S/O Threatens to Leave if You Lose / Don't Lose Weight...

:laugh:

Well, I'm already losing weight, have lost a fair bit since our marriage, so I'd give him such a night of holy hell he'd think twice about sneezing in my presence for a while. We don't do ultimatums here. Thakfully, this is a strict hypothetical, 'cause he's not an *kitten* like that.

Divorce is probably out of the question. We've been together for 13 years. That isn't something I'd throw away on a passing remark.

But his *kitten* would be in couples therapy, he'd be talking to MY doc, who is pleased with my weight loss, and he'd be cleaning his diet up tout d'suite. He eats like ****, I try to make better choices, so if he wants to play hardball about health, well, guess who loses his deep-fried-fat fried everything and 4 cans of Mt Dew a day?

If he's just decided that it is time for him to upgrade to the new model Mercedes over the sedan that's gotten him so far, well, I'd have a sudden 190-lb weight loss and his bank account would incur a sudden weight loss as well.

Turn on bulking mode.

He's the man and the wife always obeys the husband. I would do what I'm told.

She's right.

:noway:

I'll pray for you.

i guess what i was trying to say, in a not so brutish way, is that physical attraction is still key in a relationship. it's not everything, but it is important. if one person completely lets themself go so far as to become unattractive to the other and the relationship suffers (even to the point of ending), i really dont think this should be a huge surprise.

This.

Can't blame the guy if he fears losing the physical attraction that was potentially a major catalyst of the original relationship. It's all about finding attraction and common ground in a relationship. If your views on raising children changed drastically (particularly in an unhealthy way) a similar ultimatum could be just as valid.

I would say "*kitten* you". *Autobots roll out*

^^^^^^This for sure!!!!

He's the man and the wife always obeys the husband. I would do what I'm told.

She's right.

:noway:

I'll pray for you.

I'll pray for her too. If my husband says it's ok of course.

Burn some extra calories by packing their crap and kick'em in the *kitten* on the way out.

I'm so glad that my husband's not a sexist, religious pig who'd tell me to lose weight or else or who would want me to 'obey' him. I rather enjoy being a valued human being on equal footing in my marriage.

If my husband told me to lose weight or we were over and he meant it, he'd also be expecting me to kick his butt out the door.

Edit: He said "It's not my butt I'd be worried about you kicking."

I'm so glad that my husband's not a sexist, religious pig who'd tell me to lose weight or else or who would want me to 'obey' him. I rather enjoy being a valued human being on equal footing in my marriage.

If my husband told me to lose weight or we were over and he meant it, he'd also be expecting me to kick his butt out the door.

Religious pig huh?

Yep. Women needing to be submissive and obey men comes from male dominated religions.

Chuck the deuces. Oh, and break his Xbox on the way out.

I haven't had an s/o threaten to leave me if I didn't lose weight but I did have a s/o tell me "I just want a normal size girlfriend. You're twice as big as me. What do people think?"

I was pissed and hurt so I reminded him that I was this big when he first started dating me so if he's so concerned about appearances, he should have never asked me out. I told him if he really feels that way then we shouldn't be together because I don't want to be with someone that's not attracted to me and I'm not going to change myself around for someone other than myself. He didn't want to break up and kept saying he was attracted to me and when I said, "If that's true, then you want me to lose weight because other people think I'm unattractive?" He didn't respond. Eventually I did break up with him because I kept thinking about what he said and felt that if I changed just for him I wouldn't be happy and if I didn't change, he wouldn't be happy.

Now days my attitude is, if you want me to lose weight and/or change something else for aesthetic reasons, you better be working on yourself as well because don't you dare think that I'm the only one that should be "keeping up maintanence."

Honestly, I think that if you really love someone, it shouldn't matter what they look like. You know how they say that someone can be unattractive at first but when you get to know them they become attractive. IF that's true, the person you love shouldn't become unattractive to you unless you're no longer in love with them or their personality has changed so much that they aren't really the person you fell for anymore.

I think it's good to want loved ones to become healthy but not if it's just for your own vanity or superficial needs.

The opposite side of the coin also comes into play. It's not worth losing weight to please someone else...because he'll never be pleased anyway. As you lose weight, he'll become more jealous, needy and demanding as he perceives he has less control over you. So you'll end up in the same place.

ABsolutely this! You have to be doing it for yourself..........

Can we get some context here?

If he said, "Be a size 2 so I can fulfill my shallow desires to have a trophy girlfriend", that's one thing.

If he said, "I'm concerned about your health because I want us to have a long, happy life together, and want you to be happy with yourself," that's another.

I had a bf once who gained about 50 pounds over the course of our relationship. True, I wasn't as attracted to him, but I wouldn't have left him for that reason. I would have left him if I felt like he was refusing to take responsibility for his health and his choices. We ended up breaking up for other reasons, but it was something I thought about. Things like, "What if he gains 50 pounds a year for the next 10 years?" "What if he starts having health problems and I'm a widow at 45?" You have to think about these things when you're in a serious relationship.

Honestly it really depends on how the discussion goes. If one day your S/O is like you're fat, I don't like it, and if you don't lose weight I'm going to leave, yeah, I'd show him the door. However, say I was with someone really active and athletic and I got really out of shape and stopped doing physical activities with them. It's perfectly reasonable for them to say, "We don't do things we used to do anymore, and I don't want to be with someone who isn't involved in my lifestyle. Maybe I can help you get back on track. Otherwise, I think we should split up because we have become too different." Opposite lifestyles can be a deal breaker, and that's perfectly understandable.