Skinny girl and her obese boyfriend

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  • blah2989
    blah2989 Posts: 338 Member
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    You can't make him do anything, especially if he's happy the way he is. You're naturally skinny? That's great but it doesn't make you any healthier than him, thin ≠ healthy. Perhaps if you made changes to your diet, he might too, especially if you share meals together.


    Exactly. Besides he has to WANT it, you cant make him want it. You also need to practice what you preach. Btw, my fiance is 6' and 215, he is barely overweight. Even if he IS overweight, as I said before, realize he has to want it. You cant FORCE it. Setting an example, would help, esp if you make the meals.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,713 Member
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    I recognise that he feels annoyed at being nagged at, but I really wish i could do something for him. I mean, is it really too paranoid of me to equate his weight with health? I'm getting inundated with "findings" that go "A beer belly increases heart disease by two folds" etc, and it scares me to think that one day he might get a heart attack and die at 35 or something.

    I admit i've also said some unpleasant words about his looks hoping it might knock him awake and i do regret that.

    Anyhow, thanks for all the harsh words. I guess i really need to take a step back.
    you sound like you're the one with issues, not him. multiple issues.

    I hope either you change or he leaves before he ends up emotionally damaged by you.
  • Fiercely_Me
    Fiercely_Me Posts: 481 Member
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    A guess a big booty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm 5'9" and 179 lbs (down from 265) and my elementary school students call me "pig" because, here in Korea, a 5'9" guy may weigh around 125-135 lbs. If you don't like the way he looks and it's too much for you to handle, move on and let him find someone who can handle it - literally.

    I know this feel, I live in Japan and I am the height of an average Japanese man, and about 15-20kg heavier. Students have commented often on me being fat.

    We're Japanese, and my bf is a GIANT amongst the little people :)

    OOHHHHHH!!!! Okay. Now I understand. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    I'm an American, but I lived in Japan for several years and yes, your boyfriend is obese by Japanese medical standards. All of my expat friends and I got a kick out of always being labeled "metabo" by our doctors no matter what kind of shape we were in. Even marathon runner friends were metabo by those standards.

    Look, there is little you are going to do to be able to change him. Cook meals like you suggested and make healthy food available, but be patient.

    My guess is that he would benefit by some weight training.

    That's the same reaction I had when I read that post!! That's why context and culture are so important in understanding issues. What may be "normal" in American culture may not be "normal" to other cultures.
  • nelinelineli
    nelinelineli Posts: 330 Member
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    What I find even stranger is that even though the OP clarified their ethnicity, no one seemed to care. I live in Japan too and my bf is Korean... He's, by our standards, at perfect mid-range BMI but his beer belly is clearly not "perfectly fit". A waist-hip ratio might be more helpful to determine his health.
  • laineyluma
    laineyluma Posts: 358 Member
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    Wow, if you think HE'S obese... I'd hate to know what you think of me!
  • ferrytrip
    ferrytrip Posts: 497 Member
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    Honestly - he doesn't sound obese - maybe more muscle would be better but I would be worried about the booze. I'm not really a drinker so it sounds like a lot to me. But all that being said - you BF is 5 inches taller than me and I outweigh him by 40 - 50 lbs - so who am I to judge?
  • nelinelineli
    nelinelineli Posts: 330 Member
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    In Japan a BMI over 24.9 is considered *Obese*.

    It's just a terminology issue, since there's no "overweight" category.

    I know there's no way to make people stop attacking the OP for using that term since no one actually reads the whole thread but...
    Here's to hoping!

    Edited to add: There's even research showing that Japanese people with a BMI over 23 (which they call Overweight in the context of that paper) have a higher prevalence of Obesity-related diseases.
  • gallowglasslass
    gallowglasslass Posts: 19 Member
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    What I find even stranger is that even though the OP clarified their ethnicity, no one seemed to care. I live in Japan too and my bf is Korean... He's, by our standards, at perfect mid-range BMI but his beer belly is clearly not "perfectly fit". A waist-hip ratio might be more helpful to determine his health.

    He probably has a small bone structure, and it really does make a difference. From what I have read, just as people with large bone structures should add 10% to their BMI range for a more accurate overweight/obesity gauge, so people with small bone structure should subtract 10%. Since he is likely not carrying the same weight in lean body mass, a "mid-range" BMI would translate to a higher fat percentage (unless he is very muscular).

    In the OP's boyfriend's case (6', 196 lbs), assuming he has a light bone structure, overweight would then start at 166lb (BMI over 22.5), and obesity at 200lb (BMI over 27). A man with large bones of the same height and weight would not even be overweight at 196 lbs, but a small-boned person is only 4 pounds from obesity.
  • purple_tux1
    purple_tux1 Posts: 250 Member
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    You are waaaay too controlling. Are you forgetting that it's HIS body, not yours. You have no right to be nagging him or making suggestions. Worry about your own body. And stop trying to be his mother. If he wants to change his diet, that's his business.

    Personally, I would suggest some counselling....for you, not for him. If you're going to be like this in all your relationships, they are doomed to failure.
  • Gee_24
    Gee_24 Posts: 359 Member
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    Sorry you had that relationship and felt that way. Your picture caught my eye because your tummy looks awesome, and it was such a contrast to how your boyfriend perceived you. Looking at your other pictures, you're quite striking and pretty. Love the red hair. It's nice for him that he was so good looking, but your pictures weren't what I was expecting from the above post.


    QFT!

    Thank you both very much. What a lovely boost to my day! Well all is well, because he's actually GAY. haha! He came out and now has admitted he was jealous of my ability to be myself and laugh in public, making him pick on me in turn. ( Men. Nuff said. ) Being in the closet, he was very aware of every move he made, thing he said, and how he looked. So my outgoingness and comfortability in myself intimidated him. We're now like brother and sister. Oh, and he is WELL aware of what an asshat he was. Ha!

    To the OP: I too never realised your origin. So I'm sorry if I came across as harsh. However, I maintain that being " mean " even if you only tried it briefly, is not the way to go. Good luck! xx

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