a handsome face. If you snuck a peek, I'd be glad. But if we were talking, and you were staring at my boobies, I'd think you were gross.

    The girl who said she's glad when he b/f looks? Um yeah. Duh.

    And I don't have a heck of a lot of respect for anyone who gets all sexual on FB. Those are almost always the needy and desperate. I've found that chicks who pant pant pant and talk about sex like they just discovered it are trying to make themselves appealing in some twisted way. Like they don't believe they're attractive enough to get attention without all that crap (I said THEY don't think they are. I didn't say I don't think they are). They're the ones with the duck face profile pics lol.
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
    Two thoughts:

    1. I would suspect that the level of "creepiness" of someone checking out your breasts is inversely related to how good-looking you think the person is that is checking you out. I find it hard to believe that most women would be offended if they were having a conversation with a really hot guy and they caught him checking out their breasts.

    2. If you are wearing a low cut blouse and get offended that someone might get distracted and glance down at your breasts when you are talking to them, how do you think you'd function if men had penises on their chest and wore banana hammicks at work. Distracting, no?

    ^ Pretty much, this. I'm only offended if I find you completely unattractive, physically, mentally, or both. I think it's human nature to want someone you're attracted to, to see your body and like it. But if someone's repulsive to you, you want to cover up, b/c EWWW.

    As far as the low cut thing goes, I hesitantly agree with this. As long as it's just looking and doesn't turn into full blown harassment or assumptions that she's asking for something more. Same with dudes. If I had had the pleasure of spending time with younger-Robert-Plant, you can bet your *kitten* that I'd be staring at his package. That thing was always on display.

    ETA: that I agree with the other poster who says that creepiness increases the longer you look. If I can tell you're having a hard time averting your eyes, YUS! If you're drooling and popping wood and make zero eye contact, you're going to scare me.
  • mystiedragonfly
    mystiedragonfly Posts: 189 Member
    Two thoughts:

    1. I would suspect that the level of "creepiness" of someone checking out your breasts is inversely related to how good-looking you think the person is that is checking you out. I find it hard to believe that most women would be offended if they were having a conversation with a really hot guy and they caught him checking out their breasts.

    2. If you are wearing a low cut blouse and get offended that someone might get distracted and glance down at your breasts when you are talking to them, how do you think you'd function if men had penises on their chest and wore banana hammicks at work. Distracting, no?

    1 is off. I have had really hot men stare and/or make comments about my breasts that instantly turned them into creepy jerks.

    2 is also rather off. The other day, for example, I wore a crew neck t-shirt. Everything was covered up. In the middle of a conversation WITH A WOMAN, she stopped what she was saying and told me that my boobs were just way too distracting and she walked away. IN A T-SHIRT!! I normally only wear tank tops or low cut tops. Yet, in a t-shirt, they were too distracting.
  • sympha01
    sympha01 Posts: 942 Member
    Here's the difference. The experience you described was a one-time, or at least rare event, from somebody that you at least know a little, and trust. If you had, for any reason, needed to let her know she needed to stow it because the attention was unwelcome, you had every reason to believe that she'd not only comply, but probably retreat in embarrassment. If what women routinely experienced was similar to that, I don't think most of us would have a problem with it. As you say, what a fantastic self-esteem booster! Something to give me a happy inner glow the rest of the day!

    But for women, it happens ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME. And not just from people we know and trust, but strangers or passing acquaintances. And it starts when we're about 14 years old. (Think about this, if you have daughters, and ask your wife about her experiences.) I'm no beauty queen, I assure you. But I have many memories of being a young teenager and strangers -- adults, mind you -- following me around, pestering me, trying to engage me in conversation, telling me I was "pretty." The head of Sales at my summer job telling me how beautiful my breasts were (wtf!).

    And that was when I was still essentially a child. As I got older, then men who weren't just pedophiles started with it too. Here I am now, over 40 years old, not terribly well-preserved either, and when a man compliments my rack or my *kitten* it's STILL NOT CHARMING. I will never be so withered or decrepit or fat that I will be grateful for the attention when it's inappropriately intimate.

    Because here's the real problem: there's a way these creeps do it, demanding that I acknowledge them, claiming as their right my attention, goodwill and trust -- and maybe even my gratitude. The clear implication is that I somehow don't actually have a right to withdraw from, ignore, or reject the intimate attention. Because you see, I don't get to choose: they do. And in fact if I do ignore them, or persist in trying to brush off the compliment, then they're not puzzled or embarrassed: they're ANGRY. That's pretty threatening.

    Intimacy is earned. Occasional intimate comments from someone I'm close to, or have a warm personal relationship with? NICE. Intimate comments from strangers, my friends' husbands or my husband's friends (or -- teenage edition -- my dad's friends! or my friends' dads!), or people I'm supposed to have a professional relationship with? AGGRESSIVE. HUMILIATING. THREATENING. CREEPY. WRONG.

    It's not that all men do this; most of you fellas were raised right! But enough men do it that most women encounter it frequently and learn to look on unsolicited and intimately-framed comments on our appearance with a huge amount of distrust. One bad apple spoils the barrel, they say. So a small but significant minority of aggressively creepy men with who are so socially underdeveloped that they can't understand or respect social boundaries are, frankly, ruining it for the rest of you.
  • sunglasses_and_ocean_waves
    sunglasses_and_ocean_waves Posts: 2,757 Member
    Here's the difference. The experience you described was a one-time, or at least rare event, from somebody that you at least know a little, and trust. If you had, for any reason, needed to let her know she needed to stow it because the attention was unwelcome, you had every reason to believe that she'd not only comply, but probably retreat in embarrassment. If what women routinely experienced was similar to that, I don't think most of us would have a problem with it. As you say, what a fantastic self-esteem booster! Something to give me a happy inner glow the rest of the day!

    But for women, it happens ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME. And not just from people we know and trust, but strangers or passing acquaintances. And it starts when we're about 14 years old. (Think about this, if you have daughters, and ask your wife about her experiences.) I'm no beauty queen, I assure you. But I have many memories of being a young teenager and strangers -- adults, mind you -- following me around, pestering me, trying to engage me in conversation, telling me I was "pretty." The head of Sales at my summer job telling me how beautiful my breasts were (wtf!).

    And that was when I was still essentially a child. As I got older, then men who weren't just pedophiles started with it too. Here I am now, over 40 years old, not terribly well-preserved either, and when a man compliments my rack or my *kitten* it's STILL NOT CHARMING. I will never be so withered or decrepit or fat that I will be grateful for the attention when it's inappropriately intimate.

    Because here's the real problem: there's a way these creeps do it, demanding that I acknowledge them, claiming as their right my attention, goodwill and trust -- and maybe even my gratitude. The clear implication is that I somehow don't actually have a right to withdraw from, ignore, or reject the intimate attention. Because you see, I don't get to choose: they do. And in fact if I do ignore them, or persist in trying to brush off the compliment, then they're not puzzled or embarrassed: they're ANGRY. That's pretty threatening.

    Intimacy is earned. Occasional intimate comments from someone I'm close to, or have a warm personal relationship with? NICE. Intimate comments from strangers, my friends' husbands or my husband's friends (or -- teenage edition -- my dad's friends! or my friends' dads!), or people I'm supposed to have a professional relationship with? AGGRESSIVE. HUMILIATING. THREATENING. CREEPY. WRONG.

    It's not that all men do this; most of you fellas were raised right! But enough men do it that most women encounter it frequently and learn to look on unsolicited and intimately-framed comments on our appearance with a huge amount of distrust. One bad apple spoils the barrel, they say. So a small but significant minority of aggressively creepy men with who are so socially underdeveloped that they can't understand or respect social boundaries are, frankly, ruining it for the rest of you.

    A. F*cking. Men! ***standing ovation****

    I could have used your words and passion in a recent thread. =)
  • Otterluv
    Otterluv Posts: 9,083 Member
    Having someone staring at my breasts while I'm trying to concentrate on having a conversation is a huge distraction, and hence irritating. Maintaining a certain level of social skills and having the ability to converse is challenging enough for me at times, having someone distract me like that when I'm trying to relay my thoughts in some sort of coherent way makes it that much tougher.

    Sneaking peaks is one thing (I do it, even, I think it's pretty normal), but have the class and put out the effort to not get caught leering and hence potentially making the other person uncomfortable. That's just good manners.

    Some women find it creepy (you never know their history) and some women don't mind it. The respectful thing would be to learn how to be a bit more tactful in your creeping.

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