Why water is making you fat

24

Replies

  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    Please tell me vodka is a-okay! Or is it unsafe because it is also clear and wet? Oh my god, how far down does the rabbit hole go?!


    Vodka is extremely beneficial. Alcohol is very strong and the calories can't swim in it so they die.
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    Those of you who doubt my claims are very foolish. I have a large wall covered in newspaper articles and red twine, so I am clearly more qualified to be a sciencer
  • WisiPls
    WisiPls Posts: 359
    never drinking water again, that part about the sharks really got to me

    What if i have sharks in my plumbing? Never taking a shower again
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    You shouldn't shower. You should go to a lemonade sauna. The bubbles in the lemonade have been proven to scare the fat molecules off your body.
  • Pookylou
    Pookylou Posts: 988 Member
    BALLS! I have already had 3 cups of water this morning, that is going straight to my thighs. :sad: :sad: :sad:
    Thank you for this edumacational thread :flowerforyou:
  • V0lver
    V0lver Posts: 915 Member
    Where have you been all this time mutant ? I had to resort to comfort foods while you were gone. Me got so fat:cry:
  • blueboxgeek
    blueboxgeek Posts: 574 Member
    Soooo glad that you enlightened me!! I have been trying to eat healthy and all that crap and it was the waters fault all the time!!
  • LaserMum
    LaserMum Posts: 133
    Where have you been all this time mutant ? I had to resort to comfort foods while you were gone. Me got so fat:cry:

    I wasn't the comfort foods that made you fat!!! Haven't you been reading the thread? It was all the water you drank!!!

    Thank you so much for enlightening us Mutant!
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    I know we all should drink aspertine instead
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    Where have you been all this time mutant ? I had to resort to comfort foods while you were gone. Me got so fat:cry:

    I was on an enlightenment journey on the astral plane. Trying to find myself.

    Unfortunately the coffee sucks there, so I left pretty quickly
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    BALLS! I have already had 3 cups of water this morning, that is going straight to my thighs. :sad: :sad: :sad:
    Thank you for this edumacational thread :flowerforyou:

    Water dependence is a difficult thing. Now that you have admitted that you have a problem we can begin the healing process.
  • bantamspaul
    bantamspaul Posts: 77 Member
    I live only on air fats now - I have never felt better
  • turbofuzz77
    turbofuzz77 Posts: 98 Member
    I mix my government issued water with gasoline and now i ride my bike like a rocket!
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    wait a second, the water is polyunsaturated fats, so it's all goooood!

    False! Saturated means wet.

    What else is wet? WATER!
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    But i am addicted to water.

    Is there an Anomynous Water Drinkers (AWD) group for this i can sign up to

    I'm looking at starting AWD in my basement. We can't hold it anywhere else because I'm not allowed within 500m of schools, churches, museums, cemetaries or Blockbuster.
  • bantamspaul
    bantamspaul Posts: 77 Member
    Hold on a cotton-picking minute air-fats are slightly damp surely they don't contain the vile substance water as well??
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    Hold on a cotton-picking minute air-fats are slightly damp surely they don't contain the vile substance water as well??

    No, air fats are dangerous in other ways. Unlike other calories, air fats are extremely 'floaty' so they can sneak in to every bodily orifice.

    EVERY orifice.
  • bantamspaul
    bantamspaul Posts: 77 Member
    Hold on a cotton-picking minute air-fats are slightly damp surely they don't contain the vile substance water as well??

    No, air fats are dangerous in other ways. Unlike other calories, air fats are extremely 'floaty' so they can sneak in to every bodily orifice.

    EVERY orifice.

    Phew! I'm good with that - saves eating and avoids water and eggs too
  • Pookylou
    Pookylou Posts: 988 Member
    But i am addicted to water.

    Is there an Anomynous Water Drinkers (AWD) group for this i can sign up to

    I'm looking at starting AWD in my basement. We can't hold it anywhere else because I'm not allowed within 500m of schools, churches, museums, cemetaries or Blockbuster.

    I would like to join. I am currently having another glass.... I can't get this monkey off my back. I am so weak. :sad:
  • SkinnyWannabeGal
    SkinnyWannabeGal Posts: 143 Member
    Screw water! No wonder I'm a fatty-mcfatterton! I am playing it safe and am never drinking anything ever again (you never know what liquids the government may have snuck that vile poison into!).

    Thanks for saving my life, Mutant. I owe ya one.
  • losing4799
    losing4799 Posts: 83
    thank god I only drink pure distilled coke zero.
  • Snow3y
    Snow3y Posts: 1,412 Member
    I think I lost a brain cell
  • bubaluboo
    bubaluboo Posts: 2,098 Member
    I applaud your brave warning Dr Mutant but I am afraid that you have only told half of the story. Were you silenced before you could give the whole truth of the devastating effect of water? WATER KILLS!!! OK so the oxygen causes air fat but then your left with hydrogen. It would be great if that left your body harmlessly, but no! The hydrogen builds up in lymph glands. Firstly it suffocates your immune system leading to increased susceptibility to colds and flu. But that's not all! In the worst cases, due to the highly explosive nature of hydrogen, those deluded individuals that drink over 8 glasses a day could at any moment SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST!!! There is hope though, FIZZY DRINKS - the carbon dioxide will mop up the excess hydrogen to form the relatively harmless ethanol which is efficiently processed by the liver.
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    I applaud your brave warning Dr Mutant but I am afraid that you have only told half of the story. Were you silenced before you could give the whole truth of the devastating effect of water? WATER KILLS!!! OK so the oxygen causes air fat but then your left with hydrogen. It would be great if that left your body harmlessly, but no! The hydrogen builds up in lymph glands. Firstly it suffocates your immune system leading to increased susceptibility to colds and flu. But that's not all! In the worst cases, due to the highly explosive nature of hydrogen, those deluded individuals that drink over 8 glasses a day could at any moment SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST!!! There is hope though, FIZZY DRINKS - the carbon dioxide will mop up the excess hydrogen to form the relatively harmless ethanol which is efficiently processed by the liver.

    CAREFUL BUBALUBOO!
    There are eyes everywhere. I have shared these suspicions for sometime. We must be careful.

    Meet me at my Antarctic fortress. Bring beer
  • LarryDUk
    LarryDUk Posts: 279 Member
    I think I lost a brain cell

    I think you better find it STAT!
  • Chadomaniac
    Chadomaniac Posts: 1,785 Member
    Wtf is happening in here
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    Wtf is happening in here

    Motherf*ckin science
  • njbh86
    njbh86 Posts: 38 Member
    WAKE UP, SHEEPLE
  • bubaluboo
    bubaluboo Posts: 2,098 Member
    I applaud your brave warning Dr Mutant but I am afraid that you have only told half of the story. Were you silenced before you could give the whole truth of the devastating effect of water? WATER KILLS!!! OK so the oxygen causes air fat but then your left with hydrogen. It would be great if that left your body harmlessly, but no! The hydrogen builds up in lymph glands. Firstly it suffocates your immune system leading to increased susceptibility to colds and flu. But that's not all! In the worst cases, due to the highly explosive nature of hydrogen, those deluded individuals that drink over 8 glasses a day could at any moment SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST!!! There is hope though, FIZZY DRINKS - the carbon dioxide will mop up the excess hydrogen to form the relatively harmless ethanol which is efficiently processed by the liver.

    CAREFUL BUBALUBOO!
    There are eyes everywhere. I have shared these suspicions for sometime. We must be careful.

    Meet me at my Antarctic fortress. Bring beer

    Antarctic fortress...they will never suspect...surrounded by water, protected by beer! Cunning! I am tunnelling out of here. It may take some time.
  • Chadomaniac
    Chadomaniac Posts: 1,785 Member
    Wtf is happening in here

    Motherf*ckin science

    Lets do the big bang??

Categories