Fat shaming and making fun of fat people

I can't finish watching it, it's a whole load of self pity and an effort to guilt-trip others. He moans about being fat, but what has he done to change it? Consult with a psychiatrist? Work out? Limit what he eats? Something?

He should be ashamed, not because he's fat, but because he doesn't show any effort to change it other than whine on Youtube.

Not how I would have said it, but pretty much how I feel.

People can life their lives however they want. I don't really care. However if a smoker gets cancer or a drunk driver gets a DUI. Don't cry to me about it because I have zero sympathy for something that is self inflicted. Same with someone who is overweight. I understand that something's are beyond peoples control and there are always exceptions, but for the most part if your situation is self inflicted (which being obese can be) then don't expect me to pity you for how hard your life. You did it to yourself. I'm not going to shame you, because how you life your life is none of my business until it directly effects me, but don't expect pity either.

If you don't like being overweight take personal responsibility and do something about it.

Were you charged with assault & battery for your physical response to verbal abuse?

Nope and frankly the consequences of my actions were the last thing on my mind because here's the thing.....it's a 'camel's back' situation. A person can take nasty comments week in and week out for a long time (in my case it stretched back to school where I was bullied badly for my weight), but everyone has a breaking point and when they reach it they're either going to implode or explode. I exploded and at the time I absolutely, 100% wanted to hurt him as badly as I'd been hurt down the years. I literally had tunnel vision. I had so much adrenaline pumping through me I puked when I got home!

So that's my words of advice to people who do fat shame....have a care because people do have breaking points and you don't know if you're going to be the straw that breaks that fat camel's back.

Of course the other thing is that the guy would never have reported me - how would that conversion have gone? "Hi officer, I want to report being beaten up. Can I describe the attacker? Yes, she was short, fat and middle-aged" Would he wait around for the sound of a police officer snickering to stop?

Personally, I think what you did -- whether he deserved it or not - was physical assault, and the guy should have complained to the police. And whether or not the police would "snicker" at the guy, they still should have charged you with assault and battery. It doesn't matter if you're obese or not, what you did was wrong. Nobody has the right to put their hands, or their feet, on another person's body part in an act of violence.

It sounds like you're still harboring some serious anger regarding how you've been treated. I think your energy and efforts would be better put to use in getting rid of some of that, instead of bragging about how you turned a verbal assault (which is abusive mentally but not physically) into a physical one.

And, if you're a mom, I do hope you haven't shared this story with your kids, who would read that as: "Mom says it's okay to kick a man in a very sensitive area if he verbally assaults me." No, the words HE said did not justify the reaction you gave.

ETA: I have a black belt degree in Tae Kwon Do. While I thankfully have never had to use it, I do like to think that I can really hurt someone if they deserved it. What self defense training taught me is this: verbal abuse does not justify physical abuse. Only when the verbal abuse turns physical does it deserve to be returned in kind. AND, kicking a man in the crotch is the best way to get him even angrier and potentially more violent towards you. If you REALLY want to damage someone, go for the eyes, the throat, the shins and the kneecaps. THOSE are the "sweet spots".

His 'very sensitive area' will heal. This ladies memories of verbal assault will stay with her forever.

My ex boyfriend shouted verbal abuse at me in the middle of the street (granted, it wasn't about my weight) so I slapt him around the face and walked off. He DID go to the police, two weeks later. I was cautioned for battery.

No, what I did was NOT right but neither was his verbal assault on me, in my view, we were both equally in the wrong.

And as for this lady sharing her story with her children, that is her prerogative, her decision and if she does? I am sure she will have very good reason to.

Were you charged with assault & battery for your physical response to verbal abuse?

Nope and frankly the consequences of my actions were the last thing on my mind because here's the thing.....it's a 'camel's back' situation. A person can take nasty comments week in and week out for a long time (in my case it stretched back to school where I was bullied badly for my weight), but everyone has a breaking point and when they reach it they're either going to implode or explode. I exploded and at the time I absolutely, 100% wanted to hurt him as badly as I'd been hurt down the years. I literally had tunnel vision. I had so much adrenaline pumping through me I puked when I got home!

So that's my words of advice to people who do fat shame....have a care because people do have breaking points and you don't know if you're going to be the straw that breaks that fat camel's back.

Of course the other thing is that the guy would never have reported me - how would that conversion have gone? "Hi officer, I want to report being beaten up. Can I describe the attacker? Yes, she was short, fat and middle-aged" Would he wait around for the sound of a police officer snickering to stop?

Personally, I think what you did -- whether he deserved it or not - was physical assault, and the guy should have complained to the police. And whether or not the police would "snicker" at the guy, they still should have charged you with assault and battery. It doesn't matter if you're obese or not, what you did was wrong. Nobody has the right to put their hands, or their feet, on another person's body part in an act of violence.

It sounds like you're still harboring some serious anger regarding how you've been treated. I think your energy and efforts would be better put to use in getting rid of some of that, instead of bragging about how you turned a verbal assault (which is abusive mentally but not physically) into a physical one.

And, if you're a mom, I do hope you haven't shared this story with your kids, who would read that as: "Mom says it's okay to kick a man in a very sensitive area if he verbally assaults me." No, the words HE said did not justify the reaction you gave.

ETA: I have a black belt degree in Tae Kwon Do. While I thankfully have never had to use it, I do like to think that I can really hurt someone if they deserved it. What self defense training taught me is this: verbal abuse does not justify physical abuse. Only when the verbal abuse turns physical does it deserve to be returned in kind. AND, kicking a man in the crotch is the best way to get him even angrier and potentially more violent towards you. If you REALLY want to damage someone, go for the eyes, the throat, the shins and the kneecaps. THOSE are the "sweet spots".

His 'very sensitive area' will heal. This ladies memories of verbal assault will stay with her forever.

My ex boyfriend shouted verbal abuse at me in the middle of the street (granted, it wasn't about my weight) so I slapt him around the face and walked off. He DID go to the police, two weeks later. I was cautioned for battery.

No, what I did was NOT right but neither was his verbal assault on me, in my view, we were both equally in the wrong.

And as for this lady sharing her story with her children, that is her prerogative, her decision and if she does? I am sure she will have very good reason to.

NOBODY has the right to conduct physical violence against ANYONE, no matter what gender they happen to be. You're also wrong in slapping your ex boyfriend. What could you have done instead while he was verbally abusing you? How about LEFT him? That's more powerful,and shows more personal strength, in my opinion, than slapping him. But unfortunately, many women refuse to do this and put up with that behavior again and again until, no surprise, they snap and turn to violence.

AND yes, it happens both ways. Many men are badgered and verbally abused by women. Do they report it? No, because they're just as ashamed and embarrassed. But when those men finally snap and conduct violence towards that woman, and the man is bigger and stronger, would you be okay with that "because the woman pushed and pushed and deserved it"?

And if you assume that I have not been bullied, ever, let me assure you i have. I was bullied through middle school AND high school. I was called horrible names by several different boys. Did it permit me to slap them? NO. Did it affect me for a long time afterwards? YES. Words hurt, and verbal abuse is wrong. But somehow justifying your behavior with physical violence is 1000 times WRONG.

It's not nice to shame anyone. People have different ways of dealing with life's stresses. By overeating, one shows it to the world. By dealing with the demons by drinking or sex addiction, no one sees it, but it is still harmful. My point is we shouldn't judge anyone for how they deal with their problems.

This.

I haven't read all of the comments on this thread because, frankly, most of y'all seem to lack basic compassion.

Y'all also don't seem to know a damn thing about clinical depression, which is what the guy in the video obviously suffers from. I do feel sorry for him - not because he's obese but because he has not yet found a treatment for his clinical depression and anxiety that works for him, though he says he has been trying (I do hope that's true). As someone who suffers from both and has been battling them for most of my 47 years, I can tell you that, once that treatment is found, it's like night and day. It doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with these issues and any food issues I might have, but finding the right therapist/medication makes the struggles easier to handle.

I really hope that he finds something that works for him. Not because it'll help him to "see the light" and start losing weight (though that would be great), but because his life will be so much more enjoyable when he sees that his depression and anxiety don't have to rule him.

Body shaming of ANY kind is wrong. I don't care if it's fat shaming, thin shaming or concern trolling.

Yes! There is one women in particular at my gym who motivates me.....and she doesn't even know. She is there every day sweating and busting *kitten*. I can see her body changing and it is very inspiring!!!

Maybe you should tell her.

I love this!

Stop playing the victim and start being your own hero.

Also, I'd like to high five MsPudding, and IN for SoVi's legs. :bigsmile:

I was thinking about it! But after reading the one comment about "inspiration porn" I feel bad...... I don't want her to think she is my "inspiration porn". Personally I don't like porn...I like doing it myself.:sad:

Why not tell her? It's not any different from you telling one of your MFP friends that they inspire and motivate you, and it'll probably make her feel good. Not in a porno way.

Although I don't condone violence...you go girl! That little pr!ck will think twice next time he decides to be an @sshole. You quite possibly saved someone else's self esteem that day.

I don't condone it either and these days my weapons in such situations are a whole arsenal of put-downs. However I don't regret my actions one little bit because it was a turning point for me - although what I did out out of proportion to the insult, the fact that I did *something* more than scuttling away with my eyes to the floor gave me confidence to let the jibes of idiots slide off me like water off a duck's back.

For what it's worth, I live in a very small town and I still see that guy around. I don't think he even remembers me (it was a few years back and I've lost a bit weight since then, changed hair colour and dress style), but he's demonstrably still a total tool - I had a good smirk at him one night in the local pub trying to play the tough guy with some poor chap who'd accidentally bumped into him.

And as for this lady sharing her story with her children, that is her prerogative, her decision and if she does? I am sure she will have very good reason to.

Oh I don't have children - never wanted any. I did mention that in a previous post but some lovely person did one of those 'I don't like what you're saying so I'm going to report you for using a slang word for butt as it's technically against the rules and therefore your posting will get removed' reports.

I have to stop myself from responding to a lot of people on this message board because of fat shaming. Whether they are former fat ppl or never have been fat ever, I've seen some really questionable and just mean and hurtful **** said about fat people on these boards. Not saying that all of it was intentional, but sometimes the way folks word things just sucks.

Thank you! I am shocked -- shocked -- that there are not more responses like this on this board, especially when I see all the tickers many people here have showing that have lost 75 pounds or more. People just LOVE hating on the fatties, including other fatties, I guess, and for them weight loss is just an excuse to join in the bullying.

Bottom line: Someone else's weight is nobody's business but their own. No one gets to say "He SHOULD lose weight and he doesn't, therefore LET'S GET HIM!" It's. Not. Cool.

I don't care if the particular guy in this particular video sounded whiny. IT DOESN'T MEAN HE DOESN'T LEGITIMATELY HAVE PROBLEMS, it just makes him whiny about his problems. Will losing weight help him avoid the fat shaming? Maybe! You know what else would help? If people stopped being ****ing bullying asshats, or even if society at large stopped giving a pass to bullying asshats just because their targets are fat.

Bottom line: Someone else's weight is nobody's business but their own. <---- It pretty much comes down to this. My gf and I are both overweight/obese. I have been losing weight for myself and my health. Would I like to have my gf lose weight for herself and her health? Absolutely, because I want us to have a long, healthy, happy life together. We both want to have a family some day and I want us to be able to chase the kid around. However, it is her choice to eat and exercise however she sees fit. I encourage her and support her when she makes healthy choices, but I never ever fat shame. Her journey is exactly that HERS. I may sympathize with her struggle, but in no way have our journey's been exactly the same. I love her no matter what.

And if you assume that I have not been bullied, ever, let me assure you i have. I was bullied through middle school AND high school. I was called horrible names by several different boys. Did it permit me to slap them? NO. Did it affect me for a long time afterwards? YES. Words hurt, and verbal abuse is wrong. But somehow justifying your behavior with physical violence is 1000 times WRONG.

Well I'm going to go ahead and disagree with you there because I actually do think that physical violence, or the threat of it, is justified against bullying on occasion.

Take my friend. She has a beautiful 15yr old daughter who stopped going to school because she'd been bullied so much she had to be treated for anxiety. Some little cow in her year at school wasn't happy that a boy she fancied liked my friend's daughter so her and her equally sad little friends started a campaign against her. They started up rumours on Facebook that she slept around, they even photoshopped a few naked images and pretended they were her. They picked on her at every opportunity at school and it snowballed until even kids from other schools were attacking her on Facebook. My friend did the 'proper thing' - she went to the school and they followed their procedures.

Shall I tell you what the school's procedures consisted of? Well first there was a 'no blame' policy enacted where they got the ringleaders together in a room with the victim and said "Sarah (that's not her real name) is feeling very upset, what can we do about it?" The ringleader replied "Smack the **** out of her". The ringleader got a letter home to her parents and the 'no blame' policy ended. Next came 'Restorative Justice' and when sitting in the waiting room for that little meeting to go ahead my friend was treated to verbal abuse by the little cow's Father (who felt she was a little angel) and the little cow herself sat smirking the entire time. The meeting got nowhere. My friend then reported the harassment to the police, who very helpfully suggested she talk to the school and perhaps contact Facebook to get report abuse.....about as much use as a chocolate teapot then. Back to the school - well they decided to remedy the situation by taking the victim out of the class and putting her in a different class....nice going, let's ostracise the victim. This went on and on and on for nearly a year with this poor girl going from a bubbly teenager to a withdrawn, stressed lass who stuck to her Mum's side like glue. It ended when my friend happened to see this girl on her own one evening and she took the opportunity to push her up against a wall and tell her that if she continued destroying her daughter she wouldn't rest until the girl's every day was a living misery. THEN it stopped.

Sorry, but if school policies are ineffectual and the police won't get involved then I can't see any reason why a kid would go through something that, you yourself admit, can effect you for years when quite often a short, sharp shock is enough to both stop the bully and restore some of the victim's self-esteem.

It's not nice to shame anyone. People have different ways of dealing with life's stresses. By overeating, one shows it to the world. By dealing with the demons by drinking or sex addiction, no one sees it, but it is still harmful. My point is we shouldn't judge anyone for how they deal with their problems.

This.

I haven't read all of the comments on this thread because, frankly, most of y'all seem to lack basic compassion.

Y'all also don't seem to know a damn thing about clinical depression, which is what the guy in the video obviously suffers from. I do feel sorry for him - not because he's obese but because he has not yet found a treatment for his clinical depression and anxiety that works for him, though he says he has been trying (I do hope that's true). As someone who suffers from both and has been battling them for most of my 47 years, I can tell you that, once that treatment is found, it's like night and day. It doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with these issues and any food issues I might have, but finding the right therapist/medication makes the struggles easier to handle.

I really hope that he finds something that works for him. Not because it'll help him to "see the light" and start losing weight (though that would be great), but because his life will be so much more enjoyable when he sees that his depression and anxiety don't have to rule him.

Body shaming of ANY kind is wrong. I don't care if it's fat shaming, thin shaming or concern trolling.

Nicely stated.

I think that morbid obesity is a symptom of low self esteem and issues that stem from things other than food.

This right here bothers me WAY more than a thousand people yelling "Fatty" at me ever would.

Obesity =/= crazy.

Although, this is a huge motivator since joining MFP to end my obesity - I don't want anyone's first impression of me to ever again be, "He's fat - he must be mental".

You are misinterpreting "issues" and assuming I meant "crazy". I was referring more to issues like child neglect, depression, abuse, abandonment. THESE issues do not translate to "crazy", they translate to issues people try to hide/bury that manifest themselves in other symptoms, including but not limited to, overreating.

No, it's not you. It's me.

I'm being offensive and grouping all mental health issues as "crazy". :drinker:

I teach 6th grade, where bullies exist and operate every day. I see it in my classroom. I hear about it from students on the playground. And I make SURE I deal with it immediately. BUT, let me say that most bullying takes place outside of a teacher's or principal's view. AND, before one child or the other is blamed/dealt with, both sides need to be spoken to, to make sure we get the "whole story". Any accusations from any student who comes to me and shares their story has to be verified/collaborated by other students. Otherwise, it's a he said/she said situation. That can come back to bite me in the end.

Well you are in the US and I have no idea how your schools deal with bullying. I've also no idea what '6th grade' is frankly! However when something is as systematic as the bullying I described...when it's right there and checkable on Facebook and on a kid's mobile phone, then faffing around with endless meetings really doesn't help and it *particularly* doesn't help if, at the end of the day, the situation is dealt with by moving the victim and leaving the bully to carry on.

I'm sorry your daughter is being bullied.

I said clearly throughout the post that I was talking about a friend. I've also said several times that I don't have children.

As an aside, I noticed that you happen to refer to children as "little cow"s. I sense you have some resentment there, too.

I referred to the bully as a little cow. She was a little cow...in fact I'm being charitable because if I said what I really thought of her I'd get another posting removed Sorry, but I don't subscribe to this 'all children are adorable little angels' view - some of them are nasty through and through.

My system won't let me watch the video but I have coincidentally been thinking about this lately... I honestly think that there is such a DISEASE in our culture with the HUGE corporations that market unhealthy things to eat to us, and the constant brainwashing of commercials who make us believe happy healthy people eat fast food and drink tons of soda...

My 9 year old daughter just got a little "chubby" and started getting picked on in school. I have worked her whole life to make her understand how beautiful she is and it has been undone by 3rd grade boys in a few months...

I have decided to IGNORE the "Fat" comments and focus with her on "health." We are focusing on packing fruits instead of crackers and taking a walk instead of watching TV. I am talking to her about her heart, circulation, lungs, skin and hair cells and how they need the nutrition from good food as opposed to focusing on what's fattening or "bad."

It's been a few weeks in this mission and the difference is visible. Not only has she slimmed down a little (NOT MY MAIN GOAL HERE) but she feels confident again and isn't hanging her head in shame.

I wish everyone had somebody to make them feel beautiful and help them by buying healthy food and explaining how it heals the body. I know the government can't be our "parent" but I wish something could be done in the positive direction to educate people and stop the corporations from making people believe bad food is OK...

Wow! I think you are an amazing job and that the parents should take that approach with their kids. Starting to Having a low self esteem and bad relation with food can start at a young age.I think that your focus on health is great. I hope you little girl comes out into a strong confident and healthy women.

@kaihunter42

I'm sorry you had to deal w/ that man, but good for you for rising above! I would also guess that he had bigger problems, & was taking them out on you. Not cool, but you handled it well! Be proud of yourself.

His 'very sensitive area' will heal. This ladies memories of verbal assault will stay with her forever.

Getting struck in the head can be quite serious. She could have injured him. Hitting someone in the genitals is sexual assault. What about his memories of being physically assaulted?

If a man were on this thread arguing that he doesn't feel bad for his actions in striking a woman in the head and kicking her genitals, he'd be banned from the thread, probably from the board. Wrong is wrong, assault is assault. It saddens me to see the woman say she feels no regret at all because of how it helped her out in the end.

The man who insulted her was clearly wrong to do so. I can't stand deliberate cruelty. But if it's self-righteous to say that women don't have the right to "smash" men in their heads and genitals when they get offended, fine.

The only time physical assaults are justified in any way is in self defence. From physical attack - NOT to make yourself feel like a big, tough bad@ss when somebody makes a snarky comment. Because you might think that it's big and clever to assault another person - but it doesn't. It makes you the bad guy.

I'm a 5ft4" middle-aged woman, not a 'big, tough, bada$$'. I also didn't say it was big or clever....what I said was that I exploded and that it was 'the straw that broke the camel's back'.

Do you seriously think that if I had been thinking rationally I'd have thought to myself "Oh that guy who's at least 6 inches taller than me and much fitter has just insulted me, so despite the fact that I'm a short, unfit, 44yr old woman who's never hurt anyone in her life...I'll try taking him on in a fight" Come on.....engage some common sense here. Again I'll say that if you push someone too far they may implode or explode - it's not a rational response.

Still - it's nice to see that self-righteousness is alive and well on MFP today :drinker:

You said something rude about me. I've just taken a call from my ex, still wanting me to take care of all his screw ups, even though they were never my fault and never my responsibility.


By your own reasoning, that now gives me the perfect right to beat the living crap out of you. And believe me, even at 5'6", 40 and still obese, I would be able to.


But you know what? I'm not a thug. I'd shrug it off as the ramblings of an idiot desperately trying to justify their criminal act and walk away.