support for Binge Eating Disorder

Thanks for the welcome Melissa!

I figure that if I just continue saying "no", she will stop bringing them to me. It worked with the candy. When I stopped enthusiastically eating them in front of her, they stopped coming. And, I also think its ultimately not fair to expect someone who doesn't have my problem to never bring it into the house...although they can learn to stop pushing them on me. I think I need to learn some additional strategies as well.

Hi Titiana,

Now that I caught up on posts, I see why Diane posted what she did about ones close to you knowing about the problem. You need to be very honest with significant others, family and all friends. It is just like a drug addict or acholic not telling people about their problem. You are opening yourself up to needless pressure when you don't tell true friends. A true friend will be supportive. Examine the relationship if your friend is not supportive. I never use the words BED. Because most people do understand that but I use the word eating problem and food addiction. People really understand food addiction the most. They do not have to know more than that. If I tell a friend I have a food addiction and they still do things around me, I limit association with them quickly because they are harming me. Friends harmful to my goals are not helpful and the relationship is going to change.

I will give you an example. Last year I went on a seven day cruise. I was not in the room with my family but a good friend. Now she has known me at my heaviest weight. I have known her for over 20 years. I love her, seen her kids grow up, etc. She is a wonderful friend to me. She is there when I need her, but she does not get it about my food addiction. When we came off the cruise I wrote her a long letter and told her about the food issues. She never mentioned the letter to me and I asked her did she get it and she said yes. That is all I needed to know. We are still good friends but I will NEVER travel with her on another trip. Why?

Because this is the 2nd time she insists on bringing goodies into the room and leaving them around. If the food is there I will eat it. She brings milk duds, chips, Garretts popcorn, etc. She never hardly ate the stuff, I was the one eating it when she was not in the cabin!!! I ate most of the milk duds and chips. She had 3 canisters of pringles and they are not even my chip of choice. It is they were in the room so I would munch on them. I did very well on cruise otherwise and I maitained my weight and I felt so good about that. I may would have even lost a pound if it had not been for this stuff. I exercise everyday and kept my pedometor on because this makes me walk more for sure. I was not perfect but I did not binge eat at all even though I was constanly eating. I made healthier choices. Most nights I ate fish at dinner and for lunches I did the stir-frys a lot of days. Had treats only once or twice. (treats is like a juicy cheesburger or pancakes for breakfast) On previous cruises I would eat like a pig and constantly. I love big fattening breakfast and I would eat one all 7 days of cruise. This time I had the big fattening breakfast and that was on the very last day of cruise. What helped me do this? the people we sat with were healthy eaters and that helped me to order healthy also.

In my letter to my buddy I told her she does not get it. It is going to come up because I could not tell her I am NEVER going to travel with her in the future unless she respect ME by not having the junk food in the room. I don't care if she eats it around me but having it lying around, I WILL EAT IT when she is gone. I don't bring it into my place. Is this selfish? YES AND NO. If I were an achololic would she bring in beer or wine? NO. When I visited her house the last time I noticed she kept fruits out and I did not see the junk food out like normal. Her and her family still ate it but I never saw where it was stored so I did good that weekend. She lives in WI so I don't see her often anymore. But maybe she learned. we will see. I will ask her in the future before we go on anymore trips together. Like you I did not want to have the conversation because I figure she has known my struggle and would get it, but she did not. I wrote the letter which explained it all in the words of FOOD ADDICTION. I did not tell her I would not go on any trips with her. She has asked me to go with her to see her daughter in Panama, but I declined. Even though it will be hard I am going to have to have a discussion with her if I go with her on any more trips.

I am single and she is married and most of my friends are married and my sister never has money. Since I love to travel and she has money I need to go with her on trips if she is not going with husband or family. But if she does not respect my addiction to food, I am not going to put myself in that position again. And I will ask her if she can do this and I will be specific and if she feels she can not forgo her junk food I will understand. I get that because snacks are expensive to buy. Like I told her in her letter she can lock her stuff up and eat it but eat it and don't leave it out and tell me I am welcomed to it. It is toture. I was good then also because I only ate one of the pringles canisters in seven days because I would nibble on them daily and since they were not mines I would not going to eat all her stuff.

When I am in hotel rooms I have the staff clean refrig and take all junk they leave for us to buy out of the room. I explain I have a food addiction and if I eat the stuff I am not paying for it and they are happy to comply......:-)

Ok Titiania, I am done. I can get going sometimes. It is helpful and I hope it helps somebody else who may read it. Welcome to BED.

Don't give up Accept who you are and then move forward. We are addicted to food and our life depends on working harder to control what we eat and what we do. Good luck and I also need good luck in making good choices.

Someone mentioned that I should be okay maintaining my weight. I agree that maintaing is so much better than gaining. I have been more consistant than I have ever been lately and all that means is that I have been logging in everything I eat. I think I am on day 38. So far I have lost 4 pounds, gained six and lost four again. I also not only logged it in, but now my food diary is set on public. It is embarassing sometimes, but I want to be honest with myself and others about why the overweight happened and what I am doing or what I am not doing in reaction to it. As of now I am 222.5 pounds and 5'8" tall, so I am about 83 pounds overweight. I have never been under 180 in my adult life. I am 27 years old and as I think about the things that are coming up in my life -- interviews, marriage and family and reaching those types of life goals, there are so many reasons to deal with this now. I want to heal. I do not want this success to be temporary. I have lose and gained 60 pounds 3 times? 4?

The binge eating group is helpful. So I will say that my goal right now is to wite everything and to have my day be either a lose day or a maintain day. One of the things I did was raised my calorie goal to about 1500 per day (1 1/2 pounds per week) and raise my exercise goal. I have almost met my exercise goal this week and am getting closer to the other nutritional goals. It was discouraging to see all of the red numbers. I did at someone else's suggestion, refrain from going to a buffet that my friend suggested last night. Instead we went to a Thai restaurant and that put me into the maintain category, but kept me safe from the binge one.

Hi Mollie and Diane. Thanks for the feedback and sharing your experience. I guess I just felt burned last time I tried it that its made me afraid to do it again. But I agree with you that sharing is part of relationships. And although it will be a negotiation, we can work on coming up with strategies that seem fair to both of us.

And slansdown, great job suggesting someplace other than the buffet. Finding simple, practical strategies are part of your arsenal of protection. You CAN do this! We all can.

And Krymsen, nice work on chosing a small, measurable, and achievable goal. Abstinence is the best option for some things, and moderation for others. (and one option works better for some, and the other option works best for others) Its good to figure out what works for you. Looking forward to hearing more about what you are learning in class.

Recovery Meditations ~ Pain ~ One Day at a Time ~ October 23, 2010
:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

RECOVERY MEDITATIONS
One Day at a Time
October 23, 2010

~ PAIN ~

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

"People are taught that pain is evil and
dangerous ... Pain is meant to wake us
up ... You feel your strength in the
experience of pain ...Your feelings are
part of you ... If you feel ashamed of
them, and hide them, you're letting
society destroy your reality. You should
stand up for your right to feel your
pain."

Jim Morrison of the Doors

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

I am what some might call a "pain
expert." Inside, Outside, Stuffed,
Unavoidable ~ there are so many kinds of
pain. I used to think that if I were
really
strong, I would never let pain
effect me, regardless of its source. And
there were plenty of sources. I walked
around with this smile on my face and
this wall built around me, trying to
ward off the pain.

Then one day I cracked. I lost someone
very close to me. When I actually
accepted that, I just broke down. There
was so much pain...pain I had been
avoiding for years. At that moment I was
confronted by all of it!

That was when I started to realize that
I couldn't go through life avoiding pain
-- it was still there and it would come
back. And it would be worse. Joining
this program and reading the Big Book
helped me to recognize my pain and feel
it. I'm now able to not fear it, but to
see it for what it is: a piece of me. I
grow from what I feel, including
pain. Without it I wouldn't be me.

ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .

I will feel my pain and I will do what
is necessary to accept it.
Together we
can see our strength. Together we are
bound by pain.

~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~

Checking in w/ you guys also helps to remind me that...."It's one day at a time."

I did well on Fri & Sat but yesterday not so good. Today is going strong. Tonight I have to keep busy because I have to fast for a lab appt in the morning, so no food after 7:45pm. My goal is to eat supper and then go to the gym. If I'm working out I won't be thinking about food and then hopefully I'll be so exhausted by the time I get home I'll go right to bed. :happy:

That is great Mel. I think it will be very beneficial to have a "on demand" support group. I may even look into this for myself cuz when 9pm rolls around and I'm bored and not tired it sure would be nice to have some peeps to chat with about not bingeing.

@Mollie-usually not hungry after a workout and then it takes me at least an hour or sometimes more to want food. Usually when I workout from 6-7pm I will eat dinner around 8pm and then after 9 is when I get in the mood to binge. I find that I have to be careful about what I eat for dinner so that I don't "set myself up" for a binge. I've found that I cannot have too many carbs for dinner and that my best bet is meat & veggies. Tonight (right now actually) I'm having homemade chili with a few noodles in it. And then I'll get ready and go to the gym until maybe 9pm or so and then by the time I wind down it will be time for bed and I should still be feeling not hungry. I also do not have any chocolate or ice cream in the house right now because I ate it all last week. I also need to find a happy medium with that. I don't think keeping that stuff in the house is a good idea but I also think I'm better off keeping something in the house so that when I do really want it I don't eat everything else trying to satisfy that craving. What do you guys do about junk food in the house?

OMG YOU SOUND JUST LIKE ME