"You're really pretty, but...

I hear your beautiful BUT u should gain weight. Any commentary/criticism about size is hurtful. We r who we r. I am trying to be happy with my appearance and comments like the one you stated r meant as compliments but are so backhanded!

I like your post Bornofthorns.

My 2c... if we honestly all believed that we were "beautiful" at any size then why are we all trying so hard to get freakin' well slimmer?!

Fact is that fit and healthy bodies are more aesthetically pleasing to look at than fat ones - I knew that when I was fat and I know it now. It don't matter a damn how pretty or ugly your face is.

I like Bornofthorns post too, but AMEN to this!

I think this all the time. Never say it. So much physical beauty just hiding out there. But people have to make their own choices.

Just an idea here for all those saying why can't fat be beautiful too. For me it's not so much that you are fat, it's that you are unhealthy. It also shows a lack of discipline and self control. Just because fat is the majority in American culture doesn't mean it is right, attractive, or better. An alternative example, Justin Bieber has a ridiculous amount of people that are into his 'music' does that mean that he is a better artist than say Eric Clapton, Van Halen, or Steve Vai? I think not.

Just an idea here for all those saying why can't fat be beautiful too. For me it's not so much that you are fat, it's that you are unhealthy. It also shows a lack of discipline and self control. Just because fat is the majority in American culture doesn't mean it is right, attractive, or better. An alternative example, Justin Bieber has a ridiculous amount of people that are into his 'music' does that mean that he is a better artist than say Eric Clapton, Van Halen, or Steve Vai? I think not.

I agree with this but you have to be careful about it. You never know where someone is in their life. That person who is overweight and you look at and think in your head what a unhealthy lazy pig or whatever (not saying you think that mean just extreme example). That person could have already lost 50+ pounds and be working their butt off to get healthy and turn their life around.

I really think it's about your personality and how you react to criticism. I was always told that I would be beautiful once I lost the weight when I was younger. I knew I was fat so it wasn’t a surprise that other people knew. I also saw my beauty and the weight as separate issues. In some ways it was detrimental because I always felt like I wasn’t ready for a boyfriend/other things in my life because I wasn’t done losing weight. I also always knew I was pretty and that kept my self worth up. In the Romanian culture, beauty is very closely related to worth, it sucks and it should be different but that’s how it is. So anyway, knowing I was pretty stopped me from accepting anything less than a good situation because I though I deserved better. It also stopped me from going after better because I wasn’t “ready” yet. So yeah, people are superficial and they say stupid things but how you react to them says more about yourself.

I've gotten this especially when I started to gain weight...one girl actually said to me "Does your chubbyness(sp?) offend you?" I was like what...and she explained that she knew people were commenting on my weight and wanted to know if I was offended by my weight gain. Other people would say stuff like "You look nice and thick now." I never took any of these as compliments because none were coming from people I had close relationships with..just coworkers who thought it was appropriate to comment on weight in the workplace without being asked.

It bothers me slightly to get hit on every day, and to hear comments such as "you look like a doll" when previously I was invisible.

Until recently I had not been on a date in years. I had the same face, the same bone structure, a similar personality (albeit more shy).

Not once did I get hit on as a fat girl.

And not huge - just 30 pounds heavier than I am now.

It depresses me somewhat to think about how superficial people can be, and how much a few physical tweaks can change how someone regards you. I work hard to maintain my fitness though, so I hope that at least people admire my work ethic as much as the bod.

These days if anyone asks me out, I'm tempted to tell them to ask out the pretty neighborhood chubby on a weight loss program - because that's what I used to be and I would have been thrilled to go out with a nice guy back then.

It bothers me slightly to get hit on every day, and to hear comments such as "you look like a doll" when previously I was invisible.

Until recently I had not been on a date in years. I had the same face, the same bone structure, a similar personality (albeit more shy).

Not once did I get hit on as a fat girl.

And not huge - just 30 pounds heavier than I am now.

It depresses me somewhat to think about how superficial people can be, and how much a few physical tweaks can change how someone regards you. I work hard to maintain my fitness though, so I hope that at least people admire my work ethic as much as the bod.

These days if anyone asks me out, I'm tempted to tell them to ask out the pretty neighborhood chubby on a weight loss program - because that's what I used to be and I would have been thrilled to go out with a nice guy back then.

I feel this way too. I know that losing weight can change your life but when it comes down to it I am still the same person. I added a few new things in and do some things less often but I know what you are saying. I try to think that some it may come from confidence that you gain from losing weight. I think people go one of two ways - they tend to open up a little and be more confident or they get a huge head and think that they are super hot now and too good for the people they knew when they were overweight.