my husband isn't supportive...

The quoting is killing me....

They can get tedious. Once you hit 16 or so though...it turns into this oddly beautiful, double helix of commentary. :laugh:

They can get tedious. Once you hit 16 or so though...it turns into this oddly beautiful, double helix of commentary. :laugh:

~bang~ You're dead. In a forum. Where quoting is a regular event.



Whoops I came back.

Touche.:drinker:

Your profile says you've been married 5 years and have always been a big girl. Do you have a history of good intentions to lose weight that fall to the wayside after a while? If so, while his words aren't the most tactful, they are somewhat understandable.

Are you serious? SMH.........Go get drunk and act dumb with her husband.

Are we here to give her helpful advice, or just to prop up every idea she ever has no matter what?

Be an honest person first, and don't pander. Unless the OP says 'lie to me and make me feel good about myself no matter what' I think we should assume she wants what we perceive to be the truth.

100% honest, there was no venom behind my words. I think taking something like this and jumping to calling it abuse is a bit hasty without finding out more details.

How many times does a wife feel dissatisfied with her husband's contribution to chores and if he starts pitching in thinks "Great, but how long will this last?"

I think it's normal for people who have witnessed a pattern of behavior to expect that pattern to continue. That is why, instead of replying "ZOMG! He's a jerk! Leave his abusive hiney!!" I asked if perhaps this was a pattern for the OP. Wouldn't it make her feel better to see that there was possibly a legitimate reason for his thoughtless words instead of having a ton of people tell her she's abused? If her response to my question was that no, she's never tried to get in shape over the 5 years of her marriage, then that would change my response.

The implication that I live in a world where abuse is tolerated is, at best, laughable.

that is my reply.

OK then, that is why I was asking for clarification. When you joined MFP in July, was weight loss not your goal?

Is he supportive of other endeavors you take on? Have you started on any long term goal related plan that he has been less than supportive before? College, business, lessons, anything involving your kids where he reacted negatively?

I joined because my friend told me it was good to track your calories and possibly lose weight. I tracked for one day and never again till now. He never even knew about it.

And, No. I've seriously never tried anything and quit. Ever in our marriage.. That he knows about at least.. and that i can think of.

In fact, I supported us alone for 6 months with my home business that we both agreed that since he's making money I should stop. And it's been good.

That's wonderful!

Then since there isn't a history of starting/failing or a history of disparaging remarks on your endeavors (such as your home business) I would view this as a one time thing. Something thoughtless said. Something that hurt you, yes, but not abuse.

In your shoes I would say "You know, I'm really committed to this and it hurt my feelings when you said you didn't think I would stick to this. It's going to be one of the hardest things I do in my life and take a long time with some slips along the way and since I love you I would love your support." Or you know, a more informal, realistic version with some tears and a little kissing at the end.

^^^ This is solid advice.



I've been married for 20 years now, and married my husband when we were 20. He's a wonderful, kind man. However, at times he lacks tact and certain social graces. Early on, especially, he said some thoughtless things that hurt. We talked, I realized that I had overreacted to something that he said without thinking and he realized that sometimes it's good to think before you speak (I'm guilty of this as well), and all was well. It happens.

OP:
Each of us only have control of ourselves and no one else. You have control of your body. You cannot control what comes out of his mouth.
As others have said, I think I probably wouldn't discuss my lifestyle change. I don't have to discuss what color drawers I decide to wear, right? Why do I have to discuss what I plan to eat today? :happy:

If I were you, and he happened to have another bout of verbal diahrreah, i'd calmly say something to the effect of, "that's unkind and hurtful."

And then I'd grab my big old bottle of water and walk off my frustrations!!!

Kick that old lifestyle right in the *kitten*!!! You can do it!!

^^^ This is solid advice.



I've been married for 20 years now, and married my husband when we were 20. He's a wonderful, kind man. However, at times he lacks tact and certain social graces. Early on, especially, he said some thoughtless things that hurt. We talked, I realized that I had overreacted to something that he said without thinking and he realized that sometimes it's good to think before you speak (I'm guilty of this as well), and all was well. It happens.

If it was a 1 time thing I'd shrug it off... but he's said it multiple times on different days.

If it's really bugging you then you need to chat about it.

^^^ This is solid advice.



I've been married for 20 years now, and married my husband when we were 20. He's a wonderful, kind man. However, at times he lacks tact and certain social graces. Early on, especially, he said some thoughtless things that hurt. We talked, I realized that I had overreacted to something that he said without thinking and he realized that sometimes it's good to think before you speak (I'm guilty of this as well), and all was well. It happens.

If it was a 1 time thing I'd shrug it off... but he's said it multiple times on different days.

Then it's time to address it.

^^ this.

OP:
I think it's very easy when you're in a relationship to take everything the other guy says incredibly seriously and get very upset about it... and then not do this with what you say yourself.

I think you need to calm down, back the bus up. your whole complaint "he's not supportive" - is he supposed to carry you is he? Is he supposed to diet for you?

you need to calm down. You are a married woman. This isn't playtime any more. You have to play fair. You have to see his comments as being as slight and as meaningless as your own.

Young people can be so resentful! They take things so seriously! It's not worth a marriage.

Lose weight if you're going to, don't lose weight if you're not going to. But don't use his comments as an excuse for not losing weight, and don't use any comments from him as an excuse for any behaviour of your own.

You are a grown woman now. What goes into your mouth is your own damn fault, and your own damn business. He's not your mother, he's your spouse.

Thanks for the real advice from everyone that gave it. Thought this was chit-chat.. Just wanted to vent.. Didn't know I'd end up getting made fun of.

Good grief. Who made fun of you?

Thanks for the real advice from everyone that gave it. Thought this was chit-chat.. Just wanted to vent.. Didn't know I'd end up getting made fun of.

Good grief. Who made fun of you?

I didn't see it happen anywhere.