Horrible experience in the gym tonight
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Step 1 - ask the people on the equipment if you can work in.
Step 2 - if they say no, complain to management that people are taking up equipment while not in use during busy hours.
Step 2a - find another exercise you can do in the interim.
Step 3 - if step 1 and 2 are complete and no improvement, find a gym that polices the floor better.
Step 4 - no more stress and missed workouts.
Works a hell of a lot better than a 1,000 word rant on myfitnesspal.
PS: I've encountered many people who have given reluctant/snotty 'yes's' to being asked to work in, but no one has been enough of an *kitten* to flat out say 'no.' It's annoying that they feel burdened to have to share equipment that they aren't using, but not worth getting bent out of shape over.0 -
Sounds like a typical busy night at my gym. Talk to people, politely tell them what you need. Smile. It's not a big deal
I wonder what they thought of you wandering around, watching them? Like others have said, they are GUYS. Not mind readers :laugh: And they are human too. Talk to them, they might surprise you :flowerforyou:0 -
This. But I agree with the others who've said just go up and ask them. If they're new, they may not know better. And it's bad enough to expect a guy to interpret sideways looks in a relationship, but a stranger in the gym... yeah... no. Take away the ambiguity, take away the excuse ("how could I know? she didn't ask"), just go in with the mentality that you're on equal footing and act like it. And if that's too uncomfortable, for whatever reason, seek alternatives. It is ok to feel too uncomfortable and want to try something else instead. Your response is up to you.That is exactly why I just bought my exercise equipment and train at home. It's available anytime I want it.0 -
Oh, guys can be 'mind readers', very often, when they are motivated to. They aren't motivated to in the weight room, but they do just fine in other situations, like business situations. It totally depends on the context, I think.
Some of them probably knew you might want the equipment. Still, you might have to ask, because people generally ask. That's just the way it is sometimes, lol. It depends on how busy it is, etc, too.0 -
I absolutely deplore what you experienced. I am familiar with some of the conduct as it occurs at my gym but never directed at women. I refer to the helter skelter weight/plate arrangement and the equipment hogging.
Eye contact is critical as is actually asking for the weight particularly if you preface with "Looks like you are not using that X" and then proceed to pick it up. Never presume someone is hoarding as a bit of initiative will typically make a person realize they have more than they can use. If they desist and you have no options you can venture to borrow and return the weight to them when finished or remain in the area.
You know I do get tunnel vision when focusing on a workout and sometimes do not notice an acquaintaince coming up to begin a conversation. I say this in that you perhaps you are not consciously being ignored.
I agree I detest equipment hogging while texting or searching a 100 song iphone for that one perfect song.
You know what to do. Good thing you can come in here and vent a bit.0 -
I've never been to a gym that's not like this. I hear there are fabled places that are different, but I assume they are on Mars.
I train in my basement because I have zero time for dude bros.
Weird, because I've never been in a gym as described.0 -
Always act as though you own the room. Stride over to whatever you want, say, Excuse me, I'll be needing this for a few. Smile, say Thank you and do your thing. Please don't let these boorish oafs control you.0
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A lot of these guys are just as awkward as you, believe it or not.
If a guy its hording all the equipment, its likely for the same reasons as you.
Id always stop to ask if I could use something if theyre not using it.0 -
Let management know. If they won't do anything demand any deposit or waive the month advance notice part should you choose to leave. You need to feel comfortable so tell them to move their *kitten* out of the way. Do not let anyone push you around. If you feel this way so do others. Post gym name and issues anywhere you can to let management know you and others are serious and the apes need to find a new home. Or they might as well close the gym because apes are all that will be left.0
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Thank you everyone, especially those who understand how it feels or were able to express themselves kindly even if disagreeing with me. It appears some people think 'tough love' works but not for me I'm afraid. I guess I brought that on myself.....
As I said, in the past it was a nicer atmosphere and I had less issues in asking someone if they were using something or finished. It is just lately that's not the case, it has changed. Even my personal trainer has commented on it, particulalry the messiness and the hoarding. He has clients (both genders) who flatly refuse to work out down there because of the atmosphere, at least I do give it a go.
I am not easily intimidated and work in a fairly male dominated industrial environment so am used to that. I also think you can read body language and behaviour at least a little and can tell when people are just preoccupied or being a bit thoughtless but would be open to be sharing space or equipment, and when they are not. And tonight felt like they weren't and it put me off trying. And whilst this may not be a "grand sexist plot' - yes this is a gender thing to a certain extent - I rarely see women behaving this way.
Naive maybe, I guess I just think weights areas shouldn't be exclusively for people lifting big weights or those sufficiently confident to barge on in regardless. Some basic courtesy and etiquette would not go amiss without being asked. On reflection, I think I will mention it to the manager so they have the option of acting if they choose to.
Int the meantime I'll try not to let it put me off , though maybe will go at quieter times when the equipment is not in such high demand & also when this particular group of people seem to be there. (I wish I had the space to train at home but no such luck!) I'm a bit limited in other gym options but might look into that too, just as a backup.
Thanks again to the sympathetic & encouraging responses. I will try not to be a wimp if there is a next time!
I would agree with most that if you need something, ask politely ( be assertive). If they are rude about it, then complain.0 -
Just my opinion ...
Dont report anything unless you feel like you did everything you could to change it. Just remember how you feel right now so the next time you can choose to act differently ... like ask for the bar, and if he was done resting. When there is a next time, you could find you are engaging a mature person or if the reaction is as you perceived, any they are immature jerks ....all bets are off ...
95% of people are intimidated to walk in a gym like you described, never mind actually join and workout. Even a smaller percentage are women who go in the free weight area. Dont be so hard on yourself, SOMETIMES its not worth it and if you arent in a mental frame to handle it in a manner consistent to who you are ... its okay to circle back next time.0 -
Me: Hi there (sticks out hand to shake his)! What's your name?
Him: (insert name here)
Me: Great, nice to meet you (insert name). My name is J. Hey, are you using that? (or, do you mind if I work in) (or my personal favorite, hey are you using the squat rack or just holding it up).
See. Simple. Then, you can say "Hi (insert name here)!" when you see him and not only is it polite to greet someone by his/her own name, but you also "feel" like you belong more.
You said that you are an adult woman, professional, over 40. Do you huff around your office or place of employment? Perhaps, but it's likely that you know the people there. If someone is standing in front of the copying machine texting, do you go back to your desk and pout about it being a hostile work environment. Or do you say "Hey, excuse me there......."
Yes, it is your gym too. But it is also theirs. Ask for things. Use manners. If you don't like the music, then ask the manager to change the channel, turn it down or bring your own head phones.
Final thing, I lift as heavy as some of the guys. No pink dumbbells for me. We actually often share the bars. Get out of your comfort zone. It's way more fun and rewarding.0 -
I call it "beefcake hour"... which is actually more like three hours. I rarely go at that time and will even get up extra early to get in and out before the beefcakes get there.0
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I predict the guy on the bench was avoiding eye contact with you because he didn't want you to think he was ogling you. I also predict he wasn't benching because he was afraid you'd see the vein in his forehead pop out when he throws up less weight than you can.
Certainly tell someone that they don't have enough weights in your range, that there's no reason you have to suffer hearing damage each time you go to the gym, and that you'd prefer not to break your neck on all the cluttered junk on the floor. But, all nice and such. Most of the other stuff I'd just ask the other folks if you can work in or use that.0 -
First, great job on the weight lifting! I would ask to use a piece of equipment. Sounds like you had many choices to choose from since they weren't really using it. You may have to ask a few people, but I doubt all of the men would be stinkers. Good luck.0
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Did you happen to ask them if you could get a bar?
Did you ask anyone that worked there about the situation?
This. People can't read minds, and you may have just been imagining that the guys KNEW you wanted in on the equipment they were using. Next time speak up, and find out for sure if they really are trying to muscle you out. And if that happens, THEN you go to management and raise hell about it.0 -
Life is too short. Find another gym.
Absolutely.0 -
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You mean they were *gasp* using it?!I was eyeballing a weight machine for my arms and two guys were taking turns doing sets on it and hogging it up. Thankfully, they finally got their tails up and moved to the free weights once I made my way to it, but I did not think they were ever going to release the machine to the public.
To be honest OP I think this thread is an overreaction. Just go ask for the stuff you need, ask to work in, etc. If they are douches then, then thats a problem.0 -
Ha! I just watched this - love 'The Showoff'0 -
Staring at people and making stink faces at them and immediately expecting them to get the hint of exactly what you're asking is not how human communication works, countless people have said it before, but you have to actually ASK people to use the things they're using. The reason they're probably sitting around with all the equipment is because they're assuming for the most part that at that moment in the time, nobody else was using it, which is true. Nobody else was using it, except them, so they decided to use it, if someone is being "too slow" with their workout (and that's always subjective anyway) then ask if you can work in with them using the equipment, 9 times out of 10 they will oblige.
People aren't as nasty and testosterone ridden as you're making them out to be, you're projecting. Stop staring at what other people are doing and sitting around looking lost and confused and ask if you want something.
I've had people give me the same stink eye when I'm taking minute rests between sets of squats, like I'm going to be able to do my lift with around with just 30 seconds of rest like they do when they're pushing 95lb in 15 rep ranges, meanwhile I'm pushing 340lb with five reps a set. Their conditions are different, they're probably doing different things, maybe today they decided to take it easier because they didn't get a good meal in the day before, maybe they're just having a slower lifting sessions so they can do it more socially with their friends. They probably KNOW that they're taking up a little more space and time, so if someone comes up and politely asks them if they can work in, they will oblige.
I guarantee you, 90% of the stereotypes you've written out have nothing to do with those people trying too hard to be "bros" or overcompensating, or trying to act like they own the place, they're just doing their workout and not worrying so much about what's going on around them, which is what you should be doing as well.0 -
Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
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They were probably uncomfortable with your ogling.0
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Does your gym have an area for women? If so, this would be the obvious solution. If not, does the gym have a circuit weight area where you progress from one weight equipment to the next, which requires people to use each weight for a given amount of time, i.e., 30 seconds and move to the next one. If neither of these are available I would talk to your trainer, and see what he recommends. Being assertive is difficult for a woman in a male dominated environment too, I sympathize with you.
Whatever you do keep up the good work, and focus on the good energy and the goals you have accomplished, do not let the negativity you are feeling from the male dominated weight area overwhelm you.
I would talk to your trainer, and if no solution is available then I would talk to someone in administration, if you are feeling this way, chances are in your favor that there are other women who also feel this way.
I have no doubt you can find a solution. Keep a smile on your face, and keep up the good work too!0 -
This isn't a female/male thing. Stop making it out to be. This is a "I was too shy to ask someone to work in when the gym was busy, so my solution was to get mad and leave then post a rant on the internet about people hogging my weights."
I have seen men do the same thing.0 -
Life is too short. Find another gym.
And then what when this happens at another gym? Screw that.
Speak up. There's a solid chance that you're misreading them...or at least not all of them are being jerks...or at least not intentionally. Ask if they're using the piece of equipment you want to use. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. If they're jerks about it at this point, then consider saying something to management (if you don't feel comfortable challenging them for their behavior on the spot).
Unless you actually are in fear for your physical safety, take a stand.
All of ^that^ said before I read the other replies...which I'll go do right now.
ETA: Okay, caught up. I'm sticking with my answer as is.0 -
That video is hilarious!0 -
I'm a bit surprised by some of these comments. You have a legitimate issue here and I'm not sure most of the men here get it. How about going to management and suggesting a women's weight area/room? This is an intimidating issue at least. And yes there is value in confronting or asking them. But there is also such a thing as gym etiquette and you might look around and see if there are places that value such etiquette. At my gym there are busy periods, which I avoid if possible...personal preference.
Much luck on this!!! And don't give up!!
She didn't even speak to a single person. All you have to say is "hey can I use this?" Having a vagina doesn't mean you're a frail little thing who can't speak to a man without the fear of assault or verbal abuse.
This isn't the first post like this. Muscled/fit men at the gym are thought to be sexist and rude to women for some reason. This perceived gym prejudice is really outdated.0 -
A lot of people want to maximize their time by working in a circuit. If I want to use something at the gym when one person is using several pieces of equipment, I ask if I can use some of the equipment between his sets. No one has ever said no, and I'm always willing to let someone else work in with me.0
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Life is too short. Find another gym.
Absolutely.
Good luck finding a gym where no one uses the equipment.0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-91_iXATY8
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