Marriage - is it that important?

245

Replies

  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    It's up to the individual. My personal beliefs on marriage? It's not for the faint of heart. Even before I was married or in a serious relationship, I knew that marriage was something serious and not to be taken lightly. The consequences of divorce (especially if children are involved) was not something I was willing to risk if a relationship was not ideal.

    I will add that I am a Catholic and that plays a large part in my views.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    My husband and I have been together since my freshman year of high school. We had 2 kids. 2 years ago we finally decided to get married. Both of our parents had been divorced and we just didn't see the importance. After realize the money we'd save on insurance and taxes we decided it was best (and it did kind of always bother me that my last name was different than the girls). So basically we got married for logistical purposes. I didn't think a piece of paper would matter....but I can honestly say I have never felt closer to him than I do now and I really love that all of our last names are the same now. I think it was a good example to set for our kids as well.

    This is pretty much how it was/is for me and my Hubs too. We don't have kids but we were together for 11 years before we finally decided to get hitched. We've been fully committed to each other from the start but were both children of divorce and had plenty of friends who were into their 2nd marriages already (early 30's) so we had that whole "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" mentality. We'd talked about it before but the reason we finally decided to do it (other than our love and devotion to each other) was to save money on certain expenses. Anyway, I also never realized how much of a difference it really made...I mean, we'd been living together for years, sharing expenses, had both our names on the mortgage, and of course the lovey dovey stuff too...but I feel like we have an even deeper bond now. Pretty cool!
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.

    However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    only for tax reasons and health insurance. commitment is much more important and you don't necessarily need marriage for that.

    Marriage is commitment. Lack of marriage = lack of commitment.

    to a certain extent, maybe, but I still don't believe you need a marriage to prove commitment (especially not when the divorce rate is over 50%).
  • mxmkenney
    mxmkenney Posts: 486 Member
    If you want to start a family, then marriage is important for establishing the family unit. It gives the children in the family more security and a sense of unity. But it is not to be taken lightly. The divorce rate is so high these days that unless you are a person with strong conviction about marriage in the first place, you probably shouldn't bother. Basically, don't do it because you're pressured into it or just because you have a kid together. Do it because you want to spend the rest of your life with that one person, and you will fight every day to make it work.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I don't believe in god or all that crap so it's not for me but if it makes my future wife happy, then whateves, just an expensive party!

    Marriage pre-dates modern religion. It was first created as a sort of contract between men and women. The woman offered sexual exclusivity for the man to pass on his genetics and the man provided protection and food.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.

    However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
    I don't know about that ...

    I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.

    But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.
  • SF2514
    SF2514 Posts: 794 Member
    Being with my husband is the most important thing, married or not. We got married for the benefits of marriage (taxes and insurance as mentioned before). I do like being able to say that I'm married to my husband though. It sounds nice to me. I do not think it is meant for everyone and to each their own is always how I'll feel on this subject.
  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,486 Member
    I don't believe in god or all that crap so it's not for me but if it makes my future wife happy, then whateves, just an expensive party!
    Doesn't have to be. I don't want that at all and I'm not particularly religious. But marriage is still important to me.

    I'll probably elope or some version of that and maybe have a few people over for dinner to celebrate.

    A wedding =/= a marriage.

    Agree with the wedding =/= a marriage. I was married in my living room by my dad (who is a preacher) and no it wasn't a shotgun wedding I just did NOT want to deal with the drama a wedding creates. At the 1st sound of drama I cut the wedding. I don't play that.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    only for tax reasons and health insurance. commitment is much more important and you don't necessarily need marriage for that.

    Marriage is commitment. Lack of marriage = lack of commitment.

    Sure, if you want to oversimplify and still come to an incorrect conclusion. :laugh:
  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
    Not at all, and I'm married. It was important to my wife, that was good enough for me.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    It is to me. Not sure I can really articulate why. I guess legality and tradition.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.

    However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
    I don't know about that ...

    I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.

    But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.

    Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.
  • mynewlife10
    mynewlife10 Posts: 52
    I think your heart, mind and soul should drive the desire or lack thereof to be married. Any other reason is just not big enough, in my view, to make such a big decision.
  • nhfelton
    nhfelton Posts: 1
    Marriage is ordained of God. There is little else that matters more. It of course has to be done the right way to be as great as it can be. The break down of the family is a large part of the problems in the world today. A strong marriage doesn't guarantee happiness and peace but it sure helps
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    only for tax reasons and health insurance. commitment is much more important and you don't necessarily need marriage for that.

    Marriage is commitment. Lack of marriage = lack of commitment.

    Sure, if you want to oversimplify and still come to an incorrect conclusion. :laugh:

    If somone is "committed to a relationship" and yet won't marry then you to question their committment. No way around it. Period. End of story.

    Period? End of story? :laugh: Do you really believe that saying that makes you correct? :laugh:
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    I'm not really sure I understand the question....

    My marriage is important to me...marriage may not be important to someone else.
    I don't believe in god or all that crap so it's not for me but if it makes my future wife happy, then whateves, just an expensive party!
    My wife and I aren't religious at all and did not have any kind of religious ceremony for our wedding. It was rather small, just close personal friends and family...the wedding itself was an exercise signifying our commitment to each other, with that promise being witnessed by said friends and family.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    I don't believe in god or all that crap so it's not for me but if it makes my future wife happy, then whateves, just an expensive party!
    Doesn't have to be. I don't want that at all and I'm not particularly religious. But marriage is still important to me.

    I'll probably elope or some version of that and maybe have a few people over for dinner to celebrate.

    A wedding =/= a marriage.

    Agree with the wedding =/= a marriage. I was married in my living room by my dad (who is a preacher) and no it wasn't a shotgun wedding I just did NOT want to deal with the drama a wedding creates. At the 1st sound of drama I cut the wedding. I don't play that.

    I did this too! Well, sort of. I got married in Hawaii, where my husband and I lived at the time, and only about 20 people were able to come. Easy way to cut out the drama. And for me, the idea of having all the glitz and glamour of a big wedding kind of eliminated the holiness of a sacrament that I wanted. And yes, a wedding is not the same as a marriage.
  • SchroederNJ
    SchroederNJ Posts: 189 Member
    Hilarious take on it http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/23/aziz-ansari-buried-alive_n_4151850.html
  • vrandal
    vrandal Posts: 22 Member
    In theory, yes. In practical application, it is basically a contract in which a man transfers wealth to woman (except in the rare case where the woman makes more).

    So, for a guy, if you get REALLY lucky it can probably be great.
    HAHA!! This has to be a joke, right?:laugh:
  • nikkylyn
    nikkylyn Posts: 325 Member
    Its important to me. Im not religious at all.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    I dont think it is anymore.

    What's the divorce rate now 50%?

    Marriage would be a detriment to me and hurt my tax status and make my coming child's health insurance too expensive.

    I'm not seeing the benefit to marriage. In the case of death I can still name him as the beneficiary to my life insurance. His credit hurts me. Yeah, no benefit,

    The ideal of marriage is to seal land agreements and for resources. Marriage is a contract it's never been about love.
  • Pelly57
    Pelly57 Posts: 169 Member
    It depends on your situation. I've been married for 34 years and I know that if I wasn't, I (we) probably would have given up easily when we had some serious problems. I think that trying to hold on to what we call marriage is what kept us together. To some, it's just a piece of paper, but not us.

    Same here, you could be telling my story. Married 34 years, about the 10 year mark it got bad. If we hadn't been married we would have called it quits. But, we worked through it for a couple of years and came out even stronger, and even more committed. That wouldn't have happened if we had not been married.
  • besaro
    besaro Posts: 1,858 Member
    not at all.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    I am married, but I do not think of myself as somebody's wife. If my husband and I could have had the legal benefits of marriage without a ceremony, I am unsure if we would have felt the need.

    ETA: My throwback pic goes super awesome with this topic. This photo was taken 8ish years before I actually got married. I didn't wear that dress and hadn't met my husband.
  • favoritenut
    favoritenut Posts: 217 Member
    It used to mean a lot to me, but some issues have come up and now I feel kinda trapped. Yes I know I can/could get a divorce, but to me it is more complicated. I still love him and don't want to hurt him, me, and the kids. But I just don't want to be with him anymore, as a wife.

    I got married I think too young, so IMO, I say wait until you are older. I didn't get to experience being on my own, and am having regrets. BUT, that is just me - not everyone!
  • vrandal
    vrandal Posts: 22 Member
    I don't believe in god or all that crap ...

    But you do believe in crap, so that's good.
    THIS!!
  • LosingExtraKristy
    LosingExtraKristy Posts: 164 Member
    It is to my husband and I. We wanted to be married before starting a family. While others don't agree, I feel there is an extra feeling of commitment there. I really...I would rather refer to him has my husband rather than my boyfriend or partner. That has nothing to do with why we got married, though. But yes. I find married to be important.
  • joe_madre
    joe_madre Posts: 693
    to whom? in what context?

    because i'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you mean "in general," that some people will find it very important and some people will find it not important, and the rest will be degrees in between.

    and then there will be a silly argument, possibly from a religious angle.

    and then "lock."

    Don't know if I'd actually call that "going out on a limb" so much. Maybe better of calling it "stating the obvious"
  • jefftprice
    jefftprice Posts: 3
    Younger people and in to their 20's you find allot of people saying I just want to have fun, I don't want to get married, meeting new partners and trying out as many possibilities as possible seems to be the best plan. That's a part of becoming a true adult; finding yourself and who your are, many people go through the stage.

    Most people though as they get older ( out of their 20's but sometimes longer) find that they want companionship more then fun.

    When you are with someone for a significant amount of time and as you grow older you personality changes, many find sex isn't the most important thing in their lives.

    Companionship starts to take a higher priority and when your with someone for a significant point of time, marriage in many cases is a sign of fully committing to your relationship.

    In short companionship is an very important part of a healthy long life mentally, physically and to some spiritually.

    Is it important? Well married people; the ones that make it, usually live longer happier lives then people who choose to live alone.

    Its always nice to look back on your life and have shared experienced, intimidate experiences with someone that can remember them with you

    so marriage to someone you love and care for? I saw why not?

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