Frienemies

124

Replies

  • kewpiecyster
    kewpiecyster Posts: 154 Member
    Grab the fork, eat the fries, then grab her plate and finish the rest. Tell her thank you, and that she was right...They ARE SO GOOD!!!

    Get back on track the next day.

    Oh - if only I had thought of this...LOL. No - that would have just made me look bad...but sounds like fun!!!
  • DashDeV
    DashDeV Posts: 545 Member
    That's what friends are for. My best friends favorite story to tell people about me is too embarrassing for me to even say, but she does it because she is a b!tch. I love that b!tch.
  • Sharon_C
    Sharon_C Posts: 2,132 Member
    I just came across this on the web and I instantly thought of you and your frenemy: Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud.
  • kewpiecyster
    kewpiecyster Posts: 154 Member
    I just came across this on the web and I instantly thought of you and your frenemy: Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud.

    Love this!
  • Siegel15
    Siegel15 Posts: 100 Member
    I just came across this on the web and I instantly thought of you and your frenemy: Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud.
    That is a keeper!
  • 40mpw
    40mpw Posts: 75 Member
    Cut off her source of information, since she is just using it as ammo. Instead of saying, "I'm ordering this at dinner so I can have popcorn later," just say, "This is what I want to order." Don't comment on what she orders in relation to nutrition and if she tries to bait you, don't take it. Like, if she says, "ooh don't you want these cheese fries but I bet they are SO FATTENING," then you keep your face completely neutral and say, "those look good, but I'm in the mood for flatbread." No diet talk. If she brings it up, be dismissive. She says, "How is your diet going?" You say, "Oh, you know, it's not really a diet I'm just trying to eat a little better," then change the subject! Same with your exercise routine. Don't bring it up, but if she does, don't let her linger on the subject. She obviously can't handle this information without using it against you, so control what you can, which is what and how much you tell her.
  • nfpswife
    nfpswife Posts: 63 Member
    I can think of a quick way for you to drop a 100 plus pounds :wink: :laugh:

    Seriously life is too short to hang out with asshats!

    Starting to feel that way. The only complication is that my hubby and her hubby have been best friends since high school. That is how I came to meet her in the first place. Ugh!

    I'm not friends with my hubbies best friend's wife. They hang out, I have my own friends.

    You don't need that type of criticism or negativity. It's toxic.
  • RealMattHopkins
    RealMattHopkins Posts: 75 Member
    Cut off her source of information, since she is just using it as ammo. Instead of saying, "I'm ordering this at dinner so I can have popcorn later," just say, "This is what I want to order." Don't comment on what she orders in relation to nutrition and if she tries to bait you, don't take it. Like, if she says, "ooh don't you want these cheese fries but I bet they are SO FATTENING," then you keep your face completely neutral and say, "those look good, but I'm in the mood for flatbread." No diet talk. If she brings it up, be dismissive. She says, "How is your diet going?" You say, "Oh, you know, it's not really a diet I'm just trying to eat a little better," then change the subject! Same with your exercise routine. Don't bring it up, but if she does, don't let her linger on the subject. She obviously can't handle this information without using it against you, so control what you can, which is what and how much you tell her.

    Had a friend like that. If you feel the need to control the flow of information in order to avoid them hurting you with it... why even bother? You should be able to let your hair down among friends. If you can't... can you REALLY call them friends?
  • NarneyK
    NarneyK Posts: 264 Member
    I would definitely drop her. The guys can hang out on their own. Some suggested having a discussion with her but I wouldn't bother. She is well aware of what she is doing and if she wanted to stop it, she would have by now (since you said she's been doing this for a while). And I'm going to guess that if her husband asked her to stop being mean instead of just asking her to stop in general, he is well aware of her feelings about you and they've probably discussed her negative feelings towards you. He knows she is being mean on purpose instead of just annoying. She isn't worth your time or effort.

    Personally if someone shoved their fork in my face, I would have knocked it out of her hand and told her a few choice words before asking for my portion of the check. You deserve to be treated better than that.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
    I would definitely drop her. The guys can hang out on their own. Some suggested having a discussion with her but I wouldn't bother. She is well aware of what she is doing and if she wanted to stop it, she would have by now (since you said she's been doing this for a while). And I'm going to guess that if her husband asked her to stop being mean instead of just asking her to stop in general, he is well aware of her feelings about you and they've probably discussed her negative feelings towards you. He knows she is being mean on purpose instead of just annoying. She isn't worth your time or effort.

    Personally if someone shoved their fork in my face, I would have knocked it out of her hand and told her a few choice words before asking for my portion of the check. You deserve to be treated better than that.

    You sound like great fun at a party.
  • mwhite0578
    mwhite0578 Posts: 19
    That's not a friend...not a true friend!
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    I would seriously limit the time you spend with her (if ANY) from here on out. With friends like that - really - who needs enemies?!

    If she asks why - tell her that her behavior is not conducive to the path you're on in trying to eat more healthy. If that's the way she treats you knowing what your goal is, then you can't be around her.

    It's sad she had to tear you down...."Seee....I can have all this nice, greasy, gooey food...isn't that great? She's on a diet so she can't. See what you're missing, honey??" Obviously, at least her husband realized what a first-rate *kitten* she was being and told her to quit being mean.

    Sometimes you have to cut your losses and turn them loose. When you're really on a path like this, it is important to really take inventory of your friends and who supports you - and be around them more, thereby being around those that don't support you less.

    Good luck!
  • RekindledRose
    RekindledRose Posts: 523 Member
    No, their either friends or they're not in my life.

    Life's too short to spend it wasting time with people I don't like.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
    I'm assuming you guys come from different environments than I do, because my best (and I mean BEST) friends are the ones who are horrible to me with teasing.

    If it were me...I'd lighten up.
  • peachstategal
    peachstategal Posts: 398 Member
    It sounds like she is probably jealous that you are working to improve yourself and she is not. I would not end the relationship because the DH's are such good friends. But, you might just come out and tell her that her remarks and actions are making you feel bad and you would appreciate it if she stopped.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    No, their either friends or they're not in my life.

    Life's too short to spend it wasting time with people I don't like.

    This.
  • VioletNightshade
    VioletNightshade Posts: 197
    She doesn't sound like someone who's being supportive of your decision to live a healthier lifestyle.

    On one hand, my immediate two cents would be "kick this b**** to the curb and get friends who actually care about you," but on the other, I have a lot of friends whom I tease mercilessly because that's how I show affection. I've one friend whom, if you heard him and me talking, you'd think we hated one another. We tease one another over ethnicity, height, interests, things we like, fears, anything, really etc, but we make certain that the other knows we're just kidding, and are careful not to have the other actually get their feelings hurt. It's like a verbal equivalent of play fighting. We're not actually trying to hurt each other.

    It's difficult to say whether she is trying to just tease you about this because she knows it's going to be a part of you for a long time, and she's just trying to relate to you, or if she's legitimately being mean. There can be subtle differences between "I'm teasing you because I'm fond of you" and "I'm legitimately trying to demean you because I think what you're doing is stupid and therefore funny."

    If she's really just being mean, I'd ditch her. If she's just trying to play, play back and talk about how awesome you're going to look and how she's "just jelly," and then when she denies it, something along the lines of "What's that? I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I'm gonna look!"
  • lbatkins
    lbatkins Posts: 6 Member
    It took me a really long time to learn the difference between someone trying to be funny and someone who is just a d*ck. Your friend sounds like the latter. The best course of action, I think, is to call them out in some way or another. You can try the whole "hey we need to talk" thing, or you can say something obnoxious back and see how she likes it. They usually apologize and knock it off if you do the latter, especially if you're normally passive aggressive.
  • shanniepk
    shanniepk Posts: 98 Member
    You should get some satisfaction that she is jealous. I know that's not right, but it's true. Congratulations on your weight loss. Keep it up and I promise you will have more frenemies...you'll learn to get used to the haters:).
  • BluejayNY
    BluejayNY Posts: 301 Member
    No can't say I keep people in my life that treat me like crap. I only kept my exhusband so long because I made a vow I took seriously.
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
    I'm assuming you guys come from different environments than I do, because my best (and I mean BEST) friends are the ones who are horrible to me with teasing.

    If it were me...I'd lighten up.

    me and my buds bust each others ballz all the time. its what we do best.
  • dazzer1975
    dazzer1975 Posts: 104 Member
    I can think of a quick way for you to drop a 100 plus pounds :wink: :laugh:

    Seriously life is too short to hang out with asshats!

    This guy knows, follow the advice.
  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
    "If you don't get that fork out of my face, I'm going to take it away from you and stab you in the f'--king eyeball," said in a quiet and serious voice but with the slightest hint of a smile so she doesn't quite know whether you're joking or serious.

    There. The rest of the evening will be peaceful and she most likely won't say another word.

    You should read Henry Rollins.
  • Fat422long
    Fat422long Posts: 29
    I agree, I wouldn't associate with her anymore. I have the same problem but with FAMILY members. Ugh. I cant run from them.....
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    I'm assuming you guys come from different environments than I do, because my best (and I mean BEST) friends are the ones who are horrible to me with teasing.

    If it were me...I'd lighten up.

    me and my buds bust each others ballz all the time. its what we do best.

    Same here, but we don't undermine earnest efforts the others undertake. While we may kick the crap out of each other, and generally bust balls, if one of us is doing something big, we're the first to support.

    Having a kid, going back to school, running a tri, we all support. As we're like brothers, it's us against all of you. ;) We would never allow what the OP mentioned.
  • norahwynn
    norahwynn Posts: 862 Member
    Believe it or not, she's not your friend. Friends don't taunt their friends like you're both 6 years old. Is there a particular reason you're even considering not cutting the b!t(h out of your life?
  • sharonfoustmills
    sharonfoustmills Posts: 519 Member
    ha ha, you could just take the bit of fries, chew it a few times then spit it out on her plate of fries and say "yuck, nasty, don't know how you're eating that garbage"
  • ShadeyC
    ShadeyC Posts: 315 Member
    Hmmm. Having someone in your life who pretends to be your friend but is really a colossal pain in the *kitten* just sounds like a waste of time and energy to me.

    THIS ^

    Seriously, you're "friend" has no boundaries if she treats you like that.
    Hubby can be friends with hubby, but maybe tell them you aren't willing to sacrifice your time with her until she sorts her crap out and decides to act like an adult instead of a jealous 2 year old.
  • Sarahloulalou
    Sarahloulalou Posts: 60 Member
    Smile and carry on.

    I experienced some very strange behaviour from friends when I started to lose weight. I think your friends love you now, they love you how you are and probably can't adapt to the thought of you changing yourself.

    I also think it could be a case of jealousy, maybe your friend doesn't need or want to lose weight but seeing someone succeed in something can sometimes remind people of their own failures. I'm not great at putting things like this into words so I hope this makes sense.

    Maybe quietly explains to your friend you're doing it for your health and need all the support you can get at the moment xxx
  • ShadeyC
    ShadeyC Posts: 315 Member
    I'm assuming you guys come from different environments than I do, because my best (and I mean BEST) friends are the ones who are horrible to me with teasing.

    If it were me...I'd lighten up.

    me and my buds bust each others ballz all the time. its what we do best.

    Same here, but we don't undermine earnest efforts the others undertake. While we may kick the crap out of each other, and generally bust balls, if one of us is doing something big, we're the first to support.

    Having a kid, going back to school, running a tri, we all support. As we're like brothers, it's us against all of you. ;) We would never allow what the OP mentioned.

    TOTALLY agree! My besties and I are all terrible with each other, but we know we love each other. What this chick is doing is NOT the same thing. The Hubbies are best mates, not the chicks.

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