Bridezilla, weight loss sabotage? Or common sense.

My EX friend was getting married for the second time and she was still in her early 20's and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I had just moved countries and my life was in boxes. I explained to her I would do the best I can being a single parent having just moved countries on my own so she shouldn't expect me to be at her beck and call. I told her if she requires someone to be there with her all the time then she should pick someone else. I am not the type of person who agrees to something then lets people down so I wanted to make sure i covered all the bases first. She said it would be fine and then a few weeks later started making demands on me. I had spent my life savings moving and could not afford to pay for anything she knew this but still acted like a total B to me. She made up stories and rumors and in front of the other girls she made fun of me and tried to make me look like a looser. I did not say a word i gave her respect as it was her wedding time.

She was being very immature and unreasonable and would get her fiancee to call me making demands he also called me one night to ask for help because she was throwing things at him. I told him not to marry her if that is what is going on. One night we were having dinner at her house my son was 3 and her fiancee said something she did not like and she threw a full size Vegemite jar a ONE KILO jar at him but it missed him and clocked my son in the head! And she did not even apologize! I had witness her slap her fiancee in the face just for paying for groceries and smiling at the check out chick!

I simply said to her look I love you you are my friend but right now this has got to stop. I will be your bridesmaid but i cant be shopping with you almost every day and paying for these things you want me to pay for you need to cal down. Well her attitude got worse and I told her that I will come to her wedding as a guest not a bridesmaid.

I went to her wedding she put me on a table facing a wall and all the wedding was happening behind me literally she spent her wedding day being a cow to me and to her new husband when they were doing the speeches she yelled at him and made him look like a fool in front of everyone and the party went so silent and someone broke the ice and said WELCOME TO MARRIAGE to him and he laughed nervously yea she cheated on him a few years later and abandoned their baby daughter and took off across the state with some houso looser whom now she lives out in the bush with and has about 5 more kids she cant handle she is now grossly obese and unhappy and looks 10 years older than she really is and has no friends other than her new husbands family. She was teeny tiny skinny pretty and rich but not anymore she is broke as living in a dust bowl.

Karma my friend that is what i call KARMA.

So don't worry about your sister just be loving but almost be firm tell her that you love her and understand how stressed she is and nervous too (tell her this over wine) then say whilst i am your sister you have alienated me and your other bridesmaids you may not realise what affect you are having on others and whilst i understand its your day you are not an island and it takes a team of people to make YOUR day happen the way YOU want if you act like this people are not going to on board with you and your dreams of a perfect wedding will not come to pass and that is all up to you.

If she goes off on one stay calm and say like I told you i love you but your attitude has to stop and then lay down the law say my health is my business not yours I am going to get my dress altered if needed I am willing to be there for you I am willing to give up my time to be there for YOU but you need to meet me some of the way lets work on a compromise when it comes to the dress i am sure you'd rather have me smiling and happy and strong for you on the day rather than unhappy and stressed out as you seem to be i will not stop loosing weight you have no right to make those demands on me.

If you do not stop calm down and be reasonable I am unfortunately going to have to come as a guest only. I will still be there to support you but not as a bridesmaid the choice is yours.

That way you have empathized with her and let her know you understand how she feels then you have let her know how you and other have been feeling and then acknowledged her authority in a sense but then put things in context and reminded her that her authority is limited and does not include your body and then concluded with the consequences for her behavior if it was to continue.

That way you have been mature calm loving respectful and drawn those lines the next step will be to STICK TO IT! If she crosses those lines give her ONE warning remind her of the conversation you had face to face at the bar over lunch etc and if she crosses it meet with her face to face again remind her of the conversation and now let her know the consequences of her actions. That way you have covered all the bases and have resolved it in a mature methodical loving way and can walk away with your head held high knowing you went about it in the right way!

There is nothing wrong with telling people NO but you have to do it in a way that is non argumentative because as soon as you get on their energy level and make pot shots you have lost your position entirely. Dont let her waver from the subject when you peak to her stay on point stay calm stay focused if she makes pot shots at you just wait silently correct her go back t the subject until you have said all you need to say.