Body Image and Relationships

So I am sort of in a funny position. I am in the best shape of my life but I am dating someone who does not like my body. I have explained that I have loose skin from having been over 300 lbs but this extenuating circumstance seems to make no difference. I sensed the lack of attraction so I pushed and pushed to understand what was causing it specifically. "Your mid section looks like a viola" "your butt reminds me of my mothers' "

I do not look that bad naked. Yes I have loose skin, but it's not like I am wearing my former belly as a skirt or something. I have NEVER been so unattractive to someone. We have been together for four months and we have yet to have sex.

Are these kinds of comments normal or ok if pushed for?

I am in the best shape of my adult life and yet I have the worst self-esteem about my body I have ever had. Caused by you know who.

It is time to move on. If she thinks you look that hideous, she doesn't love you, and she isn't the right girl for you.

When it comes to physical...issues...love should be blind. Hubby has seen me at 135lbs, and he has seen me at 230lbs. He much prefers me on the lower end of the scale.

I'm not saying she should make you feel like an underwear model, but she also shouldn't make you feel like you have to feel horrid about your body.She should be telling you things more along the lines of " your abs kinda suck right now...However, look how far you have come in the months we have been together!" I've been blessed to have several very supportive men in my life ( my husband, a friend, and my trainer). Hubby isn't really good about using words to tell me that he sees a change...but when he lays there at night and strokes my (new) muscles like it is the first time he's touched me, or he can't take his hand off my butt, it says it all. I could have just about kissed my friend Justin ( who used to be my trainer) this spring when he looked at me and told me I needed to make SURE to go to the beach this summer and show off all my hot new muscles (it didn't happen because my son broke both wrists). It definitely put a smile on this obese old lady's face though! And my current trainer...sigh...Brian. he's not one to flatter me, but he acts in a way that tells me he doesn't SEE me as an obese lady. He does NOT like it when I make jokes about my height or weight. I think he felt a little better when I explained to him that I was just trying to keep it real. The truth is that I am 5"2' tall, and I am obese. I still have a good 55lbs to lose to have a normal BMI.

Wow. The right person in your life should make you feel good about yourself. I suggest leaving a big boot print on her haughty butt.

You are a cute guy, there is a beautiful woman out there for you who will be proud of you every day for your immense achievement. You should be celebrating that, not hiding away. She isn't the girl for you.

What the hell are you sticking around for? Why is this even something that you're preoccupied with? Move on and find someone who appreciates you for everything that you are, loose skin and all.

Not sure what I can add that hasn't already been expressed...

except I would say that your weight loss is a major life accomplishment, such a positive change. If I were in your place, I would want my partner to jump up and down and celebrate that with me, to see all the good and awesomeness in that change. :flowerforyou:

I could not be comfortable with someone who was critical of my body and who could not find me desirable in the present (but maybe, just maybe, could if I lost more weight). Good heavens, that would hurt me too much!

Definitely as so many have already said and I will note that I agree with them, this girl doesn't sound like she is right for you. If she cannot love you with the faults and is not able to look past them (I consider loose skin to be a very minor and usually temporary fault, heck I got loose skin from having a baby!) then she is not the girl for you and you certainly deserve a girl that can look past something like that and be proud of what you have accomplished.

Hope you find a good solution for yourself no matter what you decide to do with this girl, you have done the best thing for yourself already and that's getting into the best shape of your life

I agree with this and every other person that said something like this - getting into shape is the hardest but one of the most rewarding and best things you can do in your life.
Amen.

From your pic, I'm assuming you are a man, and you are dating a woman. If the roles were reversed...a female dating a man that made rude comments about her body...all of us ladies would go after him with pitchforks (so to speak).

The advice remains the same despite your gender. Dump her. It sounds like she wants to be with someone that she views as "weak," and she can verbally abuse. My biggest question (in your situation) is why would YOU want to be with someone that destroys your self-esteem? Obviously, she has problems, so let's not even discuss her.

You deserve better. Get out.

Okay dude, the above advice is good but here is what you do:
Tell her that you want to take her to a to a really nice fine dinning restaurant of her choosing. Say that you want to show her how much you care for and want her in your life.
Take her to said restaurant and ensure that she orders whatever she wants.
Order a bottle of some of the oldest wine they have.
Make sure you get your fill of that wine.
Mid-meal, excuse yourself to use the restroom.
Instead, divert to the entrance, tell the host/hostess that your date will be picking up the check.
Leave the restaurant. Delete her number.
She will learn a valuable lesson.

I'm not surprised; some setups are timeless classics. Dude, do it. Either she will respect you more for your balls for pulling that stunt or you will never hear from her again- win win for you.

It's probably time to assess why you are attracted to someone who does not find you appealing. Genuine feelings about a person are not appearance driven. They come from inside the person so I am going to ask if she finds you unattractive is the reason you are with here because she is physically beautiful....because ultimately no outer beauty will matter if the person is unattractive inside.

I can relate to this but not in the exact way. I used to be really chubby. I've lost a lot of weight over the past few months but I know I could do better. I'm currently dating someone who is in a really great shape. Like huge triceps, biceps, has abs, and you know the rest. He's obsessed with working out. However, he doesn't make me feel bad about my body. He makes comments like "You'd look hotter if you'll lose a bit more weight" or "It's better if your arms would be more toned and firm" but that's not really insulting. In a way, it is motivating me. And he literally motivates me, like he calls me up early in the morning to remind me of my morning run. Or when I'm at the gym, he'd send texts like "Good job, babe. Keep it up". And he even signs me up for fun runs. So yeah, he is my workout/fitness body and also my personal trainer.

That's how it should be. I believe that if you really love your partner, you would avoid saying things that could hurt him/her. You would motivate him/her into being better, in this case being more fit. And you would even help him/her. If it's not like that, then leave her.

You are dating an unkind woman, regardless of whether or not you pushed for the comments.

Get rid of her asap. She's not a nice person and nothing you can do will change that.

I have always thought of relationships as helping your partner to be the best version of themselves, and I don't see anything like that here. It is scary to end a relationship, face being alone and back in the dating pool, but your self esteem is worth so much more than what you are enduring. I would be proud to have a boyfriend with some saggy skin and wrinkled butt, because I know and appreciate the dedication and work that went into that achievement. Yep, move on and find someone that lifts you up.

Awww no! She sounds really harsh about you - you look super cute and seem like a really nice person! I know it sounds cheesy but attractiveness is more than skin-deep and if she can't see past that then she really isn't worth your time.

I wish you good luck, I really hope she sees what a great person you are and shuts her mouth over those mean comments - i would never talk to my husband like that.

Congratulations with your healthy success!