He called me fat..

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  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    Truthfully, I don't think his comment was so much a "I'm going to make fun of you and call you a fatty" thing as a "let's shock and surprise the girl who's distracted, ignoring us and texting her boyfriend."

    I understand feeling hurt by the comment, but if the guy teases you like brother and sister, I think he would expect something along the lines of "Why don't we ask yo mama?" instead of putting you in tears. I don't think he meant to hurt you.

    pretty much what I was thinking, though I'm way too sensitive and also would have felt like I had been punched in the gut if someone said that to me and then my best friend didn't knock him out for having said it. Hugs, OP. You're a cutie.
  • LizaDK914
    LizaDK914 Posts: 54 Member
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    I can't even imagine. That is AWFUL. What a jack***. Wow! I can't believe your best friend put up with that either.

    But, I also think, since you guys do joke alot that he might not have realized it would hurt you.

    I've always had the self-defense mechanism of so-called "owning" my situation, and that might be what he expected you to do.

    People see me as strong and comfortable with the way I am - which I am to a large degree.

    But, I do understand wanting to cry over it. I mean, despite everything I do get really touchy when people say things like "She was like 200 pounds" in that voice that makes it sound like "OMG how could anyone ever be that big?" I quietly stew and think ... I'd love to be 200 pounds at this point.

    Hopefully it was just a big misunderstanding, but I know that doesn't make it hurt any less.
  • LizaDK914
    LizaDK914 Posts: 54 Member
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    Yeah that's a little tacky but maybe he didn't mean it. Sometimes I call my sister fatty and she's about 8stone ( 112lbs) Or be honest with yourself, are you overweight? Fat is just another word for it. It's just a word after all and maybe it was just banter. Maybe he shouldn't have said it but maybe it hurt you because it's true? If that's the case use it to fuel you and help you get to your goal. Don't let a word get in your way or stop you or allow you to wallow! It won't hurt you when it's no longer true x Best of luck!

    I don't think that's the point. Because we're overweight, people are allowed to make fun of us??

    Sure it's just a word, but so is B****, and lots of other nasty words. It's a word that isn't used politely, it's a word that is derogatory.
  • KatLifter
    KatLifter Posts: 1,314 Member
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    Truthfully, I don't think his comment was so much a "I'm going to make fun of you and call you a fatty" thing as a "let's shock and surprise the girl who's distracted, ignoring us and texting her boyfriend."

    I understand feeling hurt by the comment, but if the guy teases you like brother and sister, I think he would expect something along the lines of "Why don't we ask yo mama?" instead of putting you in tears. I don't think he meant to hurt you.

    pretty much what I was thinking, though I'm way too sensitive and also would have felt like I had been punched in the gut if someone said that to me and then my best friend didn't knock him out for having said it. Hugs, OP. You're a cutie.

    I agree. Also (not to be mean) your ticker says you have a bit of weight to lose, so you know it's at least partly true, and you are working to change that. Don't let it get to you, use it as motivation.
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
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    Truthfully, I don't think his comment was so much a "I'm going to make fun of you and call you a fatty" thing as a "let's shock and surprise the girl who's distracted, ignoring us and texting her boyfriend."

    I understand feeling hurt by the comment, but if the guy teases you like brother and sister, I think he would expect something along the lines of "Why don't we ask yo mama?" instead of putting you in tears. I don't think he meant to hurt you.

    /nod nod

    He's probably an *kitten* and likely was just doing the same stuff he always does (by your admission..you guys bicker..) Sucks that this particular comment bothered you - maybe because you have taken steps to correct a situation you are not happy with and now it has become a 'sensitive' topic.

    Just ignore it or get him back..Or if you feel that it was a deliberate insult then ditch him... But if you have always talked smack with each other I'm guessing he just wanted to bug you and looks like he did it too. Your weight will change but your inner strength will see you through the tough times. Don't let other people define you, or even when you are down to your goal weight someone will still be able to 'bug' you about something else you aren't happy with. Maybe it's an age thing..Stuff just doesn't seem to bug me as it used to when I was in my 20's and thank the gods for that!
  • onedayatatime12
    onedayatatime12 Posts: 577 Member
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    I'm so sorry to hear what he said to you. I've been in a similar type of situation multiple times (I've been made fun of and I've been the one to stick up for my close friend), and I realized what my problem was, well problems. 1) The girls weren't my true friends. And 2) I didn't stand up for myself.

    I know this: NO ONE will stand up for you, and you have to do it yourself. Even if it's your best friend, they don't want to jeopardize their friendship with the other person. It's shallow and horrible, but that's the ugly truth of it. If you're a good person, which I know you are, I just meant in general, you will NOT take anyone's sh** and you will stand up for others who are being victimized as such. Stay strong and I hope you feel better.
  • megan1869
    megan1869 Posts: 166 Member
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    Believe in the beauty of Karma and wait patiently... he will get his... Although if it were me he might have got his right there on the spot.... *backhand*
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Oh of course it always hurts. Too bad you didnt think up a good zinger at that moment like oh yeah we fatties love getting our brains f'ed out, but sadly Dave and look at his crotch from what I've heard there isnt enough there to satisfy an anorexic. Then turn to your friend and wink.

    If you dont feel like associating with that idiot I dont blame you. Dont think about it too much because you can believe that big bully Dave doesnt give it the time of day. Remember success and happiness is the best revenge.

    Oh and once again it proves my theory the ones who bully the fat women are the ones who really want to have sex with them.
  • Melissa22G
    Melissa22G Posts: 847 Member
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    First, hugs & :flowerforyou:

    Second, perhaps you should talk to the friend. He probably didn't realize it hurt your feelings as you mentioned you had a history of brother/sister like bickering. Plus, drinks were involved.

    It may be a good idea to clear the air so there isn't any negativity between the two of you.
  • belinus
    belinus Posts: 112 Member
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    My *****y side's response would be: I don't know, you tell me.
  • SteveJWatson
    SteveJWatson Posts: 1,225 Member
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    Truthfully, I don't think his comment was so much a "I'm going to make fun of you and call you a fatty" thing as a "let's shock and surprise the girl who's distracted, ignoring us and texting her boyfriend."

    I understand feeling hurt by the comment, but if the guy teases you like brother and sister, I think he would expect something along the lines of "Why don't we ask yo mama?" instead of putting you in tears. I don't think he meant to hurt you.

    I agree - I think it was just banter that went too far - you have to put this into a cultural context, being Brits and all. Your response should have been also banter that pushed it a bit something like:

    "Yeah, us fatties love a bit of sex, Dave but I'd never *kitten* you cos you're an ugly c*nt"
  • kie_kie
    kie_kie Posts: 106 Member
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    I have had many situations like that. I just normally make a snide comment to hide how much it hurts inside.

    I remember once I had my friend's boyfriend on bbm and I updated a status saying I must have gained 5lbs after that meal. Well he took it upon himself to tell me that I should be losing weight not gaining it. I thought to myself this dude and I aren't even friends. The only reason why he's on my bbm in the first place is because my friend wanted to talk to me and it was easier to do it over bbm. Who is he to make such a comment and I never liked him in the first place so this just escalated that feeling of disgust I had for him.
    What made it worst was that when he started to sell products for one of those online things like avon he told her to tell me that he is now selling weight loss pills. Now this company sells a wide range of products and from makeup to vitamins and thats what he told her to tell me he has.

    You have many people in the world like these people but we musnt give them the power to make us feel bad about our selves.
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
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    Truthfully, I don't think his comment was so much a "I'm going to make fun of you and call you a fatty" thing as a "let's shock and surprise the girl who's distracted, ignoring us and texting her boyfriend."

    I understand feeling hurt by the comment, but if the guy teases you like brother and sister, I think he would expect something along the lines of "Why don't we ask yo mama?" instead of putting you in tears. I don't think he meant to hurt you.

    I agree - I think it was just banter that went too far - you have to put this into a cultural context, being Brits and all. Your response should have been also banter that pushed it a bit something like:

    "Yeah, us fatties love a bit of sex, Dave but I'd never *kitten* you cos you're an ugly c*nt"

    This!!! Chill out. My brother/ friends who are boys and I banter with each other all the time...He probably didn't mean it but it hurt you because you feel it about yourself because you're overweight. You're projecting.
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
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    you also mentioned beer was flowing. perhaps he just thought you could take joking around.


    obviously if your best friend just sat there as you told her you were hurt and didnt offer any support then you may want to rethink having her as a friend.

    im willing to bet that he didnt think youd be hurt by it but would laugh it off.


    i think im a bit special as i dont let anyones words towards me, good or bad, define me. i know what i am capable of, what i do and how i do it, to let an outside observer bring down cause they say something
  • ms_leanne
    ms_leanne Posts: 523
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    Hey hun,

    Does sound like he went too far and its a thing of being young my dear. It might be worth giving them a wide berth just so they know they have hurt you. See if they apologise. I'm sure your girl friend is just sucked in with this chap and should if she is your true friend call you and check you are okay at the very least.
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
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    Have pride in yourself.
  • iamkass
    iamkass Posts: 122 Member
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    Is it sad that my first thought was "well, are you?"? My boyfriend calls me skinny all the time and I always correct him. Nope, I'm not skinny, I'm still fat. I don't say that because I have bad self esteem. I say it because it's true, I am still overweight. Being told that I'm skinny when I'm overweight is probably how I bordered the obese range in the first place.

    ETA: To begin to have a good body image about yourself, you need to start by knowing what kind of body you have.
  • ViktoryaC
    ViktoryaC Posts: 124 Member
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    I so so know how you feel. Try not to let it get to you, and know you have loads of support here, but it is rough. I used to be very very thin, almost underweight, and then the last year I've gained 50 pounds. Believe me, people comment. I get treated totally different. You hear the whispers "What happened to Vickie?" She was thin!" Sometimes I just go by myself and cry, but we have to hold our heads high in public. Dave does not affect your self-worth!"
  • singermai
    singermai Posts: 2
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    I am so sorry that it happened to you, but I have an answer for you, if ever you see him again, It goes something like this:
    "Well, I happen to be lucky, I can loose this fat, but you were born ugly and that can never be fixed. So I guess, I win"
    It is just an idea, Anyway, do not let some stupid man bring you to tears, his opinion is not worth it. Best wishes
  • Coyoteldy
    Coyoteldy Posts: 219 Member
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    I simply do NOT understand nasty, rude behavior... especially from "friends" or people that say the "love" you. I give you credit, I would never have stayed there after that comment and I probably would have replied in a not so nice way...If you love your best friend...then see her at other times away from him...but HIM I would dump in a heartbeat. Never let anyone treat you badly, even if it is only to walk away to show your displeasure, don't let them get away with that. I am considerably older than you.. and I have learned that people treat me badly when I allow it and I simply don't anymore...gads what a rude thing!!

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