what would YOU do ?

My sister is only 16 years old and weighs 17 and a half stone, whenever i see her i see such a beautiful person who is ruining her health, she lives at home still and whilst my mums forever on some fad diet i don't think anyone has actually paid attention to what is eaten in their home.
When i first joined her she was staying with me and we did it together for a couple of weeks, she managed to lose 9lbs and then her stay at mine ended and she went home.
I told her to stay committed and that she would do really well i told her i would treat her after every 10lbs lost and i never got the chance to because she didnt commit.
The next time i spoke to her as her older sister and friend, she listened and didnt say much, i explained what it was doing to her health.
After she went home i got a phone call from my mum telling me i'd upset her and to stay out of it, i was told she wasn't going to develop high blood pressure, diabetes or her heart would not suffer even though these things run in my family not to mention even if they didnt thats just some of what being obese does to you.

After this i've never mentioned weight loss, healthy food, exercise to her, it hurts as i know what its doing to her, she can hardly walk home from school she gets out of breath, shes too lazy to walk to the shops, shes 17 in oct and doesnt have periods and she always just seems to eat eat eat.

BUT......theres nothing i can do she will have to realise on her own one day that she needs to lose weight

I wouldn't say a word. She knows she's overweight, and I suspect has a pretty good idea why.

However, the first time you hear the words "I don't understand why I can't lose this weight/why I keep gaining weight", I'd be all over that like flies on stink. In a gentle way.

My response would be something like "For me, I noticed that when I quit eating such large portions my weight leveled out. And when I cut out salty snacks it helped me not to retain so much water, or feel so bloated all the time, which motivated me to get a little exercise. This of course led to the number on the scale shrinking, which just motivated me to keep going.

This. I wouldn't force it on her, but if she brings it up and wants to talk about it, then I would discuss it.

I have lots of people in my family that eat terribly and are really overweight. They know they are unhealthy, they have to make the decision to change things. No one can do it for them. Telling them they are fat will just hurt feelings, it's not productive.

I don't have a sister but do have 2 brothers. My relationship with each is very different. One I would smack on the back of the head and say " What the @#$%@ are you doing to yourself." The other I would just let it be because he wouldn't listen to me anyway. It depends how you and her get along.

you can try to help but be ready if she doesn't want it. some people need to find a rason for a change and you can't make that happen. i've tryed almost every thing under the sun to help my little brother stop smoking but hes not ready. he will agree then start back up in a couple of days

I just can't understand why my Sister has not had this same burning desire because she is able to achieve so many other things under even more difficult circumstances.

I've been in the same situation and still don't know the answer. I told myself for years, "I really need to start doing something," but continued to overeat and pack on the pounds. There are so many lifestyle, habit, and emotional ties to all of it, it just isn't really even a choice born of logic. It's just going through the days the way you do. At some level, I always wanted to lose weight - often I was acutely aware of it, embarrassed, ashamed, disgusted. Mostly tired, though, colored by all those other things.

Honestly for me, I had a bunch of stuff happen on a personal level that was devastating and out of my control. And I finally decided, "Well, this I can control. I'm tired of being heavy, tired of hurting, tired of not being able to move and of not having clothes that fit... and, while everything else seems to be falling apart, at least I can concentrate on doing this one beneficial thing for myself." So I am.

It's hard to say what will move a person. There is a thread on here called (I think) "What was your last straw?" and it's interesting to see what finally moves a person to make significant changes at any level of their life. However, I don't think for very many it starts with hearing what they already know from others. It might make them angry, sad, embarrassed, defensive, contrite...but it probably doesn't honestly inspire change very often.

I would say that the best thing you can do is just to be a brother and a friend. Set a good example. You may choose to talk about your own journey, but I would focus less on "I did two hours at the gym today hoo-rah!" than on "I feel so good. I'm so glad I'm doing something," and "Boy, this (healthy food of your choice) is one of my favorite recipes! Do you want some? I have enough to share."

If you live close by, maybe you could invite her and her boyfriend over for an evening once in a while. You can serve the regular, healthy food choices that you would serve anyway and plan some fun time - maybe a little easy backyard volleyball or badminton or a walk around the block so the little kids can ride bikes (if there are any kids or bikes lol) - or even a board game, a bbq, a movie, whatever it is that you all would enjoy. It doesn't have to be a lecture or a confrontation or even super active - but the evening doesn't have to be centered around fatty foods and sweets, either. If she shows up with a bag of chocolate-covered whatever, that's her choice. Any chance that she might respond well to this will probably be ruined by your pushing it on her, though. There is a difference between letting her into and sharing with her the new aspects of your own life and trying to manipulate her into substituting your judgment for her own. Hopefully, she will also enjoy the different food options and the time spent with you - and see that you are doing well with your new choices.

Which I hope you are. Take care.

Firstly, can I just say that you sound like a very lovely, caring brother, which is fantastic to hear.

The approach you need to take to this situation depends on a few factors, including what your relationship is like with your sister, and how likely she is to respond to your concern. If it were me, I would focus on yourself for now. You are new to MFP and still have to learn the ropes for yourself. Give yourself 6 to 8 weeks and see how you get on. Then, you can start gradually dropping hints such as how the site works and how successful you've been using it as a tool from your own experience. Your sister will pick up on the hints and will either continue the conversation with you, or ignore it completely and you'll know where you stand.

Ultimately though, please try and remember this. The only person who can make a change to her health is the person she sees in the mirror every day. Nobody else.

Best of luck :flowerforyou:

This year, I got to the highest weight I've ever been. I knew that I was almost always the biggest person in the room. In fact, I was convinced everyone was disgusted by me. But even knowing how out of hand I was letting my weight get, hearing it from a loved one would have probably broken my heart. When I first started "trying" to lise weight in the spring, I told my husband to reign me in if I went back for seconds or suggested dessert. But every time he did what I asked, I got offended and grouchy.

No one can do it for her. It's hard to watch the people you love self destruct but even if you say something and even if it gets through to her, there's no guarantee she'll make a change. Just love her and support her. Not much else you can do.

Sometimes people respond better if you suggest something that would help you out, instead of focusing on her. For example, "I really need a walking buddy. Are you able to join me a couple of days a week?" Or I'm really trying to cut down my sweets to twice a week, but I need someone to do it with me. You think you can help me out?" Make it about you instead of her and it won't be so offensive. After a while of her doing you a favor, she might get interested in finding other ways of being healthier.

If she wants to eat onion rings she should order them herself or arrange to share the order from the start.

Why are men so weird about this? You ask for a few bites and they go all: 'JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD' on you.

I am in the same boat with my beloved younger sister. She is morbidly obese. In 2011, we went on a cruise and I weighed about 80 LBS more than I do now. Neither one of us much worried about eating or exercising. In fact, I remember her getting out of the way of some people running on the jogging track and making a snide remark about "serial runners". Now, I am finally healthy and we are going on another cruise in November. While I won't be one of those "serial runners" she mentioned(I cannot run due to arthritis in both knees), I will be taking the stairs, walking and exercising in the exercise rooms. She has watched while I have been on my weight loss journey and she even joined a health club to walk on the treadmill, although I don't think she goes very often. We have talked about her joining MFP and losing weight but, she has been very resistant, refusing to get on the scale and making one excuse after another. I have heard them all and probably used them myself many times so I certainly cannot judge her. All I can do is hope that she will see how much energy I have on this trip and that it will light a spark in her. Like others have said, she has to decide for herself. She has to be ready for the lifestyle change. When she is, I'll be ready to support her 100% because I will have walked in her shoes.

You do nothing. She already knows she needs to lose weight and if you bring it up to her it is probably not going to do anything but hurt her feelings. My husband never said anything to me about my WEIGHT specifically but he would tell me I needed to change my diet and all it did was make me mad. When I finally decided to make the change, it had nothing to do with his badgering,.. I made the change because the light bulb finally came on in MY head and I wanted to do it for ME.

I wouldn't say a thing unless she wants to talk about it.

Nothing, I have a sister like this. She gives me all the print-outs of her fad diets, binders full of weight watchers recipes that she "doesn't use anymore", excuses up the wazoo. I don't say a word. I have snapped on her in the past, but it never works. You just worry about you and your goals, let her continue on her merry way. I've noticed that the smaller I get, the more my sister dislikes me, just something I have to deal with. She's never liked me, so it's not like I'm destroying our relationship. Be concerned all you want to, she's a big girl, she needs to make her own decisions.

She knows, you don't have to tell her anything. Until she is ready to make a change, you can not force her to do so......

you can't change someone, or make them change. when she's ready, she'll change herself. unfortunately 'when' may never come.