NSV - Ladies, why do you get mad when this happens to you?

I'd recommend that everyone who doesn't understand the problem start here:

http://awkwardsituationist.tumblr.com/post/52817821994/cambridge-university-students-were-asked-on-campus

it doesn't make me think they don't care what I"m saying hahahahah. If they glaze over and don't reply when I ask a question then maybe we have a problem, but if they can follow my conversation and contribute I don't care where they look. And I always figure if a girl didn't want people to look, I guess she would wear a turtleneck.

I agree, my husband and I have talked about it. Sure there are the creeps that just want to stare and get the message out that they would have sex with you if you'd let them. Then there are the sweet honest guys like my husband who see someone who is wearing an innapropriate skimpy top and his eyes automatically are drawn there, then he feels guilty and has to tell me about it like he did something wrong. I think women should dress modestly if they don't want to be leered at. If they are wearing shirts that reveal too much then they probably do enjoy getting the attention, even if they won't admit it.

If I was a lady and every time I moved or just took a deep breath and the guy I was talking to looked down at my chest, I wouldn't get mad. I'd just say: "Thank you, thank you very much."

This may be one of the most disgusting things I've ever read on this site, and that's saying something. Do you have a daughter? Or a mother? Sister? Wife, girlfriend, any female in your life you might feel the least bit protective of? If so, imagine some guy saying to her what you just wrote.

If you want to make a woman feel good about herself, try doing what the woman in your story did. OPEN YOUR MOUTH, and use whatever language skills you can muster to pay her a genuine compliment. Try saying something like "You look great. You must work really hard to stay in the kind of shape." Don't stare at her boobs like a toddler who isn't sure what they are and then expect her to THANK YOU for it.

Here's the difference. The experience you described was a one-time, or at least rare event, from somebody that you at least know a little, and trust. If you had, for any reason, needed to let her know she needed to stow it because the attention was unwelcome, you had every reason to believe that she'd not only comply, but probably retreat in embarrassment. If what women routinely experienced was similar to that, I don't think most of us would have a problem with it.

:flowerforyou: Thank you for taking the time to write this. Very well explained.

it doesn't make me think they don't care what I"m saying hahahahah. If they glaze over and don't reply when I ask a question then maybe we have a problem, but if they can follow my conversation and contribute I don't care where they look. And I always figure if a girl didn't want people to look, I guess she would wear a turtleneck.

I agree, my husband and I have talked about it. Sure there are the creeps that just want to stare and get the message out that they would have sex with you if you'd let them. Then there are the sweet honest guys like my husband who see someone who is wearing an innapropriate skimpy top and his eyes automatically are drawn there, then he feels guilty and has to tell me about it like he did something wrong. I think women should dress modestly if they don't want to be leered at. If they are wearing shirts that reveal too much then they probably do enjoy getting the attention, even if they won't admit it.

Take this argument just a bit further and it sounds exactly like "She was asking for it." It's a big problem that we accept the idea that men can't control themselves.

I think we're talking about staring a bit too long without realizing it as opposed to staring with an open mouth and putting my hand down my pants.

I'm sorry but that made me LOL

Clearly there is a line somewhere. I just find it funny that so many on this thread can't seem to understand how confusing it is to men when you wear something that clearly "shows off" your breasts but yet you get mad when you catch someone looking. Making vulbar comments or making physical contact? Clearly that is out of bounds. You catch the good-looking guy down the hall checking you out as he walks past your desk? And you are mad at that? Really?

No I get it. I don't think you're talking about my posts, because I've been upfront about not minding if someone sneaks a peek. Heck, I'm showing cleavage in my profile pic. If you didn't notice, I'd be surprised. I noticed your arms. But I think most people are going from the example the OP set (where is he anyway?). He's talking about someone who was so distracted by his muscles that she couldn't stop staring.

I want to be careful about re-opening pandora's box, but it reminds me of a discussion I started recently. If someone wants to flirt and get all naught on chit chat, have at it. Maybe I'd do that. I dunno. But when a newbie posts that she wants to run but can't find a sports bra to hold down the girls, there's always the unwanted comments. To me, it's the same thing. Unwanted creepiness, and I guess I'll die on this mountain here because I'm just not accepting that behavior.

I don't think you need a class. I think you've got a pretty decent handle on what most are saying.

Your bicep =/= woman's breast


sorry

try again.

This...most men enjoy a woman admiring their biceps...it is very uplifting and really non sexual (unless some girl is licking her lips while leering at you lol). I even enjoy when I get compliments on my muscles...I work my butt for them so I take it when I can get them.

Breast? Breast are sexual. Period. I don't care what people say about our society and all that BS. When a man looks at my butt or my breasts it gives me the creeps, that is unless it is someone I WANT looking at my breasts and butt.

I have to admit, I didn't read all the comments, so I apologize if this has already been said.

Anyone has control over their muscles to some extent. You can work hard and gain them.

Breasts aren't something that you can control much, short of surgery (which I, personally, feel isn't something you should have to do to be attractive, etc.). They are what they are. They're large or small, perky or saggy, simply because that's how we are built. Yes, a good bra can go a long way, but it is largely out of our control.

I love to be complimented on things I have chosen: a good haircut, clothes that fit well, my talents and achievements. Breasts are not one of those things.

Took a bike ride on an old rail trail through some of the neighboring counties. I ran into an old friend who's kids used to be in Sunday school with mine, hadn't seen her face to face for a few years. We exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes and caught up on the kids, I gestured a bit when I talked. (not that much, its not like I'm Italian) She broke face/eye contact every time I moved. I paused a bit after a while and she'd look back up at my face.

I told her I started at the trail head, she assumed I started at the one a couple miles away but I actually started at the other end of trail in the next county. I made a hitch-hiker fist with my hand lifting my arm pointing back over my shoulder with my thumb to the other end. I saw her eyes pop.

"Holy Freakin' God, look at those guns,... how did you do it, you look great!"

If I was a lady and every time I moved or just took a deep breath and the guy I was talking to looked down at my chest, I wouldn't get mad. I'd just say: "Thank you, thank you very much."

I've never really been bothered by it....but then again I really don't have boobs. LOL But I do get comments on my figure and as long as they are respectful it doesn't bother me.

I've actually never been bothered by this at all, and I've ALWAYS had huge (real) breasts. Men are attracted physically before anything else and I've always used that as motivation to look good so at least they have something fit and sexy to look at. If anything I feel a little bit intimidated by a man staring at my body because I'm shy and feel totally awkward about it, up until recently I've never really pictured myself as someone that would get any kind of attention anyway. That said, it seems like most women are really sensitive about having a man's attention focus on her body because of their OWN insecurities. I've known a lot of women to say they hated knowing a man was oogling over them, but kept talking about it with a smile on their face because they loved the attention they were getting. *shrugs*