Child support- what do you think?

Did he know that she wasnt on the pill?

did he not have common sense to go to walgreens and get some condoms? both are responsible point blank

This was my first post in this thread, so I was TRYING to understand exactly what was going on here. There was no need to point blank at me.

If a man tells a girl, I have absolutely no desire to have children with you, i want to do everything possible to prevent this from happening and she says 'lol ok bb whatever you want xoxoxox' and skips the pill and is lazy about tracking her periods even though she KNOWS that he is adamantly against having children...

Well, let's just say that he manned up and explained where he stood on the subject and trusted her and she was careless with his trust - knowing exactly how he felt about everything. And if he told her - which - btw - most couples have a discussion about what would be expected if there was an accidentally pregnancy, that if she got pregnant he was gone, and she got pregnant - she cant really be surprised that he is gone.

I believe, with all my heart, that I am the only one who can prevent myself from getting pregnant (with the exception of rape).

It is entirely my responsibility since i am entirely the one that will be pregnant and have the child.

If I want the right to choose if I carry the baby to term, if I want the right to choose adoption and when or to not have one, if I want the right to take BC or ask for it to be covered by my insurance, if i want the right to make these decisions without interference from anyone else.... then i have to accept that with rights, comes responsibilities.

Since we cannot control the actions of others, we have to control our own actions. Fear of being pregnant and raising a child alone would keep me from gambling.

my own personal opinion - just what i would do in this situation.

no one has to feel like I feel. im not pressuring anyone else to act as i would either.

He was completely aware of the possibility of pregnancy as she was. He had as much opportunity to prevent it that she did.

She has accepted her responsibility. She is raising this child. Just because he stated that he didn't "want" the child, if he didn't practice his own due dilligence in preventing pregnancy, then he is just as responsible as she is.

You're completely ignoring the fact that once the time for prevention has passed - whether one or both protected and failed, or neither used it - it's completely up to the woman. If neither used protection or they're aware of it failing and she doesn't want to get some plan b, she made a choice. He wants her to terminate and she doesn't want to. Abortion is out. She made a choice. He wants her to place for adoption, she doesn't. Adoption is out. She made a choice. He doesn't want to be a parent and she does. Single parent it is. She made a choice. He is forced to respect all of her other choices but his aren't going to be respected?

Look at it from another POV. Women have the right to choose. If I get pregnant and don't want to be a parent, I can terminate the pregnancy or I can give birth and place the baby for adoption. I can do either of these things without the man having any say. I can do either of these things without even telling the man I'm pregnant. He can beg and plead with me to carry the pregnancy to term b/c he wants to be a father and I can say no and terminate the pregnancy. Women have the right to choose(whether we all want it or appreciate it) and we need to take responsibility for our choices.

To clarify, I have a very different POV on couples who choose to have a family, split and then one parent doesn't contribute. Hate deadbeat parents. Don't feel like that's what we're talking about above though.

The moral of this thread, never have sex.

I wish I had the balls to get child support, but I have no interest in the drama. I am just glad I make enough to support my two toddlers on my own (Daycare is not cheap). But I do without so they are with me more (he said he would fight for more custody if I made him pay child support and obviously it would not be because he wants to be a good dad to his kids)... he gets to live with his mistress to split the bills and I get to do it all on my own.

But in that situation, I see no downside. He isn't going to want to have custody of the child, so really there is no lose for her.

Not to butt into your personal situation, but I'd call his bluff on the custody thing. Of course I don't know your ex, but if he's involved with the mistress still. I bet she doesn't want the kids around. As medical costs and day care costs are going to get more expensive. Your children age get involved in sports need money for uniforms or whatever. Personally, I don't think it's fair he got to have his cake and eat it too not when the law makes it clear he has to support his children.

I hope in the future you reconsider or just talk to someone about it. Your children deserve all the advantages in the world.

Plus he owes you back support.

^ My friends say the same thing.. but as it stand my 3 year old melts into a puddle when she finds out its "Daddy's Day" and I just can't take the chance when she says how she doesn't love him and wants to be with me... I try so fing hard to tell her that he loves her and to foster a positive relationship but hes an academic type (just finished his 4th degree, PhD) and has no relatibility to small children and expects them to be mini adults so is harsh with them (not to the point of abuse, I don't think.. just no fun allowed)

The moral of this thread, never have sex.

I have never asked for help, never will and like it that way. yes it is hard some months but I GET TO DECIDE EVERYTHING with no interferance from him at all. I have been on my own from the start and he has not come around or even called once! so guess what she is ALL mine! and I walked away with the best gift of all, a wonderful child and my freedome from an deadbeat!

This is a topic I have thought about alot and I am still not sure I have made my mind up completely.

But for now, I do not think the father owes any child support if he said from the beginning of the pregnancy that he did not want the child. I don't think it's fair that women can choose to have an abortion or not and the father has no say so in the matter.

Wow! Abortion is NOT a form of birth control. So you are suggesting that because she opted not to end the life of the child he helped her create, then he is completely absolved from responsibility?

So if I you let me borrow your car, but I had a crappy driving record, and informed you of it ahead of time, and then totalled your car, you would absolve me of the responsibility of paying for your car??

I don't want to get in a debate about abortion......I should have known better when I posted this!

Yeh, probably should have known better since it's such a hot topic.

Abortion is murder. Not a contraceptive.

So much for being adults.

Murder is murder. Abortion is just that, abortion.

Has nothing to do with being adults. It's a difference of opinion.

Let me ask you this...you're pregnant and I, being a horrible individual, kick you in the stomach and kill your child. Am I going to prison for murder? Damn straight I am.

So, how does the fact that the child is your own make it any different?

My body my choice? I can touch my private parts all day, it's legal. If I touch yours without your consent it is sexual assault. Do you see the difference?

So, the only thing that matters is your own, selfish, feelings?

A child is not a choice. It's a human being. If you want to harm yourself, go for it. You don't, or should I say, shouldn't have the right to harm the child. Where is his/her choice?

Again a child is a child, an unborn is just that unborn. Has nothing to do with being selfish or feelings. It is just simple facts distinguishing things.

I can't just equate things and expect them to be equal.

Otherwise, I would like to charge every Jewish man who ever masturbated by committing a Holocaust ( or Holochyno rather).

I have never asked for help, never will and like it that way. yes it is hard some months but I GET TO DECIDE EVERYTHING with no interferance from him at all. I have been on my own from the start and he has not come around or even called once! so guess what she is ALL mine! and I walked away with the best gift of all, a wonderful child and my freedome from an deadbeat!

But that is the risk he took when he allowed the DNA to leave his body. Without being crude, he put that DNA in her body and essentially gave her the right to do with it whatever she chooses to. He was well-aware of that risk, and he still failed to prevent pregnancy.

So, the only thing that matters is your own, selfish, feelings?

A child is not a choice. It's a human being. If you want to harm yourself, go for it. You don't, or should I say, shouldn't have the right to harm the child. Where is his/her choice?

It's nonexistent until they're an actual baby, capable of living outside of the womb.

The moral of this thread, never have sex.

or put it into a different hole with no uterus attached. Jeesh, do I have to think of everything.

I'm just going to go ahead and put it out there. If the world worked the way you think it should, my ex-husband would not be supporting his children now. Without his income, I am below poverty level. I would still be living in a crappy apartment in a bad neighborhood where gun shots and gang beatings were commonplace. And that's just one example. I don't want to give out too many details of my life, but suffice to say, that my kids are much better off with their father supporting them, than not.

To clarify, I have a very different POV on couples who choose to have a family, split and then one parent doesn't contribute. Hate deadbeat parents. Don't feel like that's what we're talking about above though.

So, the only thing that matters is your own, selfish, feelings?

A child is not a choice. It's a human being. If you want to harm yourself, go for it. You don't, or should I say, shouldn't have the right to harm the child. Where is his/her choice?

It's nonexistent until they're an actual baby, capable of living outside of the womb.

These arguments are both a matter of opinions, and no matter how much each side weighs in, nothing is going to deter the other from their opinion, so let's put down the swords here and just agree to disagree, shall we?