Body Image and Relationships

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  • april27kelli
    april27kelli Posts: 338 Member
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    Get out. Now.
  • emsoquena
    emsoquena Posts: 127 Member
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    I can relate to this but not in the exact way. I used to be really chubby. I've lost a lot of weight over the past few months but I know I could do better. I'm currently dating someone who is in a really great shape. Like huge triceps, biceps, has abs, and you know the rest. He's obsessed with working out. However, he doesn't make me feel bad about my body. He makes comments like "You'd look hotter if you'll lose a bit more weight" or "It's better if your arms would be more toned and firm" but that's not really insulting. In a way, it is motivating me. And he literally motivates me, like he calls me up early in the morning to remind me of my morning run. Or when I'm at the gym, he'd send texts like "Good job, babe. Keep it up". And he even signs me up for fun runs. So yeah, he is my workout/fitness body and also my personal trainer.

    That's how it should be. I believe that if you really love your partner, you would avoid saying things that could hurt him/her. You would motivate him/her into being better, in this case being more fit. And you would even help him/her. If it's not like that, then leave her.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    If that person can't accept you (and is MEAN) they are not worth your time. You have accomplished something AMAZING and any significant other should be supportive and proud!
    very well put... you worked HARD to get healthier... keep it up..in the relationship area too!!!! :wink: You are Worth TOO MUCH to have anyone tear you down.:drinker:
  • cineshome
    cineshome Posts: 97 Member
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    You are dating an unkind woman, regardless of whether or not you pushed for the comments.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    And you're with her...why? I can't figure that out at all. And why is she with you? Does she expect you to change somehow? Is she a sociopath that can smell your low self-esteem a mile away and is just enjoying having someone to belittle? Is she trying to work up to having sex with you, sort of like steeling yourself for something unpleasant that must be done?. Is that what you want your significant other to think of you? Good grief, you sound like the 18 year old girls on here whose boyfriends treat them like crap and they don't know what to do because any minute he's gonna turn to gold (clue: it never happens)...a common delusion for a teenager but you're a grown-*kitten* man! Ditch her! Jeez Louise!
  • chubber231
    chubber231 Posts: 41 Member
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    Get rid of her asap. She's not a nice person and nothing you can do will change that.
  • Miss_Hiker_Pants
    Miss_Hiker_Pants Posts: 229 Member
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    UPDATE PLEASE..............................Hope you moved on to better things & better people! :ohwell:
  • beanrider
    beanrider Posts: 66 Member
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    I have always thought of relationships as helping your partner to be the best version of themselves, and I don't see anything like that here. It is scary to end a relationship, face being alone and back in the dating pool, but your self esteem is worth so much more than what you are enduring. I would be proud to have a boyfriend with some saggy skin and wrinkled butt, because I know and appreciate the dedication and work that went into that achievement. Yep, move on and find someone that lifts you up.
  • gwenr
    gwenr Posts: 139 Member
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    So I am sort of in a funny position. I am in the best shape of my life but I am dating someone who does not like my body. I have explained that I have loose skin from having been over 300 lbs but this extenuating circumstance seems to make no difference. I sensed the lack of attraction so I pushed and pushed to understand what was causing it specifically. "Your mid section looks like a viola" "your butt reminds me of my mothers' "

    I do not look that bad naked. Yes I have loose skin, but it's not like I am wearing my former belly as a skirt or something. I have NEVER been so unattractive to someone. We have been together for four months and we have yet to have sex.

    Are these kinds of comments normal or ok if pushed for?

    I am in the best shape of my adult life and yet I have the worst self-esteem about my body I have ever had. Caused by you know who.

    OMG! I can only presume that she is absolutely perfect and flawless?? I think not. For one, her attitude sucks. You can do better. Throw this one back and find a woman who adores you AS YOU ARE.
  • jennygeo1
    jennygeo1 Posts: 133 Member
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    Awww no! She sounds really harsh about you - you look super cute and seem like a really nice person! I know it sounds cheesy but attractiveness is more than skin-deep and if she can't see past that then she really isn't worth your time.

    I wish you good luck, I really hope she sees what a great person you are and shuts her mouth over those mean comments - i would never talk to my husband like that.

    Congratulations with your healthy success!
  • LauraBalyk
    LauraBalyk Posts: 219 Member
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    You can do better. I may not know you, or know your relationship, but anyone who says those type of comments to you is not worth your time. You have obviously worked very hard to get to where you are, and you feel confident in your body, and you should be with someone who thinks you are AMAZING !
  • VeganLexi
    VeganLexi Posts: 960 Member
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    She sounds horrendous!!! Get rid of her!

    Seriously though, you don't want to spend your short time on this earth with a b1tch like that do you?
    You should be so proud of your achievement, you are a handsome chap with a lovely smile, she does NOT deserve you.

    Ugh, this sh1t makes me mad as hell :explode:
  • jeda1231
    jeda1231 Posts: 63 Member
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    umm that is terrible! I just have to say that if a man said this to a woman it would be completely appalling! so there should not be a double standard. I have self esteem issues and could never imagine with someone who agreed with me or was that verbally mean! get out of the relationship - you will meet someone who not only finds you attractive for how you are but will love you even more for how dedicated you are to becoming healthy!

    that girl sucks (i'm assuming we are speaking about a female but if we are not - anyone who says that has their own issues to work out!) congrats on how far you have come!
  • Darrelkun
    Darrelkun Posts: 152 Member
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    I agree it's time to move on. You deserve better than this in your life. You have worked hard to lose the weight and you deserve to take pride in your accomplishments, not feel like a failure because you have some extra skin in some places.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    Don't be so desperate to be with someone who is obviously, a moron. Move on. You deserve someone that is proud of have you on their arm.
  • danarandallreed
    danarandallreed Posts: 132 Member
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    Four months and no sex is reason enough to go. But, this person is not right for you. End it now. Someone out there will admire your life change and find your body sexier than you could ever imagine.
  • Inshape13
    Inshape13 Posts: 680 Member
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    I will say the same thing that I said to a good friend some years ago. "You deserve better than what you are getting!" Look at this as the other person(your SO) giving you the warning before you waste a lot of time and feelings on them. There is someone out there that is sooooooo much better and will treat you how you deserve to be treated and look past the skin. No offense, but just move on.
  • desiv2
    desiv2 Posts: 651 Member
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    This is one of the reasons i'm hesitant to date. Move on, especially since she can't seem to get past it herself.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,908 Member
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    I'm sorry that you have wasted 4 months of your life with a miserable person. Hopefully after you decide that you do, in fact, deserve to be treated with respect and not constantly be put down you will find someone who will love and appreciate you for who you are and all of the hard work you have put into becoming healthy.
  • SkinnyFatAlbert
    SkinnyFatAlbert Posts: 482 Member
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    Find a girl that likes you for who you are. I know, "duh," but it's the best and simplest answer. You and the girl will both be happier in the long run. There are a zillion girls out there who won't care about the sagging skin. There are a zillion more who will. It's a no brainer on which group to focus your efforts on. On the flip side, I knew a girl once who hated six packs because she said it reminded her of a bugs stomach (segments). Women's tastes are complete nonsense sometimes so it's best just to roll with it. I speak from experience. Went from 365 to 240ish and I have loose skin, mostly around my stomach.

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