At what age should you fly the nest?

124

Replies

  • pseudomuffin
    pseudomuffin Posts: 1,058 Member
    I moved out at 17 and got married at 18 and definitely shouldn't have. There's a lot of things I'd do different, though I didn't struggle financially I was miserable and didn't get out until I was almost 22. Hindsight is 20/20!
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
    My son just turned 19...he graduated college with a great trade and can't find a job in his trade. I wont kick him out unless he becomes a jerk faced ***hole.

    I hope he is out soonish tho because that means he has a job and is moving forward in his life..right now he seems to be stuck at that tween stage...wanting to be back in school because no stress and wanting to grow up and leave home but can't because no job...

    What do you do...

    I personally left at 19...joined the military to just get out...moved back when the aforementioned son was born for a bit but not for long....
  • vanillacoffee
    vanillacoffee Posts: 1,024 Member
    In your 20s, now. I feel like the age is getting later. It is different for everyone. When youre done school, of you go, and have your own income, if possible!
  • peeaanuut
    peeaanuut Posts: 359 Member
    If the kid does not go off to college after high school, they have one year. In that one year they should be able to gather enough finances to move out. Either way, one year and out. If they go off to higher education, then staying at home is not an issue. During that one year of course we dont charge rent or food. They are responsible to maintain a full time job and required to save 80% of their paycheck. Any big ticket purchase and they are out.
  • c_tap77
    c_tap77 Posts: 189 Member
    I got married this summer (Age 25) and that's when I moved out.

    To be honest, I was quite embarassed to have to move home after I graduated from college in 2010, but at the time it was very hard to find a job, and when I did, I barely made above minimum wage and my student loans alone wiped out $600/ month in expenses.

    When I found my latest job, I made plenty and I had every intention of moving out at that time. I was diligently looking for apartments when my now husband proposed, and my parents and I came to the arrangement that I would continue to live at home and I pay for a considerable portion of my wedding. It was the best situation for everyone really--I could save money I would be spending on rent and it was far less expensive for my parents to let me live there than foot the bill for my wedding.

    I'm very blessed to have such loving parents, but other than living there rent free, I paid for all other expenses on my own and I did a lot to help around the house and "earn my keep" as it were.
  • asimmons221
    asimmons221 Posts: 294 Member
    I'm 29 and live at home, I also work full time and go to school, and could give zero f*cks.
    I work full time too and go to school AND raise a family. I dont think the "i'm working and going to school" excuse is valid. Most people are doing the same thing, while supporting themselves. I would say at almost 30, you are probably overstaying your welcome.

    I most def am, but at the same time it's not an issue in my house. Do people judge me for it? yeah sure, but I have thick enough skin and other things to worry about in life that actually matter. Being in a relationship with someone who also lives at home because of their own financial difficulties gives me really no reason to move out at this point and time. Whats the point of paying 700 a month to live by myself. Until my current situation is unpleasant for both parties, or my girl is ready to make that move then why waste the money? I also have no urge in participating in other society norms as far as starting a family or getting married unless it's for health care reasons (a view she shares.) So, maybe my line of thinking is different then others.
  • LassoOfTruth
    LassoOfTruth Posts: 735 Member
    Using your example, assuming you have the money, you should move out as soon as you graduate HS.
  • tmm_0127
    tmm_0127 Posts: 545 Member
    I moved out when I was 18 and back in when I was 23 because of a divorce and incredible financial strain. I'm 26 now and my parents are not rushing me to move out. My sister just moved out and she's 28. I don't have as much financial strain right now, but I'm still not in a totally stable situation (the job market is super slow and competitive for my trade, but and I'm not sure whether or not I want to go on to get my MA), so I'm kind of just floating around until I finally snag a permanent job and / or my boyfriend and I start talking about living with each other. It was always a thing with my parents that they understand how hard it can be to keep yourself afloat, but I have my own goal of being moved out in the next year or two.
  • MrsPong
    MrsPong Posts: 580 Member
    Moms rule: Living in my house after HS you will either be in college or working full time.

    I went from HS straight to college. I met my (now) husband who was a Marine when I was 19 in my 2nd year of college.
    I ended up getting preggo right before he left for Iraq. (19 yrs old) I moved home with my mom after I finished my 2nd year and continued my degree at a 2 year college and graduated. I had my daughter in Sept 08 - He returned stateside in Nov 08
    He proposed in Dec 08 and we were married in Feb 09 and I moved in with him 13 hours away 2 weeks later.

    So even though I was pregnant at 19/20 and living with my mom I was still in college. (so I followed that rule lol)
    I have never been "on my own" I went from living with my mom at 20 to married at 21 and living with my husband.
    That will be 5 years this Feb :)

    On the hand my sister is 23, has a child (he's 2) and married and all 3 of them live with mom.
  • nataschalouise
    nataschalouise Posts: 62
    I left at 18 for uni, but I never went back :)

    I can't even stand staying at home for more then a week now. Me and my mum do things differently, and it doesn't work. I have my own ways of living, cleaning, and I am now used to having privacy.
  • Tavysh
    Tavysh Posts: 204 Member
    Stayed at home and commuted through college, graduated in May just before I turned 20 and bought a house in July. Did I have a job that was related to what I got my degree in? Nope, but I had a job that paid enough to cover my bills so I told myself it was time to go.
  • Kassidi21
    Kassidi21 Posts: 267 Member
    I moved out at 18, when I left for college
  • ash8184
    ash8184 Posts: 701 Member
    As soon as you are able to be financially independent. That doesn't mean working and going to college and earning minimum wage to me - that's a college graduate with a few months' work under their belt, with the ability to support themselves. Doesn't seem right to do your child a disservice by kicking them out of the house :-(
  • pinkledoodledoo
    pinkledoodledoo Posts: 290 Member
    I moved out when I was 20, a couple months after I got my associates degree. It was the best thing I ever did, especially when I see that some of my friends (at 31) are still living with their parents. By 21 I had purchased a condo and started a business without any financial help from my parents.
  • leahgoldgirl
    leahgoldgirl Posts: 61 Member
    18. 19 tops. If you've done your job as a parent, either with college or working (which they should have been doing all through high school, with a portion of their check flagged for savings) and funding a place, your kid should be able to leave the house at that point, and barring crazy circumstances, not return. I'm one of 4. We all took different paths and we all managed. We all did it in this economy too.
  • bunbunzee44
    bunbunzee44 Posts: 592 Member
    I moved out at 18, I think it was too early.. but I felt like I had no choice. it sucked, I didn't have the money, but I could share the expenses .. I really wasn't prepared though. I think maybe 20 would be better, if you have a job or some savings. but if you have to move to study, then .. well it's another thing :)
  • MeganMcK11
    MeganMcK11 Posts: 117 Member
    It's hard to say because the economy is still so tough right now. I know I wouldn't have been able to move on my own because I just don't make enough money to support myself to pay for rent every month, plus power, water, groceries, car insurance and gas. It takes both mine and my husbands paychecks to make ends meet.

    That being said, I moved out at 18 but had to move back home at 19 befuase I just couldn't support myself the way I thought I could. I got a dose of reality from the real world. I'm now 25, and I have been married for 4 years. When I was 20, my husband, (then bf) went into the Navy, and I eventually moved in with his family when we got engaged the summer after he left for bootcamp. I lived with them until he came home 4 years later from Japan. (I was unable to move with him to Japan once we got married due to unforseen circumstances with his navy command). We stayed there for a few more months when he got home and then moved out. That was a little over a year ago. Actually, a year and 2 months now.

    So, like I said- you can't put a specific age on something like this becuase everyone's circumstances are different.
  • cleotherio
    cleotherio Posts: 712 Member
    Left for college at 18 and had no desire to live with my parents ever again after that. I had an apartment with roommates pretty much until my late 20's, then moved in with my husband. That's what all my college friends did. I can't think of one person who moved back in with their parents after school ended. And that's not because anyone was making huge amounts of money. Most people were waiting tables or doing temp office jobs and sharing a cheap apartment. I'd want my kids to do the same thing when they're old enough. If they're making money, they're paying their own way.

    ETA - I graduated college in the early 90s when the economy was as crappy as it is now.
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member

    ,,,but let us suppose that you had the money and opportunity to move out of the parental home...would you stay or would you go and what age do you think is right?

    Under these conditions, I think I would have moved out at birth. Definitely by age 10.
  • mrsjones2point0
    mrsjones2point0 Posts: 332 Member
    We are in the midst of this issue. My future stepson just graduated high school, and is starting community college. He lives with his mother. His mother thinks we should be helping pay "room and board" to her while he is living with her. We think he's 18 and should get a job and pay his own way contributing to her household. (ps, we still pay child support for their other child - enough that the mother is not living in poverty or strapped for cash). And yes, we are offering to have him move in with us, and wouldn't require her to pay us anything, but would require him to get a job and start paying his own food, gas, insurance, phone, extras, we will take care of rent.

    I worked two jobs in high school to save for college, starting at 16, I have a huge problem that this kid doesn't have (or isn't being pushed to have) at least a parttime job at the age of 18. I currently work full time, carry a fulltime course load for school, and raise 3 children, I have very little tolerance for slackers. I have no problem with kids staying at home through college, to ease the financial burden, but I do believe that they should be contributing members of the household, and I do believe that community college is no excuse to not have a parttime job. And as soon as they have gained the financial income level to be independent, it's time to learn to fly, kiddos.
  • cutchro
    cutchro Posts: 396 Member
    I moved out as soon as possible... even with no job or apartment.... My children once graduating school were given the option... go to college or get a job and contibute to the household.

    My daughter's words... This is my parents house why do I have to pay to stay here...

    My words....I have to pay to live here so why shouldn't you??
  • YaGigi
    YaGigi Posts: 817 Member
    I'm very close to my parents and love them so much, everything I have, my life, my talents, my education, my character, all of that and much more is because of them, and I'm forever grateful for that.... So I didn't want to leave them and moved out only when I got married first time - I was 21.

    But I still trying to spend more time with my parents. Sometimes I spend my weekends with them or do a vacation together. Right now I'm planning a weekend retreat for them in Milan with La Scala opera date. I love them so much, God bless them.

    If it was my parents choice I'd still be living with them, lol.
  • miss_jessiejane
    miss_jessiejane Posts: 2,819 Member
    I don't live in a nest. Nor did I ever. I also don't know how to fly.
  • silvergurl518
    silvergurl518 Posts: 4,123 Member
    i moved out at 18...and moved back in at 29 (life happened; circumstances that dictated it'd make more sense to live under the parental roof, etc.). i plan on being there until next spring. :)
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    I moved out just before my 21st birthday. Like anything, you've got to do what works for you. Although I had a nice childhood and have a great mother, she and I are pretty much polar opposites in the personality department so we butted heads quite a bit when I was younger (better now but there are still moments). I went to college for 2 years and due to changing my major my schedule was off so I took a year at home to figure things out and get some work experience under my belt. She would've been fine with me staying there, probably for a few more years but I had to get out on my own, finish my college degree, do the 20-something thing.
  • capnrus789
    capnrus789 Posts: 2,736 Member
    A couple of my friends moved back home after college and stayed for several years. Rent free. Genius, 3 years of no rent, no mortgage, lots of free food and laundry services.
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
    I don't live in a nest. Nor did I ever. I also don't know how to fly.

    That is so, so sad. Did you come from an egg though?
  • miss_jessiejane
    miss_jessiejane Posts: 2,819 Member
    I don't live in a nest. Nor did I ever. I also don't know how to fly.

    That is so, so sad. Did you come from an egg though?

    Don't we all come from eggs?
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
    I moved out when I got married at the age of 26.

    I started working when I was 11 and haven't stopped since. My parents are the best people on this planet, I love them so much. If it were up to them, I would be there forever. I have been married for almost 8 years and see them several times a week and my kids have a great relationship with them.

    The idea of parents kicking their kids out at 18 is so sad to me. But whatever. I think it's a cultural thing more than anything.

    P.S. I wouldn't put my parents in a nursing home either.
  • Becoming_A_Butterfly
    Becoming_A_Butterfly Posts: 2,534 Member
    In your opinion, what is the age that you think you should move out of the parental home and do your own thing?

    I know that most times money will be a problem because you can not fund a place of your own....

    ,,,but let us suppose that you had the money and opportunity to move out of the parental home...would you stay or would you go and what age do you think is right?

    Maybe you are a parent and you do not want your kids to leave?

    At 18, right after high school graduation. My parents made it clear they were not giving me a free ride, and I moved out at 18 and haven't been back, even during my divorce. It worked for me.

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