My Boyfriend thinks I'm Fat

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  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    I think my husband is old. I mean, he's 45.

    lol... 45 is old? wow.

    I'm 41. I married him when he was a hot 31 year old.

    LOL....hate to tell ya, then you're old too.

    Are you kidding? I'm four years YOUNGER than him.

    Also, my kids are three and one, so they're not old enough yet to tell me how out-of-it I am. I have at least three more years of grace.
  • sandinmyhair
    sandinmyhair Posts: 3
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    You can instantly drop about 160 pounds (I’m guessing) by breaking up with him.
  • daterminedfatburnerX
    daterminedfatburnerX Posts: 346 Member
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    hes a bad guy.......this isnt going to end well even if you do lose the weight for him
    something else must be wrong with him too
  • PMDiva
    PMDiva Posts: 41 Member
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    I have been struggling all my life with weight issue. This year, I decided that it's about how I feel and what I want. At church yesterday, my pastor made a statement that will always stick in my head: Self Esteem is not about what others think of your BUT what you think of yourself! With this said, "It's about what you think." If the boyfriend doesn't like what you decide regarding your body, then you may reconsider calling him "boyfriend".
  • Tum22
    Tum22 Posts: 102 Member
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    So does mine! I am about 147 and 5 ft 4. I have to admit I am a bit wobbly. Wish I was two or at least one stone lighter so I joined this.
  • terigirod
    terigirod Posts: 15
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    Sorry he feels like that...I have dealt with a couple of men like that. I have had men belittle me too. it is not worth it. Those kind of remarks will give you low self esteem. For your height you are at the weight you suppose to be. If you feel good, don't feel tired, don't worry about it. If you don't have time for exercise, walking does wonders. there are simple exercises that can be done that don't take up much of your time. You need someone who will be supportive not negative. If all he cares is what you look like on the outside...he doesn't care how he feels about you on the inside. There is more to a person then looks. It is what is in their hearts that counts. Please find someone who can support you for who you are...not your looks
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
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    I think my husband is old. I mean, he's 45.

    lol... 45 is old? wow.

    I'm 41. I married him when he was a hot 31 year old.

    LOL....hate to tell ya, then you're old too.

    Are you kidding? I'm four years YOUNGER than him.

    Also, my kids are three and one, so they're not old enough yet to tell me how out-of-it I am. I have at least three more years of grace.

    So you honestly think that because you are a measly 4 years younger then him, that he is old yet you are not?
    My husband is 46. I am 39. My husband is far from old. If you feel your husband is old at 45, I hate to say it, you need to add yourself to that bracket as well.
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
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    There is only one person for whom you should try to lose weight, and that is for yourself. Without his input, do you feel fat and unfit? If so, see about getting fit first, because numerically your weight is completely appropriate.

    Personally, though, ask your boyfriend a question. "Would you still love me if I gained 30 lbs?" If he says no, ditch him. Love isn't about the body, it's about the person. Now, being physically attracted to is a whole other ball of wax.
  • yogacat13
    yogacat13 Posts: 124 Member
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    What, does he weigh you each morning? Most guys have no idea what their girlfriend/wife/OH weighs and are smart enough not to ask. Any guy that comments on you about 5 pounds is clearly a controlling jerk best left at the kerb. Losing weight within healthy boundaries for yourself or for your health is one thing, losing five pounds for a guy is pointless as he will then find something else to change about you.
  • cynfy16
    cynfy16 Posts: 35
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    Not to judge off of just this one post but tell him to SUCK IT. I am 5'5 and previously was 156lbs my boyfriend NEVER called me fat or hinted that I should lose weight. Granted I was athletic so I was never really "fat". Now I am at 143lbs and feel great! My goal weight is 135lbs but right now he tells me how awesome I look everyday. Soooo your byoyfriend needs a reality check or you just need to dump him lol.
  • mrmagee3
    mrmagee3 Posts: 518 Member
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    You deserve to have someone that supports and respects you and your choices.
  • escape31
    escape31 Posts: 28
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    I wouldn't listen to him, your weight and body belong to you. If he doesn't like your weight thats part of you. So he basically saying I don't like you. That is really rude and hurtful, their are a lot of guys in this world.
  • vinylscratch
    vinylscratch Posts: 218 Member
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    Here's your litmus test. If you want to test this to we are correct, just tell him -- confidently, like the amazing chick you are -- that you don't appreciate being called fat and that you find it disrespectful being compared to other women and you would appreciate being spoken to with respect for your body.

    If he:
    -Laughs at you/makes fun of you "Are you serious?"
    -Tries to minimize the situation or invalidate you "You're too sensitive" "It's not a big deal"
    -Gets angry or defensive "Where is this coming from?" "You just want to make excuses for yourself" "Am I not allowed to look at other women?"
    -Turns it around on you/tries to shame you "YOU say this and it makes me feel bad" "YOU just want to blame me" "I'm sorry YOU have no self-esteem and have to compare yourself to other girls" "Right, like YOU don't look at other men"

    then he's abusive, or at the very least not mature, kind and stable enough for a big boy relationship and will only hurt you. The ONLY -- and I mean ONLY -- acceptable response to that kind of confrontation is, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be so hurtful. Your health is important to me but your happiness moreso." Those comments need to stop and I don't believe they will -- he'll sneak in his disapproval other ways.

    Trust me girl -- been there, done that. Do not drag this out. "You're fat" and "I'm attracted to this type of girl more than I am you" is abusive. Even if he pads it with "I'm just concerned for your health." Do you ever look at the kind of girl he tells you he is attracted to and feel jealous? Sad? Hurt? less-than? Comparing yourself? Congratulations, his abuse is working. It's a power play. Get out, get out, get out!
  • feelingreat90
    feelingreat90 Posts: 5
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    All, thank you for the support. I am starting to realize after reading these comments that I need to stand up for myself way more when it comes to him commenting on my weight.

    He does not literally look at me and call me "fat", but he does say things like, "you are out of shape" or "you have the potential to look amazing." He has a complex about his father, who is terribly obese and he is terrified I will somehow end up the same way if I don't always look skinny. I know that he shouldn't be taking this insecurity out on me, but at least there is a reason for it.

    Also, this is literally the first time I have posted anything anywhere other than facebook, so can someone please tell me what a "troll post" is...and possibly avoid using crazy acronyms becuase I don't know what they mean.
  • Melissa22G
    Melissa22G Posts: 847 Member
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    troll post

    Smells like it.
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
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    You post this on FB? Is he on there? Does he see the replies you must get? :huh:
  • FerretBuellerr
    FerretBuellerr Posts: 468 Member
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    I'm the same height as you, and weigh about 153 - at my heaviest earlier this year I was closer to 165.

    My boyfriend not ONCE called me fat - actually, anytime I started going off about how fat I was, he would just end up squeezing me and telling me how beautiful I am, and I love him a lot for that.

    I was probably close to your current weight when we started dating, and even though I did gain weight through the first year and a half of our relationship, he never told me I'm out of shape. Maybe it's because he didn't want to hurt my feelings, and because he knew that I knew I am out of shape and need to do something to be happier about my appearance. Maybe it's because he loves my curves and doesn't want me to be a stick in any way :laugh:

    Anyway, I think that's a little rude or perhaps picky about your boyfriend calling you fat because of a 5 pound difference :huh: Maybe he was not meaning it to be said in such a way, but is concerned that you will keep gaining more weight until you are at an unhealthy weight. Either way, I wouldn't be afraid to tell him how it honestly makes you feel, and if he can't take it, then he doesn't really seem to be worth your time, in my humble opinion. Wanting your significant other to be in good shape for health reasons is one thing, but wanting your significant other to alter their appearance because you're a shallow is another.
  • dj59lane
    dj59lane Posts: 52 Member
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    First off how heavy is he? Finally get rid of him if he can't appreciate you for what and who you are he's a jerk
  • kellijauch
    kellijauch Posts: 379 Member
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    5'6" 140 pounds is not fat at all. That is ridiculous. He is a jerk. Find a new boyfriend who loves you for you and won't lust after a bunch of skinny girls. Trust me, this one is no good.
  • sandy_gee
    sandy_gee Posts: 372 Member
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    troll post

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