Skinny girl and her obese boyfriend

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  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
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    People, I think you're missing the point - they're Japanese. She's obviously judging him by Japanese standards, not Western ones. And from an East Asian point of view, her man may very well be "fat".

    That being said, you can never change a person's habits. Maybe try to cook healthier at home but do feed him enough or he'll resent you for trying to starve him. Half a potato is not enough, really. Suggest some physical exercise you could do together? And stop nagging (ann for your own sake, stop worrying. Paranoia will take years off YOUR life).

    He's 6 foot tall, so about 6 inches taller than the average Japanese male. If she's judging him by those standards she should probably stop because he's unlikely to make them. Even when he was 20 pounds lighter she viewed him as chunky, so it's pretty clear he's never going to meet her idea of "normal"
  • Joehenny
    Joehenny Posts: 1,222 Member
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    He must have very minimal "lbm" to be obese at a solid 6ft and 196lb.
  • lustergirl
    lustergirl Posts: 123 Member
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    Hi all!

    Hmm obese may be a little strong a word - perhaps overweight might be a better description on hindsight.

    I know i should accept him fr what he is, and I do (i like my men chunky and that's what attracted me in the first place), but he has really piled on the pounds since we met five years ago, and his paunch is getting scary. He even rests his arm on his tummy while seated sometimes! I am really afraid that it may adversely affect his health.

    Sorry but I don't think being 6 feet tall and weighing 196 pounds is overweight. My god: my son must be morbidly obese in your mind because he is 6foot 5 inches tall and weight about 245 lbs. Hmmmm..................
  • lustergirl
    lustergirl Posts: 123 Member
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    OP should be thankful her BF hasn't dumped her superficial bum for someone better.


    Bingo folks: we have a winner!!!
  • Rachelphobia
    Rachelphobia Posts: 60
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    You can encourage him to lose weight, eat better, etc. But its his body and his choice. If he's happy the way he is, he's happy the way he is.

    Maintaining/losing/gaining weight is a hard thing for some people, and some people simply are happy with themselves. Your boyfriend does not sound very overweight as others have said.

    As an obese girl with a naturally skinny and underweight boyfriend, I can't imagine what it would feel like if my partner was unhappy with me and always pressuring me to change my habits. It seems more than jusy you encouraging him to be healthy. It seems like you are trying to control his life and body to fit your desires. I would be devastated, and I would certainly be looking for a new partner.
  • maryjaquiss
    maryjaquiss Posts: 307 Member
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    I do kind of get this - my husband isn't overweight (he only wears a 32" waist trouser, size S-M) but he's naturally built very slim and since we've been living together, he has grown a bit of a tummy (perfectly willing to accept that this is in part my fault!). He also never exercises... :noway: I think it's the change that seems to be the issue with you guys rather than the weight itself.

    It sounds like it's a bit of a communication thing in your case - we discuss getting healthy together and he knows he's put on weight. To help him, I do all the cooking and he quickly loses weight if I prepare healthy dinners and occasionally lunches. But do stop nagging him!
  • Queen8shaq
    Queen8shaq Posts: 46
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    If my husband cooked for me and only gave me half a potato, after telling me numerous times how fat I'm getting, I'd throw an actual fit. You can't just screw with a person's potato.
    [/quote]

    This had me rolling. lol lol lol.
  • kuger4119
    kuger4119 Posts: 213 Member
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    I have to agree with those that are saying that the focus on the BMI is stupid. It's a terrible measure of fitness. If he has a huge gut and thighs at his height and weight, he is obviously in a situation where he has very little lean muscle mass and a lot of fat. Running for 30 minutes twice a week and standing at work aren't going to do anything at all for that. A 200 lb guy is going to burn maybe a 1000 calories running that much in a week. A can of beer a day wipes that out.

    The OP needs to consider if this guy is "the guy" for her and decide if she can live with who he is. Since she said that he has put on 20 lbs recently, that means that she was originally attracted to him at 176 lbs.....not 196 lbs. There is nothing wrong with letting someone know that they aren't taking care of themselves and that you consider it a problem, particularly if they aren't married. If he throws a conniption fit and tells her that she just has to accept him for who he is, she then needs to ask herself if she wants to be dating a guy that weighs 250 lbs, because it sounds like he is probably heading that way. Maybe his personality is so great that she doesn't give a damn.

    Talking to someone about their weight is a tricky subject and I've dealt with that when it comes to my wife and you have to be tactful in how you handle it. In the OP's situation, the guy has changed how he looks in short order and she has a right to say something, but she has to realize that it could end the relationship. Personally, if my wife had gained 20 lbs in a few months after we started dating.......she wouldn't be my wife. She did gain about 30 lbs in the 16 years that we've been married and that is unfortunately fairly normal and something that I don't stress about (although I do encourage her to be healthier). She finally discovered biking again and has lost 12 lbs this summer and is feeling better about herself. Again, the OP needs to look at the big picture on the guy, imagine him at 250 lbs and decide if that is something she can be happy about. If not, she needs to find a tactful way to deal with it. Maybe the bacon and cheese diet is the way to go (I might need to look into that!) but there is no need to be unhappy just so you can say you are in a relationship and physical attraction is a fair component in the equation.
  • JaxDemon
    JaxDemon Posts: 403 Member
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    Don't need to cut carbs when dieting at all however he needs to do this for himself not you so until he decides enough is enough then you will be stuck with him but if you love him you won't be a ***** to him about it and actually stay with him.
  • Melissa22G
    Melissa22G Posts: 847 Member
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    He is a feather over the healthy range at 196, 6' tall and 28 years.

    There's probably nothing wrong with his diet.

    I would buy him the NROL book. Dudes are great at taking hints vs. nagging in general.
  • dcr5452WECHANGED
    dcr5452WECHANGED Posts: 121 Member
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    Ridiculous troll thread. I'll call it a subtle troll rather than an obvious troll.
  • amsipub
    amsipub Posts: 84 Member
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    It's just MHO, but you aren't married to the man and to come across as a nag no matter where you are in a relationship isn't going to make anyone happy in it. I agree with everyone else that you are equating thinness for health when it's not true and the man isn't really overweight. So he's getting a belly. You said yourself that you like men who are chunky. Where do you like them to be chunky exactly? Most men put it on in the waist.

    If you are finding yourself not attracted to him anymore then leave. You have to accept him warts and all if you want to continue to be in the relationship.
  • Buckeyegirlbritt
    Buckeyegirlbritt Posts: 69
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    He's not obese. My husband is 6"2' and 190 lbs. He looks lanky.
  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
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    My Ex was 5'6" and in the 180's, so 6' and 190's doesn't seem that bad. Guess it depends on frame and the way he carries the weight.
  • samammay
    samammay Posts: 468
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    Im 6' and if I ever get down to 190, someone please make me eat more.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    My husband is 5'10" and his "fighting" weight when he was a lean mean swimming machine was 196 (hold on a second, I need to drool over the cut he had in his build).



    Moving on



    You say you accept him how he is, but you want to change him.

    You say you aren't a hypocondriac, but you wake in the middle of the night to ensure he's not dead.

    You say you love him, and then you insult him and say hurtful things.



    Embrace your healthy life style, let him embrace the lifestyle he's chosen, understand that your perspective is skewed as he's not obese, and leave a man's potato alone. I'd cut a ***** for serving me half a potato. And know that many fad diets are the gateway to yo-yo weight loss and gain, most are eliminiation diets and when you return to a more rounded diet the weight comes back on. Chose a lifestyle you can share, no one you have to impose . . . he's not a child, he's a grown *kitten* man and you need to treat him like he's a grown *kitten* man.
  • Michelle_dirtracer
    Michelle_dirtracer Posts: 245
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    That is not obese. I feel bad for your boyfriend. He may be slightly overweight and you consider him obese. Sad.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
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    . . . starting to smell a troll
  • septembergrrl
    septembergrrl Posts: 168 Member
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    First, I agree with everyone else that 196 and 6' doesn't sound terribly overweight, and the best thing for OP to do would probably be to set a healthy example and otherwise leave the poor guy be.

    Second, my husband was about that size, also with a beer belly. He lost about 10 lb. and went down a pants size just by starting to walk a mile or two every day, no change to eating habits. I wonder if more regular exercise might be the best way for the boyfriend to get healthier in general, since giving most guys half a potato and some grilled fish is *not* going to go over well.
  • moominpoo
    moominpoo Posts: 31 Member
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    Wow! My Hubby is shorter than yours (5ft 10) and weighs 182lb so probably have the same build.

    Mine might be slightly overweight according to the charts but it's actually coz he's built like a tank- has rugby players legs (and butt - mmm!) and massive shoulders. Yeh he has a small beer gut but he knows if he sorted his diet out a bit he wouldn't but isn't that just nearly every guy?? I would never go this crazy over my husband's weight unless it was a serious problem - rather he was like that than a rake anyway.

    Give him a break and just try and eat healthily together where possible :)

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