my husband isn't supportive...
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It's reading about men who say crap like this that makes me ashamed to be a man.I think I may just send you a friend request. I expressed my desire to get into weight lifting with my husband, and he flipped his lid. He still believes lifting will make a woman bulky, and he looked at me like I said I wanted a sex change. He thinks I need to wait at least a year and be able to run a few miles a day, do 200 pushups a day, and do zillions of crunches and situps. Now, it seems like he tries to stop me from working out because he refuses to watch the kids so I can go out and run.
I told him that even if I got really in shape, I would still be the same woman: I'd still be his wife and the mother of our children. I'd increase my confidence from all the awesome stuff I'd be able to do, and I'd increase my stamina. Both would be beneficial in bed! :smokin: But he says that if I get too muscular, he won't be attracted to me and he'll want to move on. :brokenheart:0 -
Your profile says you've been married 5 years and have always been a big girl. Do you have a history of good intentions to lose weight that fall to the wayside after a while? If so, while his words aren't the most tactful, they are somewhat understandable.
Are you serious? SMH.........Go get drunk and act dumb with her husband.
Wow. So do you always get so defensive and aggressive when someone else presents a different point of view on a situation?0 -
My husband was a bit unsupportive at first, I think it was coming a bit from what he thought he should be saying rather then any nastiness, you know "tell your wife you like her just the way she is, or suffer the wrath of a woman scorned". "Tell her you support her getting fit and she may mistake it for "your fat". (Yes we all know those girls give us a bad name) But actions speak louder then words and on his next grocery run he bought me home some apples and air popped popcorn instead of the usual block of choc and bag of chips. So I guess unless he's bringing you home KFC...........
Oh AND his best mates marriage is recently over after his wife left him for her karate teacher after loosing a heap of weight too....ouch! I tell my HB he's stuck with me.0 -
Just remember you have to do it for YOU!!
My husband doesn't really understand my desire to lose weight and look better either - but I have finally decided I am sick of looking the way I do and I don't care what anyone else thinks! Fortunately my kids are grown up and now I can be a little bit selfish and say this is for ME and I am going to go the the gym BEFORE I come home and fix anyone dinner and if they don't like it they can cook for themselves! I've started and not followed through before but this time I'm serious!
Surprisingly enough I have made a whole new group of friends at the gym that are very supportive and have become friends outside of the gym. But they have helped make the gym a place I look forward to going to every day!
Just saying do it for you!0 -
As bad as it hurts you by his words be determined that you are doing this for you. To be healthier and feel better about yourself. He might not want you to do it because he would rather other men not notice you as you get your figure back and are filled with confidence!
Just be a great example and don't consider it a diet but a lifelong change. am proud of you for making this step. don't let anything stand in your way. you are going to do great! I believe in you! "I can do all things through Christ, who strengtheneth me"!0 -
Do it for yourself, by yourself. Maybe he'll be more supportive once he sees you stick with it, maybe it'll get worse. But if you're doing it for you, it won't matter. Your body, your choice.
Exactly this. Don't mention it to him anymore, and if he says something nasty out of the blue, take it with a grain of salt. If he continues to make you feel like crap though, I might be rethinking things if I were you.0 -
How much support were you hoping for by the 4 day mark, exactly? If you want him to take you seriously then behave seriously and put the work in. Getting upset 4 days in because he isn't acting like you've done something amazing isn't the sort of behavior that is going to garner his support or his seriousness.
Yeah yeah, I know. So mean, not supportive, go get drunk with her husband.0 -
Do it for you...If he isn't supportive, that is an indication that really must DO IT FOR YOU!!!0
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I have to go along with the "it's only been 4 days" crowd on this one. 4 days is nothing really. Give it a month or more then question his 'support'
It takes 3 weeks to build a habit.0 -
It has been 4 days. Maybe you have done this before and not followed through? If you stick to it, he will realise that you're serious.
It only takes one day to make a life style change...0 -
He sounds like he's a no good husband. By the way you describe it, sounds like he's just being plain mean and ain't nobody got time for that!0
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It has been 4 days. Maybe you have done this before and not followed through? If you stick to it, he will realise that you're serious.
It only takes one day to make a life style change...
No. It takes one day to decide to make a change. It takes a lot longer to see it through to where it becomes a permanent change and not just something you did on a whim and half-assed.
As the post above said- stick with it and the longer you commit to it, the more serious he'll take you.
ETA: And this is about changing something about yourself, not him. If he doesn't want to support it, oh well. You need to do this for you and maybe this will help you learn to rely more on yourself - letting you see you are stronger than you thought.0 -
There are a lot of reasons he could be acting this way - insecurity about possibly losing you; fear that you'll force your food choices on him and he'll be a carnivore condemned to a life of rabbit food; maybe he is happy the way he is so he doesn't want to give up any unhealthy habits he has; maybe he's afraid you'll start harping on him to drop a few pounds and he doesn't want all that work; maybe in the years you've been together he has seen you spend money you can't afford on gimmicks and "get thin quick" fads that don't work; maybe in the past you haven't truly committed to weight loss and he's sorta over the roller coaster; maybe he's a total jerk; maybe he truly likes the way you look and isn't sure how he'll feel if you don't look this way anymore; or maybe its a combination of all of the above.
My husband did a combination of talk and active sabotage for awhile and I get where you are coming from. It's awful and darned easy just to say "eff this, hand me the chips and dip."
What turned things around for me was to make up my mind that I was doing this for me and his thoughts on the matter were irrelevant.
I tuned out his negative comments, but did consult him before I purchased personal training sessions, or anything fitness related over our agreed to limit on spending. (we have a $ figure below which the other is not required to discuss a purchase but at or above it has to be discussed/negotiated.) He never said no, but sometimes I'd hear negative comments about how "all this money for a trainer and you've only lost...?" I just let it go. On occasion it hurt and I'd cry in the shower, but once I got the tears out - I would let it go and keep on my path.
When he'd cook something that was full of all the unhealthy things, or buy me something I shouldn't eat but love, I would either have a very small portion or decline. But I did it calmly without drama and accusations about him being unsupportive.
It took awhile, but guess what happened?
He saw that I was serious. He saw that my efforts - though slow - were paying off. He saw that when we went out as a family, I could keep up with our children but he could not. He became supportive. Then he started following my lead. Is he still a jerk from time to time? Yeah but we're at a point where I can say, "you are being a jerk about this - how about a little support?" and that turns it around.
Recently, he decided to take up cycling and it was my turn to be the jerk..."you want to spend what on a bike??!! and lycra pants? You can barely walk around the block, why don't you start slowly with this?" He very calmly said, "honey, remember when I was such a jerk and how that made you feel?" 'Nuff said, I apologized and he bought the bike - so he's now a Middle-Aged Man in Lycra and we're mutually supporting one another on our weight loss journey.
Good luck and remember - this is about you, not him.0 -
I have to go along with the "it's only been 4 days" crowd on this one. 4 days is nothing really. Give it a month or more then question his 'support'
It takes 3 weeks to build a habit.
Sure, it's only been 4 days. That doesn't mean he should say what he said. All his words did was discourage her into questioning herself. That's unhelpful, destructive, and uncalled for.0 -
Ignore what he says and just do it. Do it for YOU. You don't have to tell him anything...just do it. He'll start to notice when you are succeeding and losing wt. Don't let him derail you...this is about YOU and not him...and maybe that's the problem. I wouldn't argue with him, I would just go about your own business and just do it, you're worth it!! :-)0
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She's 23. 23 year olds don't have much of a history of anything.
But anybody can change, whenever they decide to.
OP: you can totally do this and you don't need his approval. I know it sucks that you don't have it. My husband is always a butthead like this in the beginning, but once I get 15 pounds down or so he's totally supportive. (Had babies, gained 50 pounds, lost 50 pounds twice before.)
You do what you do. He'll come around or he won't. If you are successful and he continues to be an *kitten*, at that point I'd start wondering if he's going to be that much of a jerk any time you face some minor adversity together.Your profile says you've been married 5 years and have always been a big girl. Do you have a history of good intentions to lose weight that fall to the wayside after a while? If so, while his words aren't the most tactful, they are somewhat understandable.
Are you serious? SMH.........Go get drunk and act dumb with her husband.0 -
Your profile says you've been married 5 years and have always been a big girl. Do you have a history of good intentions to lose weight that fall to the wayside after a while? If so, while his words aren't the most tactful, they are somewhat understandable.
Are you serious? SMH.........Go get drunk and act dumb with her husband.
Wow. So do you always get so defensive and aggressive when someone else presents a different point of view on a situation?
No I get aggressive when I see someone on a support site adding on to the negativity/abuse. I guess we all have different definitions of abuse. To each their own. I'm just glad I don't live that way.0 -
Yes, He does a lot.I don't think I could live with my husband if he said that to me. Maybe he's afraid you'll leave him when you get skinny. I dunno, I know you are just venting, so I don't want to talk bad about your hubby. But he needs to get a clue!
On the other hand - my hubby LOVES me being fat and didn't like it when I was at my skinniest. He calls himself a chubby chaser. lol
Does he ever tell you that you are sexy or anything?0 -
Your profile says you've been married 5 years and have always been a big girl. Do you have a history of good intentions to lose weight that fall to the wayside after a while? If so, while his words aren't the most tactful, they are somewhat understandable.
Are you serious? SMH.........Go get drunk and act dumb with her husband.
Wow. So do you always get so defensive and aggressive when someone else presents a different point of view on a situation?
No I get aggressive when I see someone on a support site adding on to the negativity/abuse. I guess we all have different definitions of abuse. To each their own. I'm just glad I don't live that way.
Cadori was not in the least abusive. She presented a different take on the situation and maybe you should just read what was written instead of imagining how you think she was coming at the OP.
Regardless, Cadori's point IS valid and I for one agree with it. But even if I didn't, I can understand where she is coming from and appreciate differences in opinions and points of view.0 -
My husband was the same at the start. I showed him, he thought I was a person who would not stick to it. I showed him didn't I. Over 600 days later, 38kg lighter & healthier than I've ever been & he knows I can do ANYTHING I say I can do.
I didn't NEED him to be supportive at all. I didn't do it for him.
Just do it, don't talk to him about it unless HE brings it up. You do not NEED his support.
Thanks
Good for you girl!0 -
Based on a couple of responses here, maybe every time my husband's ex wife tries to get sober we should remind her how she failed all the other times?0
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Your profile says you've been married 5 years and have always been a big girl. Do you have a history of good intentions to lose weight that fall to the wayside after a while? If so, while his words aren't the most tactful, they are somewhat understandable.
Are you serious? SMH.........Go get drunk and act dumb with her husband.
Wow. So do you always get so defensive and aggressive when someone else presents a different point of view on a situation?
No I get aggressive when I see someone on a support site adding on to the negativity/abuse. I guess we all have different definitions of abuse. To each their own. I'm just glad I don't live that way.
That awkward moment where you wonder if the other person has wondered into the wrong thread....0 -
How much support were you hoping for by the 4 day mark, exactly? If you want him to take you seriously then behave seriously and put the work in. Getting upset 4 days in because he isn't acting like you've done something amazing isn't the sort of behavior that is going to garner his support or his seriousness.
Yeah yeah, I know. So mean, not supportive, go get drunk with her husband.
The fact that someone that weighs TWICE what they should returns to the gym after every inch of their body is in pain is amazing. Let alone 4 days. I'm super proud of myself and through the pain I feel SO much better. 4 days is amazing. It takes 21 days to create a habit, So every single one of those days counts and matters!! I've NEVER been to the gym ONCE in our entire marriage. He has no reason to doubt me at all.
My husband should support me from DAY ONE. And so should everyone else. I shouldn't have to "prove myself" to my husband for him to support me.0 -
And EVERY SINGLE DAY in those 21 days matters. If they didn't, it wouldn't take that long to make a habitI have to go along with the "it's only been 4 days" crowd on this one. 4 days is nothing really. Give it a month or more then question his 'support'
It takes 3 weeks to build a habit.0 -
How much support were you hoping for by the 4 day mark, exactly? If you want him to take you seriously then behave seriously and put the work in. Getting upset 4 days in because he isn't acting like you've done something amazing isn't the sort of behavior that is going to garner his support or his seriousness.
Yeah yeah, I know. So mean, not supportive, go get drunk with her husband.
The fact that someone that weighs TWICE what they should returns to the gym after every inch of their body is in pain is amazing. Let alone 4 days. I'm super proud of myself and through the pain I feel SO much better. 4 days is amazing. It takes 21 days to create a habit, So every single one of those days counts and matters!! I've NEVER been to the gym ONCE in our entire marriage. He has no reason to doubt me at all.
My husband should support me from DAY ONE. And so should everyone else. I shouldn't have to "prove myself" to my husband for him to support me.
Your husband is a person. There isn't a "should" or "shouldn't". I would consider talking this out with him versus strangers on the internet. Maybe look into counseling if things don't get resolved the way you think they should be.0 -
Based on a couple of responses here, maybe every time my husband's ex wife tries to get sober we should remind her how she failed all the other times?
No, but you should approach the situation with caution and not get too invested in her appearent success because there is a high chance of failure.
I have an aunt who's a drug addict and she used to come around, claiming she was going to get clean, every few months. We'd let her back into our lives, let her back into her daughter's life, get all of our hopes up...and then she'd vanish, usually with the contents of someone's home disappearing right along with her. Not to mention breaking the hearts of everyone around her. Again.
So now if she pops up she gets "That's great Mona, we hope it works out." and she certainly can't stay at anyone's house anymore.0 -
Based on a couple of responses here, maybe every time my husband's ex wife tries to get sober we should remind her how she failed all the other times?
No, but you should approach the situation with caution and not get too invested in her appearent success because there is a high chance of failure.
I have an aunt who's a drug addict and she used to come around, claiming she was going to get clean, every few months. We'd let her back into our lives, let her back into her daughter's life, get all of our hopes up...and then she'd vanish, usually with the contents of someone's home disappearing right along with her. Not to mention breaking the hearts of everyone around her. Again.
So now if she pops up she gets "That's great Mona, we hope it works out." and she certainly can't stay at anyone's house anymore.
How does that relate to losing weight at all? I've never hopped on some fads. I've never taken diet pills. I've never once tried to lose weight in our marriage....
If anything, HE'S the one that says he's going to do something and falls back on it.0 -
How much support were you hoping for by the 4 day mark, exactly? If you want him to take you seriously then behave seriously and put the work in. Getting upset 4 days in because he isn't acting like you've done something amazing isn't the sort of behavior that is going to garner his support or his seriousness.
Yeah yeah, I know. So mean, not supportive, go get drunk with her husband.
The fact that someone that weighs TWICE what they should returns to the gym after every inch of their body is in pain is amazing. Let alone 4 days. I'm super proud of myself and through the pain I feel SO much better. 4 days is amazing. It takes 21 days to create a habit, So every single one of those days counts and matters!! I've NEVER been to the gym ONCE in our entire marriage. He has no reason to doubt me at all.
My husband should support me from DAY ONE. And so should everyone else. I shouldn't have to "prove myself" to my husband for him to support me.
Congrats, that's great work.
Now keep it up.0 -
Based on a couple of responses here, maybe every time my husband's ex wife tries to get sober we should remind her how she failed all the other times?
No, but you should approach the situation with caution and not get too invested in her appearent success because there is a high chance of failure.
I have an aunt who's a drug addict and she used to come around, claiming she was going to get clean, every few months. We'd let her back into our lives, let her back into her daughter's life, get all of our hopes up...and then she'd vanish, usually with the contents of someone's home disappearing right along with her. Not to mention breaking the hearts of everyone around her. Again.
So now if she pops up she gets "That's great Mona, we hope it works out." and she certainly can't stay at anyone's house anymore.
How does that relate to losing weight at all? I've never hopped on some fads. I've never taken diet pills. I've never once tried to lose weight in our marriage....
If anything, HE'S the one that says he's going to do something and falls back on it.
IDK, how did that woman's husband's alcoholic ex relate?0 -
Based on a couple of responses here, maybe every time my husband's ex wife tries to get sober we should remind her how she failed all the other times?
No, but you should approach the situation with caution and not get too invested in her appearent success because there is a high chance of failure.
I have an aunt who's a drug addict and she used to come around, claiming she was going to get clean, every few months. We'd let her back into our lives, let her back into her daughter's life, get all of our hopes up...and then she'd vanish, usually with the contents of someone's home disappearing right along with her. Not to mention breaking the hearts of everyone around her. Again.
So now if she pops up she gets "That's great Mona, we hope it works out." and she certainly can't stay at anyone's house anymore.
How does that relate to losing weight at all? I've never hopped on some fads. I've never taken diet pills. I've never once tried to lose weight in our marriage....
If anything, HE'S the one that says he's going to do something and falls back on it.
They were referring to my reference of my husband's ex. And no, we will never give up on my step son's mother. Ever.0
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