Difficult husband?

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  • Mokey41
    Mokey41 Posts: 5,769 Member
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    Let him do what he wants. It's his journey through life and you making him miserable nagging about his food choices is a quick trip to him finding someone who isn't nagging. You don't have to cut out all the things you like to lose weight. If he wants to eat those things and cut his portions so he stays in budget it's probably a healthier way to go about it than giving up all the things you like and feeling deprived. I guarantee you that the novelty of eating on a "diet" wears off really quickly if you take out all you favorite foods.

    If you want to lose weight, do it. If he wants to lose weight, he'll do it. You can't make other people's decisions for them even if they are your spouse.
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
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    We can not control people into doing what we want, we can only set an example of how to do it.

    Good luck.
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    you are seriously asking for "sneaky ways to trick him into eating and drinking what I want without him realizing it..." for a grown up? seriously?

    If he needs to lose weight, he'll need to make the decisions and choices on his own.

    you can only control what you eat (or to an extent, what your minor children eat).
  • gelendestrasse
    gelendestrasse Posts: 204
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    It happens in every marriage - expectations change and that can cause frustration. Not that I'm an expert but you don't have many options other than leading by example. I want to loose another 20 pounds, my wife is saying that I don't need to and buying stuff like pecan pies. That's a killer for me. But you have to do it yourself. When he has soda you can open a fizzy water instead. It's not pop but opening the fizzy water puts you in the sharing mode.

    As far as milk goes I drink 2% but you have to limit milk - if you want to lower carbs - because it's loaded with carbs.

    On top of the changing the eating habits you have to exercise at least 3 times a week for 20 sweaty minutes to keep your metabolism up. If you're not exercising your body will just slow down to conserve the energy you aren't giving it. This is where you have to force things.

    It's a long road but you can do it. It would be easier together but don't give up on yourself - you can do this!

    Eric
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    I've brought up the Paleo diet and am trying to learn more about it. I see one of the things is giving up bread. Again the husband loves his bread/sandwiches.

    Does anyone else have a husband (or wife) who they feel is more like their child sometimes?! Any tips (i.e. sneaky ways to trick him into eating and drinking what I want without him realizing it...what? It's for his own good. :blushing:)?

    Well...it's not exactly fair to think that what works for you will work for him. The Paleo diet is not for everyone-particularly if your husband likes grains...I mean...Can both of you sit down and find out what changes you like to make? PLUS he doesn't have to make all the changes you make either...

    I started to cook more veggies at my house...and find ways my husband likes to eat veggies...he's grown to love a lot of things he swore he'd never eat (artichokes, Brussels Sprouts, asparagus, etc-even beets!)

    Like so many aspects of marriage, this is about compromise...not dictatorship.
  • StardustZiggy
    StardustZiggy Posts: 25
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    First, I didn't mean to make it as controlling as it sounded. I just really worry about his health, probably more than my own. He drinks way to much soda and consumes a lot of sugar that no matter how you look at as me controlling him, it is not good.

    I get that he is a grown man and we are different people, I'll be the first to admit we are different as night and day. I in no way want to be his mother but I also don't want to see someone I love make themselves sick.
  • astitchinthyme
    astitchinthyme Posts: 22 Member
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    My hubby could be your hubby's twin. This time I have chosen to be committed to myself. We have different breakfast and lunch choices, and I make dinner. If he chooses to not eat what I make, he makes what he wants. However, if it is something healthy and a home meal, I will help him with preparing it.
  • SniffTheSweat
    SniffTheSweat Posts: 23
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    If you're so convinced your path is superior, let him do as he wishes and if he ever wonders aloud why you're losing more weight then him then firmly but kindly assert that it is because he has failed to do good things that you've done.

    Also Paleo style diets are much tastier then the foods he seems to like. He'll soon change if he's sat opposite you eating a gormout feast while he is eating a sandwich =)
  • SkinnyMel78
    SkinnyMel78 Posts: 434 Member
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    You can't force him to do things he's not ready to do. Maybe once he sees how successful you are at giving up these things and your weight comes off it will help inspire and motivate him to re-examine himself. You can't force someone to do something that they aren't ready for. Trust me I was battling my hubby too. Hopefully he will come around. Good luck!
  • anne2605
    anne2605 Posts: 482 Member
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    My husband is a bit like this too. When I started my weight loss journey back in Jan this year I asked him to join me but he wasn't interested. I'm now 48lb lighter and he's, well, still the same. I've made several attempts to get him on board but each time he's just dismissed my efforts. At first I used to point out to him that he shouldn't eat yet another cake or whatever and all I'd get was "oh, you're the expert now are you"? So I stopped, it's his choice.

    Seeing me where I'm at now and how I look has brought it home to him that he needs to do something but he'll do it his way, which is fair enough.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    Sounds like your husband just got another stamp on his man card. I'd give him a high five right now.

    No soda, no bread. Paleo diet. No way would I be up for this.
    I was a vegetarian for years, when I got married I made a compromise to start eating fish. Where is your compromise? Might I suggest you buy a bottle of Diet Dr pepper and a frosty mug for your husband. Then a big peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
    Then you can still have water and eat bacon wrapped mammoth or whatever Paleolithic man ate.:drinker:

    tumblr_lydzikSQ1G1r5lmz9o1_500.jpg
  • SteveJWatson
    SteveJWatson Posts: 1,225 Member
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    Water and skim milk is being difficult?

    1) the water thing is over blown. He'll drink it when he needs it. It's a non-issue. 8 glasses a day is a myth.

    2) fat is good. Drinking full fat milk doesn't make you fat. Too many calories makes you fat. And, fat doesn't make you fat either. So, he's agreed to 2%. That sounds like he has compromised. That's great. Why are you complaining?

    This.

    Although I imagine the soda thing is more prevalent in the US - most adults drink tea or coffee over here. I drink tea - it hydrates you just as well as water.

    Also: the day I drink soy milk is the day that Satan bobsleds to work. You can't milk a bean.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    I started working out almost daily...eating more fruits and vegetables and counting my calories.

    My husband told me he was inspired and he started biking to and from work every day. He also joined several sports teams as well to get into shape.

    Maybe your hubby would be willing to try diet sodas? (I drink diet because I'm type I diabetic and can't have all the sugar...Diet Mountain Dew, Coke Zero, Diet Dr. Pepper and Diet Barq's Rootbeer are some of my favorites.)
  • tjl2329
    tjl2329 Posts: 169 Member
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    My husbands the same. He eats whatever he wants. He could lose a little but not much. But now that I'm losing hes trying to avoid sweets etc. He loses weight just by giving up a few things. I have to really watch calories and exercise a lot to lose. Get a head start and help to introduce more salads and vegetables. Pick healthier choices. Does he like tea. I flavor mine with minute maid lite or crystal lite. If not let him eat and drink what he wants. Its his body and he has to decide. We each have to decide what's right for us. Goodluck
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    How about you lose weight your way and let him do it his way? He's an adult. Just stop it.
  • swimbikerun2006
    swimbikerun2006 Posts: 29 Member
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    Everyone's journey is different & they achieve success on different paths. You should do what you feel like you need to do for yourself and let him do what he feels like he needs to do. You are both adults capable of making your own decisions. If he doesn't lose weight- that's on him. He'll find his mojo somehow- if HE wants it!
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
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    Let him drink what he wants to drink. You drink what you want to drink. You are both adults and can make your own choices. If it becomes important enough to him, he will make changes. You can't do that for him.

    My husband of 22 yrs is just now starting to eat a tiny bit better. Some days.
  • Dogwalkingirl
    Dogwalkingirl Posts: 320 Member
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    If you are set on your way being the correct way then just lead by example.

    My boyfriend is a big guy (300 lbs and 35% body fat). I started trying to lose weight back in January and now lift 3 times a week and do cardio another 2. Four months after I began this he joined a gym..on his own accord but from seeing me make the change.

    He has been at the gym 3 times a week for 3 months now very faithfully. However, he didn't change his eating one bit. I am going to admit I wanted to tell him to skip the pizza at work, the wings on Tuesday nights etc. He just now realised it himself. He said to me a week ago "you know I am way stronger but my eating has to change. Lets go groceries tonight I have to start packing lunches and watch what I eat'. So, he is making changes on his own. You have to let him do it on his own.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
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    Honestly, you're the one sounding like a child and running off to the internet because your husband won't eat the way you want. Besides, real milk and juice are both fine. Paleo is pseudoscientific garbage.
  • sammniamii
    sammniamii Posts: 669 Member
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    My hubs is like this - but recently ha has been worried about the 30lbs he gained since getting his thyroid under control & stopping smoking. He has reduced his soda intake (was up to 4 - 2liters a day) and trying to watch his carbs (his avg daily was 600-800 a day).

    Change how you want for you - let him eat what he wants, he'll either slowly start to come over or he won't. You can't FORCE someone to change like this, it will happen when they want it (or not).

    Good luck

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