Barbie Moms
Replies
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Wow... a lot of hate going on here.... and I'm not talking about OP. Way to run a fellow struggling overweight person off guys.
When I became SERIOUS about weight loss and fitness and MOTIVATED enough to take on some hard effort to make the necessary changes, there AIN'T no one who can run me off. Not the "Barbie Moms" and MFPer's who suggest that I quit blaming others for the food I put in my mouth.
I'm with you, I am motivated and there is nothing that's going to stop me from my goal.
BUT...THIS IS A PLACE FOR PEOPLE TO GET SUPPORT [re- the second 1/2 of the name of this sub forum] not people to tell them what they're doing wrong with a blunt group mentality. Especially people who were once in their shoes. Everyone hits low points where their body image messes with their sense of judgement. Come on.
I was so sad to see she deactivated. She was embarrassed. Everyone wants to fit in somewhere and this was one of those awkward "I didnt realize that I wasnt going to fit in here" moments. And I agree when I finally decided to really do this I started realizing that situations like that dont embarass me as much as they used to. I am getting bolder and more determined. She needed us to tell her this isn't about anyone else or how anyone else looks or looks at you. This is about you not caring what other people look like. Its about realizing that the way other people look isnt done to intimidate or demotivate you. They are just living their lives. Its so hard to get into this headspace. You think everyone is looking, judging. I have a ways to go myself. But I could have told her how it gets easier when you are determined.
Before everyone hops on to the bandwagon defending this women and lamenting the deactivation of her account lets not forget that she did entitle this thread Barbie Moms. The connotation of course being that these other moms are superficial, plastic and narcissistic.
Ironically being called a barbie is a lot like being called Einstein I have only ever heard it used as an insult. Then you read her original post and it seems to confirm that she felt out of place because these other women have already accomplished a look that she is going for. Then she tried to blame the fact that she over ate on them. I am sorry but her post was deserving of criticism and since she obviously felt at home judging all these other mothers I do not see why she should be treated with kid gloves.0 -
Oh and OP deactivated
This tends to happen a lot if they are fairly new and don't get the response they are looking for. Kind of sad really. She was looking for us to back her up and be on her side. She really should have read some of the posts first and gotten a feel for the site before jumping in and start bashing Barbie, after all she can't help that she's all that!
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I wouldn't blame other people for binge eating...that makes no sense. But I've seen the moms that dress to out do each other, and make dropping kids and picking them up into some kind of catty beauty contest. It definitely makes me roll my eyes and shake my head....but I guess some people have different priorities. Ignore it and on with your day!0
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You don't think you might be projecting a bit here? Because I didn't get nearly enough information from the OP to determine that was her mindset.
Projecting? I didn't think so. Trying to put myself in that situation and imagine how she might feel, yeah. Once you figure out how that person feels then you can help them figure out how another person might feel at being called a "barbie mom". Just because you try to be sympathetic doesn't mean you have to have had the same experience. I was just try to relate it to my own experience somehow. I can see how that might be perceived as projecting. I haven't been in her exact situation but similarish. And it took me a long time to figure out that my feelings had nothing to do with other people. I wished we had helped her with that.0 -
Wow... a lot of hate going on here.... and I'm not talking about OP. Way to run a fellow struggling overweight person off guys.
When I became SERIOUS about weight loss and fitness and MOTIVATED enough to take on some hard effort to make the necessary changes, there AIN'T no one who can run me off. Not the "Barbie Moms" and MFPer's who suggest that I quit blaming others for the food I put in my mouth.
I'm with you, I am motivated and there is nothing that's going to stop me from my goal.
BUT...THIS IS A PLACE FOR PEOPLE TO GET SUPPORT [re- the second 1/2 of the name of this sub forum] not people to tell them what they're doing wrong with a blunt group mentality. Especially people who were once in their shoes. Everyone hits low points where their body image messes with their sense of judgement. Come on.
I was so sad to see she deactivated. She was embarrassed. Everyone wants to fit in somewhere and this was one of those awkward "I didnt realize that I wasnt going to fit in here" moments. And I agree when I finally decided to really do this I started realizing that situations like that dont embarass me as much as they used to. I am getting bolder and more determined. She needed us to tell her this isn't about anyone else or how anyone else looks or looks at you. This is about you not caring what other people look like. Its about realizing that the way other people look isnt done to intimidate or demotivate you. They are just living their lives. Its so hard to get into this headspace. You think everyone is looking, judging. I have a ways to go myself. But I could have told her how it gets easier when you are determined.
Before everyone hops on to the bandwagon defending this women and lamenting the deactivation of her account lets not forget that she did entitle this thread Barbie Moms. The connotation of course being that these other moms are superficial, plastic and narcissistic.
Ironically being called a barbie is a lot like being called Einstein I have only ever heard it used as an insult. Then you read her original post and it seems to confirm that she felt out of place because these other women have already accomplished a look that she is going for. Then she tried to blame the fact that she over ate on them. I am sorry but her post was deserving of criticism and since she obviously felt at home judging all these other mothers I do not see why she should be treated with kid gloves.
Well said. Never heard of "Barbie Mom" before that post. wth.0 -
Many moms drop their kids off and then have a job to go to... where they are needed to dress nice.
Their judgmental stares are probably reflecting yours.
Don't b*tch about them judging you while you are busy judging them. How about you could have said "Hi! I'm so and so's mom. I can't believe she's starting preschool! How's your child doing?" and I bet most would have replied just as friendly. As mothers, we have all been there. We should respect each other and teach our kids what it is to be a real woman, not how to tear others down.
Put down the fork and resolve to do better. I had a crap day yesterday. I felt like going to the store, buying a 40 and wolfing down a whole pizza... but I said screw that! I'd only be hurting myself. And for what?? Because of someone/ something else? Hell no, I got off my *kitten* and went for a run. By the time I got back, I felt better about myself and figured out what would fit my macros and stuck with it. No guilt, no excuses.
When you're ready to stop blaming others, you'll figure it out.
I agree. Well put. Being a Mom transcends all the rest of the junk.0 -
Before everyone hops on to the bandwagon defending this women and lamenting the deactivation of her account lets not forget that she did entitle this thread Barbie Moms. The connotation of course being that these other moms are superficial, plastic and narcissistic.
Ironically being called a barbie is a lot like being called Einstein I have only ever heard it used as an insult. Then you read her original post and it seems to confirm that she felt out of place because these other women have already accomplished a look that she is going for. Then she tried to blame the fact that she over ate on them. I am sorry but her post was deserving of criticism and since she obviously felt at home judging all these other mothers I do not see why she should be treated with kid gloves.
The Barbie Mom thing...agreed. I really try hard not to return judgement with more judgement. I am aware that people tell me I treat people with kid gloves. But she appeared to be in a vulnerable place and I would rather treat a person gently if that means that my support keeps them motivated to keep working at their goals. And by starting with a sympathetic approach it makes it easier to point out how those other moms might feel at being judged the way she may have been or just perceived to be judged.0 -
She went home, is eating more, and is posting about you and your meanness on another website.
We made her do it.Oh and OP deactivated
most likely, I hate people who expect rainbows and sunshine answers and get all pissy when they get the truth instead
1- Weight loss is hard work
2- it takes time to see results, and I am not talking about 5 weeks, i'm saying years
3- If you truly want to get better, you look for advice not justifications.
4- You will not look to others to justify if you cheat/binge/gain...you will blame only yourself and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT
It is unfortunate that she deactivated, but at the same time I have little sympathy for her....she should of known how these forums run. She wanted people to be on her side, but what she got a reality check and instead of arguing her point, or even taking it back and apologizing once she realized she hurt others, no, she decides to be a coward and deactivate.
my 2 cents0 -
Oh and OP deactivated
LOL0 -
Do you really think those moms were concerned in the least with what you looked like??
And now you are blaming them because you went over your calorie goal?? :noway:
You seem really insecure, unwilling to accept accountability, and perhaps not quite ready to make a major lifestyle change.0 -
The Barbie Mom thing...agreed. I really try hard not to return judgement with more judgement. I am aware that people tell me I treat people with kid gloves. But she appeared to be in a vulnerable place and I would rather treat a person gently if that means that my support keeps them motivated to keep working at their goals. And by starting with a sympathetic approach it makes it easier to point out how those other moms might feel at being judged the way she may have been or just perceived to be judged.
I agree with you. However, sometimes we do need a bit of tough love that tells us "hey, those other people didn't 'make' you do anything, and it's all within YOUR control." The OP sounded very comfortable judging the other moms without even speaking to any of them. She has no idea if perhaps they would have welcomed her with open arms. Frankly, it's too bad that she didn't even bother to give them a chance and judged them at first glance (which is exactly what she assumed they were doing to her).0 -
Before everyone hops on to the bandwagon defending this women and lamenting the deactivation of her account lets not forget that she did entitle this thread Barbie Moms. The connotation of course being that these other moms are superficial, plastic and narcissistic.
Ironically being called a barbie is a lot like being called Einstein I have only ever heard it used as an insult. Then you read her original post and it seems to confirm that she felt out of place because these other women have already accomplished a look that she is going for. Then she tried to blame the fact that she over ate on them. I am sorry but her post was deserving of criticism and since she obviously felt at home judging all these other mothers I do not see why she should be treated with kid gloves.
The Barbie Mom thing...agreed. I really try hard not to return judgement with more judgement. I am aware that people tell me I treat people with kid gloves. But she appeared to be in a vulnerable place and I would rather treat a person gently if that means that my support keeps them motivated to keep working at their goals. And by starting with a sympathetic approach it makes it easier to point out how those other moms might feel at being judged the way she may have been or just perceived to be judged.
Perhaps I am too callous but one thing I like about MFP is the fact that the bulk of the community fosters the idea of personal responsibility. I think that is the reason there are so many success stories here. If she legitimately was looking for us to agree that her overeating was caused by the "Barbie Moms" then she was not going to make it anyways. She was going to have to change that about herself and that change can only happen if she acknowledges it as a problem and chooses to fix it.0 -
Wow... a lot of hate going on here.... and I'm not talking about OP. Way to run a fellow struggling overweight person off guys.
When I became SERIOUS about weight loss and fitness and MOTIVATED enough to take on some hard effort to make the necessary changes, there AIN'T no one who can run me off. Not the "Barbie Moms" and MFPer's who suggest that I quit blaming others for the food I put in my mouth.
Amen to that and high five to you for being so strong willed, but not everyone is like that. It just sucks to see that a community that is so supportive when people post positive things is so willing to turn around and be vicious at the drop of a hat.
What was the proper response then?
Honestly, before I saw all the rude posts flying up my response to OP was going to be:
I doubt they were all trophy wives trying to make you look bad. Some people just like to look however makes them feel good when they leave the house. My own mother is not a "Barbie" stick-thin mom and is honestly the nicest person I know (read: doesn't care what other people look like), but she will not leave the house without makeup and you'll never catch her out in sweats or tennis shoes unless she's gettin her exercise on. If it makes you feel bad then either join in and get yourself dolled up for next time or figure out why it makes you feel bad and deal with that. And a binge today will only ruin your progress if you use it as an excuse to stop taking care of yourself tomorrow, so don't give up.
Same basic message as most of you but in nicer wrapping.
I have to agree. I was going to post (and I guess I am). That it was more likely that she was projecting on those "Barbie Mons" how she felt when she looked in the mirror or at herself through her mind's eye. She needed to do some soul searching and perhaps seek out some counseling to deal with her feelings.0 -
I think you need to stop projecting your insecurities on other people :flowerforyou:I enjoy being a MILF.I'm a stay at home mom. Sometimes I run out and look less than stellar. Most of the time, I put some sort of effort into how I look- not because I care what anybody else thinks but because it makes ME feel better. I do not want to be defined by my house and home, my husband, my children or the role I play in their lives. I don't do it to be scrutinized or picked apart for it- I certainly don't do it to be envied (not that anybody feels that way, just an example). I do it for myself, to feel less humdrum and like the woman I was before I became so much to everybody else still exists because she does.
Maybe they were not going to work. Why do I need to look like a frump because I'm not going anywhere (or anywhere important)? Even as a SAHM I started to make the effort every day, 99% of the time. What I see when I walk by a mirror affects my attitude toward everything else around me, even in my own home.
ETA- I'm sure I'm not a Barbie mom, but I do try to look my best everyday.0 -
Oh and OP deactivated
We made her do it.
It was the donuts we shoved into her mouth, I think.0 -
Oh and OP deactivated
We made her do it.
It was the donuts we shoved into her mouth, I think.
Nah... it had to be the creepers trolling her thread for the infuriated Barbie moms.0 -
Before everyone hops on to the bandwagon defending this women and lamenting the deactivation of her account lets not forget that she did entitle this thread Barbie Moms. The connotation of course being that these other moms are superficial, plastic and narcissistic.
Ironically being called a barbie is a lot like being called Einstein I have only ever heard it used as an insult. Then you read her original post and it seems to confirm that she felt out of place because these other women have already accomplished a look that she is going for. Then she tried to blame the fact that she over ate on them. I am sorry but her post was deserving of criticism and since she obviously felt at home judging all these other mothers I do not see why she should be treated with kid gloves.
The Barbie Mom thing...agreed. I really try hard not to return judgement with more judgement. I am aware that people tell me I treat people with kid gloves. But she appeared to be in a vulnerable place and I would rather treat a person gently if that means that my support keeps them motivated to keep working at their goals. And by starting with a sympathetic approach it makes it easier to point out how those other moms might feel at being judged the way she may have been or just perceived to be judged.
Perhaps I am too callous but one thing I like about MFP is the fact that the bulk of the community fosters the idea of personal responsibility. I think that is the reason there are so many success stories here. If she legitimately was looking for us to agree that her overeating was caused by the "Barbie Moms" then she was not going to make it anyways. She was going to have to change that about herself and that change can only happen if she acknowledges it as a problem and chooses to fix it.
You can still foster a sense of personal responsibility by first acknowledging that she is upset and helping a person understand why they are upset and ultimately trying to help them see how to view it from the perspective of these other moms. I won't carry anyone here. You are right, she needs to do this for herself. But if she was reaching out for help and I thought I could help, I would try. Even if I didn't agree with what she said or how she said it.
We all have a different approach, this is mine. I don't think you are callous. This is a big bad world and some people believe you have to prepare people for it. I believe you have to give people a safe supportive place where they can draw strength and go out and face the big bad world.0 -
Going to go out on a limb here and say this post is pure horse pucky.
Unless OP lives on some sort of strange planet or the soundstage for a 50s-era sit-com, this is crap.
I've never seen it and I've been dropping kids off at schools for years now.
Picking them up, too. Even in Tokyo where everybody dresses nice to go to the grocer. Even there, the moms were in gym clothes or jeans.0 -
When you lose the 80 lbs you have to lose, don't you think you will dress better and flaunt your loss?
This is a quote that I love for every aspect of life....
"If you continuously compete with others, you become bitter.
But if you continuously compete with yourself you become better."
Don't worry about what others are wearing or what others may think of you and especially don't use those situations to fall into bad habits... worry about what you're doing- what you're eating, what part of your body you're going to exercise today.
Glad I read this because I really love that quote! Thank you0 -
The Barbie Mom thing...agreed. I really try hard not to return judgement with more judgement. I am aware that people tell me I treat people with kid gloves. But she appeared to be in a vulnerable place and I would rather treat a person gently if that means that my support keeps them motivated to keep working at their goals. And by starting with a sympathetic approach it makes it easier to point out how those other moms might feel at being judged the way she may have been or just perceived to be judged.
I agree with you. However, sometimes we do need a bit of tough love that tells us "hey, those other people didn't 'make' you do anything, and it's all within YOUR control." The OP sounded very comfortable judging the other moms without even speaking to any of them. She has no idea if perhaps they would have welcomed her with open arms. Frankly, it's too bad that she didn't even bother to give them a chance and judged them at first glance (which is exactly what she assumed they were doing to her).
The tough love is another approach. It clearly was more than she could handle in this case. When we make mistakes its easier to apologize, move on and learn from an experience when people take care in how we point out those mistakes in the first place. I haven't always had this approach. But it works for me.0 -
It's the first day and the day they meet you all. Of course they want to look their best.0
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Jealous much? This is a poor post. Try rephrasing and put into correct context. Don't shame others for being fit and dressing well. Sheesh.
Word0 -
When you lose the 80 lbs you have to lose, don't you think you will dress better and flaunt your loss?
This is a quote that I love for every aspect of life....
"If you continuously compete with others, you become bitter.
But if you continuously compete with yourself you become better."
Don't worry about what others are wearing or what others may think of you and especially don't use those situations to fall into bad habits... worry about what you're doing- what you're eating, what part of your body you're going to exercise today.
I honestly don't beleive these women were judging you, I have come across many women who come off as Barbie's and end up being the nicest people on earth, I think they would great friends to make, as you said they are fit and obviously happy with the way they look. Sometimes fit friends are the best friends to have when your trying to loose wight because they will be able to help you make positive life changes to reach your goal wieght.0 -
Do you have any pics of them?
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Your dress should reflect how you want to feel about yourself. Your outward appearance will inspire your inner self to take it up a notch. You can find motivation in this experience - you just aren't looking deep enough.0
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Going to go out on a limb here and say this post is pure horse pucky.
Unless OP lives on some sort of strange planet or the soundstage for a 50s-era sit-com, this is crap.
I've never seen it and I've been dropping kids off at schools for years now.
Picking them up, too. Even in Tokyo where everybody dresses nice to go to the grocer. Even there, the moms were in gym clothes or jeans.
So true, if you saw 90% of the mums at my kids school OP would feel overdressed0 -
Um....I prefer the term action figure. Thanks.0
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Going to go out on a limb here and say this post is pure horse pucky.
Unless OP lives on some sort of strange planet or the soundstage for a 50s-era sit-com, this is crap.
I've never seen it and I've been dropping kids off at schools for years now.
Picking them up, too. Even in Tokyo where everybody dresses nice to go to the grocer. Even there, the moms were in gym clothes or jeans.
So true, if you saw 90% of the mums at my kids school OP would feel overdressed
Perhaps OP's insecurities is causing a distortion in her perceptions of herself and others.
It's been known to happen.0 -
Regardless, the OP blamed complete strangers for her binge. It was her choice. They didn't do anything beyond dress up before leaving the house.She deactivated her account. I think that some of your remarks were uncalled for. She had an opinion. It was something that was bothering her. We all can say at one time (if you cannot you are very lucky) that things like this happen and you feel so mad at yourself for letting yourself go, what do you do? Turn to what brought you to the over weight place to begin with...food....everyone has their own person reason for being heavy. And yes, some it is the love of food, but most it comes from emotions. She was upset she turned to her comfort,.....that being said shame on you all for being so rude. There are many triggers for all types of emotions, and unfortunately not everyone can handle them "perfectly".
Are we all supposed to run around looking like People of Walmart so as not to hurt feelings?
^ exactly! It's not anyone else's fault if she feels the need to binge when she sees women in better shape or clothes then her. People like that are everywhere. OP should work on her insecurity and emotional issues.0 -
What a ridiculous post.0
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