what would YOU do ?

Options
135678

Replies

  • bethannien
    bethannien Posts: 556 Member
    Options
    This year, I got to the highest weight I've ever been. I knew that I was almost always the biggest person in the room. In fact, I was convinced everyone was disgusted by me. But even knowing how out of hand I was letting my weight get, hearing it from a loved one would have probably broken my heart. When I first started "trying" to lise weight in the spring, I told my husband to reign me in if I went back for seconds or suggested dessert. But every time he did what I asked, I got offended and grouchy.

    No one can do it for her. It's hard to watch the people you love self destruct but even if you say something and even if it gets through to her, there's no guarantee she'll make a change. Just love her and support her. Not much else you can do.
  • missymakayla
    missymakayla Posts: 309 Member
    Options
    I would say nothing. When she is ready to lose the weight she will. I ate crap for a long time, when I was ready to, I stopped and not before. I don't think it would have mattered if my sister told me about my weight, I think it would have only hurt my feelings.. Now if she is ready to talk about, the lend your ear.....
  • butterpecan_ts
    butterpecan_ts Posts: 48 Member
    Options
    Sometimes people respond better if you suggest something that would help you out, instead of focusing on her. For example, "I really need a walking buddy. Are you able to join me a couple of days a week?" Or I'm really trying to cut down my sweets to twice a week, but I need someone to do it with me. You think you can help me out?" Make it about you instead of her and it won't be so offensive. After a while of her doing you a favor, she might get interested in finding other ways of being healthier.
  • Sassyallday
    Sassyallday Posts: 136 Member
    Options
    I think it would be better to get her involved in activity that would hopefully lead to a healthier lifestyle.

    I totally agree with this! The best thing any of my friends or family ever does for me to just join me in doing something healthy. It supports my effort without shining a spotlight on me or my "weight issues". I want to be seen, by my family and friends, as someone with whom they want to share some fun (a swim, a walk, any activity not involving food!) and not just a fat girl who needs help.

    She knows she's fat. And when she is ready to do more about it than just talk, you will see her learning and making changes. Then you can step in to support that!
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    Options
    If she wants to eat onion rings she should order them herself or arrange to share the order from the start.

    Why are men so weird about this? You ask for a few bites and they go all: 'JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD' on you.

    girl_took_food_1.gif
  • thomas2017
    thomas2017 Posts: 20
    Options
    I totally agree with this! The best thing any of my friends or family ever does for me to just join me in doing something healthy. It supports my effort without shining a spotlight on me or my "weight issues". I want to be seen, by my family and friends, as someone with whom they want to share some fun (a swim, a walk, any activity not involving food!) and not just a fat girl who needs help.


    See this is a great point and I agree with you. On the cape I went biking with her and her bf and we biked about 50 miles in 2 days. But after each bike trip we stopped for ice cream hot fudge sundaes, and then a late dinner at 8pm which I said I did not want to go to.

    So while I had a great time biking with them/her, then the whole health benefit of the trip was essentially cancelled out by the evil ice cream and butter from dinner.
  • thomas2017
    thomas2017 Posts: 20
    Options
    MrsFowler,

    Thanks for your excellent points. Your point about the 'last straw' or reaching a breaking point is key. I think my Sister could reach that point, but I wonder if there is a spark that would help to set it in motion...
  • thomas2017
    thomas2017 Posts: 20
    Options
    It was my sister who inspired me to lose and get fit. Not so much by what she said (because at the time I found what she was saying to be pretentious and pious), but by what she did and her results.

    Getting inspired by someone or something in regards to achieving a goal of weight loss is so important.

    I was recently watching the show "Extreme Weight Loss" and I have to admit it is very inspiring to me that they are able to achieve 100 pounds weight loss in 90 days. That is astounding. After watching that show, I think many would get the sense " I can do this " as well.
  • twinteensmom
    twinteensmom Posts: 371 Member
    Options
    I am in the same boat with my beloved younger sister. She is morbidly obese. In 2011, we went on a cruise and I weighed about 80 LBS more than I do now. Neither one of us much worried about eating or exercising. In fact, I remember her getting out of the way of some people running on the jogging track and making a snide remark about "serial runners". Now, I am finally healthy and we are going on another cruise in November. While I won't be one of those "serial runners" she mentioned(I cannot run due to arthritis in both knees), I will be taking the stairs, walking and exercising in the exercise rooms. She has watched while I have been on my weight loss journey and she even joined a health club to walk on the treadmill, although I don't think she goes very often. We have talked about her joining MFP and losing weight but, she has been very resistant, refusing to get on the scale and making one excuse after another. I have heard them all and probably used them myself many times so I certainly cannot judge her. All I can do is hope that she will see how much energy I have on this trip and that it will light a spark in her. Like others have said, she has to decide for herself. She has to be ready for the lifestyle change. When she is, I'll be ready to support her 100% because I will have walked in her shoes.
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,894 Member
    Options
    This is a tough one. I knew before I made changes in my life that I was fat and needed to do something about it. But then sometimes I wondered why the people who were supposed to care the most about me didn't say anything to me. I didn't know if it was because they didn't care or if they thought I would get defensive. People are really funny about approaching people regarding their weight, even though they know it can mean life or death. If I was drinking too much or doing drugs or some other self-destructive behavior, would they have said something? Ultimately I had to be the one to take the first steps to change, but it might have made a difference knowing my loved ones were concerned.
  • JenMarie8781
    JenMarie8781 Posts: 377 Member
    Options
    You do nothing. She already knows she needs to lose weight and if you bring it up to her it is probably not going to do anything but hurt her feelings. My husband never said anything to me about my WEIGHT specifically but he would tell me I needed to change my diet and all it did was make me mad. When I finally decided to make the change, it had nothing to do with his badgering,.. I made the change because the light bulb finally came on in MY head and I wanted to do it for ME.
  • WestCoastWild
    WestCoastWild Posts: 147 Member
    Options
    My sister and I are 11 months apart, and she's my best friend. If she noticed me getting out of control or being irresponsible, I would definitely want her to call me out on it. Im not afraid to offend her, and hope she's not afraid to offend me. Maybe your sister needs a wake up call? I hope I can rely on my loved ones to tell me when Ive reached a tipping point!! It depends on your relationship.
  • Ignaura
    Ignaura Posts: 203 Member
    Options
    I wouldn't say a thing unless she wants to talk about it.
  • bethannien
    bethannien Posts: 556 Member
    Options
    This is a tough one. I knew before I made changes in my life that I was fat and needed to do something about it. But then sometimes I wondered why the people who were supposed to care the most about me didn't say anything to me. I didn't know if it was because they didn't care or if they thought I would get defensive. People are really funny about approaching people regarding their weight, even though they know it can mean life or death. If I was drinking too much or doing drugs or some other self-destructive behavior, would they have said something? Ultimately I had to be the one to take the first steps to change, but it might have made a difference knowing my loved ones were concerned.

    I actually wondered about that. People will stage interventions for drug and alcohol users but not for people who are clearly struggling with weight issues.

    Do you think you would have changed your lifestyle sooner if someone had said something? I'm genuinely curious. I got so defensive the few times my eating habits came up, but maybe the efforts got through more than I give credit
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
    Options
    Nothing, I have a sister like this. She gives me all the print-outs of her fad diets, binders full of weight watchers recipes that she "doesn't use anymore", excuses up the wazoo. I don't say a word. I have snapped on her in the past, but it never works. You just worry about you and your goals, let her continue on her merry way. I've noticed that the smaller I get, the more my sister dislikes me, just something I have to deal with. She's never liked me, so it's not like I'm destroying our relationship. Be concerned all you want to, she's a big girl, she needs to make her own decisions.
  • Ignaura
    Ignaura Posts: 203 Member
    Options
    I wouldn't say a thing. She knows she has bad habits. She knows she needs to lose weight. If she brings it up, then you speak your mind.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    Options
    She knows, you don't have to tell her anything. Until she is ready to make a change, you can not force her to do so......
  • mojohowitz
    mojohowitz Posts: 900 Member
    Options
    You go on a 1 week vacation with your family and you see that your Sister is still really overweight in her mid 40's and you are very concerned.

    During the one week vacation you see her eating habits pretty much the same as they have always been (ice cream, a huge 12 pack box of chocolate covered cranberries, friend onion rings,"diet coke") despite 2 decades of attempts to lose weight. Nothing has changed.

    What would you do ?

    keep quiet? talk to her ? do something drastic ?


    I love my Sister but this past week experience has me very concerned.

    I would mind my own business.
  • AndyTwoSlow
    AndyTwoSlow Posts: 34
    Options
    you can't change someone, or make them change. when she's ready, she'll change herself. unfortunately 'when' may never come.
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,894 Member
    Options
    This is a tough one. I knew before I made changes in my life that I was fat and needed to do something about it. But then sometimes I wondered why the people who were supposed to care the most about me didn't say anything to me. I didn't know if it was because they didn't care or if they thought I would get defensive. People are really funny about approaching people regarding their weight, even though they know it can mean life or death. If I was drinking too much or doing drugs or some other self-destructive behavior, would they have said something? Ultimately I had to be the one to take the first steps to change, but it might have made a difference knowing my loved ones were concerned.

    I actually wondered about that. People will stage interventions for drug and alcohol users but not for people who are clearly struggling with weight issues.

    Do you think you would have changed your lifestyle sooner if someone had said something? I'm genuinely curious. I got so defensive the few times my eating habits came up, but maybe the efforts got through more than I give credit

    Honestly, if one of my siblings would have said something, I would have listened. Maybe because I know that they really wouldn't say anything unless they were truly concerned about my health. I might have gotten defensive or hurt but deep down I wouldn't be able to deny they were right to bring it up. I know speaking for myself, I would say something, maybe it would fall on deaf ears, but I don't know if I could just watch a loved one be self destructive.

Categories