"You're really pretty, but...

I've never had what I call the "fat girl low self-esteem." I have always thought I was beautiful, smart, talented and any man would be lucky to have me. However, I've gotten compliments like "You've got a really pretty face" and SOMETIMES I think " What about the rest of me?"

How do you feel about the comments "You're really pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/insert nice physical compliment here, but... you could stand to lose a few pounds or something to that effect"?

Does it bother you or what? Kind of random, but I'm just curious as to MFP's thoughts.

First of all, judging from your avatar photo you are stunning, "few pounds" lost or not.

Second of all...I don't know. The only comments I've ever had said to my face or within earshot have never been that backhanded. They've always been pretty direct, like, "No fat chicks on the court!" or "If you would go to the gym, you wouldn't have to be your hot friends' c*ck blocker."

That having been said, at this point in my life people can say whatever they want to me. I am comfortable with who I am and mostly comfortable with how I look. If that's not good enough for someone else, that is his/her issue.

When I was around 12 or so, I went to a sleepover party at my friend's house. The next day, she told me that her mother had commented about my appearance. Her mom had said that I was a really pretty girl, but my hair is too flat. I need to do something with my hair. And also my hips are too wide, and I should exercise more so I was more in proportion.
I didn't say anything to my friend about this, but was kind of disturbed by it. So disturbed that it's been retained in my memory.

When I was a teenager, I was just a little bit overweight. I had a little fat on my thighs, but I had a skinny waist, arms, etc. I was by no means rotund. I looked good in clothes, or so I thought. Well my brother outright told me I should lose weight. "Don't you want to just get the weight off. It would be one less thing you would have to worry about in your life." THAT disturbed me, too. That was his one and only comment to me about my weight, ever. I still remember that, too. At the time, I thought, "I'm not good enough as I am?" It was a real downer. It hurt my self esteem. I didn't like him for it. I really felt bad about myself.

When I was 18 and a freshman in college, I was talking with a man older than me, just a friendly but flirtatious conversation. We weren't on a date or anything. He told me I should do aerobics every morning, and I could take my weight off easily if I wanted to. He had been drinking a little bit (it was at a wedding), but I had not been drinking. Again, I thought, what the heck is wrong with me? I thought something was just fundamentally wrong with me - like, I had to struggle with my extra 20 pounds (I was around 150 at the time, and 5'7") but other girls kept weight off easily. i was a monster.

People should realize that comments like that are damaging to others. No one wants to hear they have a pretty face or other great attributes, yet they are too FAT. They need to lose WEIGHT. What business is it of theirs what your physical appearance is? Why do people feel the need to comment?

About six years ago at work, after giving birth to my daughter, I dropped quite a bit of weight. I did not get into the skinny range or anything, but I looked a bit better than I had in the past. My cubicle-mate asked me if I was losing weight, and I said yes, a little. She said, "Well, you don't need to lose much more!" At the time, I was still in the overweight category on the BMI chart. I was by no means skinny. I probably wore a size 18 pants. Not skinny, by far. But her comment was a trigger for me. I didn't realize at the time that it was a trigger. I started going up on the scale again.

I absolutely hate it when others comment on my physical appearance, whether good or bad. Judgements. They are never productive. People must be aware of what they say, and try to be more compassionate toward people. And mind their own business.

I just kinda am like...can't you be "pretty" "attractive" WHATEVER...and still be overweight, why does it have to be one or the other?

You can be both!!
I support other and myself for the reasons of health.
I want to be healthier and that will make me happier.
Plus girl... yeah... girls rule!

Wow. it's hard to believe people volunteer comments like that. As if they had some right to tell you how you should look and what you should do.

How about "Wow, you might be really nice if you could only keep your mouth shut."

I'll never forget a few years ago I was having dinner with my Dad, and a man he used to work with came over to talk to us. My Dad introduced us, and we talked for a while. When he got up to leave he said to my Dad "it's too bad your daughter is so heavy, she has such a pretty face". Um, thanks?

I had heard it before, but it never fails to hurt. Why do they feel they have to say anything? I'll never understand.

The lesson I get here: never compliment anyone for any aspect of physical appearance. It will invariably be taken as an insult, and you will be called a douche-nozzle on an internet forum.

What kind of bun is that? It looks yumtastic

My favorite remark that was made to me was "When you open your mouth to sing, people forget what you look like."

Wow.

But....but....I'm Bulking!

My response would be something along the lines of ... "Well, I can change my weight when I decide to, but you really can't change the fact that you are an idiot" ))

all you ladies look good beauty is in the eye of the beholder everyone has their likes and dislike that is why we are all different to each his own

I simply said 'Uh.......thanks' and dwelled on it at home xD.

You can lose the fat but you can't change an ugly face or heart!
Never bothered me when I heard it because it mainly came from family members.

thats fuel baby!!'
i use it to my advantage
i know how hard i work

thats fuel baby!!'
i use it to my advantage
i know how hard i work

Hell yes! this is why we are friends. your attitude = awesomeness
Myself, before i lost the weight...
had a man tell me "right now you're golden, you could be platinum 10 lbs skinnier"... :noway:
**** you bro, wait... nope