Difficult husband?
StardustZiggy
Posts: 25
Both my husband and I agree that we need to lose weight, but that is where our agreement ends. I want to give up soda and most fruit juices and make water our main drink. The problem is my husband doesn't want to drink water at all. I've told him how important it is but he just brushes it off.
I've tried not buying soda/juice but he just goes out and buys it if I don't.
Dairy is our other problem, the best he will except for milk is 2%. He won't drink skim and when I suggest something like soy or almond milk he flat out refuses it.
I've brought up the Paleo diet and am trying to learn more about it. I see one of the things is giving up bread. Again the husband loves his bread/sandwiches.
Does anyone else have a husband (or wife) who they feel is more like their child sometimes?! Any tips (i.e. sneaky ways to trick him into eating and drinking what I want without him realizing it...what? It's for his own good. :blushing:)?
I've tried not buying soda/juice but he just goes out and buys it if I don't.
Dairy is our other problem, the best he will except for milk is 2%. He won't drink skim and when I suggest something like soy or almond milk he flat out refuses it.
I've brought up the Paleo diet and am trying to learn more about it. I see one of the things is giving up bread. Again the husband loves his bread/sandwiches.
Does anyone else have a husband (or wife) who they feel is more like their child sometimes?! Any tips (i.e. sneaky ways to trick him into eating and drinking what I want without him realizing it...what? It's for his own good. :blushing:)?
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Replies
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Personally, I'd let him have it his way. I've learned to avoid the things I don't want to eat and yet still keep them available for my husband and kids. When I consistently lose weight, my husband remains at a plateau.
Maybe your husband will be encouraged by seeing it work in you. Maybe seeing your progress and dedication will help him to see he doesn't need soda or juice on a regular basis and he'll join you when he's ready.0 -
HUN--I too have a hubby like that---BUT---after all the fights I have decided he is a big boy and I am not his mommy. SOOOOOO he I now walking the dog and eating what he wants. I am NOT his mother and it I HIS decision.0
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Do your own thing and let him do his. He may come around when he sees your success, and maybe he won't. You can't force or "trick" someone into making a healthy lifestyle change. Good Luck.0
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Deception is generally not the best idea. Sounds like you will have to cut calories in other ways. Will he switch to Coke Zero or Diet Dr. Pepper? Those two seem to be the best tolerated diet sodas for regular soda drinkers.
I think he would be much more receptive to the idea of eating all the regular foods but in more controlled portions. You don't have to give up ANY foods to lose weight. You just have to be mindful of the quantity.0 -
I don't want to be too rude but..you say he is more like a child. You also need to stop being his mother! He is his own person. If he wants to have 2% milk and bread then let him. A LOT of people drink milk and have bread and have lost weight and are in great shape.
Maybe he just wants to go about things a little differently then you. Maybe he needs to find out what works for him. Let him do that and learn on his own. I have learned from past experience, and pushiness of my part, that it doesn't work!0 -
Everyone needs to find their own way.
What is right for one person, will not necessarily work for another.
It would make it easier for shopping, but let him do it his way.0 -
Why exactly does he have to do everything that you do? Buy and cook what you want. Let him buy/cook something different if it doesn't satisfy him.0
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Both my husband and I agree that we need to lose weight, but that is where our agreement ends. I want to give up soda and most fruit juices and make water our main drink. The problem is my husband doesn't want to drink water at all. I've told him how important it is but he just brushes it off.
I've tried not buying soda/juice but he just goes out and buys it if I don't.
Dairy is our other problem, the best he will except for milk is 2%. He won't drink skim and when I suggest something like soy or almond milk he flat out refuses it.
I've brought up the Paleo diet and am trying to learn more about it. I see one of the things is giving up bread. Again the husband loves his bread/sandwiches.
Does anyone else have a husband (or wife) who they feel is more like their child sometimes?! Any tips (i.e. sneaky ways to trick him into eating and drinking what I want without him realizing it...what? It's for his own good. :blushing:)?
He can still eat bread, drink semi-skimmed milk, drink his fruit juices and lose weight if that is what he wants.
Why are you trying to control him? Let him do it his own way, then you can concentrate fully on your own weightloss.
The bit in your posting that really stands out is in bold - how do you know it is for his own good, also, when you said "i..e. sneaky ways to trick him into eating and drinking what I want" That's just the point, it is what you want and not what he wants, personally I would leave him be before he starts to feel controlled.0 -
My husband is kind of like this. For breakfast and lunch we eat completely opposite things (i'll eat oatmeal and he'll eat a pancake on a stick) or (I eat a healthy sandwich for lunch and he'll eat a frozen entree)
At dinner time we eat the same things but I cook 90% of the time and it's all healthy foods. Luckily he likes pretty healthy food. I would just let him do his thing and fend for himself. My husband understands we are living on a budget so what i buy at the grocery store is what he gets which does not include sodas/juices etc.0 -
Neither of you are under any obligation to eat or drink what the other does. It's aggravating to see someone not follow your plan, I know. But keep your side of the street clean by doing what you need to do. He'll figure it out eventually.0
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He can have soda and juice, you don't have to. Buy 2 types of milk, its cheap.
Why does he have to eat what you want? Sure he agrees you need to lose weight, but you can lose weight with or without soda and juice and with or without bread. I dont eat a bunch of stuff my hubby eats. Its my choice. He doesnt have to be the child. he can look after himself.0 -
Well he is a grown up and you aren't his mother. You can't force him to eat or drink what you want. My husband is very stubborn. He just wont listen about portion control, so what I do is only make enough for 3 servings (My son, my husband and me). That way there is no way he can eat more and if he wants more then he can eat a healthy snack we have. Anyways, make him work more for something if he wants it. Don't buy stuff you don't want around the house, if he wants it bad enough he will have to go get it. So he will be off his butt moving to get it and you wont have to deal with whatever he wants. Win win in my book.0
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Not trying to be difficult myself, but what makes your way the right way?
There are many ways to achieve the same goal. There is nothing wrong with 2% milk, or juice, or bread. You can lose weight while consuming any of those things.
Doesn't sound like he is acting like a child to me. Sounds like you are acting more like a mother than a wife, though. And tricking him is absolutely a bad idea.
Come up with a plan together. Your approaches don't have to match. My SO and I have similar goals but different diets. I have gotten him to try some things he would not have in the past (like avocados!
) and he helps reign me in, too. Partnership is key, but you don't have to agree to make it work for both of you. 0 -
My husband drinks 2% milk and soda. I drink 1% and water.
He eats full calorie bread. I eat full fiber whole grain low calorie bread.
He doesn't like veggies or fruit. Our fridge is full of those.
He likes to eat out. I control the budget.
He wants to snack. I buy them for him but don't touch them. If he wants brownies, he makes them.
He is his own person and will do what he wants. He will lose weight the way he wants to, as will I. Controlling him creates a dynamic I have no desire to have.0 -
What a tough spot... In my marriage- I'm the one that wants to drink soda, and not water. There are a bunch of other things that we feel differently about. Sometimes I go more vegetarian than he does. I guess my point is- its OK to do things differently. What's most important is that you have the support system. Maybe- instead of saying, "OK- we BOTH have to eat/drink this, this, and this", maybe it could be "I'm going to not drink soda- can you support me on that?"... Maybe he could get his fill of soda at work? Or keep it in the fridge in the garage instead of in the house- so you don't have to have it starring at you every time you open the fridge. That helps me curb my soda desire anyway- out of sight, out of mind. And with the milk- get whatever you want! Have fun trying different kinds of rice, almond, coconut, and soy milk. Let him know how much you are enjoying it and maybe over time he'll try. Changing eating habits that you've had for a lifetime is HARD- especially if someone else is doing the "changing" for you. Talk about doing your own diets/meal plans and focus on SUPPORT. Because without that- you won't get anywhere anyway. Good Luck to you both and HAVE FUN!0
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So if your husband disagrees with you then he is being difficult? :noway:
Did he agree not to have a mind of his own when you got married? If you can't agree to do things your own way then you have some more serious issues than diet.
Seriously - if he chooses to get his hydration from soda or juice why is that wrong or "difficult"? I'm assuming he isn't going to force feed you so why are you trying to force him to drink water when he doesn't like it?
He likes 2% milk so why should he change?
To be honest if he decides to lose weight by eating/drinking less of the things he likes he is much more likely to be successful long term.0 -
There's no point in trying to control what he will eat/drink. Eat/drink what you want and don't worry about him. A year ago when I wanted to start eating healthy, I told my boyfriend I was going to be making healthier dinners on the nights I cook (we kind of split up the cooking based on our work schedules) and that if he wants something else, I would be happy to make it for him. I asked him to make sure there's a healthy option on the nights that he cooked too. At first it was a little bit of an adjustment for him since we were eating loads of pasta, fatty meats, heavy sauces, and not focusing on veggies but he has gotten used to it and has grown to love our veggie and lean meat dinners. He knows that if he wants something that we don't usually cook, he can get it for lunch while he's at work or whatever.
Since your husband needs to lose weight too, I definitely understand wanting to help him. We all want our loved ones to live long, healthy lives but they have to want it for themselves first. Until then, just lead by example and hopefully he will follow suit when he sees how great you're looking and feeling
Good luck dear! 0 -
Both my husband and I agree that we need to lose weight, but that is where our agreement ends. I want to give up soda and most fruit juices and make water our main drink. The problem is my husband doesn't want to drink water at all. I've told him how important it is but he just brushes it off.
I've tried not buying soda/juice but he just goes out and buys it if I don't.
Dairy is our other problem, the best he will except for milk is 2%. He won't drink skim and when I suggest something like soy or almond milk he flat out refuses it.
I've brought up the Paleo diet and am trying to learn more about it. I see one of the things is giving up bread. Again the husband loves his bread/sandwiches.
Does anyone else have a husband (or wife) who they feel is more like their child sometimes?! Any tips (i.e. sneaky ways to trick him into eating and drinking what I want without him realizing it...what? It's for his own good. :blushing:)?
I don't think he's acting like a child, I just think you're treating him like one. Sneaky ways to trick him into eating and drinking what you want? He's a grown man, and grown men are going to do what they're going to do. They're like people that way.0 -
Yes my boyfriend USE TO be like this in his own ways although he has finally turned for the best and is doing right for his health. The thing is - you gotta do for YOU. If he wants soda let him do what he wants for him. while you are focusing on your health, you'll hopefully some how inspire him along the way and maybe he'll realize you are right.
In the mean time - go get out there and do your thing! he'll catch on sooner or later.0 -
Let him do what he wants. It's his journey through life and you making him miserable nagging about his food choices is a quick trip to him finding someone who isn't nagging. You don't have to cut out all the things you like to lose weight. If he wants to eat those things and cut his portions so he stays in budget it's probably a healthier way to go about it than giving up all the things you like and feeling deprived. I guarantee you that the novelty of eating on a "diet" wears off really quickly if you take out all you favorite foods.
If you want to lose weight, do it. If he wants to lose weight, he'll do it. You can't make other people's decisions for them even if they are your spouse.0 -
We can not control people into doing what we want, we can only set an example of how to do it.
Good luck.0 -
you are seriously asking for "sneaky ways to trick him into eating and drinking what I want without him realizing it..." for a grown up? seriously?
If he needs to lose weight, he'll need to make the decisions and choices on his own.
you can only control what you eat (or to an extent, what your minor children eat).0 -
It happens in every marriage - expectations change and that can cause frustration. Not that I'm an expert but you don't have many options other than leading by example. I want to loose another 20 pounds, my wife is saying that I don't need to and buying stuff like pecan pies. That's a killer for me. But you have to do it yourself. When he has soda you can open a fizzy water instead. It's not pop but opening the fizzy water puts you in the sharing mode.
As far as milk goes I drink 2% but you have to limit milk - if you want to lower carbs - because it's loaded with carbs.
On top of the changing the eating habits you have to exercise at least 3 times a week for 20 sweaty minutes to keep your metabolism up. If you're not exercising your body will just slow down to conserve the energy you aren't giving it. This is where you have to force things.
It's a long road but you can do it. It would be easier together but don't give up on yourself - you can do this!
Eric0 -
I've brought up the Paleo diet and am trying to learn more about it. I see one of the things is giving up bread. Again the husband loves his bread/sandwiches.
Does anyone else have a husband (or wife) who they feel is more like their child sometimes?! Any tips (i.e. sneaky ways to trick him into eating and drinking what I want without him realizing it...what? It's for his own good. :blushing:)?
Well...it's not exactly fair to think that what works for you will work for him. The Paleo diet is not for everyone-particularly if your husband likes grains...I mean...Can both of you sit down and find out what changes you like to make? PLUS he doesn't have to make all the changes you make either...
I started to cook more veggies at my house...and find ways my husband likes to eat veggies...he's grown to love a lot of things he swore he'd never eat (artichokes, Brussels Sprouts, asparagus, etc-even beets!)
Like so many aspects of marriage, this is about compromise...not dictatorship.0 -
First, I didn't mean to make it as controlling as it sounded. I just really worry about his health, probably more than my own. He drinks way to much soda and consumes a lot of sugar that no matter how you look at as me controlling him, it is not good.
I get that he is a grown man and we are different people, I'll be the first to admit we are different as night and day. I in no way want to be his mother but I also don't want to see someone I love make themselves sick.0 -
My hubby could be your hubby's twin. This time I have chosen to be committed to myself. We have different breakfast and lunch choices, and I make dinner. If he chooses to not eat what I make, he makes what he wants. However, if it is something healthy and a home meal, I will help him with preparing it.0
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If you're so convinced your path is superior, let him do as he wishes and if he ever wonders aloud why you're losing more weight then him then firmly but kindly assert that it is because he has failed to do good things that you've done.
Also Paleo style diets are much tastier then the foods he seems to like. He'll soon change if he's sat opposite you eating a gormout feast while he is eating a sandwich
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You can't force him to do things he's not ready to do. Maybe once he sees how successful you are at giving up these things and your weight comes off it will help inspire and motivate him to re-examine himself. You can't force someone to do something that they aren't ready for. Trust me I was battling my hubby too. Hopefully he will come around. Good luck!0
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My husband is a bit like this too. When I started my weight loss journey back in Jan this year I asked him to join me but he wasn't interested. I'm now 48lb lighter and he's, well, still the same. I've made several attempts to get him on board but each time he's just dismissed my efforts. At first I used to point out to him that he shouldn't eat yet another cake or whatever and all I'd get was "oh, you're the expert now are you"? So I stopped, it's his choice.
Seeing me where I'm at now and how I look has brought it home to him that he needs to do something but he'll do it his way, which is fair enough.0
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