Is my husband sabotaging my weight loss? HELP!

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  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
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    As you can tell, sometimes MFP is not the best place to get advice on unsupportive spouses.

    If you are a compulsive eater or food addict, you will find there are less than sympathetic people. If you are an alcoholic, a spouse bringing in a bottle of whiskey as a "gift" would be seen for what it is. Not helpful, a little codependent and definitely misguided.

    Have a talk about the importance of losing weight and how difficult it is for you. Mention that you like rewards and then spell out what you would like as a reward, be it flowers, a dress or kettle bells.

    Not everyone on MFP is a food addict or compulsive eater, so they don't understand. At least that's why I think they're very judgmental and blame people for not having iron willpower. If we all had iron willpower none of us would be overweight, alcoholics, drug addicts or the like.

    Food addiction and alcohol addiction are not the same. You don't have the option to simply stop eating like with drugs or alcohol and so you Must Learn To Deal. There will always be food as part of your life, everyday, multiple times a day, until you die. The rest of the world isn't going to get rid of chocolate for you, nor should they have to.

    If you can not learn to have a healthy relationship with food you will fail. Every time you go out and someone has chocolate cake, are you going to lose it? If you catch your husband eating chocolate in secret (which sounds absurd, but would be his only option if he wanted to enjoy it inside the house) are you gonna tear it from his hand and shove it in your mouth? Forcing the world to fit you doesn't fix your issues, it just smoothes them over until the inevitable relapse because you never taught yourself how to cope with your trigger foods.

    I used to, upon a pack of Oreo entering my home, eat that pack in a day. (And I'm talking a full three sleeve pack.) I haven't made my husband stopping eat the cookies he enjoys so that I could hide away from them, I made myself learn to eat one and move on.

    You cannot hide from food.
  • ritchiedrama
    ritchiedrama Posts: 1,304 Member
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    Fit the chocolate in to your calories.

    I will try this, however once I start eating chocolate, I can't stop! I am fine if I abstain.

    The thing is, as others have said, this isn't a diet it needs to be something you can sustain forever.

    You need to learn balance, moderation.

    I eat anything I want, everyday of my life - I just make sure I hit my targets. What you eat doesn't matter. So you're probably over-complicating things and worrying too much.
  • james6998
    james6998 Posts: 743 Member
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    I guess you really just have to be one of those people in this type of situation to really understand it fully. You can say all you want about this and that. If you haven't lived the situation, then you really dont know exactly what its about. My wife has little to know willpower when it comes to food in the house. No i really didnt need to go on a diet. I went on a diet to help and support her struggle. I have never been overweight, i have been concerned for my wife's health shes only 5' 1 and 252lbs at her heaviest. I want to be with her for as long as i possibly can. Damn right i would go on a diet to help her achieve her goals easier. I just know in personal experience that 1fit and 1 not fit dont always see eye to eye.
  • MaryJane_8810002
    MaryJane_8810002 Posts: 2,082 Member
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    Don't talk to us, talk to him. We are not the ones cramming chocolate and booze down your craw.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,771 Member
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    Fit the chocolate in to your calories.

    I will try this, however once I start eating chocolate, I can't stop! I am fine if I abstain.

    Then abstain. Completely. And accept it. Then move on.

    BTW, your words are saying "don't bring me chocolate", but your actions, by eating it, are saying "yes, please bring me chocolate". And I bet your husband is listening to your actions. So let him bring home the chocolate, put it away and don't eat it. I'm pretty sure once he sees that you aren't eating the chocolate, he will start listening to your words, because they are congruent with your actions.
  • Ccuser99
    Ccuser99 Posts: 47 Member
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    I guess you really just have to be one of those people in this type of situation to really understand it fully. You can say all you want about this and that. If you haven't lived the situation, then you really dont know exactly what its about. My wife has little to know willpower when it comes to food in the house. No i really didnt need to go on a diet. I went on a diet to help and support her struggle. I have never been overweight, i have been concerned for my wife's health shes only 5' 1 and 252lbs at her heaviest. I want to be with her for as long as i possibly can. Damn right i would go on a diet to help her achieve her goals easier. I just know in personal experience that 1fit and 1 not fit dont always see eye to eye.

    This is very sweet and I applaud you for being so supportive to your wife. You are lucky to have each other x
  • helenrosemay
    helenrosemay Posts: 375 Member
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    Don't talk to us, talk to him. We are not the ones cramming chocolate and booze down your craw.

    Isn't that what these forums are for, to chat "with us" get help, advice, support?
  • poohpoohpeapod
    poohpoohpeapod Posts: 776 Member
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    Geez you are married to this man? Why cant you just tell him? Honey, I am trying to refrain from sweets and alchohol, You are sweet for thinking of me, i am open to non food gifts, and who knows something fun may happen because of your imagination.
    It just amazes me that married people act like theyhave no spine.v
  • skinnymalinkyscot
    skinnymalinkyscot Posts: 174 Member
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    As you can tell, sometimes MFP is not the best place to get advice on unsupportive spouses.

    If you are a compulsive eater or food addict, you will find there are less than sympathetic people. If you are an alcoholic, a spouse bringing in a bottle of whiskey as a "gift" would be seen for what it is. Not helpful, a little codependent and definitely misguided.

    Have a talk about the importance of losing weight and how difficult it is for you. Mention that you like rewards and then spell out what you would like as a reward, be it flowers, a dress or kettle bells.

    Not everyone on MFP is a food addict or compulsive eater, so they don't understand. At least that's why I think they're very judgmental and blame people for not having iron willpower. If we all had iron willpower none of us would be overweight, alcoholics, drug addicts or the like.

    Amen to all of that , very well written indeed, every single person on these forums with a weight issue is overweight from not exercising self control in the past when it comes to intake
  • Hildy_J
    Hildy_J Posts: 1,050 Member
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    I think you're right. I think he IS trying to sabotage your weight loss. Some men do that because they're worried if you lose weight you'll meet someone better, errr... I mean someone else. Some men just care about the impact on THEM of what YOU'RE doing.

    Accept the chocolate, alcohol, everything with grace and sweetness - then bin them and get yourself slim.

    I am a VERY bitter and twisted divorcee, btw, which may have prejudiced my opinion. :-)
  • SteelySunshine
    SteelySunshine Posts: 1,092 Member
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    He probably wants to see you happy. You just have to show him all the other things that make you just as happy as chocolate and alcohol. Find an activity find well just about anything else that makes you happy and put the brunt of your focus on those things. Like maybe you can go bike riding together things like that that will make you healthier and happier in the long run and then you can have things like chocolate and alcohol without killing your efforts at weight loss. PS not tons of either or, but some enough to satisfy cravings.
  • CandelLife
    CandelLife Posts: 127 Member
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    I like the idea of putting the chocolate in the freezer. Maybe tell him you've been craving strawberries like crazy or watermelon, make it so he knows that chocolate isn't the stress reliever you need, but something still sweet yet healthier for you without all the calories.
  • Hildy_J
    Hildy_J Posts: 1,050 Member
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    Jeez the amount of people on here giving the husband the benefit of the doubt....

    TRUST NOONE. *narrows eyes* He is clearly as GUILTY as HELL!

    I'm not bitter. Really. ;-)

    I tend to side with Eleanor Roosevelt in these matters. She said: 'Trust your gut'.
  • CandelLife
    CandelLife Posts: 127 Member
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    LMAO! Possibly true :) But what can it hurt to pile that freezer up with all the chocolate and never touch it just to put the point across that he is wasting his money if it never gets touched? Then, whether he's doing it intentionally because he's afraid she'll find someone else with her new body or if he truly is just doing it from the kindness of his heart however misguided he is, it's win win either way.


    edit, I just looked at your pictures OP and I think he's just being nice - unless those are old pictures, you don't have much of a weight problem anyway. You're trying to lose what, 5 - 10 lbs? Maybe just tone up and get healthy?
  • Ccuser99
    Ccuser99 Posts: 47 Member
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    LMAO! Possibly true :) But what can it hurt to pile that freezer up with all the chocolate and never touch it just to put the point across that he is wasting his money if it never gets touched? Then, whether he's doing it intentionally because he's afraid she'll find someone else with her new body or if he truly is just doing it from the kindness of his heart however misguided he is, it's win win either way.


    edit, I just looked at your pictures OP and I think he's just being nice - unless those are old pictures, you don't have much of a weight problem anyway. You're trying to lose what, 5 - 10 lbs? Maybe just tone up and get healthy?

    Those are pics taken this month on our 10 year anniversary evening out. The dress hides a multitude of sins lol It really is my stomach where I have excess fat and I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I don't need to loose a great deal, just need to get rid of my belly :)
  • lyndausvi
    lyndausvi Posts: 156 Member
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    Can't you just talk to him about this? In the middle of a work day I just decided that on Saturday I would start this journey. Right then I emailed my DH (it's form of communication in the middle of the day). I said "Hey, I'm going to start eating better and exercise starting on Saturday. I need your support. For now I do not want DQ, cookies or fast food for a while. I would prefer you do not buy me candy and such. If you want them fine, just don't offer them to me until I say otherwise." He said "ok" and he never did. I will admit it took me about 2 weeks to stop the cravings. Now that kind of stuff can safely stay in the house without me "having" to finish them off.


    Just be honest. Tell him you appreciate they offer, but you would prefer not to eat that kind of stuff for while. It really should not be that hard of a conversation with someone you married.
  • CandelLife
    CandelLife Posts: 127 Member
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    Those are pics taken this month on our 10 year anniversary evening out. The dress hides a multitude of sins lol It really is my stomach where I have excess fat and I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I don't need to loose a great deal, just need to get rid of my belly :)


    In that case, where can I buy that dress? LOL! Seriously though, ten years of marriage constitutes an honest conversation in a nice way.
  • candylilacs
    candylilacs Posts: 614 Member
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    I only had one talk with my husband and it was just after my personal trainer asked about my home environment. I told her he was very supportive. She said, "Oh, good. It's worse if you have a spouse who's totally scarfing Ruffles in front of you."

    I went home that day and as I was logging my calories, my husband literally sat on the couch next to me and started scarfing down Ruffles. I don't love Ruffles, but potato chips are my weakness, so we had a talk. I told him he didn't have to stop eating anything, but just not to eat it in front of me because it was triggering for me.

    Since then, he's jumped totally on the bandwagon with me and has dropped 15 pounds. It's difficult at times for spouses to know their roles -- it can go the other way, too, such as sometimes he asks, "Should I take that away from you?"

    It's a tightrope for them sometimes.
  • HollisGrant
    HollisGrant Posts: 2,022 Member
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    I don't agree with most of the other comments. Your husband may love you and you might have a great marriage, but if you're working hard to lose weight and improve your health, and he brings chocolate and alcohol home, that's not very nice. He might unconsciously be trying to control you. I would be upset about it and ask him to stop if these "gifts" were just intended for me.
  • hollygparr
    hollygparr Posts: 243 Member
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    Or did you sabotage yourself by eating it?

    I've had plenty of people tempt me, but they are not the one's aiming to lose weight, I AM. I can't expect them to change who they are, or not to offer me treats, I can however choose NOT to take them...or to take them in moderation.

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