Soooo....I Have Cancer

Different cancer, but worst day of my life was not when I was diagnosed with cancer, but when I had to bring in the note to work that said that I was "suffering from a life threatening illness". It is over five years later, I am the healthest I've ever been, seriously. I'm not going to lie, you may walk through the "gates of hell", but if your dr. says you'll be okay, you'll be okay. I'm betting you'll put one foot in front of the other and about two years from now you'll shake with fear and pride with what you've been through. Be strong, you are strong, and you'll be even stronger soon. I'll add hugs to the others.

tl;dr...I know.

I have a history of some ugly white spots appearing on my tongue. They were first noticed by my dentist at a 6 month check-up in 2008 and then again by me in 2010. Biopsies were performed and and each time it was determined that it was just dysplasia. While it didn't seem like a big deal, my ENT removed the tissue from my tongue. It was not a pleasant experience to say the least.

Fast forward to May of this year and thing started to feel a little weird while we were in California on vacation. I decided to just let it go, see if it would go away, whatever. After about a week and a half, things weren't feeling better so I took a look in the mirror. I knew immediately that something was wrong. It looked completely different than the last 2 versions and was in a slightly different location. I was scared.

I scheduled an appointment with my ENT for Friday June 14. He did a very thorough exam of my tongue. I could tell he did not like what he was seeing and feeling. He sat down on his chair, expressed an enormous level of concern with what he saw, and then told me those words that I will never EVER forget:

“You have cancer.”

My mind started spinning out of control and I felt like one of the characters from Mortal Kombat was using my stomach as a speedbag. I think he just said I have cancer. That cannot be true…can it? This isn't supposed to happen to a 30 year old guy that doesn't smoke, doesn't chew, drinks in moderation, and is arguably in the best shape of his life, right? A thousand questions started flooding my mind. How did this happen? You know this just by LOOKING at it? What are the next steps? I know you are a smart doctor but there is a chance you could be wrong…right? Do I need chemo? Radiation? What do I tell my family? Am I going to die.....?

Two biopsies, CT scan, chest x-ray, blood work, an MRI, 2nd and 3rd opinions in hand, and 6 days later his original diagnosis was confirmed.

I have cancer.

Woah. I called my family and close friends and told them the news. I repeated the story about a dozen times over the following week or so but the words didn't really seem to sink in. That quickly changed during my 2nd appointment with my head and neck surgeon. We reviewed the MRI scan and the tumor was staring me right it the eyes. Talk about a reality check. This *kitten* just. Go. Real. My surgeon put his hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eyes, and said, "You're going to be okay. You're going to be okay."

The next steps are surgery to remove the tumor and the lymph nodes in my neck, skin graft/reconstruction on my tongue, a 7-14 day recovery in the hospital, an additional 2-3 week recovery at home. After review of the pathology results of the lymph nodes and tumor I'll know whether or not I need radiation. At this time it seems as though it will be necessary (according to my surgeon, but it's technically TBD) which means 6-6 1/2 weeks of treatment followed by ~4 weeks of recovery afterwards.

Right now it's the fear of the unknown that scares me the most. I have no idea what to expect coming out of surgery. I'll likely need a feeding tube from my noes to my stomach and it's possible that I'll need a temporary tube in my trachea depending on how swollen my mouth and throat are when he is finished working. These things scare me but I know that I am in the hands of incredibly talented and compassionate doctors and nurses.

I have no idea why I'm sharing this with a bunch of strangers in the interwebz. I'm not looking for pity and I'm not looking for sympathy. Maybe I'm just using this as a form of therapy.

If you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read my story.

One thing is certain: I'm ready to put up the fight of my life and come out on the other side as a stronger person.