"You're really pretty, but...

slimdownsteph
slimdownsteph Posts: 71 Member
in Motivation and Support
How do you feel about the comments "You're really pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/insert nice physical compliment here, but... you could stand to lose a few pounds or something to that effect"?

Does it bother you or what? Kind of random, but I'm just curious as to MFP's thoughts.
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Replies

  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,890 Member
    I was saying in another post how my neighbor told me "You were pretty before you lost some weight, but now you really are pretty". I am sure he didn't mean to be an a$$hat, but I didn't know whether to say thank you or F you.

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  • Jennms85
    Jennms85 Posts: 49 Member
    I'd simply smile and say, " well I can change being chubby, but you can't change being a douche!". But then again not everyone can handle things as tastefully as me :happy:
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,890 Member
    I'd simply smile and say, " well I can change being chubby, but you can't change being a douche!". But then again not everyone can handle things as tastefully as me :happy:

    I am usually not so tactful - my normal response literally would have been "WTF?" But I had to consider the source of the douchebaggery and he clearly wouldn't understand why that comment could be taken as offensive. People are clueless and insensitive and I know I will hear a lot more of these comments considering how much further I have to go. I am starting now not to let comments get under my skin.

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  • slimdownsteph
    slimdownsteph Posts: 71 Member
    I just kinda am like...can't you be "pretty" "attractive" WHATEVER...and still be overweight, why does it have to be one or the other?
  • slimdownsteph
    slimdownsteph Posts: 71 Member
    hahaha. I wouldn't have guts to respond like that, Jennms!
  • NoeHead
    NoeHead Posts: 516 Member
    I got that from my folks a lot...there's a pretty lady inside that body.....you have a pretty face, it's just the rest of you.....

    you are gorgeous!
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,890 Member
    I just kinda am like...can't you be "pretty" "attractive" WHATEVER...and still be overweight, why does it have to be one or the other?

    I am with you. I don't think weight defines beauty, but sadly that's what our culture dictates.

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  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,250 Member
    I dont get why people feel the need to be polite in response to comments like that.

    Anyone who said something like that to me would get a slightly disgusted quizzical stare usually reserved for a slimy, albeit interesting garden slug and an "excuse me?", and that's on a good day.
  • slimdownsteph
    slimdownsteph Posts: 71 Member
    I got that from my folks a lot...there's a pretty lady inside that body.....you have a pretty face, it's just the rest of you.....

    you are gorgeous!

    I feel ya! I got that same thing from my parents as well! It's crazy...even a few times they told me that I was more strikingly beautiful than my sister (who is teeny tiny), but that my weight was in the way of people noticing. Errr...what? Why would you compare us?
  • klp1017
    klp1017 Posts: 95 Member
    After I lost some weight I was showing my friend before and after pics and she said, in reference to my before picture, "Wow, you really don't realize how big your friends are when you see them every day." And I wasn't even overweight in the beginning.
  • Jennms85
    Jennms85 Posts: 49 Member
    I'd simply smile and say, " well I can change being chubby, but you can't change being a douche!". But then again not everyone can handle things as tastefully as me :happy:
    I forget that the people on here don't know me or understand my sarcasm. Lol I would've said this while burning a hole through the persons face with my eyeballs ...... followed by a vicious puma attack.
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,890 Member
    After I lost some weight I was showing my friend before and after pics and she said, in reference to my before picture, "Wow, you really don't realize how big your friends are when you see them every day." And I wasn't even overweight in the beginning.

    I seriously think some people don't know how to use the filter between their brain and their mouth.

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  • FearAnLoathingJ
    FearAnLoathingJ Posts: 337 Member
    It doesn't bother me, it's useless to live my life concerned with what others think of my looks
  • NoeHead
    NoeHead Posts: 516 Member
    I got that from my folks a lot...there's a pretty lady inside that body.....you have a pretty face, it's just the rest of you.....

    you are gorgeous!

    I feel ya! I got that same thing from my parents as well! It's crazy...even a few times they told me that I was more strikingly beautiful than my sister (who is teeny tiny), but that my weight was in the way of people noticing. Errr...what? Why would you compare us?

    yeah my mom had it ingrained in her...she told me how she would only eat veggies until she was 98 lbs....at 25!! she was proud of that...and she was pretty, her face was naturally round but she took it as fat. and my dad...well he's just an *kitten*.

    I feel lucky I stopped believing it and didn't end up an alcoholic lol
  • sissiluv
    sissiluv Posts: 2,205 Member
    I remember getting the "You'd be pretty if you lost weight" once. That really stuck with me and replays in my head pretty often.
  • Nina1007
    Nina1007 Posts: 150
    Yea, its something to question. Somebody told me "you definitely look better!" Eff you, you SOB! lol But I just replied "I know".
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
    If it makes you feel better, I don't even get the "You're really pretty, but.." comment. I get the "Your eyes are nice"
  • beccadaniixox
    beccadaniixox Posts: 542 Member
    I've learned that when people say "You have a pretty face" it tends to be a nice way to secretly say "you need to lose a few pounds"
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,890 Member
    I forget that the people on here don't know me or understand my sarcasm. Lol I would've said this while burning a hole through the persons face with my eyeballs ...... followed by a vicious puma attack.

    Your sarcasm is duly noted... but I still think your response would have been totally warranted :-) Now I need to google "where to get an attack puma".
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Would you rather not be pretty?
  • crevices
    crevices Posts: 226 Member
    i've never gotten those comments personally, thank god. but when i hear people say "oh she's so pretty, she'd be even prettier if she lost weight/was skinny" it just annoys me how society's ideal perception of beauty is measured in weight lol
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,890 Member
    Would you rather not be pretty?

    It isn't necessarily about being pretty, it's about people having the need to quantify your beauty by measuring it against weight/weight loss.

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  • slimdownsteph
    slimdownsteph Posts: 71 Member
    I've learned that when people say "You have a pretty face" it tends to be a nice way to secretly say "you need to lose a few pounds"

    True. I get both.
  • ChristinaR720
    ChristinaR720 Posts: 1,186
    Honestly, I was never on the receiving end of those comments before I lost weight. I only heard comments about looking pregnant, having more than one chin, etc. I never felt pretty or even remotely good about myself before I lost weight, so I would have actually really appreciated hearing something like that...
  • slimdownsteph
    slimdownsteph Posts: 71 Member
    Would you rather not be pretty?

    It isn't necessarily about being pretty, it's about people having the need to quantify your beauty by measuring it against weight/weight loss.

    7396232.png

    QFP.
  • Diamond05
    Diamond05 Posts: 475 Member
    You're so pretty but why don't you go to the gym? Or You're so pretty for a girl your size.... ENOUGH ALREADY:explode: I've heard this through out a big part of my life from numerous random people and I'm fed up of it. One time a person working at Tim Horton told me that, oh also cab drivers and than tried to go me on some diet! Like wtf people , did I ask for anything??? I've always been to shy to reply anything and I hope if I get that another time I'll stand up for myself and answer something back!!
  • slimdownsteph
    slimdownsteph Posts: 71 Member
    Honestly, I was never on the receiving end of those comments before I lost weight. I only heard comments about looking pregnant, having more than one chin, etc. I never felt pretty or even remotely good about myself before I lost weight, so I would have actually really appreciated hearing something like that...

    People actually SAID that to you?! What the HECK. The nerve of some people. Honestly, it's one thing to think it...it's another to actually say it to someone's face.
  • LLCoolBean
    LLCoolBean Posts: 40 Member
    I think its kina pointless to tell somebody, you would be pretty if_____. So youre telling me I'm not pretty, hey thanks.
  • JDBLY11
    JDBLY11 Posts: 577 Member
    I remember getting the "You'd be pretty if you lost weight" once. That really stuck with me and replays in my head pretty often.

    I don't think that is cruel. I used to think that to myself all the time. It is the truth. I would be prettier if I lost weight. I have always considered being fat unattractive. It does make me less attractive.
  • slimdownsteph
    slimdownsteph Posts: 71 Member
    I remember getting the "You'd be pretty if you lost weight" once. That really stuck with me and replays in my head pretty often.

    I don't think that is cruel. I used to think that to myself all the time. It is the truth. I would be prettier if I lost weight. I have always considered being fat unattractive. It does make me less attractive.

    Note you said prettier, while she said pretty. There's a difference and why is it someone else's job to tell you that. I'm sure most of us are thinking that we'd be more attractive if we lost weight, but I bet there's also some of us who think we can also be attractive when we're also overweight.

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