Is my husband sabotaging my weight loss? HELP!

but I really can't say no to chocolate if it is in the house.

thats just silly.

silly but honest

well see, no. it's not.
you CAN say no. you are an adult...if you want this bad enough you will make it happen.
responsibility falls on you, not your husband.
handle it.

Just saying, "My husband brings home chocolates," is not enough information to say whether he is trying to sabotage you, or be nice.

Both sides here are kinda right. You ARE responsible for what you put in your mouth, but it is also true that sometimes, especially when you're first starting out, the temptation is too great.

You're changing your approach to food, and that might be confusing to your husband. If he sees you eating a big piece of fudge cake for breakfast, you shouldn't be surprised if he is confused about why you might not want chocolates as a gift from him.

My husband is super supportive, but he's not psychic. So I need to tell him how to help.

For me, I probably cannot handle having someone bring in pizza and chocolates in the first three days of my diet/lifestyle change/whatever you want to call it. Once I've gotten some momentum, in week 3 or whatever, I don't care. You could eat the most amazing thing in the world in front of me, and I can handle it.

So I think it's perfectly appropriate to ask your hubby to help you for the first week or two--not to make a permanent lifestyle change himself, but just to help you out. Then, when you've gotten some momentum, you can practice refusing, or practice having a single chocolate.

Another thing that I find helps is having things that come in single servings. For example, instead of a block of cheese that I cut bits off of, I buy those mini babybel cheeses. Because I can go to the fridge and get just one, whereas if I'm trying to cut a piece of cheese off of a huge brick, I'm more likely to cut a slightly larger piece or even an extra slice. The more I have to play with my food, the more likely I am to fall off the wagon.

So if you get to the place where you want to practice moderation, don't buy the big bag of chocolate--see if you can find little single-serving Halloween or kids' lunchbox types. It might be easier to grab a single little packet, with few enough that you can work it into your plan, than to buy a big bag and pretend you're going to take out one at a time.

There is no such thing as "I absolutely cannot." But there is such a thing as, "This is too hard for me right now." So make a plan for strength-training your self-control.

I just wanted to say that I agree with everyone who has slated me for eating the crappy foods, and yes you are right, I did make the cake myself and as I am the only one in the household who liked the beetroot choc cake, I felt obliged to eat it all then start again once it had all gone, but you are right and I realised what I was doing yesterday. A hard lesson learned, but I did throw away the remaining cake yesterday and managed to get through the whole day without eating any chocolate!

I made the cake because I had grown the beetroot in my allotment and didn't know what to make with it, so i looked up recipies online and that one jumped out at me as delicious! (no surprise there) In heindseight, I should have made something less delicious (to me anyway) and something more healthy.

I have spoken to hubby and he has agreed not to ask me if I want choc any more and not to buy me any choc gifts. I love him dearly and I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but you have shown me that tbf I was the one who was sabotaging my own weight loss and thank you for showing me this. I also have realised that yes, I do have a problem with sweet foods and I have to address this. I don't tend to buy it in, but the baking has got to stop.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

YOU MADE THE EXACT RIGHT DECISIONS!

I am so proud of you! Realizing it and admitting it is the hardest part. You are in control of you, and by the way it sounds like you have a pretty special husband! I agree with adding healthy foods, you need to focus on "real" food over processed and PLEASE try to drink at least 8 cups of water per day or more. Water is so very important, it cleans your system and helps everything process the way it should through your body. Log your water too, not just your food.

Kudos to you!!!!

Your husband is being nice and bringing you nome stuff just to be sweet?!

Please, for the sake of all women, do not complain About that.

Just don't eat the chocolate. If he sees you aren't eating the chocolate, he will probably switch to something else.

Also remember, it may be his way of trying to give you a treat you won't allow yourself.

It's not sabotage, it's being nice.

I don't know if it's sabotage as such, but I know that some of my friends and family are the same. I think that subconsciously they're scared of change, and they're also a tad jealous that we're managing to make a change that they can't. They don't mean to do it, just can't help it, if that makes sense at all.

Have a word with him. Explain when you allow yourself treats, and ask him to stick to then.

When I'm at my partner's we eat all sorts even though we're supposed to be healthy eating, yet when we're on our own we're BOTH absolutely fine!

Question.

To all of these people who have iron willpower and have always and forever been able to exercise ultimate self control: I'm wondering what on earth are you doing on a weight loss forum?

It's either:

a. You've been overweight, have seen the light, lost the weight, and have decided the best use of your experience is to be an evangelical pain in the neck, pointing the finger at others to say: 'Cream? Cream?!?! You are DISGUSTING - have some self control!'.

b. You used to be overweight, but along with the weight you lost your memories of fridge-raiding. It's like it never happened.

c. You've never been overweight and you have no empathy with those that struggle with food issues. Your calories - you control these to perfection but your bad temper and anger issues: not so much. So you rock up on forums like these to passive-aggressively torment others.

Question.

To all of these people who have iron willpower and have always and forever been able to exercise ultimate self control: I'm wondering what on earth are you doing on a weight loss forum?

It's either:

a. You've been overweight, have seen the light, lost the weight, and have decided the best use of your experience is to be an evangelical pain in the neck, pointing the finger at others to say: 'Cream? Cream?!?! You are DISGUSTING - have some self control!'.

b. You used to be overweight, but along with the weight you lost your memories of fridge-raiding. It's like it never happened.

c. You've never been overweight and you have no empathy with those that struggle with food issues. Your calories - you control these to perfection but your bad temper and anger issues: not so much. So you rock up on forums like these to passive-aggressively torment others.

or, d, many made excuses, ignored the simple and practical advice in favor of gimmicks and excuses, finally hit a point where a light bulb went off, and realized that the only way the weight was going to come off is through hard work and determination. There's nothing perfect about anyone's "will," but there is a difference between accepting one's own shortcomings as one's own, and blaming others.

My wife and I "sabotaged" each other for years until we finally admitted to each other that her weight loss and fitness are her business, and my weight loss and fitness are my business, and while we will always help and push each other, we are not going to make excuses and blame the other.

If she is bulking (as she is doing right now) and I am cutting (as I am doing right now), then she often eats more than me. I get over it. She does the same when the shoe is on the other foot.

So, rather than constantly flaming the forums with personal attacks and angry rants, you might want to consider listening to the good advice that is here from people who have been successful.

Question.

To all of these people who have iron willpower and have always and forever been able to exercise ultimate self control: I'm wondering what on earth are you doing on a weight loss forum?

It's either:

a. You've been overweight, have seen the light, lost the weight, and have decided the best use of your experience is to be an evangelical pain in the neck, pointing the finger at others to say: 'Cream? Cream?!?! You are DISGUSTING - have some self control!'.

b. You used to be overweight, but along with the weight you lost your memories of fridge-raiding. It's like it never happened.

c. You've never been overweight and you have no empathy with those that struggle with food issues. Your calories - you control these to perfection but your bad temper and anger issues: not so much. So you rock up on forums like these to passive-aggressively torment others.

or, d, many made excuses, ignored the simple and practical advice in favor of gimmicks and excuses, finally hit a point where a light bulb went off, and realized that the only way the weight was going to come off is through hard work and determination. There's nothing perfect about anyone's "will," but there is a difference between accepting one's own shortcomings as one's own, and blaming others.

My wife and I "sabotaged" each other for years until we finally admitted to each other that her weight loss and fitness are her business, and my weight loss and fitness are my business, and while we will always help and push each other, we are not going to make excuses and blame the other.

If she is bulking (as she is doing right now) and I am cutting (as I am doing right now), then she often eats more than me. I get over it. She does the same when the shoe is on the other foot.

So, rather than constantly flaming the forums with personal attacks and angry rants, you might want to consider listening to the good advice that is here from people who have been successful.

QFT^^^

One day you will decided which is really more important, weight loss or candy/alcohol. You just have to get to that point. You could take some personal responsibility for your own actions and quit blaming your husband for your lack of will power. Figure out how to balance your desires and be okay with your decisions. It takes time and some serious truthful introspection. In the end, no matter which way you choose to go it will be the choice that you wanted. Empower yourself. All the best.

I think you are on to something. I've known of two other women, whose husbands brought them doughnuts and chocolate, when they were trying to lose.

Weird. Try chucking it out in the yard.

you might want to consider listening to the good advice that is here from people who have been successful.

Yep

Hmm. Define 'success'.

[/quote]

Having set and hit objectively definable long-term goals for your own fitness and health, and staying at that level of fitness and health over the long run.

Each person has to set them for himself or herself, but I would suggest that they should probably pass the "smell test" if you are willing to share them with others.

And it certainly doesn't involve making excuses, and then playing semantic games when you're called on it.

ETA: I'm off to the gym to work on my own. Be back later for the lolz

I'd come at it at a different angle, figure out something he wants to buy, add up all the money he is spending on these "treats" and say you could have this if you stopped buying me these,

You are really pretty so maybe he's worried you'll run off with someone fitter if you get slimmer

lol my husband is deployed and I have been so successful but when he is home he does the same !!!!!

Ask him to bring you flowers instead.

This^^^^^ or ask him to buy you gift certificates for a local spa.