Difficult husband?
Replies
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There is nothing wrong with drinking juice, 2% milk and eating bread. You are focussing on minutiae. I would even go as far as to say that his more relaxed approach to being "healthier" will be more sustainable in the long-term and, therefore, more successful.
Sneaking things in or out of his diet is ridiculous and you are being unreasonable.0 -
Honestly, you're the one sounding like a child and running off to the internet because your husband won't eat the way you want. Besides, real milk and juice are both fine. Paleo is pseudoscientific garbage.
Wow. I came to a fitness/weight loss sight for tips on getting my husband to eat healthier and so far that makes me controlling and a child?
Want a tip?
Quit trying to control your husband. When is ready to become healthy he will. Believe it or not you can drink pop and 2% milk and still lose weight. Let him do things the way he wants to do them.0 -
Honestly, you're the one sounding like a child and running off to the internet because your husband won't eat the way you want. Besides, real milk and juice are both fine. Paleo is pseudoscientific garbage.
Wow. I came to a fitness/weight loss sight for tips on getting my husband to eat healthier and so far that makes me controlling and a child?
If I remember correctly you asked for sneaky tips to get him to eat what you want him to eat. He's an adult. You can't make him eat what you want. If your the one who cooks dinner, just make it healthy.
If he really wants to lose weight he will. You can't force him.0 -
I won't bash you for trying to do whats best for the person you love, i do agree that you should not try to trick your husband or force him to do what you are doing by trying to make a healthier lifestyle for yourself. We all have to do whats best for us at our own time. I eat a lot healthier stuff then my husband, he won't drink anything but whole milk and me and my younger daughter use 1%, he does drink a lot of water but he also like soda on occasion, i like multi grain breads and he likes white bread. He has made small changes that will help him but you cant force someone to do the same thing as you. He may come around when he see how well you are doing but everyone has there own prefereces and you have to let them have it. I have lost 50 pounds doing what i do, eating better and excersising and if he decides to change things for himself he will do it on his own time. I understand your worry but you can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink. You need to worry about you and let him change as he wants to if he decides thats what he wants to do0
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If you are tired of your husband acting like a child stop treating him like one. Trying to be sneaky and trying to force him to eat like you is wrong.
He can drink pop, 2% milk, eat bread etc if he wants to. Why is your way better? Why must you two eat the same?
Stop acting like mom. Compromise with him or you two can eat your own ways.0 -
then you wait three months and see what happens. without nagging.He won't have the diet version of anything. He also doesn't have to do things my way, which 99% of the time he doesn't.
if he hasn't lost weight and you have then you sit down with him LIKE GROWN UPS and tell him how much you've lost, how you're concerned about his health, that you're scared of being left on your own, that you're willing to help if he wants to try, but that ultimately it's up to him.0 -
The bottom line is calories. Get a food scale and dishers so you can measure portions. Everything counts. DH and I have different dietary problems. I am lactose intolerant. He has MS and needs to avoid gluten. I have a loaf of bread and he has a loaf of gluten free bread but prefers corn tortilla roll ups. We're both losing weight. We mostly eat together. He does a better job drinking enough water than I do. Here on MFP we talk about two general strategies for dieting. Eliminators stop eating certain foods. Moderators eat whatever, but count the calories so they end up with smaller portions. Between DH and me, we have enough dietary restrictions already, so we are moderators and rely on the calorie count. It is working for us.
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Actually, it seems more like you're trying to treat him like a child and he resents it. Would you like it if somebody tried to tell you what and how much you should eat and drink?
He's a grown up person, well able to decide for himself how and when he wants to lose weight.
I've lost almost 40 lbs drinking juice and soda. The only food I basically gave up was chips and dip because it's a trigger food for me. It's all about moderation.0 -
Try to make small changes, one at a time, rather than massively changing what you both eat.
I'm with him 2% milk, anything else just tastes like water to me. So there's the first change you can both agree on.
Paleo - I wouldnt bother, sounds like it would be a nightmare to come up with meals for you both, and it's not necessary for you either.0 -
I think that you're being a difficult wife...
Ding! Ding! Ding!
OP, stop nagging. Start being respectful to your husband. Just because he said "I do" doesn't mean he said "I do everything you tell me to because you're the boss."
He can lose just fine without being tripped up by one of your hair-brained diet schemes. Stop reading nonsense, eat at a deficit, and lose.
Dollars to donuts, your husband will have more success eating what he wants at a deficit than you will going paleo and giving up soda.0 -
Haha, Frustrations.
My wife made me quite smoking because she said in was unhealthy and wanted to have a nice long retirement with me and not have to risk losing me early from cancer. she was very controlling and childish during that time. 6 years down the road I no longer smoke and never can thank her enough...
Wanting your husband to be healthy is not bad, now having said that, your health is not related to his. Follow your own diet and show him how it is done. Eventually you will lose lot faster than he will, and he should realize on his own what is the difference in your diets.
make him fresh lemonade from fresh lemons, and stevia as sweetener. Healthy and taste better than plain water.0 -
My husband and I are currently working on our 30th year of marriage. One of the most important things to a long happy marriage is to be able to not "sweat the small stuff" but instead think carefully about what you can and cannot live with. Think carefully about which mountain you are willing to die on as not everything is of equal importance. Think about which things you can simply ignore and let go.
My husband doesn't like skim milk at all - he says to him it tastes like water. I don't mind skim milk, but we have compromised on 1% to find the middle ground. Men and women eat differently for the most part, and lose weight differently as well. I know that I have said on this site (in other posts) that I certainly don't plan to eat only lowfat or fat free foods while dieting because I know that an approach like that will not stay with me long term. I want to eat real food, but control the amount so that I can keep my calories in check. So, in my dieting approach this time my goal is to learn how many calories are in foods (its been a real eyeopener for me thus far...) and learn how to manage these calories long term.
My husband just sets his mind to lose weight (although he is not oveweight at all) and just cuts back on his food and accomplishes it pretty quickly. It seems unfair as it is much more difficult for me to lose. That being said, his approach to losing is very different than mine. If someone wants to lose, they will put in the effort and follow their own path doing it. You cannot force someone to do this and shouldn't try to trick them either as the person will start to not trust you and it will backfire in the end.
Lots of good suggestions from others on here as well. I suggest focusing on your own weight loss journey and I bet eventually he may decide to try some of what you are doing if you let him initiate the interest, rather than you trying to force it onto him. Good luck.0 -
Honestly, you're the one sounding like a child and running off to the internet because your husband won't eat the way you want. Besides, real milk and juice are both fine. Paleo is pseudoscientific garbage.
Wow. I came to a fitness/weight loss sight for tips on getting my husband to eat healthier and so far that makes me controlling and a child?
They are giving you tips.
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Focus on yourself and ask your husband for support. Once he sees the sacrifices and progress you are making, he may start to want to change his diet a bit. But the thing you can't forget is that it is HIS diet. He should control it. Not you. But have an open dialogue and come to some sort of agreement. Maybe make sure that he knows that if you're going to be the one cooking dinner- that you get to choose the menu. You can't get anywhere if you try to be sneaky- just ask for support and offer it in return. The more you try to change someone- the more they are prone to resist. You can lead a horse to water- but you can't make him drink.0
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Do your own thing. You can't force someone to change and he is his own person. lead by example, it really works most of the time. If it doesn't, well you get healthy and thin and he can enjoy watching you do it from the couch.0
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In terms of soda - try seltzer! There's lots of different flavors and its so carbonated that it tastes like soda but its better for you. Also, try making easy swaps like ground turkey instead of ground beef. Or if he really likes beef, choose 93% lean ground beef instead of 80% lean ground beef. Spaghetti squash is really tasty and so much lower calories than normal spaghetti. Good luck!!0
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Let me point some things out...Check where I put the **'s...Both my husband and I agree that we need to lose weight, but that is where our agreement ends. I want to give up soda and most fruit juices and make water our main drink. The problem is my husband doesn't want to drink water at all. I've told him how important it is but he just brushes it off. **He will constantly reach for a soda, to have with food, or just when he is feeling thirsty. He will drink up to 6-7 cans or bottles a day.
I've tried not buying soda/juice but he just goes out and buys it if I don't. **It's not so much that it's a temptation (although it is) it's the amount he drinks. He's a grown man, and I don't have a problem with him having a soda. I have a problem with him having so much soda.
Dairy is our other problem, the best he will except for milk is 2%. He won't drink skim and when I suggest something like soy or almond milk he flat out refuses it. **How is it controlling when I am suggesting it? I don't go out and buy it and not buy the 2% that he wants. Look in our fridge right now and you'll see 2%. His choice, not mine.
I've brought up the Paleo diet and am trying to learn more about it. I see one of the things is giving up bread. Again the husband loves his bread/sandwiches. **I never said Paleo was excellent and the way to go. I said I was trying to learn more about it and even posted another thread about why I should choose it.
Does anyone else have a husband (or wife) who they feel is more like their child sometimes?! Any tips (i.e. sneaky ways to trick him into eating and drinking what I want without him realizing it...what? It's for his own good. :blushing:)? **I don't want to treat him like a child, but damn I don't want him getting sick. The whole trick him thing was meant to be taken as a joke and was meant more as if anyone had any tips to make eating healthy sound more appealing to him.0 -
Just because he agrees with you doesn't mean he is ready. Personally I don't do things I am not ready to do and to have someone nagging me about it makes me not want to do it more than ever. Leave him alone and let your own success be his inspiration. Make the healthy way of life you have chosen be the tempting aspect and not the pressure to change.0
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I do the shopping and cooking in our house. I buy almond milk for myself (which I drink very little of because I'm mostly drinking water). My child drinks organic whole milk (she's almost 3), my husband drinks skim milk (but he didn't used to). My husband also buys pop for himself, and eats meat-- plenty of burgers and bratts and fried chicken. He also eats ice cream, sometimes dips, drinks too much beer. I'm vegetarian, I barely drink alcohol, I am currently trying to eat very healthy. He does what he wants, even though he talks about getting in shape (he does a lot of healthy talking but very little healthy acting). I do what I want, he does what he wants. Let it go and just focus your control efforts on yourself-- you will be a lot happier.0
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I have tried to convince my hubby to start being healthier with me b/c he needs to be at a healthier weight just like I do but like alot of others have said, he's a grown man and he's going to make his own decisions. I have been cooking healthier meals and having healthier snack foods around so he has no choice when it comes to that. But when he decides to make a change then he will. Nobody can change a person, it's their own will. I'm just hoping that him seeing me reaching my weight loss goals and getting in shape that it will motivate him. Just be an example to your hubby that's all you can do!0
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Water and skim milk is being difficult?
1) the water thing is over blown. He'll drink it when he needs it. It's a non-issue. 8 glasses a day is a myth.
2) fat is good. Drinking full fat milk doesn't make you fat. Too many calories makes you fat. And, fat doesn't make you fat either. So, he's agreed to 2%. That sounds like he has compromised. That's great. Why are you complaining?
This.
Although I imagine the soda thing is more prevalent in the US - most adults drink tea or coffee over here. I drink tea - it hydrates you just as well as water.
Also: the day I drink soy milk is the day that Satan bobsleds to work. You can't milk a bean.
:flowerforyou: How YOU doin'? 0 -
I think that you're being a difficult wife...
Ding! Ding! Ding!
OP, stop nagging. Start being respectful to your husband. Just because he said "I do" doesn't mean he said "I do everything you tell me to because you're the boss."
He can lose just fine without being tripped up by one of your hair-brained diet schemes. Stop reading nonsense, eat at a deficit, and lose.
Dollars to donuts, your husband will have more success eating what he wants at a deficit than you will going paleo and giving up soda.
What makes you all think I nag, because I asked on here? Most of the time I don't say anything, that's why I am on here asking what to do!0 -
Let me point some things out...Check where I put the **'s...Both my husband and I agree that we need to lose weight, but that is where our agreement ends. I want to give up soda and most fruit juices and make water our main drink. The problem is my husband doesn't want to drink water at all. I've told him how important it is but he just brushes it off. **He will constantly reach for a soda, to have with food, or just when he is feeling thirsty. He will drink up to 6-7 cans or bottles a day.
I've tried not buying soda/juice but he just goes out and buys it if I don't. **It's not so much that it's a temptation (although it is) it's the amount he drinks. He's a grown man, and I don't have a problem with him having a soda. I have a problem with him having so much soda.
Dairy is our other problem, the best he will except for milk is 2%. He won't drink skim and when I suggest something like soy or almond milk he flat out refuses it. **How is it controlling when I am suggesting it? I don't go out and buy it and not buy the 2% that he wants. Look in our fridge right now and you'll see 2%. His choice, not mine.
I've brought up the Paleo diet and am trying to learn more about it. I see one of the things is giving up bread. Again the husband loves his bread/sandwiches. **I never said Paleo was excellent and the way to go. I said I was trying to learn more about it and even posted another thread about why I should choose it.
Does anyone else have a husband (or wife) who they feel is more like their child sometimes?! Any tips (i.e. sneaky ways to trick him into eating and drinking what I want without him realizing it...what? It's for his own good. :blushing:)? **I don't want to treat him like a child, but damn I don't want him getting sick. The whole trick him thing was meant to be taken as a joke and was meant more as if anyone had any tips to make eating healthy sound more appealing to him.
You can't force someone to change. STOP TRYING.
When he gets it, he will get it.
Quit being the difficult wife.0 -
Both my husband and I agree that we need to lose weight, but that is where our agreement ends. I want to give up soda and most fruit juices and make water our main drink. The problem is my husband doesn't want to drink water at all. I've told him how important it is but he just brushes it off.
I've tried not buying soda/juice but he just goes out and buys it if I don't.
Dairy is our other problem, the best he will except for milk is 2%. He won't drink skim and when I suggest something like soy or almond milk he flat out refuses it.
let your husband do what he wants, and you do what you know is right. you are 2 individuals, not 1.0 -
I wonder how the OP would feel if her husband was on his own internet forum posting comments about her and how she is always nagging him about stuff that should be up to him.0
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I think that you're being a difficult wife...
Ding! Ding! Ding!
OP, stop nagging. Start being respectful to your husband. Just because he said "I do" doesn't mean he said "I do everything you tell me to because you're the boss."
He can lose just fine without being tripped up by one of your hair-brained diet schemes. Stop reading nonsense, eat at a deficit, and lose.
Dollars to donuts, your husband will have more success eating what he wants at a deficit than you will going paleo and giving up soda.
What makes you all think I nag, because I asked on here? Most of the time I don't say anything, that's why I am on here asking what to do!
Because you're on an internet site asking us how you can effectively nag your husband into doing what you want him to do?
That might be why.0 -
My husband drinks 2% milk and soda. I drink 1% and water.
He eats full calorie bread. I eat full fiber whole grain low calorie bread.
He doesn't like veggies or fruit. Our fridge is full of those.
He likes to eat out. I control the budget.
He wants to snack. I buy them for him but don't touch them. If he wants brownies, he makes them.
He is his own person and will do what he wants. He will lose weight the way he wants to, as will I. Controlling him creates a dynamic I have no desire to have.
Well said. I do the same thing, but our situation is a bit different. I enjoy eating healthier and staying lean whereas my husband needs to bulk up and needs the calories and proteins. I make sure he gets what he needs, while ensuring I have what I need at home. If he wants Mcdonalds, I get a salad and coffee and he gets a double-quad-cheesy-greasy-mess-of-a-burger0 -
I think the answer is you pay attention to what is on your plate and let him pay attention to what he puts on his plate. Who knows; it might turn out that his way is more successful than yours.
Best wishes.0 -
I think you all need to realize you know nothing about me and my marriage other than what I posted. If that makes me a difficult wife, a nag, and a controller so be it.0
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I think that you're being a difficult wife...
Ding! Ding! Ding!
OP, stop nagging. Start being respectful to your husband. Just because he said "I do" doesn't mean he said "I do everything you tell me to because you're the boss."
He can lose just fine without being tripped up by one of your hair-brained diet schemes. Stop reading nonsense, eat at a deficit, and lose.
Dollars to donuts, your husband will have more success eating what he wants at a deficit than you will going paleo and giving up soda.
What makes you all think I nag, because I asked on here? Most of the time I don't say anything, that's why I am on here asking what to do!
Oh, you want help? Then get your own thinking straight before worrying about your husband's. Eat less and move more. You lose weight on a calorie deficit alone. Diet sodas have no calories so they don't matter. Whole milk is actually quite healthy if consumed as part of a good overall diet as dietary fats are necessary. Juice is also fine if it is fit into a good overall diet.
Are you exercising? What kind of exercise are you doing?0
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