Marriage - is it that important?

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  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,780 Member
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    to whom? in what context?

    because i'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you mean "in general," that some people will find it very important and some people will find it not important, and the rest will be degrees in between.

    and then there will be a silly argument, possibly from a religious angle.

    and then "lock."

    Don't know if I'd actually call that "going out on a limb" so much. Maybe better of calling it "stating the obvious"

    Maybe we need an agreed upon "sarcasm indicator" like italics or something? Because when I was "going out on a limb" i was being completely sarcastic because it was, as you said, stating the obvious :happy:
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Ive been with hubby for 8 years, engaged for nearly 4. We're common law, and im in no real hurry to formalize it. That piece of paper wont make us love each other more.

    This is me 6 years together, 2 years engaged, kid on the way and no rush to formalize. I have the ring, but not the desire.
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
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    depends on the person.
  • hmjohnson25
    hmjohnson25 Posts: 100 Member
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    My marriage is very important to me. I make it a point to stay out of everyone else's relationships. Do what makes you happy.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,026 Member
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    While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.

    However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
    I don't know about that ...

    I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.

    But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.

    Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.

    just curious, are you married?

    Nope.
  • zephtalah
    zephtalah Posts: 327 Member
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    It is interesting that you rule out a religious reasons. The only reason IMO to get married is a religious reason. In marriage, we made a covenant agreement before God to stay together for better or worse and the rest of our vows. As far as, is it important that depends. I would be complete without marriage, but I am happier and more fulfilled in marriage. If just "being married" is the goal then you have missed the point. If your reasons for marriage are insurance or tax breaks then that is what is important to you not marriage.
  • FitCurves444
    FitCurves444 Posts: 169 Member
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    Not in my current relationship. We are as devoted to each other and all of the vows of marriage apply in our relationship, so we don't consider marriage to be of much importance........ because if/when we get married that only thing that is going to change is maybe my last name..... maybe being the operative word.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    As far as things changing when you get married, it's fun when you get to suddenly call each other "husband" or "wife" but if you are already living together, I don't think it changes much. We got engaged, bought a house, THEN got married, so really it was the buying the house thing that changed things. Once both names go on the mortgage/deed you're kind of stuck anyway.
  • illuvatree
    illuvatree Posts: 185 Member
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    It's an individual thing. Of course, you could be in a fully committed relationship without getting married, but getting married does provide some benefits that are important to have!
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
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    As far as things changing when you get married, it's fun when you get to suddenly call each other "husband" or "wife" but if you are already living together, I don't think it changes much. We got engaged, bought a house, THEN got married, so really it was the buying the house thing that changed things. Once both names go on the mortgage/deed your kind of stuck anyway.

    QFT... owning a house together is MUCH more binding than a marriage license. trust me, I have dealt with many divorced clients stuck dealing with each other years after the marriage is done because of a jointly owned home.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Aside from the committment thing, in my relationship, marriage has some signifigance because he;s in the military reserves. he was up for deployment earlier this year (got cancelled) and I went to deployment readiness training with him. While they do offer services for unmarried partners, the vast majority of what they talked about didn't apply to me at all and it was very disheartening because I was essentially in the same place emotionally as any spouse, but wouldn't have access to a lot of stuff because we weren't married. It made me kind of sad to sit through all of that.
  • lporter229
    lporter229 Posts: 4,907 Member
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    While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.

    However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
    I don't know about that ...

    I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.

    But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.

    Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.

    just curious, are you married?

    Nope.

    I did not want to assume that to be the case, but I pretty much suspected as much. And to be honest, before I was married, I felt much the same way. However, marriage DOES enrich your relationship in a way that is very hard to describe. I guess the only way I can explain it is to say that I knew by your comments that you weren't married. Please be aware that this is in no way intended to belittle your point of view. As I said, I felt much the same way before I was married.
  • thesophierose
    thesophierose Posts: 754 Member
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    It depends on the person and situation. People abuse the marriage title, which is sad.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,780 Member
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    While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.

    However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
    I don't know about that ...

    I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.

    But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.

    Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.

    I am married, and while I cannot speak for anyone but my own situation, this is how we felt. We were told over and over how different things would be after marriage. The biggest difference to me was I now wore a ring.

    But I think nothing changed because maybe we already took it as a given? I don't know why. It's just how we were.
  • djeffreys10
    djeffreys10 Posts: 2,312 Member
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    In theory, yes. In practical application, it is basically a contract in which a man transfers wealth to woman (except in the rare case where the woman makes more).

    So, for a guy, if you get REALLY lucky it can probably be great.

    It's a contract in which a man and woman commit to making a life together, to sharing all things in order to work as a unit and move forward. And I don't know that finding the right partner can be considered "luck". It takes a lot of work and patience. We've always had joint accounts. "We" owe the vehicles, "we" own the house, our debts are joint as is our income. When I worked part time with the kids, and then later went back for a master's most of "our" money was "his". Right now I make more and when he retires probably 10 years before I do most of "our" money will be mine. We truly share everything and it works out well for the most part. Furthermore we are really happy together. We've had hard times but have come through it. We enjoy each other's company, we are proud of each other, we have great sex, awesome family time, great couple time, adequate and fulfilling alone time. It makes me sad when people are so bitter about marriage (and either men or women in general) because marriage can be great, and I like to believe that most people (men and women) are good.

    Your relationship is what you make it, legal contract aside. It does not refute my statement.
  • VetGirl13
    VetGirl13 Posts: 73
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    After living with my guy for over 4 years (and owning a house together) I did not believe that marriage would change our relationship. However, since our engagement our relationship has changed in a way that's difficult to portray in words and I only hope that the actual marriage has the same effect cause it is awesome. Its like after committing to make the commitment we became more aware of eachother and our needs.
    Sooo... Yes, I think marriage can be an important aspect to relationships
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,026 Member
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    While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.

    However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
    I don't know about that ...

    I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.

    But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.

    Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.

    just curious, are you married?

    Nope.

    I did not want to assume that to be the case, but I pretty much suspected as much. And to be honest, before I was married, I felt much the same way. However, marriage DOES enrich your relationship in a way that is very hard to describe. I guess the only way I can explain it is to say that I knew by your comments that you weren't married. Please be aware that this is in no way intended to belittle your point of view. As I said, I felt much the same way before I was married.

    Read the posters who are married and substantiated what I said.:P
  • GeorgieLove708
    GeorgieLove708 Posts: 442 Member
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    While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.

    However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
    I don't know about that ...

    I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.

    But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.

    Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.

    just curious, are you married?

    Nope.

    I did not want to assume that to be the case, but I pretty much suspected as much. And to be honest, before I was married, I felt much the same way. However, marriage DOES enrich your relationship in a way that is very hard to describe. I guess the only way I can explain it is to say that I knew by your comments that you weren't married. Please be aware that this is in no way intended to belittle your point of view. As I said, I felt much the same way before I was married.

    I AM married and marriage has not enriched my relationship in any way. We have a wonderful relationship, but it was not made better or worse by marriage.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Options
    While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.

    However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
    I don't know about that ...

    I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.

    But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.

    Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.

    just curious, are you married?

    Nope.

    I did not want to assume that to be the case, but I pretty much suspected as much. And to be honest, before I was married, I felt much the same way. However, marriage DOES enrich your relationship in a way that is very hard to describe. I guess the only way I can explain it is to say that I knew by your comments that you weren't married. Please be aware that this is in no way intended to belittle your point of view. As I said, I felt much the same way before I was married.

    Read the posters who are married and substantiated what I said.:P
    Some agreed and others didn't.

    So, it seems it comes down to the person and maybe it's all about your personal view of marriage that matters. Mine is pretty serious, so I think I will feel different.
  • Escape_Artist
    Escape_Artist Posts: 1,155 Member
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    I personally don't care about marriage, because honestly if I wanna sign a legal contract with someone else, I can do that the civil way, if I wanna celebrate my union I can throw one big *kitten* party that won't involve a white dress and rings. I also probably won't have to spend to much money on it cause let's face it, getting married CAN cost a lot. I would rather spend that money travelling or on my futur child, let's say.

    My boyfriend on the other end is religious, he absolutely wants to get married and in a church at that, it has to be before we have a kid, cause you know, the kid will be a ''*kitten*'' if we are not married. In his eyes and the eyes of his familly, marriage is very very important. They also believe that we should want them to be happy and get married the way they want us to.

    Needless to say this is causing some major issues ... lol

    TLDR, I don't believe in marriage, for me it's just a legal contract and an excuse to throw money out the window on rings and dresses and whatever else. I also hate the religious aspect of it, deeply.

    But that's just me :smile:

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