Skinny girl and her obese boyfriend
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No, I noticed too. Alcohol has a ton of Calories.( I ought to know) . Agree too that he is only slightly overweight.Am I the only one who noticed that the guy has a binge drinking problem? He may be on his way to alcoholism.
If I might ask? If you are so naturally thin, aren't worried about gaining, Have nothing to lose. What are you doing on this site?
Agree too, accept him for who he is, or move on. He has to be the one to decide if he wants to do something about it. Then support him.0 -
Am I the only one who noticed that the guy has a binge drinking problem? He may be on his way to alcoholism.
This. If you're worried about his health....I'd be worried about his liver. I like to put a few back, but damn. Get the alcohol thing figured out and I think the rest will take care of itself.0 -
a few thoughts...
- post a couple pic... so we can see what you are talking about. As other posters have stated, it doesn't seem like he'd be obese based on his stats... hell, I'm 6'1" female and 168.
- if you are naturally skinny, then what caused you to join MFP? Was it solely to find help for your boyfriend?
- the alcohol could be a not so good thing for both of you
- strong is the new skinny. Maybe instead of criticizing his eating, you could look at doing healthy living activities instead of drinking.
Just a few thoughts.
Regardless, if you love him, you won't try to belittle him into change. You cannot ever force a person to change, if you are the driver of that change a) it will NOT last and b) they will end up resenting you for it0 -
My husband is 6'2 and got down to 200 for the military but his body fat % was still high and he still looked really overweight even though he technically wasn't. The poster is right to be concerned if her boyfriend also has a high body fat. The medical term is "metabolically obese normal weight" or "MONW."
I think Reducing fat % by building muscle would be more beneficial than trying to get him to lose more weight. Obviously, I'm not an expert though.0 -
Am I the only one who noticed that the guy has a binge drinking problem? He may be on his way to alcoholism.
This. If you're worried about his health....I'd be worried about his liver. I like to put a few back, but damn. Get the alcohol thing figured out and I think the rest will take care of itself.
Drinking problems are a separate issue. I don't see that being addressed here, but I would definitely be more concerned about the drinking problem.
OP, I suggest you address the drinking problem FOR YOURSELF and get into some type of Al-anon program in your area. That will help you take the focus off him and put it on yourself.
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Maybe you can prepare healthier meals for you two to eat together. Instead of telling him he needs to change, make subtle changes on your own he wont necessarily notice.. Like you cooking dinner for you two to share. Also, instead of telling him to exercise, invite him out for a jog or a hike or whatever. He probably feels like you are picking on him. And Also he is not obese he sounds a little bit over weight. And if you want him to stop drinking so much you need to lead by example. Instead of going out drinking on weekends or whatever, suggest going out to dinner and a movie or something active you can do together and have fun doing.0
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Is 6" and 196 pounds obese?
I checked, that's barely overweight. (Bmi of 25.8) and depending on muscle mass and such...you might need to calm down.
this ^^^^ if he has a large frame or does a lot of sport then that's a healthy weight, and even if he has a medium frame and is sedentary (you said he runs, so he's not sedentary) it's only *barely* overeweight, he's not obese, and it's nowhere near a health risk.
I know what advice I'd give a woman whose boyfriend was obsessing over her being 20lb overweight an having a BMI of 25.8, and constantly going on at her to go on a diet.... and I'm not sexist so I don't think it's any more acceptable for a woman to do that to her boyfriend.
My advice to you is to realise you're in the wrong and get off his case.0 -
I admit i've also said some unpleasant words about his looks hoping it might knock him awake and i do regret that.
*blinks*
Yeah. So anything else you ever say to him, out of concern or genuine good intentions will NEVER be heard by his ears. He'll only hear you bagging on his looks no matter how you put it now that you've opened those lovely floodgates.
In the meanwhile, look for fun, active stuff do to on the weekends to spend some time being active and maybe burn a little of what would ordinarily be drinking time. Start small.0 -
lol@restricting him to red meat once a week. And lol @ not having your "good genes".
Troll harder please.0 -
Hi Skinny Girl, I have been thru the same kind of problem. You have to love him for what he is or walk away. You can't change him, but you can direct him to healthy eating and drinking habits. Make nutritious meals and include activities that do not include drinking. Good luck!0
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Anyone else notice that she describes herself as "skinny" not "healthy"? If we took a poll, what percentage of us would rather be healthy than skinny?0
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Is 6" and 196 pounds obese?
I checked, that's barely overweight. (Bmi of 25.8) and depending on muscle mass and such...you might need to calm down.
QFT!!!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Hi there,
I'm not sure if this is a proper channel to seek advice, but I'm really at my wit's ends now
I'm a naturally skinny girl (both my parents are skinny) with a voracious appetite. I am in a long term relationship with this guy, B, who unfortunately does not share my good genes. He is 6" and 196 pounds, and 28 years old.
I love this man to bits but I worry constantly for his health as I understand the risks that obesity carries. He is a big guy, with a large paunch and huge thighs, and he loves his food and beer. He easily downs 4-5 pints of beer a day on the weekend, plus 1/3 bottle of whisky.
He does run though, perhaps for 30-40 min once or twice a week. His job sees him standing about 7 hours a day.
He has put on about 20 pounds in recent months, and he gets very annoyed when I tell him that he needs to get back into shape by adopting a healthier diet, i.e cutting out carbs and deep fried food. He doesn't binge on the fried stuff regularly, but he loves his carbs.
The ideal situation: I'd like to have him cut half his carb intake, and to only have deep fried food/red meat just once a week. And of course, reduce his booze intake by half as well (this is the hardest part as we both love our alcohol).
We often get into fights whenever I tick him off about his weight, and he goes into 100% defensive mode such as "You're eating as much as I am, why are you restricting me?", or "I like my weight, you can't do anything about it".
I have tried other methods such as suggesting that we go through this as a couple, with me eating whatever he eats, and I have offered to cook him lunch thrice a week to take to work, but he is still extremely stubborn and well, in denial.
Is there anyone facing a similar prob? How can I broach this topic again without offending him? Do note that I have tried many ways including 1) Blowing my top and threatening him (didn't work at all; got even worse), 2) The soft approach ("please let me help you", "I really care for you and I want you to be healthy") and 3) The Its Your F*cking Health ("If you don't eat healthy you WILL DIE YOUNG")
ok- skinny isn't always healthy. how about making a plan together to hit the gym- and you both gain some muscle- you can't just point a finger at somebody that loves to eat their carbs and drink their beer- all they hear is .... you are fat and I am perfect- do it with him skinny girl!0 -
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At 196 lbs and 6", he is hardly obese, let alone not even overweight.
However, he obviously has a drinking problem, which is a much greater concern.0 -
If this is how you are now when he is your bf, I can't imagine how you would act if he were you husband.
He can do better...
This... OP you sound incredibly shallow.... I feel sorry for you BF.
I don't think OP is shallow, and I think some of the comments are unnecessarily harsh.
OP, you obviously have an 'unhealthy paranoia' that you even said yourself, maybe this is because of things that have happened in your past that make you worry too much about health or not, I'm not sure. However, you've received some great advice here and well done on being willing to take criticism and to rethink your actions...not everyone would handle it the way you did. :flowerforyou:0 -
I would too if I lived with her on thinking I was obese and calling me fat in hopes of losing weight.Am I the only one who noticed that the guy has a binge drinking problem? He may be on his way to alcoholism.0 -
I didn't read all the comments...but I am sure that you got 6 pages of people telling you he's not obese. Alcoholic maybe, but not obese...
I feel sorry for your boyfriend since he has such an overbearing and controlling girlfriend who masks her own prejudices against overweight people (albeit only slightly overweight) with "concern." I'd be concerned about his liver with all that alcohol, but his weight...no way. At least not how you describe him. My husband is 240 pounds, 6'5" tall...and definitely not "obese" which you would probably call him.0 -
I would too if I lived with her on thinking I was obese and calling me fat in hopes of losing weight.Am I the only one who noticed that the guy has a binge drinking problem? He may be on his way to alcoholism.
QFT!0 -
If this is how you are now when he is your bf, I can't imagine how you would act if he were you husband.
He can do better...
This... OP you sound incredibly shallow.... I feel sorry for you BF.
I don't think OP is shallow, and I think some of the comments are unnecessarily harsh.
OP, you obviously have an 'unhealthy paranoia' that you even said yourself, maybe this is because of things that have happened in your past that make you worry too much about health or not, I'm not sure. However, you've received some great advice here and well done on being willing to take criticism and to rethink your actions...not everyone would handle it the way you did. :flowerforyou:
Um yeah ok.. :yawn:0 -
Hi all,
Thanks for all the constructive (and the not so constructive feedback). I really appreciate it. I decided to chill the *kitten* out and let it all slide, and took him out for a nice shabu-shabu dinner where we had plenty of beef and pork in dunked in soup! I admit there was an unpleasant moment this morning which caused me to start this thread - we decided to have a go on the weighing scales for fun and i was shocked by his weight gain.
I have to the best of my ability, suggested for healthier dates such as long walks in the countryside and cross-country cycling whenever possible but it's tough since he works retail hours and i, a 9-5 job. I must say that he is a competent cyclist, and he easily covers 30-40 km every cycling trip, which is twice or thrice a month.
That said, I'd like to clear a misconception that his weight isn't "overweight". It doesn't sound like much, but in relation to his body, to the untrained eye he really has quite a fair bit of excess baggage. I don't know why but i feel like i have to justify my concern. Again, asian physiques differ vastly from caucasians, and I definitely will not go around accusing my loved one of being fat just for fun.
I can't possibly post his photo here so i trawled through the net to seek similar physiques, haha
http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/youtube/images/26666452/title/fat-actor-genzer-photo (something like the black haired dude).
Anyhow, I feel like i've gained so much perception from you all. Thank you all so much. I have promised myself to never broach the topic again (okay fine, I will step in things get out of hand, i.e him hitting 300lbs. That is okay, right?!) and will make an effort to make him healthy meals and to try out sports with him.
As for the drinking, don't worry guys! We're social drinkers and some weekends we don't even drink at all.0 -
Hi all,
Thanks for all the constructive (and the not so constructive feedback). I really appreciate it. I decided to chill the *kitten* out and let it all slide, and took him out for a nice shabu-shabu dinner where we had plenty of beef and pork in dunked in soup! I admit there was an unpleasant moment this morning which caused me to start this thread - we decided to have a go on the weighing scales for fun and i was shocked by his weight gain.
I have to the best of my ability, suggested for healthier dates such as long walks in the countryside and cross-country cycling whenever possible but it's tough since he works retail hours and i, a 9-5 job. I must say that he is a competent cyclist, and he easily covers 30-40 km every cycling trip, which is twice or thrice a month.
That said, I'd like to clear a misconception that his weight isn't "overweight". It doesn't sound like much, but in relation to his body, to the untrained eye he really has quite a fair bit of excess baggage. I don't know why but i feel like i have to justify my concern. Again, asian physiques differ vastly from caucasians, and I definitely will not go around accusing my loved one of being fat just for fun.
I can't possibly post his photo here so i trawled through the net to seek similar physiques, haha
http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/youtube/images/26666452/title/fat-actor-genzer-photo (something like the black haired dude).
Anyhow, I feel like i've gained so much perception from you all. Thank you all so much. I have promised myself to never broach the topic again (okay fine, I will step in things get out of hand, i.e him hitting 300lbs. That is okay, right?!) and will make an effort to make him healthy meals and to try out sports with him.
As for the drinking, don't worry guys! We're social drinkers and some weekends we don't even drink at all.
thank you for the update...
you know, if he is drinking a lot a beer - a lot of that belly volume could be from beer bloat. see if he will experiment with a different type of liquor.0 -
BMI is BS. Can't tell if someone is overweight just from height and weight. (I'm nearly obese apparently at 10% BF)
^^^This. In college I was 196lbs and 5' 10" with 11% BF. I was a Brick Shi(r)t House, but I was not obese.0 -
I never knew it hurt that much to be told that one needs to re-think one's diet. In fact I thought he'd be glad that someone is showing him that much concern.
No, but it hurts when you say harsh words about someone's looks, which you said you have.
My ex was model material, I'm not. He noticed every lb gained on me and told me. This made me eat more. Sometimes for comfort, sometimes to SPITE him and show him I do what I want my body is my concern and being 9 stone is not the end of the world. And not obese for my height.
Every time he mentioned it, I liked him a little less. ( Of course, I still LOVED him ) And it made me distance myself from him until when we broke up, I was completely relieved, after 5 years. As he was never happy with me and felt we were mismatched. He was gorgeous, I was short and fat. And going to die young.
My partner was most likely more harsh than you are, I get that. But with every comment, harsh or not, I felt less attracted to him and less like a team. And that he didnt love me for who I was, but how I looked or healthy I was.
It's completely normal to worry about your partner. My boyfriend was 16.5 stone at one point this year, and a smoker, and I have lost sleep worrying. The solution? I started MFP and he saw great results and joined me. He is now 2.7 stone down and doing well. Soft encouragement...0 -
Am I the only one who noticed that the guy has a binge drinking problem? He may be on his way to alcoholism.
This. If you're worried about his health....I'd be worried about his liver. I like to put a few back, but damn. Get the alcohol thing figured out and I think the rest will take care of itself.
Drinking problems are a separate issue. I don't see that being addressed here, but I would definitely be more concerned about the drinking problem.
OP, I suggest you address the drinking problem FOR YOURSELF and get into some type of Al-anon program in your area. That will help you take the focus off him and put it on yourself.
I and a few others talked about the drinking. He's a 28 year old dude, 6 feet tall and 196 lbs. 12 beers and ~8 oz of whiskey spread over 2 days is not THAT much, and it certainly doesn't set off alcoholism bells. He's a young guy and he drinks on the weekends.
I feel like everyone is reading that he drinks that much EVERY day, when OP states it's only on the weekends.0 -
My boyfriend and I are very similar. Here is what I suggest.
Don't mention his weight
Don't mention his healthy
Don't mention his lifespan
Don't mention his gut
Instead, invite him to join you in some physical activity. Perhaps he is also like my boyfriend in that gyms and solo workouts just don't do it for him. Try something new, like rock climbing or hiking through a state park. I find it works best if I am already committed to doing something. Say I go rock climbing. I invite him along but he says no. So, I go on my own. A few days later, I decide to go again. This time he comes with because he knows that I am going no matter what and it could be a fun way to spend time together. And we just keep going.
Then, when you notice something positive about his health or weight, feel free to comment on it. Tell him he looks like he's lost weight or that you're impressed with how much he has improved in said physical activity.
For you, it may not be rock climbing, but the 'let's go have fun' method works better for me than the 'don't you want to be healthy' method.0 -
My ex was model material, I'm not. He noticed every lb gained on me and told me. This made me eat more. Sometimes for comfort, sometimes to SPITE him and show him I do what I want my body is my concern and being 9 stone is not the end of the world. And not obese for my height.
Every time he mentioned it, I liked him a little less. ( Of course, I still LOVED him ) And it made me distance myself from him until when we broke up, I was completely relieved, after 5 years. As he was never happy with me and felt we were mismatched. He was gorgeous, I was short and fat. And going to die young.
My partner was most likely more harsh than you are, I get that. But with every comment, harsh or not, I felt less attracted to him and less like a team. And that he didnt love me for who I was, but how I looked or healthy I was.
It's completely normal to worry about your partner. My boyfriend was 16.5 stone at one point this year, and a smoker, and I have lost sleep worrying. The solution? I started MFP and he saw great results and joined me. He is now 2.7 stone down and doing well. Soft encouragement...
Sorry you had that relationship and felt that way. Your picture caught my eye because your tummy looks awesome, and it was such a contrast to how your boyfriend perceived you. Looking at your other pictures, you're quite striking and pretty. Love the red hair. It's nice for him that he was so good looking, but your pictures weren't what I was expecting from the above post.0 -
BMI is a load of crap everyone is assuming that because this guy is getting good BMI figures based on height and weight that he isnt really overweight and that septemberrr is wrong for thinking so.
the guy might be a really tall featherweight so when he packs on the weight it doesnt look so bad on the BMI scale i have a friend like that he is quite tall but a naturally small boned wispy sort of guy. he is actually quite muscular although he doesnt look it and his BMI has him being massively underweight but if you knew him you would know that isnt true its just the way he is built.
Me on the other hand, even when i was at my prime and had a body fat percentage of 4% my BMI had me at being overweight but im just a stocky little fella short and nuggety even without excess weight.
i dont put too much stock in something like BMI calculated on height and weight. too many variables.
im sure if she thinks he is overweight and she is going to this much trouble then there is probably something to what she is saying.
Things that never happened... you at 4 percent bodyfat unless you were a professional bodybuilder on competition day and close to dying.0 -
I can't believe that save for a few replies. EVERYONE missed the fact that the OP is from japan. for ****'s sake, who woulda thunk that a culture has different values on health than what we hold true in the US. she's not being shallow, being overweight is not very common in her country and she's genuinely scared for his health.
OP, your new approach sounds much better. i would add to make sure you reassure him that it is not an aesthetic concern whatsoever so he doesn't feel bad about himself. I know that is a small part of why you are concerned but he doesn't need to know that. also, good job on taking everyone's advice to heart and not going on the defense. 0 -
Sorry, but it's not up to you to make decisions about his weight or health. You control you, he controls himself. I understand your concern for him but how do you react when someone tells you what to do, especially when you don't want to do it? If you love him, you love him unconditionally, meaning whether he's overweight or not. 6' and 196 lbs is not obese.0
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