I DO NOT WANT my cake and I DO NOT WANT to eat it too...

Maybe you should ask for a cake you would eat?

Honestly, I'd have a piece just out of respect. A little piece won't hurt you, it's your birthday

For those who keep saying that a little bit won't hurt...for some people that sugar is as much of a drug as alcohol is for and alcoholic. One tiny taste is all it takes for a major bender.

I'm still working off the 10 lbs I gained after "just one bowl of ice cream". Alcohol? No problems...I can take it or leave it. But sugar and even white carbs will totally derange my metabolism and brain chemistry.

Refined sugar is a true drug for some people, and need to be treated that way. It's addicting and has a withdrawal syndrome. Since your sister-in-law cares enough about you to get a cake, she will care enough to respect your needs.

At family dinners, I generally remove myself from the table so I don't get too close to dessert (yes, I am weak, and this is what I have to do to be drug-free). I eat some fruit instead, or I eat extra veggies so I feel full by the time dessert rolls around.

I understand that this is a big deal for the O.P. Well-meaning relatives, friend and co-workers need to be informed of issues so as to support the O.P.'s goals. You don't offer alcohol to a recovering alcoholic, so why would you force sugar on someone who has a problem with it?

Yep, offering a piece of cake is JUST like offering a drink to an alcoholic.

Come to think of it, I have seen MANY people at my AA meetings who are there for sugar addiction...

*shakes head*

You have obviously never heard of Overeaters Anonymous. Yes it's real and yes I do go. Processed sugar to me is like crack. I can hardly bear to be around it.

People with alcohol addiction don't go around substituting rum balls.
for a sugar addiction, you don't eat cake, then gorge on some sugary fruit? This is getting weird.

Who say's I gorge on fruit, or eat it at all?
Last time I checked, a mars bar and a bowl of fruit were two very different things.

Just tell them, "sorry I'm orthorexic now."

My parents always just got me a block of iced cream. Now it's usually frozen yogurt.

If you dont want it, don't eat it. If you say no thank you nicely, im sure she will understand. Its taken me a long time to wrap my head around this logic. I was the person that would go out to eat with my bf, then go home and find out my mother cooked so I would eat that too out of guilt. I would eat desserts and excess food to please my little italian Grandma that kept offering me more because I didnt want to offend her. I think we all understand that one piece of cake will not kill you but if you dont want it, then the answer is no. I know for me personally if I have a piece of cake, I will think about that sucker all day and probably the following day too however if I dont have any at all, I'll forget about it pretty quick. If other people want to have cake then great, good for them but you dont have to. Nobody controls what you eat except for you. My suggestion is to talk to her beforehand and if there will be guests, request that there is a small cake so there arent leftovers and maybe a nice fruit salad or something like that.. Even those edible arangement things are a nice alternative for cake if thats what you want. Seeing is its your birthday, your wishes should be respected.

SO true! I'm surprised at how many people are saying to eat it anyway. If it was easy for me to have a small piece of (add your sweet treat here) and leave it at that, I wouldn't have any issues. For me, it would be like asking an alcoholic to just have one beer. Many of us are in the spot we're in because we haven't been focusing on ourselves. Eating a cake that 1) you don't want and 2) would hurt your progress makes no sense to me.

However, to be thoughtful, contacting the SIL and asking her to bring a more healthy option (instead of or in addition to the cake) is acceptable and heads off any awkwardness later. If the SIL goes to the trouble of the cake every year, she must care and would probably be supportive.

I think it's rude to insist people eat things they don't want to eat. You're an adult, you're not required to eat anything just because someone else thinks you should. You might let her know in advance so she can do something else for you if she chooses. Otherwise, I'm sure there are plenty of other people in your life who'll eat the cake.

It's sweet that she wants to do something for you; none of my siblings or siblings-in-law have EVER made me a cake!


*edited for spelling

Just tell them, "sorry I'm orthorexic now."

This seems like the most honest thing. "Hey, I'm into food shaming right now so even though I've liked cake up until now I'm gonna decline cause eww, processed junk and refined sugar. Thanks."

Also if I ever show up at a birthday and there is a fruit bowl or fruit tart and no cake it'll be the last birthday I attend with those folks. You people are such buzzkills.

I vomited immediately after my wedding cake tasting.



I feel this is totally relevant and should be noted.



Cake is evil.

Is it rude to refuse a piece of my own birthday cake?

My sister-in-law always purchases a store bought cake
for my birthday. I do not eat dessert/packaged or, in my view,
'unhealthy'(sugar, fat and other 'questionable' food-like products)items.

Will it be rude to refuse a piece? What can I say to her when I'm offered a
piece?
Thanks!!

I don't like cake. I haven't for years. I just tell my family what I want instead of a cake. They usually even get it for me.

Whether it's sugar addiction or just *not liking* cake, you shouldn't have to receive cake you don't want.

I'm not a big fan of birthday ice cream myself, so I don't have it. I don't like okra either, so I don't have it. I have been known to accept glasses of water just to satisfy a hostess's etiquette urges to offer food and beverages to guests.

Just don't get on a soap box about "non-processed foods" and don't play ED games with food and you'll be fine.

We're all adults here, this situation can be handled with adult skills and there are a million options that are neither having cake nor not having cake.

Well said.

My sister-in-law always purchases a store bought cake
for my birthday. I do not eat dessert/packaged or, in my view,
'unhealthy'(sugar, fat and other 'questionable' food-like products)items.

It seems as though it's only processed and shop-bought packaged cake that you don't want to eat. How about you tell your sil that you are trying to avoid processed food but that you would be happy with something homemade so you know what the ingredients are or something fresh from a bakery.

As others have said, telling her beforehand would be much less rude than refusing it after she's presented you with it, especially if it's in a group setting.

ACG, no, the insulin rise from protein breakdown is relatively slow. The fiber in fruits makes a big difference in absorption of natural sugars, and our bodies are evolved to handle it. However, when you concentrate cane or beet juice and get the pure sucrose out that, the pancreas goes wild. It's not as bad when mixed with fat or protein, which slow the spike, but still, we can't handle this.

Carbs are not created equal.

Some people are more sensitive to this than others, and we become true addicts when it comes to refined sugars.

If you want to look at some cautionary tales, look up the Pima Indians of western North America, and what happened to them when they started on the European's diet. Diabetes is devastating them.

Yummm.... I want one of these on my plate

WAIT...WAIT....WAIT...




You just wanted a birthday thread of your very own!!!!!