Men: Dating

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  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
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    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    Um, no. A guy is not a "flake" because he doesn't want to date a woman with kids. I'm a woman who would prefer to date a guy with no kids. Because I don't have any myself. And I've heard too many horror stories about baby mama drama (and the reverse with dads.)

    So yeah, that's nonsense.

    That said, tell the guy right away, because he may not personally have an issue with it. Never know unless you try, right?
  • sub10orbust
    sub10orbust Posts: 706 Member
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    tell them before the date
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    You should tell him immediately. There is no good excuse for not being upfront about the fact that you have children. I don't want to hear that "it's not any of their business until things get more serious." Bull****. If you don't want a guy to meet your kids, fine. Totally understandable. Neglecting to mention that you have kids? Unacceptable.

    And stop with the "he's a flake/he doesn't deserve you if he can't deal with the fact that you have kids" stuff, too. I don't care how much you like kids, dating someone who has kids with another person is a big freaking deal on a number of levels. You can't just wave it off like it's not a major thing and act like only a horrible person would think twice about it.
  • avalonms
    avalonms Posts: 2,468 Member
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    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    Um, no. A guy is not a "flake" because he doesn't want to date a woman with kids. I'm a woman who would prefer to date a guy with no kids. Because I don't have any myself. And I've heard too many horror stories about baby mama drama (and the reverse with dads.)

    So yeah, that's nonsense.

    That said, tell the guy right away, because he may not personally have an issue with it. Never know unless you try, right?
    This.
  • emaren
    emaren Posts: 934 Member
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    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    Um, no. A guy is not a "flake" because he doesn't want to date a woman with kids. I'm a woman who would prefer to date a guy with no kids. Because I don't have any myself. And I've heard too many horror stories about baby mama drama (and the reverse with dads.)

    I am at a point in my life where there is no way that I would consider a long term relationship with a woman who had young (non adult) children.

    You can call me selfish all you like, I am selfish. But I have been there, I have lived through the 'raise your step child as if they are your own' years and honestly it was very tough on me and on 'us' as a couple. Needless to say, the relationship eventually imploded mostly due to the issues involved with an over-protective mother and a child that had an ability to get into trouble despite mom considering them to be perfect and almost angelic. In that relationship I could never disagree with the (now adult) child without mom taking their side too - so I was constantly out-numbered (You are not my dad). It was not a great deal of fun....

    Honestly tell the guy(s) early on - but be prepared, many men may not initially think it is an issue, but when they really start to think about it, the situation may scare some off.....
  • UrbanLotus
    UrbanLotus Posts: 1,163 Member
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    You should tell him immediately. There is no good excuse for not being upfront about the fact that you have children. I don't want to hear that "it's not any of their business until things get more serious." Bull****. If you don't want a guy to meet your kids, fine. Totally understandable. Neglecting to mention that you have kids? Unacceptable.

    And stop with the "he's a flake/he doesn't deserve you if he can't deal with the fact that you have kids" stuff, too. I don't care how much you like kids, dating someone who has kids with another person is a big freaking deal on a number of levels. You can't just wave it off like it's not a major thing and act like only a horrible person would think twice about it.

    Yup. People are allowed to have preferences - having a kid has a HUGE impact on one's lifestyle etc. If people can have preferences about height, hair color etc, they sue can have preferences about this. Tell them *before* the date.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    You should tell him immediately. There is no good excuse for not being upfront about the fact that you have children. I don't want to hear that "it's not any of their business until things get more serious." Bull****. If you don't want a guy to meet your kids, fine. Totally understandable. Neglecting to mention that you have kids? Unacceptable.

    And stop with the "he's a flake/he doesn't deserve you if he can't deal with the fact that you have kids" stuff, too. I don't care how much you like kids, dating someone who has kids with another person is a big freaking deal on a number of levels. You can't just wave it off like it's not a major thing and act like only a horrible person would think twice about it.

    Thank you.
  • rosemaryhon
    rosemaryhon Posts: 507 Member
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    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.


    This ^^, nicely said.
  • Hexahedra
    Hexahedra Posts: 894 Member
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    Tell him immediately, If he can't deal with it there's no point in wasting your time and his.

    If I ever become single again, I'm not gonna waste my time with any woman who can't accept my having a child. It doesn't necessarily mean she's shallow or anything, it's just that I can have no future with such woman.
  • emaren
    emaren Posts: 934 Member
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    Sorry, but there are a ton of reasons why the 'flake' comment is absolutely pathetic.

    Perhaps someone can explain why no wanting to raise another persons' child would make me a flake ?
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
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    on your wedding day.
  • What316
    What316 Posts: 563
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    Don't tell him and then watch him think the house is haunted woman in black style as he hears little feet running about upstairs ,and kids laughing :smile:
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
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    If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake.
    And a white knight appears........in the 2nd post LOL
  • GnosisGnosis
    GnosisGnosis Posts: 148
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    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    This, but for way different reasons. First sentence, please, so I can run away. Otherwise I'll run away, never call again, and be slightly annoyed to boot.
  • BarbellApprentice
    BarbellApprentice Posts: 486 Member
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    Wait until the honeymoon to tell him.
  • polar135
    polar135 Posts: 319 Member
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    THIS!!!!!
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.
  • gonnamakeanewaccount
    gonnamakeanewaccount Posts: 642 Member
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    I honestly feel that's it's important that you be completely open and honest. You really should tell him on the first date.
  • Stump_Likker
    Stump_Likker Posts: 2,059 Member
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    Sorry, but there are a ton of reasons why the 'flake' comment is absolutely pathetic.

    Perhaps someone can explain why no wanting to raise another persons' child would make me a flake ?

    My daughter's dad is still very involved in her life. I don't need another man to raise her. It doesn't make a man a flake necessarily if he doesn't want to, But he may be passing up a great relationship because of that hangup. IMO
  • DS4725
    DS4725 Posts: 5
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    I would let a guy know before agreeing to the date. They can make the decision at that point whether or not to proceed with the date. I understand why some guys wouldn't want to date some women with kids. I've seen some pretty bad situations with friends. It doesn't mean the guy's bad if he chooses not to and you shouldn't take it personal.
  • Slendermike
    Slendermike Posts: 1,776 Member
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    be up front and honest. I am a single guy and when I meet a woman, I tell her right then. Honesty is the best policy :)

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