Horrible experience in the gym tonight
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It seems that you feel the gym members are all part of some grand sexist plot against you (e.g. TV loud and set to "sports" channels (cuz only dudes watch sports, amirite?)) and all the other male pi...err workers there allow it, due to the mass conspiracy.
You need to use equipment? Then ask.
It seems like you expect everyone to take notice of you, and anticipate your needs. Time to start relishing your equality.
this. this this.
I see a huge "perceived slight" due to gender differences.
No one takes "my" workout stuff without asking. They ask- or they get told what I'm doing and I'll see about letting them rotate in. I'm not letting someone come do deadlifts while I'm trying to squat. It's nonsensical.
Suck it up butter cup- go ask before just ASSUMING they are being ignorant to you.0 -
4) Grunting and other "macho" behavior should stop.
The gym should build some kind of loud alarm to stop these people. I'm sure that will be less intrusive and intimidating.0 -
Im from VENICE BEACH CALIFORNIA HOME OF GOLDS GYM AND THE APES THAT LIVE IN IT. Just take what you need cuz theyre just TESTING you to see if you will GO AWAY and sounds like theyre doing a pretty good job. theres a lot of good advice here. Yea nice first THEN TAKE WHAT YOU NEED AND DONT BLINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im kindof a *****... i give what i get
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Any chance you might join a ladies only gym. I used to belong to a regular gym and switched over to a ladies gym a couple of years ago and just love it.. For the most part the members are extremely supportive and helpful to each other. Also I find the equipment is made for women and tends to be a bit smaller and therefore easier to manage. Might be worth a try.0
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As an aside, this can be the awkward part for me.I see a huge "perceived slight" due to gender differences.
No one takes "my" workout stuff without asking. They ask- or they get told what I'm doing and I'll see about letting them rotate in. I'm not letting someone come do deadlifts while I'm trying to squat. It's nonsensical.
Suck it up butter cup- go ask before just ASSUMING they are being ignorant to you.
Oh, the power racks are all being used for bench/incline bench. I want to do squats. Guess I gotta wait for someone to finish. Ho-hum, maybe I'll awkwardly pretend to watch TV while it's plainly obvious that I want to use a power rack (there are no dedicated bench press benches at the gym I go to).
I have, on occassion, had people ask if I want to work in when doing this and then I tell them I'm waiting to do something completely different but thanks anyway.0 -
Speak up! They don't read minds.
Be strong, but not rude. Be kind, but not weak. Be bold, but don`t bully. Be humble, but not shy. Be confident, but not arrogant.
Remember to smile when you ask. It's disarming and people will usually repay kindness with kindness. If it becomes a problem that you can't handle on your own, ask to speak to a manager privately. (Write an email if you're uncomfortable with that, but again, be polite.)0 -
Wow I live in a completely different world. The guys at my gym go out of their way to help the women with anything they can. Thank you guys.0
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Ok, I tried to stay out of this, but I just can't. I get so fed up with this type of thinking. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL because of your sex. This is not a male only thing. If a guy hogs the equipment, don't you think other guys are annoyed at it as well, but they will probably ask for the equipment. Another of my pet peeves is this "only for women" thing, like most women won't get upset if the gym had an area clearly stating "Men Only" (Not counting the locker rooms before someone gets juvenile) What happened to we all want to be equal? Seriously, if ppl make you angry at the gym because they don't share, learn to speak up for yourself, or buy home gym equipment, because this in my opinion is the only two choices.0
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Complaining on the internet while silently doing nothing will surely improve your gym experience.0
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In my time I have trained heavy for competition and have "hogged" the squat stand, but if someone were to ask to set in with me then fine. Even better when it was a man who thought he could squat my weight and I ended up having to help him out of it!
Joking aside, yes I agree, it is intimidating, particularly if you are a shy person like me. Nowadays, I don't lift heavy at the moment as my training has been more off than on over the last few years. However whenever I restart at the gym, eventually I want to use the heavier free weights and squat stand, and I just have to get over the feeling that I am intruding into a "private club".
The last time I started doing heavier bench presses where I felt I needed the stand, I also felt that I wanted to push myself a little harder, but there were no staff around to help. I eyballed somebody around my age (60) and asked him if he would mind helping me for a few minutes as I was unsure what weight I could handle. I'm sure at first he thought I was "coming on" to him but he agreed. After I finished he also asked if I wanted to do another set. It wasn't easy asking him, but I really wanted to use more weight and that was the only way.
Some men are oblivious yes, but I think some put up a deliberate exclusion zone that you have to break through, with good manners. Having said that, I don't find it any easier now that I did 20 years ago!!0 -
Life is too short. Find another gym.
this.
i have never had this experience at the two gyms I go to, nor any in the past. There are as many women as men lifting weights and working out with various routines. Pretty much all are serious and courteous. (i go late at night sometimes and my only complaint would be a few kinda nutty individuals but they don't get in anyone's way).
I do encounter rudeness like people leaving enormous weights on the bars after using them, or people sitting around and talking on equipment I need to use, but those are individual cases. And when I ask, both staff and patrons are extremely quick to help me with the former. Sounds like your gym is full of jerks. Find a new one.
Also I don't do Zumba but I'm pretty sure those who do wouldn't appreciate it being described as "prancing about." Each to his own groove if it gets you to move.0 -
I'd suggest switching to a women's gym.0
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but then she'll complain it'll be like the Planet Fitness ad...I'd suggest switching to a women's gym.
Dirty filthy toxins... 0 -
but then she'll complain it'll be like the Planet Fitness ad...I'd suggest switching to a women's gym. Dirty filthy toxins...
Haha perhaps, but the OP seems quite reasonable and knows what she wants from a gym 0 -
Ask for what you want. They may be trying to be the alpha male, but they don't want to be put in their place by a female in front of the pack. If you do have to call him out, you will only have to do it once,to one of the guys. The rest will oblige after seeing you take care of business. They wouldn't beat you up.0
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If you are tied into the gym then I would put a complaint in writing about there not being enough equipment to go around and/or the practice of stockpiling without blaming any individuals. If not tied to the gym then I would look elsewhere for somewhere where you feel more comfortable. Just a note to add, stating that women are 'prancing' around at zumba probably puts you in the league with those men that you accuse of making judgements. It takes all sorts of ways to lead a fit and healthy life and plenty of people enjoy zumba but still use weights and even if not, it can be quite serious business, though I do understand what you were trying to express rather badly.
^^Ha! I was was beginning to think I was the only one that noticed this rant began by seemingly dissing women who choose machines and Zumba, and then continued into complaints about feeling dissed at the weights. OP: Maybe check your attitude and assumptions at the door? If you follow some suggestions given here and then complain if people are rude to you, or
find another gym - if this one's not "working out" for you. 0 -
I'm a bit surprised by some of these comments. You have a legitimate issue here and I'm not sure most of the men here get it.
In fairness, most of the women are saying the same thing...0 -
I wouldn't complain unless you went up to the men and asked to use the bench or the bar you needed. I understand you may be intimidated by them. They may look cocky, mean and so on but chances are, they really aren't. They could be a group of nice guys who have no idea that they were blocking your way. Open up your mouth and if they are rude, then complain. It seems like you are judging a book by it's cover. Seriously, they probably aren't trying to do it on purpose.
Example: I was told recently that I glare at people from time to time. I apparently look angry when I am doing my own thing. I didn't even know that I was glaring. I just space out while I am doing my workout and lose myself in my own head. I'm completely oblivious to everybody around me. They could be doing the exact same thing.0 -
Sorry but i think first come and all that, i get to body bump 15 mins early so can get the spot i want and the weights i need before they run out. but if the person next to me asks to borrow a plate im not using for a track then no problem as long as i get it back after. If your not prepared to speak to the people in a communal gym and share maybe you should work out at home ??0
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Example: I was told recently that I glare at people from time to time. I apparently look angry when I am doing my own thing. I didn't even know that I was glaring. I just space out while I am doing my workout and lose myself in my own head. I'm completely oblivious to everybody around me. They could be doing the exact same thing.
I do the same thing, and get told similar things as well.....
:laugh: :laugh:0 -
I used to belong to a gym that was exactly like this and it kept me away from gyms for years. I just signed up with a gym and I love it. People go there, do their exercise, and leave. Nobody hogs all the equipment and at my gym they aren't allowed to slam weights down and grunt (like I saw at the other gym I belong to). If they slam their weights down 3 times (1 time is a warning, 2nd time is a warning) after the third time their membership gets revoked. I love my gym.
I would do as other members here have said. Ask for what you need if you see it isn't in use and if that doesn't work then report them to the staff.0 -
If you are tied into the gym then I would put a complaint in writing about there not being enough equipment to go around and/or the practice of stockpiling without blaming any individuals. If not tied to the gym then I would look elsewhere for somewhere where you feel more comfortable. Just a note to add, stating that women are 'prancing' around at zumba probably puts you in the league with those men that you accuse of making judgements. It takes all sorts of ways to lead a fit and healthy life and plenty of people enjoy zumba but still use weights and even if not, it can be quite serious business, though I do understand what you were trying to express rather badly.
^^Ha! I was was beginning to think I was the only one that noticed this rant began by seemingly dissing women who choose machines and Zumba, and then continued into complaints about feeling dissed at the weights. OP: Maybe check your attitude and assumptions at the door? If you follow some suggestions given here and then complain if people are rude to you, or find another gym - if this one's not "working out" for you.
ah, you seem to be referring to the dreaded 'mfp vortex'. :laugh:
Just my 2 cents....what goes on on MFP, should stay on MFP.
Take what you need & leave the rest.
To take on the attitudes learned on here and apply to real life can be problematic, just as the reverse doesn't always apply. How many trolls do you know in real life?....yeah, it gets old pretty quick but here?...no way. New people abound every day to fall victim to the trap & one has to wonder why it doesn't get old for the person trolling. Shaking head. A lot of people on here have some serious problems :blushing: ( I'm referring to the attitude that lifting is the ONLY activity worth doing)
Whatever, that's not the point, just an example. As is the whole 'tough love' thing especially since there has to be love in there somewhere, not just snark.
If you want to play devil's advocate, then say so and get on with it.
I get that the environment in your gym is less than hospitable, it's not working for you & it would not be working for me either. Find another alternative so that you can keep to your goals.
What goes on here does *not* always translate well to real life, you need to take that kernel of knowledge & tweak it to make it work
I'm sure you'll figure out what you need to do :flowerforyou:
Meantime, good luck with your fitness goals & don't let anyone stand in the way of the things you want to accomplish.0 -
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Where do you workout? Good grief, I might bust some balls if I were in your position. Not to go all religious on you but you know what they say, God helps those that help themselves. Don't wait on them, get in there and get it done. You want respect, go get it.0
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I don't think you should have walked away. You should have approached them, asked to use the weights, made conversation. They are just men, not monsters. Talk to them, make some friends, and you may well find it stops being so awkward there. Confidence will also get you respect.
Management are only necessary if they are actually rude to you.0 -
I have never had a problem with asking guys who are lifting at the gym if I can share the equipment or if they are finished with it. In fact, they have been pretty nice about it and have even helped me out when I am not sure if I am doing certain things correctly. Just ask, and if someone (male or female) does happen to genuinely act like a jerk about things and hog unused equipment for spite, I am sure your gym has rules in place about such behavior. However, that really doesn't seem to be the issue here.0
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never enough weights in the ranges commonly used by women.
Just firstly: lift the same as the men
Secondly: Did you ask the guys whether you could use the equipment? Were they rude in their response?
If they were rude and/or intimidating then you should definitely speak with one of the staff members: if they just said no it might just be worth looking at how you're EXPECTING to be treated. Sometimes we put filters on situations that look worse than they are - I know sometimes I expect blokes to be looking at me oddly because I'm female lifting, but actually, often at a second glance they're just resting between sets preoccupied in what they're doing.
If you're really uncomfortable though maybe find another gym :flowerforyou:
^^^^ this
it's very easy to misconstrue people's intentions, especially when you're already feeling new/scared/unsure of yourself. They probably do act like they own the place if they're regulars as that's what regulars tend to do. But that doesn't mean they're not going to let you use the equipment, or that they don't want you to be there. If you're just hovering, afraid to actually ask to use the equipment, you can't expect them to know that you want to use it, even if you think it's obvious. You have to ask. Even many people who are quite resentful of new people being around, if asked a direct question, won't actually say no or be rude in their response, because that's a whole other level of rudeness/hostility than giving out unwelcoming body language. And some people give out unwelcoming body language by accident.
And the one who was working out next to all that equipment... maybe he was just getting all the stuff he wanted to use ready so he could use it, and wasn't trying to stop others use it, just getting it ready for himself. That's not the best thing to do etiquette wise, but it's not necessarily hostility or an attempt to stop you from using the equipment.
Unless you actually asked them to use the equipment, and they actually refused to let you or told you to get out of the weights area, then you can't really say that they were hogging the equipment and refusing to let you use it.
If there's a problem with a lack of equipment, then complain about that to the management, but don't complain about rudeness/hostility from other members, unless they've actually been rude/hostile.
And BTW this comes from personal experience, i.e. I've been there too as the new person who's feeling scared and unsure of themselves (in a lot of different situations)... but in my experience even most people who look really intimidating actually are nice and friendly when you actually ask them for help, or to use something. If people are actually hostile, then by all means report them to management.0 -
I really couldn't read through all of the comments, but did you talk with your personal trainer about it? S/he may have some clues as to what's going on.
There is definitely a dudebro gym culture at mine, but I paid my damn membership fee, I'll use what I need. And I've not gotten pushback. And if I do, I'll complain. My membership costs about 3-4 hours of what I make in income, damn skippy I'm going to get my money's worth.
Also, talk to the other woman who's there and seems like she doesn't know what to do. Maybe work out with her. Create your own group of two, where you can support each other & have fun. Don't let the guys be the only ones 0 -
I used to ask if I could work in with them. They either finished up quickly and handed over the weight or let me work in with their rotation. (I was a 5 foot tall female who weighed 100#. Maybe they were a tad embarrassed that I used the same weights that they used lol!)0
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I'm a bit surprised by some of these comments. You have a legitimate issue here and I'm not sure most of the men here get it. How about going to management and suggesting a women's weight area/room? This is an intimidating issue at least. And yes there is value in confronting or asking them. But there is also such a thing as gym etiquette and you might look around and see if there are places that value such etiquette. At my gym there are busy periods, which I avoid if possible...personal preference.
Much luck on this!!! And don't give up!!
She didn't even speak to a single person. All you have to say is "hey can I use this?" Having a vagina doesn't mean you're a frail little thing who can't speak to a man without the fear of assault or verbal abuse.
That's a hell of a judgemental thing to say and does not resonate with many women's experiences. As a woman in an environment that feels hostile (key word there 'feels' - my 'hostile' may not be yours) that's exactly the response we fear and have to evaluate the likelihood of, and whether or not the risk is worth it, on balance. It's sad, and annoying, that this level of risk-analysis on a daily, continuous basis is necessary, but when you can be verbally assaulted just walking down the street, minding your own business, or in a theoretically 'safe' space without anyone batting an eyelid (oh, and don't forget the jerks who will then tell you you misinterpreted/should have taken it as a compliment/are over-reacting should you dare to complain), challenging someone in a situation you already feel at a disadvantage in often feels like more of a risk than one is willing to expose oneself to.
OP, I understand your feeling of discomfort, especially if it has recently become an issue in a previously safe and comfortable space. That said, in a monitored area, such as a gym, I'd agree with those who suggest asking politely to use equipment as a first step. If that gets a negative (unreasonably so, not 'I'm just about to do my last set" followed by fairly quick follow-through!), or aggressive response, you will need to bring up that fact, and the change in environment, with gym management. Ask your trainer to speak to management too, about the changes in the past few months. It may be there has been an influx of new members who need to be reminded to consider other users - reminders of gym etiquette may need to be posted, and there should be concrete steps that can be taken to maintain a tolerable atmosphere for all (sound limiting technology, TVs 'locked' to a standard, general-interest or generic music channel, for example).0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-91_iXATY8
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