Quite Frankly I'm Stumped...
Replies
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Seriously, stop blaming him.
If you want things to change, then change it. Suggest places to go, don't order the ice cream, cook dinner for him (I hear men like that sort of thing), make better decisions when you're out, make different decisions when you're not together. Be responsible for yourself.
This.0 -
You can't let him be an excuse.. .but that being said, AFTER I'd lost about 30 lbs, my husband said, 'you know, I'm sure I was never helpful with this, since I always think feeding you is a good way to show love." So that can be an issue. I KNOW food = love is my BIGGEST issue.0
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his response is he's not holding a spoon to my mouth.
Sounds like a smart guy to me.Seriously, stop blaming him.You're blaming the wrong person. It's nobodies fault or responsibility but your own. Rather than trying to change him, try to change yourself.
You're the weak one giving into temptation.
QFT0 -
It is your choice what you put in your mouth.
At my house there is a gal of ice cream, 2 boxes of cookies, Reece's minis in the fridge and BBQ chips at any given moment. I do the grocery shopping so yes I am the one buying them but they are in the house for my DH and 2 boys.
It is your choice what you put in your mouth.
I do indulge when I want to but I do so within my cals. I do not blame my DH for enjoying snacks or my kind for not wanting to eat carrots and apples all the time. They are healthy.
It is your choice what you put in your mouth.0 -
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"not holding a spoon to your mouth" is a comment that would cause a fight
In YOUR relationship, perhaps. It doesn't make the OP's BF mean or "not understanding."0 -
How do i get him to understand that the tempatation is more than I can handle? that I need support in my journey to a healthy weight.
Sometimes I feel like he's trying to make me fat....
Or you can keep getting bigger0 -
I love my boyfriend
He supports my diet and ENJOYS my new body
He always makes sure to accomidate me at meal and snack times
We have a panrty full of junk food and a section of it is always nuts and other healthy stuff I can eat. He never forces me and loved me at 40 lbs overweight.
"not holding a spoon to your mouth" is a rude thing to say to you. I am sorry you have a mean not understanding boyfriend.
Lolwat?
Some girls are cray.
He loves me crazy
and doesnt make rude comments to me
and supports me
He's a keeper
"not holding a spoon to your mouth" is a comment that would cause a fight
If I made that comment to a girl and she started a fight, I would assume that she is emotionally immature AND insecure. I would reevaluate my relationship choices.0 -
It is your choice what you put in your mouth.
At my house there is a gal of ice cream, 2 boxes of cookies, Reece's minis in the fridge and BBQ chips at any given moment. I do the grocery shopping so yes I am the one buying them but they are in the house for my DH and 2 boys.
It is your choice what you put in your mouth.
I do indulge when I want to but I do so within my cals. I do not blame my DH for enjoying snacks or my kind for not wanting to eat carrots and apples all the time. They are healthy.
It is your choice what you put in your mouth.
Sometimes you have no choice.0 -
"not holding a spoon to your mouth" is a comment that would cause a fight
In YOUR relationship, perhaps. It doesn't make the OP's BF mean or "not understanding."
I think that makes him VERY understanding in regards to self-responsibility/accountability. I also give him bonus points for saying it straight. Hi5 to that guy right there.0 -
One of the best things I learned from my last Weight Watchers leader: When you're eating at a restaurant, you have to decide if it's just another meal or a special occasion. If it's just another meal, make choices like you would any other time - go for grilled meats, steamed veggies, etc. If it's a special occasion then go for it and have that dish you've been craving for a while, or eat a light dinner and indulge in a decadent dessert. Just because someone else is cooking, it doesn't give you free range to eat whatever you want.
Maybe there's something at DQ that's not so bad?
http://www.dairyqueen.com/PageFiles/5144/US Treat 2013 Q2.pdf
Or you could keep fudgecicles in the freezer and have one of those while he's enjoying his blizzard so you don't feel like you're suffering.
Research the nutriton information of the restaurants you go to and find things you enjoy that aren't crazy calories. Or try to steer choices to the ones you know supply calorie info so you can make better choices (Applebees, etc)
And as a few others recommended, offer to cook for him. Make healthy but yummy meals that you two can enjoy together.0 -
Ugh. My boyfriend is the same way. He doesn't even workout everyday! Damn that man for taking me out to nice dinners and introducing me to the best ice cream in Denver. (insert eyeroll here)
I make my own decisions. I have gained a few pounds since we've been together but that is ALL MY FAULT. He is fully aware of my goals and I have every opportunity to make wise decisions. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. It's not his problem. He is who he is and I do not expect him to change because I have goals. He's a good man and I would never sacrifice our relationship because I am obsessed about my fitness.0 -
It is your choice what you put in your mouth.
At my house there is a gal of ice cream, 2 boxes of cookies, Reece's minis in the fridge and BBQ chips at any given moment. I do the grocery shopping so yes I am the one buying them but they are in the house for my DH and 2 boys.
It is your choice what you put in your mouth.
I do indulge when I want to but I do so within my cals. I do not blame my DH for enjoying snacks or my kind for not wanting to eat carrots and apples all the time. They are healthy.
It is your choice what you put in your mouth.
Sometimes you have no choice.
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It is your choice what you put in your mouth.
At my house there is a gal of ice cream, 2 boxes of cookies, Reece's minis in the fridge and BBQ chips at any given moment. I do the grocery shopping so yes I am the one buying them but they are in the house for my DH and 2 boys.
It is your choice what you put in your mouth.
I do indulge when I want to but I do so within my cals. I do not blame my DH for enjoying snacks or my kind for not wanting to eat carrots and apples all the time. They are healthy.
It is your choice what you put in your mouth.
Sometimes you have no choice.
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I like to eat. I really, really do. I love it! When I started dating my husband, I had lost almost 80 pounds and I looked HOT. I lost the 80 pounds by tracking my food intake and not eating as much as I would have liked to (or by not eating some of the things I would have liked to). But he likes to eat as much as I like to eat. So I put on weight. Five pounds at first, then a WHOLE LOT more. He says he likes how I look when I'm heavy. But I don't. I hate how I look when I'm heavy. My sex drive goes away, too. So I just had to stop eating what he was eating. Too bad for me. I can eat lots of sugary treats and all the fried foods I love, or I can slim down. I can't have it both ways. Yes, I can cook yummy healthy food and it's not about constant deprivation but--let's face it--healthy food doesn't taste the same as deep-fried or fatty food and sweets if that's what you love to eat. You've got to pick one: I want to abstain now and look and feel good later OR I want to indulge now and look and feel bad later. You won't ALWAYS make the right choice but if you make the right choice MOST of the time, you'll win.0
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I actually have a pretty similar situation, I started dating my fiancee 3 years ago and I put on 40 lbs since we have been together. He eats crap and likes it that way but I decided about 2 years ago I want to be healther. He manages to still stay a decent weight despite his eating habits, there are lots of reasons why so not really the point I am heading towards. He has always been really supportive of me though, so he is supportive of this since it is what I want. We just kind of have an agreement that I want to eat a certain way and he does not, so I take care of myself and he takes care of himself. Sometimes that means I cook dinner for me and he goes and get something from a restaurant (he is too picky to eat pretty much anything I do anymore). I am lucky since he will exercise and that is something we can do together so that is not a struggle like food is.
The bottum line of dieting I think is that you have to do it for you, so if thats what you want you need to decide to stick to it for yourself and hopefully he will support you, but its also not fair to expect him to follow suit if thats not what he wants for himself. Most couples have parts of their life where they just have to agree to disagree and figure out a way to handle it, sounds like this is yalls area.
Some strategies that work for us:
1. plan out menue options before you go out to eat, restaurants are getting better too at having a diet friendly menue so just tell yourself that the only one you get to look at, if you really need to steal a bite of two of his yummy stuff, its still better than eating the whole thing
2. I tell my fiancee all the time, dinner is at xyz time and I am cooking whatever, he will show up and either eat what I cook or have a carryout bag, either way we get to have dinner together but each eat what we want
3. Make sure you eat really healthy when he is not around to distract you - I assume you eat breakfast and lunch on your own at work or whatever, then slip ups later are on a better foundation for the day
4. Tell him to keep his bad stuff in his own space, my guy keeps his bad stuff in his office in our house where I don't see it and wont grab it for a snack0 -
If it's unhealthy for you, odds are high it's unhealthy for him, too. And it might be a good idea for him to change over to healthier foods with you. Unfortunately we cannot control other people, and if he chooses to continue eating what he eats, you can either a, choose to switch your own food and fight against temptations, or b, leave him. Neither option is really fun.
But the way I see it is, if he really cares about you, he should be a little more sensitive to your needs. You struggle with temptation. Perhaps he could eat his tempting food elsewhere, like when he's at work or hanging with his friends. He could at least be sympathetic and offer to help you prepare your meals so you can eat happily with him.
I wish you the best of luck. Working with our partners can be so hard. But we deserve the benefits that we work hard to achieve. Only you can take care of yourself at the end of the day.0 -
If he likes taking you out maybe suggest other places to take you than for meals out? The theatre, cinema, bowling, art galleries, museums, concerts, comedy nights etc - maybe if you socialised together away from food it would help. Ultimately though there is always going to be temptation and you just have to be strong, it's fine to have an indulgence every now and then but not if it's costing you your health.0
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She's talking about food. Good grief.I'm not sure I would admit to a love interest that I can't resist temptation. That might not bode well for the future.
She's right. You should not communicate and lie about it.
<shrug> I would never date a guy who told me he couldn't resist temptation. That's just begging for trust issues. But to each her own.
It was supposed to be a joke. I guess it did not come across that way. I apologize for offending.0 -
The part of this that's interesting is how we as a culture have become more comfortable putting expectations on girlfriends and boyfriends as if they are husbands and wives.
They aren't.
The whole point of not getting married is to lower the commitment and expectation level.0 -
I was 130 pounds when I met my husband and he was trying to stay under 200. He eventually went up to 325 and I got up to 210. He got gastric bypass and is now under 200 again but I am still 205. Please don't let outside influences dictate how you eat. There is always going to be the bad stuff out there that you will have to resist no matter what anyone else eats or does not eat. I do think he should supposrt your need to eat healthier even iof just verbally. You can do it! Get it off now before it becomes 70 pounds like me.0
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All I gotta say is you're an adult. He's an adult. You both can eat whatever you want. YOU make decisions to eat or not eat certain things. You decide for yourself at the restaurant. So if you want to lose weight and you want to eat like that, then you'll start working out a lot more or you'll make healthier choices. But when you want it enough you'll do it. It really is that simple.
It's your decision.0 -
I have only read about half of the responses here.
I am aware it's my own fault. however, when you tell someone I am watching what I'm eating and they ask you to make nachos and cheese for a snack or ask you to order pizza 3 days a week or want to go for ice cream, or ask you to bake cookies or muffins all the time. It's just not fair. My question was not whose fault it is my question was how to get him to take me seriously.
When I told him how much weight I gained he laughed and said ya I noticed.0 -
I cook healthy meals at home and then he wants to go for ice cream, or chips or some other form of Junk food.0
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How dare he notice your weight gain?
How about letting him fend for himself while you continue cooking for yourself?0 -
They can make their own nachos and cheese. Why are you the one being made to do these things? If he wants it, let him get it. If you want to be healthy you will be. You need to remove yourself from the bad things. You just have to mentally prepare yourself with the willpower to avoid temptation. It's hard. But if you want it bad enough, then, and only then, will this work for you. Otherwise, you're not ready. My boyfriend weighs less than I do. He can eat whatever he wants and not gain weight. He's athletic. I have to watch it. When you are watching what you are eating, allow yourself *little* cheats here and there, but stay on course. It gets easier as you go.0
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I have only read about half of the responses here.
I am aware it's my own fault. however, when you tell someone I am watching what I'm eating and they ask you to make nachos and cheese for a snack or ask you to order pizza 3 days a week or want to go for ice cream, or ask you to bake cookies or muffins all the time. It's just not fair. My question was not whose fault it is my question was how to get him to take me seriously.
When I told him how much weight I gained he laughed and said ya I noticed.
Just break up.
Okay seriously, whether he asks you to do those things, again you have a decision to make. You can decide to do it or not to order it. You could order the stuff and order you something healthier on the side. Just because you are changing how you are eating doesn't mean he has to change his. So don't order that stuff, he's an adult he can order it himself and you could make your own dinner. You're both adults I'm guessing. He's capable of making his own snacks, getting his own dinner and so are you. It's all a decision. There's no way any of us can tell you the magic words to make him take you seriously, because the thing is, he's not wanting to change his lifestyle. You are.
There is no bad food, just bad eating habits.
I'm not trying to be mean, but day in and out I see these posts and people complaining because their SO won't also eat healthy, or they keep trying to tempt them, or sabotage them, when the reality is they aren't sabotaging or tempting. We are all grown adults. If you want it bad enough you'll do it. It's that simple. If you really want to and are ready to lose the weight you can still do all those things for him AND make yourself something different, or eat less of whatever you make. It's about moderation not deprivation. Maybe you just aren't ready to lose the weight yet. When you are you will do whatever it takes and won't accept any excuses or temptations. The only person you are responsible for is yourself. You're an adult. You can make your own decisions on what you want to do for you.
If you really are serious and want to lose weight you'll do it. It's that simple.0 -
I like to eat. I really, really do. I love it! When I started dating my husband, I had lost almost 80 pounds and I looked HOT. I lost the 80 pounds by tracking my food intake and not eating as much as I would have liked to (or by not eating some of the things I would have liked to). But he likes to eat as much as I like to eat. So I put on weight. Five pounds at first, then a WHOLE LOT more. He says he likes how I look when I'm heavy. But I don't. I hate how I look when I'm heavy. My sex drive goes away, too. So I just had to stop eating what he was eating. Too bad for me. I can eat lots of sugary treats and all the fried foods I love, or I can slim down. I can't have it both ways. Yes, I can cook yummy healthy food and it's not about constant deprivation but--let's face it--healthy food doesn't taste the same as deep-fried or fatty food and sweets if that's what you love to eat. You've got to pick one: I want to abstain now and look and feel good later OR I want to indulge now and look and feel bad later. You won't ALWAYS make the right choice but if you make the right choice MOST of the time, you'll win.
Thank you for the only nice comment I've read.0 -
Thank you for the only nice comment I've read.
My comment was nice and helpful. This ^ is a rude comment.0 -
How dare he notice your weight gain?
How about letting him fend for himself while you continue cooking for yourself?
He can't cook. He was married 21 years and never learned how to cook. Seems his ex liked alot of greasy gross processed food as well. He can't even make eggs.0
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