what would YOU do ?

Nothing. Unless she brings it up with you (which implicitly gives you permission), it isn't your business.

My parents are morbidly obese and have been most of my life, my sister is overweight. I wouldn't dream of telling them how/why to lose weight. I love them, but I don't want to fight with them (and they are all smart people, they know the health risks they face).

Telling people they should lose weight is like telling people to quit smoking: it might make you feel virtuous but it will either put them on the defensive or will hurt their feelings.

Do you live close enough to invite her to go for a walk with you?
This can be a touchy subjects between sisters. I have three sisters myself. I think it would be better to get her involved in activity that would hopefully lead to a healthier lifestyle.

This is my cousin. This past trip to Cuba, her children came with us for the first time. My cousin had purchased new clothing for her 12 yr old daughter a few days before we left, and within 5 days of our 2 week vacation, her daughter was too big to fit into the clothes (whereas they fit perfectly before). Her daughters eating habits directly reflect her mothers and my cousin was even having difficulties fitting into some of the newer clothes she had also purchased for herself a few days before travel.
I said and did nothing. It was non of my business what she chose to do and what she allowed her daughter to do. My husband and I chose to MYOB and to not get involved unless we where specifically asked - which we weren't. So my advice would be to not approach the subject unless your sister asks you for your advice. If she doesn't, then say nothing. It is her business how she eats and she may be more then comfortable in the skin she is in, which is the case with my cousin.

That's a tough one. Does she verbalize that she wishes she could drop lbs? If she expresses the concern, that's probably your best opening, when she brings it up, but I would take it slow, like first just suggest she joins MFP or another website that helps track food and exercise and gives her a community of support. And then if she does start up on the website, you have common ground to continue "learning" to be a healthier being. Sometimes people just need gentle and supportive little pushes because they don't really know how or where to start and are afraid of failing so they stay where they are and do what they know. It also depends on your relationship with your sister and how she would take your advice. Good luck, it's important enough to try.

Leave her alone, if it comes from someone like you or another family member she will 100% get defensive & you could loose her. She will turn whatever "love" you give her into you going against her, you will make her feel horrible about herself because just think about it, how do you tell someone that they need to lose weight without making them feel like crap? There is no good way to do it. While you want to help & think you would be showing her how much you love her by speaking up, she won't see it that way, esp if she isn't ready to do this. She has to be ready to lose weight & no one can get her to that place but herself.

I know, because I was her. I was always the fat kid, the largest person in my family with a sister who was always super thin. This has been this way our entire life. However while I knew I was over weight I was happy regardless, have a husband who loves me & 2 awesome kids. Not everyone over weight is unhappy or unhealthy for that matter. Yes obsesity itself is unhealthy but I never had blood pressure issues not even while preg, wasn't diabetic, no chloesterol issues etc Other then my weight I was fine & since I never had the will power to lose weight I was content to stay that way for the rest of my life.

Then I developed a hernia both from my weight & from a surgery I had 6mths prior & I went to see a surgeon about having it repaired in Feb of this year. I was fully prepared for him to tell me I needed to lose weight & boy did he ever. He gave me a wake up call that I didn't realized I needed or wanted!! When he told me that at 32yrs old I was most likely going to be dead in 10yrs time or suffering with severe heart disease etc I was shocked. He then asked permission to put me on the wait list for gastric by pass surgery. That really did it, I was floored. He told me to come back in 3mths & if needed he would give me the lecture again but until I lost weight & got healthy he wouldn't do my surgery. What he didn't know is that I am a VERY stubborn person, I was hell bent & determine to show him and I have. But it was because he opened my eyes & then I spent the next 4 days prepping myself, reading & getting ready to start my new life.

Its been 7mths & I have 78lbs gone, however if any one of my family members, esp my sister had dared to look at me & tell me to lose weight, I can guarantee you I would have told them to go "bleep" themselves & walked out of their lives. I wouldn't have listened to anyone else but that surgeon because he was on the outside, I didn't have to ever see him again & he wasn't important to me, my family is.

I would leave her alone. Do you think she doesn't know she's overweight? My sister is like this - very overweight, still has some very questionable eating habits. She knows it. She just needs to find the willingness to work on it.

Hey,

I wouldn't say anything, in your case. You and your parents sound a bit too judgmental about her life, her food... her boyfriend.

Criticism disguised as concern fools nobody.

Look very carefully at your own motives before you leap!

All the best. x

you really cant do or say anything unless they want it for themselves. thats with anyone who has an addiction to something

I would enjoy my week with my family.

You cant change someone. Only they can. I assure you she knows she is overweight. If she doesnt care, then not a thing or person in the world is going to change that.

ETA: My mother used to make offhand fat comments to me. Pissed me off to no end. Still does and she hasnt mentioned anything since I started losing.

If things have been said in the past, and she has been hurt due to it, you KNOW that saying something (unprompted) now will not help and could exacerbate the situation. If you send her home crying about what you say, it will probably be blown out of proportion in her mind and if an emotional eater she will bury her sorrows in calorie dense deliciousness. She has to want it FIRST, really want it, not daydream want it.

If she wants to eat onion rings she should order them herself or arrange to share the order from the start.

Why are men so weird about this? You ask for a few bites and they go all: 'JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD' on you.

(ice cream, a huge 12 pack box of chocolate covered cranberries, friend onion rings,"diet coke")
What would you do ?

keep quiet? talk to her ? do something drastic ?

Tell her to stop eating her friend's onion rings, that's a good way to lose a finger or at least face a nasty fork stabbing to the hand in my circle of friends. If she wants to eat onion rings she should order them herself or arrange to share the order from the start.

lol They didn't belong to friends. They were made of friends. The last ones that told her she needed to lose weight.

You go on a 1 week vacation with your family and you see that your Sister is still really overweight in her mid 40's and you are very concerned.

During the one week vacation you see her eating habits pretty much the same as they have always been (ice cream, a huge 12 pack box of chocolate covered cranberries, friend onion rings,"diet coke") despite 2 decades of attempts to lose weight. Nothing has changed.

What would you do ?

keep quiet? talk to her ? do something drastic ?


I love my Sister but this past week experience has me very concerned.

Keep quiet. Fat people know they are fat. You don't need to tell them.

My sister did say something to me. I thought about it, looked at her eating habits and fitness routine and did do something about it. I am gratefully she mentioned it. She lead me my example. On the other hand my younger was out of control. Everyone in the family said something. She did not do anything about it until her husband left, who was also out of control, for a thinner woman.