Marriage - is it that important?

I don't believe in god or all that crap ...

But you do believe in crap, so that's good.

THIS!!

to whom? in what context?

because i'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you mean "in general," that some people will find it very important and some people will find it not important, and the rest will be degrees in between.

and then there will be a silly argument, possibly from a religious angle.

and then "lock."

Don't know if I'd actually call that "going out on a limb" so much. Maybe better of calling it "stating the obvious"

I dont think it is anymore.

What's the divorce rate now 50%?

Marriage would be a detriment to me and hurt my tax status and make my coming child's health insurance too expensive.

I'm not seeing the benefit to marriage. In the case of death I can still name him as the beneficiary to my life insurance. His credit hurts me. Yeah, no benefit,

The ideal of marriage is to seal land agreements and for resources. Marriage is a contract it's never been about love.

Whoops, guess the fact that divorces are so common and easily obtained make it not so great a committment.

I think it is. Actually having a *good marriage* is important.

P.S. Also you can have a cheap meaningful wedding for next to nothing and mean just much as a $15,000 shin-dig.
I had 8 guests, no bridesmaids and a $50 green & black dress. Paid the lady who married us like $80 bucks. Went out to eat afterwards. And we're just as married as our friends who had to take out huge loans to make some big production happen. :drinker:

It really is up to each individual person.

Yes and no. If it's important to the individual, sure. Marriage for me meant mostly legal rights for myself, my husband, and our kids. We were together for 4 years before we got married and our kids were 2 & 3 years old when we got married. Marriage does not equal commitment. It does not equal love. It is not a guarantee for a stable or enjoyable home life. And I've known plenty of people who said the pressure of being married destroyed a previously wonderful relationship (just as the pressure of not getting engaged has ruined relationships). Not everyone is meant for it.

Marriage is very important to me, and when I did get married it felt different. Addressing my spouse as my husband has an elevated status that makes me feel different than if I simply said boyfriend or fiance. It tells me he is serious about committing to a lifelong partnership with me.

I'm genuinely interested in opinions on this. What's your view?


*I Threw it out there as a random question really. Clarifying I'm not asking from a religious stand point (cheers wolverine)

I see the notion of marriage coming up frequently in the relationship threads. Just wondered if people see it as something important to themselves or not.

Much of it will depend on context. Should you consider your life a waste becaue you've never gotten married? Certainly not.

Should you do everything you can so you can say "I'm married!" as early in your life as possible? DEFINITELY not.

One challenge that comes up is that it seems a good number of people treat marriage like a checklist item that must be checked off before considering their life complete.

I more than willingly tell people it's better to be single and lonely than to poision your life or someone else's life with a relationship that was rushed into.


For me, the big thing about marriage is that it demonstrates a particular degree of commitment. If and when I get to say "I do", I will be telling the woman in front of me that I am committed to her, our relationship, and our family. In fact, she will know that I am so committed to her that I'm willingly abandoning the easy-out solution of just breaking up. At that point, our relationship is such that I am no longer allowing inconvenience to be a reason for me to terminate it. If, for example, there's a conflict regarding our life together and my job, I am obligated to sit down with her and work it out. I don't get to say "I like my job, so bye".

Can this degree of commitment exist without marriage? Yes. I'm sure there are people out there who are lovingly and wholly committed to each other without making anything official.

But to me, marriage means that I'm willing to stand in front of the State, my friends, my family, and my god and say that that committment is there, which, in turn, invites their scorn and enmity if I volate that commitment.

While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.

However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.

I don't know about that ...

I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.

But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.

Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.

You can't know that, though. Unless you've been through it, you can't know that.

I'll let you know once I make it to "the other side."

And one person in here who was in a similar situation to mine has already said that isn't the case.

I don't believe in god or all that crap ...

But you do believe in crap, so that's good.

I do now! I was always under the impression that girls don't fart, boy was I proven wrong by MFP!!!

I have to respectfully disagree, when you get married you state in the vowes you are committing. If you choose not to after that then well that's a choice you made.

In my life, it means "til death do us part." I honestly believe that "good times and bad", "better or worse" stuff in the marriage vows. Married 33 years.

I have to respectfully disagree, when you get married you state in the vowes you are committing. If you choose not to after that then well that's a choice you made.

People can write their own vows....

While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.

However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.

My opinion differs here...

My husband and I were together for 10 years before we got married...living together...sharing the money, bills..etc... At that time, I honestly believed that getting married would just be a piece of paper..that nothing would change about our relationship.

BUT....

After being married (for another 11 years), I feel that it has solidified our relationship. Making us closer. I can't say MORE committed...because we were both equally as committed living common law...but it is a different kind of committment. I take my vows seriously, and as a previous poster mentioned, without being married, maybe when times were tough, as they sometimes were, it would've been a little easier to just walk away.

Just my honest opinion... everyone is entitled...

I have to respectfully disagree, when you get married you state in the vowes you are committing. If you choose not to after that then well that's a choice you made.

You can be committed without marriage and commitment being in the vows doesn't mean someone is actually committing. Especially given the ease with which one can get an annulment and relative ease with which one can get a divorce.