"You're really pretty, but...

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  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,894 Member
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    I realize this is an unpopular opinion, but I think most of you here are twisting what was meant to be a compliment (and possibly motivation) into an insult because of your own insecurities. "You are pretty now, but once you lose a few pounds you will be smokin'!!" is a good thing in my eyes. Much better than "You are pretty now, so do not bother losing weight because it will not improve you in the least." is a slap in the face.

    It is your unhappiness with yourself that is making you take it in a negative light, because you believe in your heart that it is true.

    Totally disagree. It's the lack of tact and forethought in this type of completely backhanded "compliment" that is disconcerting, and it's the fact, like I stated earlier in this thread, that people feel the need to quantify beauty by measuring it against weight/weight loss. I think this could contribute to insecurity rather than motivate because again, it is someone saying your beauty, hence your worthiness, is based on your weight. People who make this type of comment don't get how it comes across, which is why, when I hear this type of comment, I have to consider the source and let it roll off my back. If you were able to put yourself in the shoes of a woman who has been hearing this type of comment her whole life, you might see it differently.
  • AmyZ46
    AmyZ46 Posts: 694 Member
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    well the last time i lost about 65 pounds (my starting point was lower than now )

    I went to a friends house and her 6 year old hadn't seen me in a while and when I came in through the door she said what did you do ? You look like a princess ! you're so little .


    So I can't argue with that - obviously I am prettier when I'm thin hahahaha.
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,894 Member
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    But why does thinner have to equate to prettier?
  • Diamond05
    Diamond05 Posts: 475 Member
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    I realize this is an unpopular opinion, but I think most of you here are twisting what was meant to be a compliment (and possibly motivation) into an insult becausepiinour own insecurities. "You are pretty now, but once you lose a few pounds you will be smokin'!!" is a good thing in my eyes. Much better than "You are pretty now, so do not bother losing weight because it will not improve you in the least." is a slap in the face.

    It is your unhappiness with yourself that is making you take it in a negative light, because you believe in your heart that it is true.

    I agree with part of what you're saying. It probably does bother people that are insecure about how they look or have low self-esteem... But the thing is theres no need to point out someone's flaws if they didn't ask for it... Its like if I was to tell that person back: Oh yeah you couLD be so hot if you got your face fixed.. You know that big skiing slope in your face, a surgery could fix that..
  • jgcurry3
    jgcurry3 Posts: 172 Member
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    The truth may not be what you want to hear. They could lie to you and say you look great when you look like a train wreck. Isn't the whole purpose of working out and eating clean to look better, feel better, and be in better health? So if someone says you look better now after all of your hard work how is that a bad thing. At one point or another you probably looked and the mirror and were disgusted and decided to change, I've done it and plenty of other people have too. Instead of being mad that people think you're more attractive now, be happy that they noticed your gains.
  • scotvalkyrie
    scotvalkyrie Posts: 22 Member
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    Over the years, I've just decided to let comments like that go. Most people don't know how to give a compliment without it being "backhanded", as my mum would say. It's just like how folks don't know how to properly apologize ... they tend to say things like "I'm sorry if you were offended" or "I'm sorry, but [insert a$$hattery here]".

    I just smile, nod, and think to myself, "you're a putz."
  • healthyandfitgirl14
    healthyandfitgirl14 Posts: 413 Member
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    But why does thinner have to equate to prettier?

    Well this might not be the case for everyone, but me being overweight now I have a very chubby and round face with some chin fat. I don't consider that pretty. When I'm toned and at a healthy weight, my face is not chubby, a lot less round, I have no chin fat, and my cheekbones and jawline become apparent. Which face do you think is prettier? I know my answer.
  • getwasted221
    getwasted221 Posts: 5
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    I've never had anything like that yet but I would be mortified. Even if people are like omg you've lost so much weight you look amazing!! That irks me a bit and makes me feel like 'didn't I look nice before then?' Hahah
  • allaboutthecake
    allaboutthecake Posts: 1,533 Member
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    I once walked into the break room and everyone stopped talking. I smiled and looked at the one who looked the most guilty and said "Now this sure is embarrassing, eh, Brian?" He stuttered and said "I was just saying that you look so much nicer when you wear makeup." My mouth just fell open and I told him that sometimes he should put his filter in.

    What a bonehead man! Even worse is the people who were there listening to his gossip! For the work place, I think your response was perfect. My response to those sitting there, would've been direct and to the point, "And you listen to this garbage mouth?":huh:
  • goldenresin
    goldenresin Posts: 1
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    When I was a kid (12 or 13, such a hard age for a girl to begin with) I had a woman ask me if I played soccer, (which I didn't) then said "Because you have such muscular thighs!" That always bothered me.
  • iAMsmiling
    iAMsmiling Posts: 2,394 Member
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    I recently got this:

    "You were an ugly fkr 20 lbs heavier and you're an ugly fkr 20 lbs lighter."


    I was soooo flattered that they noticed I lost weight!
  • kgraves3
    kgraves3 Posts: 28 Member
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    I remember Christmas one year when I was in high school. As all my family was leaving and my granddad was starting to clean, he asked my mom if she would like to take a plate of desserts home. She declined, and he said "Yeah, that's probably a good idea, Kaitlin seems to be putting on some weight."

    I was mortified. I was 17. I was 5'5". And I weighed 140 lbs. Could I have lost a few and been okay? Sure. Was I overweight? No!
    The thing was, I HAD gained some weight recently. However, that was because I was on a new type of birth control, and that was a side effect. Prior to starting that, I had been too thin, like 110 pounds, sometimes as low as 100. So yes, I had put on a significant amount of weight, but I had needed to gain a little anyway, and my BMI was still under 25.

    He harps on everyone's weight though. He still mentions mine on occasion, as well as my mom's and all my aunts and uncles. He did it too my boyfriend recently. He gained a few pounds over the winter, and has recently lost most of it. He said to my boyfriend at a recent family cookout: "I see you lost some weight! That's a good start. I noticed that Kaitlin had been feeding you well, too."

    Some people are just like that. It's pretty rude. It's usually not a good idea to give unsolicited advice at all, about anything. If people want advice, they'll ask for it. If they don't, then whatever you were thinking of giving them advice on is not your business, nor is it your place. There are some exceptions to this, but if you were in one of those situations, it would be obvious.
  • SteelySunshine
    SteelySunshine Posts: 1,092 Member
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    But why does thinner have to equate to prettier?

    Because it just does. I accepted that reality a long long time ago. But, maybe it's because people very very rarely tell me I would be pretty/prettier if I lost weight. And I am thinking that losing weight really won't make me look prettier in the face in any case and I am ok with that.

    I still don't know what to say to all the pretty/beautiful people here that I do think will be even more so when they lose weight. Are people supposed to think/say that their looks haven't improved at all? I actually wouldn't care so much, but I know a few people IRL that are gorgeous, but being bigger does take away some of that. So, I just keep saying well you are looking a lot more fit when I see them.
  • leighdiane91
    leighdiane91 Posts: 225 Member
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    none of my friends or family would dare say anything like that to me. they know I would go off on them. if you are a b*tch to me, I'm gonna be one to you! IDC who you are .
  • jennifershoo
    jennifershoo Posts: 3,198 Member
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    I was saying in another post how my neighbor told me "You were pretty before you lost some weight, but now you really are pretty". I am sure he didn't mean to be an a$$hat, but I didn't know whether to say thank you or F you.

    7396232.png

    So would you rather your neighbor to say "You were ugly before and now you're pretty"?
    Or not say anything at all? And then, you'll comment on how people never acknowledge your weight loss or just don't care.
  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
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    I was told once by a step mother "you're pretty but you were a knock out before you gained weight". I said gee thanks. My kids were there and said OMG how rude!!! She was like what? what? Thing is she's twice as big as I ever was and keeps getting bigger and bigger and she was never pretty inside or out. So we figured she's just a miserable person. Needless to say our kids want nothing to do with her and won't see their gpop because of her and all her rude remarks. Their words... he married her so he has to put up with her not us. If he wants to see them he has to meet them somewhere or come over here WITHOUT her.

    Husband says she has diarrhea of the mouth lol
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    Does it bother you or what? Kind of random, but I'm just curious as to MFP's thoughts.

    It's not random, it's very common, there are a million threads on this subject.
  • whiteberry17
    whiteberry17 Posts: 124
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    Yes I know how you feel. This one guy I like told his friend "shes pretty, but can use a few salads."

    I was heart broken
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    I've never had anything like that yet but I would be mortified. Even if people are like omg you've lost so much weight you look amazing!! That irks me a bit and makes me feel like 'didn't I look nice before then?' Hahah

    FFS

    Then there are the posts of how no one has noticed they've lost weight because no one has said anything to them about it.

    What on earth are we supposed to do, mind read who wants what said to them???!
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    I hate it when people are like "you lost so much weight, you look great!!" I know they mean well but they didn't tell me I looked great before I lost the weight... F off.

    I hate compliments. People giving compliments suck. What we all need is more haters.

    Yeah, who needs compliments.....

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