Men: Dating

The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

That was so refreshing to read!

Thanks for asking these questions op, as I wonder about this often. I also wonder if it's an age thing, as in, are older men more likely to accept a woman with a child than a younger man? A few of the men that I know who are around my age would date someone, while most say hell no because they don't want to deal with the baby's father.

I would tell the guy on day one that I have a son. If they like it good, if not, that's good too. I'd know that particular person wasn't for me, and move on. Simple as that. I don't have time to be getting emotionally invested in someone who has a problem with my son.

It's not an age thing, in my experience. It's a maturity thing for some and a values thing for others. These can vary amongst men of any ages.

It should be one of the first things he should find out about you.

It's not such a big deal really, I have recently dated someone with a child, it didn't work out but that was for other reasons.

Any guy who is worth your time and attention won't be bothered by the fact that you have a child.

Why would you go out with someone you haven't talked to before? And why would you not tell him about your child if you've been talking to him. I'm so confused...no man is more important than my children, no man would ever be more important. Maybe when they are adults and have their own families, but now..no way.

Single parent here. Anyone I go out with knows I have a son long before we have a first date. My most important role is also my proudest - as it should be for every parent!

Edit: That doesn't mean they meet my son. I don't believe in creating the relationship revolving door, so unless it starts to get serious, the two don't communicate. Stability for the kiddo first.

^this, oh this x 1million. I've been divorced for 8 years, only started dating a year and a half ago, I've been dating the same man for a year, and he has not spent time with my kids. It just isn't time...we'll know it when and if that time comes, I'm rushing nothing.

letting them know you have a child should happen right away. letting them meet your child should come later when you are both comfortable with that step.

The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

Um, no. A guy is not a "flake" because he doesn't want to date a woman with kids. I'm a woman who would prefer to date a guy with no kids. Because I don't have any myself. And I've heard too many horror stories about baby mama drama (and the reverse with dads.)

So yeah, that's nonsense.

That said, tell the guy right away, because he may not personally have an issue with it. Never know unless you try, right?

You should tell him immediately. There is no good excuse for not being upfront about the fact that you have children. I don't want to hear that "it's not any of their business until things get more serious." Bull****. If you don't want a guy to meet your kids, fine. Totally understandable. Neglecting to mention that you have kids? Unacceptable.

And stop with the "he's a flake/he doesn't deserve you if he can't deal with the fact that you have kids" stuff, too. I don't care how much you like kids, dating someone who has kids with another person is a big freaking deal on a number of levels. You can't just wave it off like it's not a major thing and act like only a horrible person would think twice about it.

The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

Um, no. A guy is not a "flake" because he doesn't want to date a woman with kids. I'm a woman who would prefer to date a guy with no kids. Because I don't have any myself. And I've heard too many horror stories about baby mama drama (and the reverse with dads.)

I am at a point in my life where there is no way that I would consider a long term relationship with a woman who had young (non adult) children.

You can call me selfish all you like, I am selfish. But I have been there, I have lived through the 'raise your step child as if they are your own' years and honestly it was very tough on me and on 'us' as a couple. Needless to say, the relationship eventually imploded mostly due to the issues involved with an over-protective mother and a child that had an ability to get into trouble despite mom considering them to be perfect and almost angelic. In that relationship I could never disagree with the (now adult) child without mom taking their side too - so I was constantly out-numbered (You are not my dad). It was not a great deal of fun....

Honestly tell the guy(s) early on - but be prepared, many men may not initially think it is an issue, but when they really start to think about it, the situation may scare some off.....

You should tell him immediately. There is no good excuse for not being upfront about the fact that you have children. I don't want to hear that "it's not any of their business until things get more serious." Bull****. If you don't want a guy to meet your kids, fine. Totally understandable. Neglecting to mention that you have kids? Unacceptable.

And stop with the "he's a flake/he doesn't deserve you if he can't deal with the fact that you have kids" stuff, too. I don't care how much you like kids, dating someone who has kids with another person is a big freaking deal on a number of levels. You can't just wave it off like it's not a major thing and act like only a horrible person would think twice about it.

Thank you.

Tell him immediately, If he can't deal with it there's no point in wasting your time and his.

If I ever become single again, I'm not gonna waste my time with any woman who can't accept my having a child. It doesn't necessarily mean she's shallow or anything, it's just that I can have no future with such woman.

on your wedding day.

Wait until the honeymoon to tell him.

I honestly feel that's it's important that you be completely open and honest. You really should tell him on the first date.

I would let a guy know before agreeing to the date. They can make the decision at that point whether or not to proceed with the date. I understand why some guys wouldn't want to date some women with kids. I've seen some pretty bad situations with friends. It doesn't mean the guy's bad if he chooses not to and you shouldn't take it personal.