I Want to Stay Fat

I didn't want to be fat all these years. There was no motivation behind it except I liked the food and was too lazy to work it off. No secret convoluted reason behind slowly gaining and gaining. And certainly no benefits...I couldn't wear clothes I liked, I couldn't play sports as well as the others, I couldn't fit well into theme park rides, no piggy backs, little/no amorous attention etc

What are the benefits of being overweight?

I mistakenly believed food was my friend and would comfort me when I was stressed, anxious or depressed. Also, I truly didn't realise how many calories I was consuming until I started counting them. Being slim and fit is an infinitely more satisfying friendship than food could ever offer. It's a friendship that requires constant input and commitment but I believe it's worthwhile enough to put the effort in.

I wasn't overweight as a child. I wasn't overweight as a teenager. I played sports. I was on the dance team. I liked to dress up. Around seventeen, I began suffering from severe depression and social anxiety. I'm not sure what triggered it, or if it was always latent inside of me. That was when I started putting on weight, and have been heavy and -heavier- ever since. Over the last ten years I've struggled with body issues and self-esteem on top of these mental and emotional problems.

Over that time, I have made some attempts to lose weight, which were successful until I just, stopped. These last few months I've been digging really deep, and I've realized that while most of my weight gain is credited to emotional eating... that in some twisted way, the thought of losing that weight scares me. I've hidden behind my low self-esteem and weight for a long time. What happens when I lose this weight? People might notice me. I might want more out of life, and I might get it. That scares the hell out of me. It's the same reason I don't dress up, I don't do my make-up. That monster inside of me helps me to sabotage myself. It seems crazy, but so do a lot of the things I think.

I don't want to be this way. This isn't who I really am. I wouldn't call this extra weight a 'benefit', but a tool in my attempt to hide from the world. And those are the issues I'm dealing with this time around as I commit to healthy changes in my life, and losing this weight.

I've never been fat, however now that I'm at the lowest healthy weight I can be at, I have to accept anything that I still see as a flaw. I can't delude myself that if I lost some weight, I could be perfect.

What happens when I lose this weight? People might notice me. I might want more out of life, and I might get it. That scares the hell out of me. It's the same reason I don't dress up, I don't do my make-up. That monster inside of me helps me to sabotage myself.

I thought I was the only one who ever felt that way! Two years ago I lost 85 lbs...so close to my goal of losing 100 lbs that it scared me and I gave up. I put all the weight back on so I could use my weight as an excuse for why I don't have the things I want--a husband, a family, a better job.

I too, suffer from social anxiety and depression, but I'm on medication and trying to improve my mental health. I started eating clean and working out again, and this time I'm not scared to get what I want. I can envision myself as a fit, healthy person--with or without a husband, family, or better job!

Being fat gives you an excuse to which you blame all your failures. I have decided that I need to take ownership of my life, including my failures and SUCCESSES!

It's much easier to stay warm (at least where I live) in the winter XD. My father in law lost a ton of weight and then this past winter, he was constantly shivering at work, ha ha!

In all seriousness, I think I was just the master of denial. As long as I never saw my reflection, it was easy to kid myself into thinking I was lighter than I was. Then finally checked my weight... clocked in at 200lbs... (and while I am medium-tall in height, I'm not big boned or very muscular) and denial ended!

But I'm kinda not looking forward to winter without my fat layer

9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.

:huh: :noway:

I hope this was meant to be funny (epic fail), because women are not raped for what they look like....and regardless of weight, any woman can be forced into a car or physically moved at gunpoint/knifepoint.

For me, being fat has insulated me from the world. Now that I can better cope with the ups and downs of life, I don't need the insulation.

Exactly. You are right, there are psychological reasons why many people put on weight and keep it on. One of my closest friends was always really thin until she got to 20 and was raped. After that she piled on the pounds and she has no interest in losing them. I think she feels 'safer' now that she's big. She feels protected by the fact that she is fat.

Now I'm not saying everyone who puts on weight has psychological problems but in a lot of chronic cases were people have been obese for years and just keep on getting bigger, there is usually an underlying reason... something that needs to be accepted and dealt with... whether it be emotional pain/trauma, bad habits formed in childhood, low self esteem....

I think weight loss for a lot of people is more than just a physical thing.... there are mental demons/attitudes and beliefs that need to be shed along with the fat... and sometimes they are harder to overcome

I never wanted to be so overweight my entire adult life, truth is I never realised how big I'd got until I lost some of the weight. I don't even recognise the person I was before I double take when I see before pictures because in my head I always looked as I do now.
It wasn't emotional, laziness or psychological. It was denial plain and simple :flowerforyou:

You are lying to yourself and its not healthy. Being fat is not healthly. You are fat because you over eat and do not work off the calories. You are trying to make an excuse for being lazy and fat and it doesn't wash. Your gonna kill yourself. Is that what you planned, just like you planned to be fat?

Please read more than just the topic title

If you are spiritual/religious or just plain open-minded, I suggest reading the following books so that you can answer your own question yourself, from within instead of trying to apply other people's opinions/lifestyles to your life.

Women, Food, God - Geneen Roth
A Course in Weight loss - Mariann WIlliamson

no benefits

^ this. I can not see a single benefit to staying fat. I've gotten to where I'm happy to be at,and I feel SO much better, physically and mentally. I can accomplish way more things than I used to be able to, and I'm way more confident in myself. Plenty of other benefits of losing the weight, I could go on and on. But I have not a single benefit that I can think of for staying fat. Sounds like it's just an excuse that is made to oneself in order to try and be happy with the fat. Losing weight is HARD. It's tough, and it can be upsetting when you don't see results. However, when you push through it and finally get to where you want to be at, it feels absolutely amazing.

9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.

:huh: :noway:

I hope this was meant to be funny (epic fail), because women are not raped for what they look like....and regardless of weight, any woman can be forced into a car or physically moved at gunpoint/knifepoint.

I can give an honest reply to this coming from being raped and gaining weight after that.....no this is not meant to be funny, it is reality to probably alot of people. There is no logic to the feelings that if you are thin that you could attract attention more easily than if you were fat and that you feel like more of a "target". It is not sensible to feel uneasy at all times and to have panic attacks.....it just is reality for people who survive it. You can tell yourself a million times that you could still be a victim due to physical means of kidnapping and such, but it still feels less of a threat if you are not as "desirable." It is what it is.

Oh, believe me....my "monster" inside me tells me this ALL the TIME! I have a food addiction. I don't truly want to be fat, but sometimes my brain says "it's easier", "it's cheaper", "You NEED to eat".

OP, I think that a lot of people misunderstood this post, or maybe I have, but I feel like I should say this. I have given up so many times in the past because it was just too hard, or I plateaued, or stress and anxiety was eating me from the inside out. If you need to talk, just message me. I have (am) been there.

Sara
:brokenheart:

If you have trouble losing weight, have you ever just asked yourself WHY you continue to keep the weight on? (For many of us, it's not laziness, etc.) What is the answer?

Fear. Fear that you'll try and you'll fail. Fear that you'll succeed and it won't be everything you imagined. Fear that you'll lose the weight and it won't solve all of the problems you had hoped it will. Fear that you're not good enough, not attractive enough, not deserving enough. And it's far easier to give in to the fear and hide behind that protective layer of fat than to confront the fear.

I'm destined to be fat, so it's not my fault if I can't lose the weight. Only a lucky few are skinny, and I'm not one of them - it's not my fault: it's genetics, it's society, it's my family, my spouse, my job. Excuses are easy and comforting. Admitting that your weight is something you have done to yourself is hard. I took the easy way out for years. I let the fat define me; it controlled what I ate, what I did, what I wore, where I went (and more importantly, where I didn't).

You don't want to stay fat, you're afraid of what might happen if you try to not be. You know it's not healthy, but those health problems are in the future. They're someone else's problem, not yours, here and now. It's easier to push those problems down the road, leave them for future you to handle. But here's the problem: once those health problems do arise, once you can't hide anymore, future you is going to be awfully pissed at present you for not handling this now. You'll sit in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines, getting blood tests for the hundredth time to figure out what's wrong this time, and you'll wonder why you didn't take those simple steps when you had the chance. Was not having to worry about whether someone was jealous of you, of worrying that someone might find you attractive, that someone might say something inappropriate to you really worth the pain of all of the health problems associated with obesity? Do you really believe that overweight women never get assaulted? Do you really believe that simply being fat makes you not a threat to your boss (who may be overweight themselves)? Is testing your r spouse really worth the years you're not going to get to spend together?

I'm done being afraid. If I stumble, if I fall, if I fail, I will do so knowing that I fell in the pursuit of a better, healthier, happier me. And then, I'll pick myself up and I'll keep moving toward that goal. Food is not my enemy, fat is not even my enemy. Fear is. And I will face that fear, and I will conquer it. I recommend that you do the same.