I Want to Stay Fat

Being fat has some benefits (warped though they are) for people. Hard to admit. It's almost taboo to admit.

What happens when I lose this weight? People might notice me. I might want more out of life, and I might get it. That scares the hell out of me. It's the same reason I don't dress up, I don't do my make-up. That monster inside of me helps me to sabotage myself.

I thought I was the only one who ever felt that way! Two years ago I lost 85 lbs...so close to my goal of losing 100 lbs that it scared me and I gave up. I put all the weight back on so I could use my weight as an excuse for why I don't have the things I want--a husband, a family, a better job.

I too, suffer from social anxiety and depression, but I'm on medication and trying to improve my mental health. I started eating clean and working out again, and this time I'm not scared to get what I want. I can envision myself as a fit, healthy person--with or without a husband, family, or better job!

Being fat gives you an excuse to which you blame all your failures. I have decided that I need to take ownership of my life, including my failures and SUCCESSES!

Fear. Fear that you'll try and you'll fail. Fear that you'll succeed and it won't be everything you imagined. Fear that you'll lose the weight and it won't solve all of the problems you had hoped it will. Fear that you're not good enough, not attractive enough, not deserving enough. And it's far easier to give in to the fear and hide behind that protective layer of fat than to confront the fear.

I'm destined to be fat, so it's not my fault if I can't lose the weight. Only a lucky few are skinny, and I'm not one of them - it's not my fault: it's genetics, it's society, it's my family, my spouse, my job. Excuses are easy and comforting. Admitting that your weight is something you have done to yourself is hard. I took the easy way out for years. I let the fat define me; it controlled what I ate, what I did, what I wore, where I went (and more importantly, where I didn't).

You don't want to stay fat, you're afraid of what might happen if you try to not be. You know it's not healthy, but those health problems are in the future. They're someone else's problem, not yours, here and now. It's easier to push those problems down the road, leave them for future you to handle. But here's the problem: once those health problems do arise, once you can't hide anymore, future you is going to be awfully pissed at present you for not handling this now. You'll sit in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines, getting blood tests for the hundredth time to figure out what's wrong this time, and you'll wonder why you didn't take those simple steps when you had the chance. Was not having to worry about whether someone was jealous of you, of worrying that someone might find you attractive, that someone might say something inappropriate to you really worth the pain of all of the health problems associated with obesity? Do you really believe that overweight women never get assaulted? Do you really believe that simply being fat makes you not a threat to your boss (who may be overweight themselves)? Is testing your r spouse really worth the years you're not going to get to spend together?

I'm done being afraid. If I stumble, if I fall, if I fail, I will do so knowing that I fell in the pursuit of a better, healthier, happier me. And then, I'll pick myself up and I'll keep moving toward that goal. Food is not my enemy, fat is not even my enemy. Fear is. And I will face that fear, and I will conquer it. I recommend that you do the same.

Reading this thread, I have been really taken aback by the hostile reactions and obvious ignorance to the correlation between psychological trauma (particularly in rape/assault cases) and weight gain. Referring to the OP as "insane" and "deranged" for (knowingly or not) paraphrasing a well-documented psychological phenomena comes across as dismissive and disrespectful - not just to the OP, but also to survivors of assault/rape/abuse in general.

I think part of the problem is taking the OP's list of reasons too literally. Nobody is saying it makes any sense. Anxiety isn't based in logic. You can't tell someone with OCD that obsessively counting or checking things doesn't make any logical sense, and expect them to respond with, "Hey, you're right. I hadn't realized until you pointed it out. Those behaviors have no power over me, now that I realize how illogical they are." It just doesn't work like that. There is a very distinct difference between BEING safe vs FEELING safe.

On the other hand, trauma should not be used as an excuse for not moving forward and trying to overcome your personal obstacles. This is not what I read in the OP. My interpretation was that she had identified a way of thinking that was hindering her in her weight loss. Identifying areas where we need to change ourselves and our lifestyles is what this is all about. Most frequently, we focus on tweaking our nutrition and exercise routines, but often there are more abstract things that need to change as well. This does not make them any less important.

I wasn't overweight as a child. I wasn't overweight as a teenager. I played sports. I was on the dance team. I liked to dress up. Around seventeen, I began suffering from severe depression and social anxiety. I'm not sure what triggered it, or if it was always latent inside of me. That was when I started putting on weight, and have been heavy and -heavier- ever since. Over the last ten years I've struggled with body issues and self-esteem on top of these mental and emotional problems.

Over that time, I have made some attempts to lose weight, which were successful until I just, stopped. These last few months I've been digging really deep, and I've realized that while most of my weight gain is credited to emotional eating... that in some twisted way, the thought of losing that weight scares me. I've hidden behind my low self-esteem and weight for a long time. What happens when I lose this weight? People might notice me. I might want more out of life, and I might get it. That scares the hell out of me. It's the same reason I don't dress up, I don't do my make-up. That monster inside of me helps me to sabotage myself. It seems crazy, but so do a lot of the things I think.

I don't want to be this way. This isn't who I really am. I wouldn't call this extra weight a 'benefit', but a tool in my attempt to hide from the world. And those are the issues I'm dealing with this time around as I commit to healthy changes in my life, and losing this weight.

And BTW who wouldn't want a man hittin on you and catcalling atchu cause you look good?
i know i wouldn't be complaining.

Me!

I'm probably in the minority, but that was my PRIMARY reason for staying fat. I don't want the catcalls and men hitting on me.

I don't know if you ARE in the minority. I don't like being hit on and men catcalling me either. I haven't been through your trauma, and I still hate it. I don't like that this is the way men see me- as someone they either want to have sex with or not. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and angry. I don't really care if they want to have sex with me or not, and I resent that they feel the need to tell me either way. Being fat takes all of that out of the equation, for the most part. Although there are still some guys who hit on me, there are far fewer than when I was skinny- and now I know that my male friends are actually my friends, not just trying to get in my pants and disappointed when they find themselves in the "friend zone" (I hate, hate, hate that phrase- as if it's some kind of a disappointment to be my friend).

i think most of my problem was just ignorance about good health habits and unconscious eating (not attending to portions, nutrional content, etc - just eating what i felt like eating). i'm really glad things like mfp exist, and that it's more possible now than before to get good information.

If you're fat:
1. Female friends won't be jealous of you.
2. Men won't make unwanted advances toward you.
3. Your boss won't see you as a threat, and therefore won't be mean to you or try to sabotage you.
4. You won't disappoint people if you get fat, because you're already fat.
5. You'll find out who your real friends are. if they stick with you despite your fatness, they truly like you for who you are.
6. You'll find out if your husband really loves you for who you are or for what you look like.
7. You can skip all the stares, catwhistles and flirtatious gestures you might receive if you were good looking.
8. You can feel satisfied you are not conforming to an unfair and compassionate-less society.
9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.

This is very twisted. Because someones skinny they are more likely to be aubducted or raped???? As I am someone who works in Law Enforcement, ill tell you that ALL SORTS of people are raped and aubducted. These are some ridiculous reasons that you posted to make yourself feel better about not having to work to lose the weight. You need some help. Why are you here anyways?