Kids or no kids?

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ihateyoga
ihateyoga Posts: 111
in Health and Weight Loss
For years, I've never wanted to have kids for a very selfish reason. Yes, people call me selfish when I tell them the true reason that I don't want kids. The reason is that I'm afraid I will get fat. Even if some people worked very hard to lose their pregnancy weight, some of the still can't get rid of the belly. Every mother tells me that children are worth everything. They are the best thing ever happened to them. However, I've never experienced the joy of having kids. Yet, I only experienced the pain of being fat. Growing up, I've always been the biggest girl in my class. People called me fat in school, my mom , my cousins, my aunts, and even my neighbors felt bad for me for being fat, and told me that I needed to lose weight.
Please don't bully me if I tell you how much I weigh, because you may think I'm ridiculous. However, Asians are very critical about weight and I grew up in Aisa. I've always been around 133 lbs at 5'5. Now, at my mid 30's, I want to have kids. But I don't know...
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Replies

  • james6998
    james6998 Posts: 743 Member
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    Its more difficult to live with Regret of something you wish you had done. If you truly want children, you will not think, can i afford them, will i lose my figure, will they be ugly looking, healthy. You get the idea. Live for what you want , don't live regretting things you wished you would have done.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    If you "don't know" and aren't 100% sure, DON'T HAVE KIDS.

    Seriously. The fact that you had to ask, just don't.
  • EmilyOfTheSun
    EmilyOfTheSun Posts: 1,548 Member
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    I don't think I'll ever want kids. I love kids....as long as I can return them to their parents at the end of the day! I am selfish as well, I want to be able to get up and go out whenever I want without having to be responsible for someone else's life. Sounds pretty selfish, I know. Better to admit that than to have children and be an irresponsible parent. A lot of people tell me that I'll change my mind when I get older, but I don't really see that happening.

    If you're not sure....maybe you should keep waiting.
  • helenrosemay
    helenrosemay Posts: 375 Member
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    I'm 40 and never wanted children and still don't. It's not selfish to not have children, we're too over populated as it is. In fact it's very sensible to not have kids if you don't want them.

    If you're really serious about wanting kids, but not going through a pregnancy there's always adoption, surrogacy or fostering.
  • JesterMFP
    JesterMFP Posts: 3,596 Member
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    I think if that's really how you feel, then it's probably best not to. I don't think you should risk harbouring resentment towards your children for ruining your body. Women often joke about their kids ruining their bodies and it can be hard work to get back in shape, but from what you've written, your fears sound a lot deeper than average. If you really want kids, I would strongly recommend working on those insecurities first so that your future children don't suffer for them.
  • iamanadult
    iamanadult Posts: 709 Member
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    The reason is that I'm afraid I will get fat.

    Please don't have kids.
  • james6998
    james6998 Posts: 743 Member
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    I'm 40 and never wanted children and still don't. It's not selfish to not have children, we're too over populated as it is. In fact it's very sensible to not have kids if you don't want them.
    Honestly my wife and I are so very happy we don't have kids. I just don't like people thinking we are selfish for not wanting them. We enjoy each others time so much as it is right now i wouldn't chance a thing.
  • Fit_Natasha
    Fit_Natasha Posts: 83 Member
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    Nothing selfish about it. Enjoy your life. But the fact that you are questioning it in the public forum tells me that you probably not 100% comfortable with your decision.
  • kimtab
    kimtab Posts: 64 Member
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    Whether or not pregnancy makes you fat is entirely up to you. However, there are much scarier things about having children than a little weight gain so if that's all you are concerned about I'd say you haven't really thought it through. It is good that you are thinking about it though.
  • Absonthebrain
    Absonthebrain Posts: 587 Member
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    Its more difficult to live with Regret of something you wish you had done. If you truly want children, you will not think, can i afford them, will i lose my figure, will they be ugly looking, healthy. You get the idea. Live for what you want , don't live regretting things you wished you would have done.


    Best response!!! :flowerforyou:
  • BoomstickChick
    BoomstickChick Posts: 428 Member
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    I have 3 kids, they didn't make me fat. I made me fat as well as my hypothyroidism. I got some stretch marks, but that's about it from the kids. I only gained 24 lbs with my 3rd who is 3 weeks old now and the baby weight is completely gone.
  • bubaluboo
    bubaluboo Posts: 2,098 Member
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    No I don't think you're selfish...I had a similar issue in that I thought that I would lose my health due to underlying health issues. I had my daughter at 40 in the end and I know it's a cliché but I have not regretted that decision (except leaving it that long) once. In terms of keeping your appearance. Having a baby does not have to ruin your figure. Now that I have lost the weight (laziness has made that take longer than it should have) which I gained more after pregnancy, my figure is not much different to how it was before I got pregnant especially if you take into account that I've aged another 5 years since then.. OK so I have a few more stretch marks but I had some from a growth spurt in my teenage years anyhow. If you have good muscle tone before you get pregnant and continue to exercise and eat well during pregnancy, you'll be fine. It's a decision that only you can make though and I know that's difficult when people can be so judgemental!
  • arghbowl
    arghbowl Posts: 1,179 Member
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    kids are the devil, so no. no kids.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,344 Member
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    If you "don't know" and aren't 100% sure, DON'T HAVE KIDS.

    Seriously. The fact that you had to ask, just don't.

    I have to say I don't agree, my mother didn't know if she wanted kids when she got pregnant, but said after she had us she definately wanted us and is an experience she would never change, she also is/was an excellent mother and I really wouldn't trade her for any other mother on the planet. How about if you don't have a job or means to support a child, are addicted to drugs, abuse anything, or only care about and take care of yourself DONT HAVE KIDS. Just because someone isn't sure if they want kids doesn't mean they don't want kids or wouldn't be an awesome parent. It's a hell of a lot of responsibility of course some people (ESPECIALLY responsible ones that would probably make great parents) would waiver back and forth in their thought process about it, at least it shows they care about the decision and it's important to them. Life's important decisions are not black and white, and there isn't always an easy answer that you're 100% sure about.
  • ballerina_tea
    ballerina_tea Posts: 41 Member
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    If you're not sure, don't have them. If you do want them but are scared of pregnancy, why not adopt?

    I don't want kids either and am very against people that say it's selfish. It would be more selfish to force myself to whilst entirely mentally/emotionally/financially unprepared, just to please someone else. My mom thinks I'll change my mind. I just tell her I'm the type of person who would drown them in the bathtub. Now, I never would, but she's shocked enough that I would even say that and shuts up. Why should every person have kids?? If you don't, there's something wrong with you. But once you do, you're doing it all wrong. People are so judgmental either way.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    I've had a few friend who never wanted kids, I was one myself before an accidental pregnancy at 19. I cannot wait to have another, as my son is now 6 but we are waiting for our wedding next year before trying.

    I don't think I have ever met a person who had a unplanned baby and ended up regretting it. Even those who never wanted one say the couldn't imagine life without them.

    I would, however, suggest working on your self esteem first if you do choose to have one.
  • abeare
    abeare Posts: 510 Member
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    As a mother myself, I say yes it’s true that you won’t mind the changes to your body because your child will have been worth it, but as a mother of a very difficult colicky baby, I say if you`re not sure then don’t have kids. A child will take a lot out of you, and not just physically, it’s something that is best gone into ready for it, so if you aren’t sure or ready then wait, there is nothing wrong with never being ready either!
  • Jaided35
    Jaided35 Posts: 24
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    Some people don't gain a ton of weight when they get pregnant. Depends on a lot of things: size of baby, amount of amniotic fluid, size of placenta, current state of fitness, etc. If you get pregnant and decide to stop working out and lay around all day: yes you will get fat. If you continue your normal routine and continue to eat healthy you will gain a bit. I had 2 kids in 3 years and it took me 5 years to get it off. Then I had 2 more kids 13 months apart. Still working off the 40lbs. And no my kids are NOT the best thing that happened to me. LOL not to sound stupid. I'm glad I had them and I'm glad I could be a mom. It is a very unrewarding, emotionally draining (some days) job. You need to think long and hard about having a child (although some just jump right into it without thinking). If you feel strongly about it, then don't have them.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    You don't have to get fat just because you have a baby. Just don't overeat while you are pregnant. Yes, you will gain weight. There is another human in there, after all. But if you eat sensibly most of the gain will not be fat and you should lose the weight quickly once the child is born.
  • Athijade
    Athijade Posts: 3,250 Member
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    You are not selfish. Kids are not for everyone no matter what the reason is. There are so many people who should NOT have had kids already. No reason to feel like you are forced to continue to increase the world's population.

    I don't want kids. I have too much of a family history of mental health issues. I am enjoy traveling and doing what I want to do. Kids would change that. I love my nieces and nephews and spend a ton of time with them... but I also enjoy the fact I can give them back to mom and dad and walk away. I can plan a solo trip to Disney and not have to worry. That is me. That is the life I want. It doesn't make me a bad person (no matter what grief I get from people).

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