Horrible experience in the gym tonight

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  • furrina
    furrina Posts: 148 Member
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    Life is too short. Find another gym.

    this.
    i have never had this experience at the two gyms I go to, nor any in the past. There are as many women as men lifting weights and working out with various routines. Pretty much all are serious and courteous. (i go late at night sometimes and my only complaint would be a few kinda nutty individuals but they don't get in anyone's way).

    I do encounter rudeness like people leaving enormous weights on the bars after using them, or people sitting around and talking on equipment I need to use, but those are individual cases. And when I ask, both staff and patrons are extremely quick to help me with the former. Sounds like your gym is full of jerks. Find a new one.

    Also I don't do Zumba but I'm pretty sure those who do wouldn't appreciate it being described as "prancing about." Each to his own groove if it gets you to move.
  • arrseegee
    arrseegee Posts: 575 Member
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    I'd suggest switching to a women's gym.
  • Warchortle
    Warchortle Posts: 2,197 Member
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    I'd suggest switching to a women's gym.
    but then she'll complain it'll be like the Planet Fitness ad... hqdefault.jpg Dirty filthy toxins...
  • arrseegee
    arrseegee Posts: 575 Member
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    I'd suggest switching to a women's gym.
    but then she'll complain it'll be like the Planet Fitness ad... hqdefault.jpg Dirty filthy toxins...

    Haha perhaps, but the OP seems quite reasonable and knows what she wants from a gym :smile:
  • padams2359
    padams2359 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    Ask for what you want. They may be trying to be the alpha male, but they don't want to be put in their place by a female in front of the pack. If you do have to call him out, you will only have to do it once,to one of the guys. The rest will oblige after seeing you take care of business. They wouldn't beat you up.
  • LTGPSA
    LTGPSA Posts: 633 Member
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    If you are tied into the gym then I would put a complaint in writing about there not being enough equipment to go around and/or the practice of stockpiling without blaming any individuals. If not tied to the gym then I would look elsewhere for somewhere where you feel more comfortable. Just a note to add, stating that women are 'prancing' around at zumba probably puts you in the league with those men that you accuse of making judgements. It takes all sorts of ways to lead a fit and healthy life and plenty of people enjoy zumba but still use weights and even if not, it can be quite serious business, though I do understand what you were trying to express rather badly.

    ^^Ha! I was was beginning to think I was the only one that noticed this rant began by seemingly dissing women who choose machines and Zumba, and then continued into complaints about feeling dissed at the weights. OP: Maybe check your attitude and assumptions at the door? If you follow some suggestions given here and then complain if people are rude to you, or B) find another gym - if this one's not "working out" for you.
  • Squidgeypaws007
    Squidgeypaws007 Posts: 1,012 Member
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    I'm a bit surprised by some of these comments. You have a legitimate issue here and I'm not sure most of the men here get it.


    In fairness, most of the women are saying the same thing...
  • ToFatT0B3S1ck
    ToFatT0B3S1ck Posts: 194 Member
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    I wouldn't complain unless you went up to the men and asked to use the bench or the bar you needed. I understand you may be intimidated by them. They may look cocky, mean and so on but chances are, they really aren't. They could be a group of nice guys who have no idea that they were blocking your way. Open up your mouth and if they are rude, then complain. It seems like you are judging a book by it's cover. Seriously, they probably aren't trying to do it on purpose.

    Example: I was told recently that I glare at people from time to time. I apparently look angry when I am doing my own thing. I didn't even know that I was glaring. I just space out while I am doing my workout and lose myself in my own head. I'm completely oblivious to everybody around me. They could be doing the exact same thing.
  • nettip
    nettip Posts: 113 Member
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    Sorry but i think first come and all that, i get to body bump 15 mins early so can get the spot i want and the weights i need before they run out. but if the person next to me asks to borrow a plate im not using for a track then no problem as long as i get it back after. If your not prepared to speak to the people in a communal gym and share maybe you should work out at home ??
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
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    Example: I was told recently that I glare at people from time to time. I apparently look angry when I am doing my own thing. I didn't even know that I was glaring. I just space out while I am doing my workout and lose myself in my own head. I'm completely oblivious to everybody around me. They could be doing the exact same thing.

    I do the same thing, and get told similar things as well.....
    :laugh: :laugh:
  • HarleyQuinn26
    HarleyQuinn26 Posts: 158 Member
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    I used to belong to a gym that was exactly like this and it kept me away from gyms for years. I just signed up with a gym and I love it. People go there, do their exercise, and leave. Nobody hogs all the equipment and at my gym they aren't allowed to slam weights down and grunt (like I saw at the other gym I belong to). If they slam their weights down 3 times (1 time is a warning, 2nd time is a warning) after the third time their membership gets revoked. I love my gym.

    I would do as other members here have said. Ask for what you need if you see it isn't in use and if that doesn't work then report them to the staff.
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
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    If you are tied into the gym then I would put a complaint in writing about there not being enough equipment to go around and/or the practice of stockpiling without blaming any individuals. If not tied to the gym then I would look elsewhere for somewhere where you feel more comfortable. Just a note to add, stating that women are 'prancing' around at zumba probably puts you in the league with those men that you accuse of making judgements. It takes all sorts of ways to lead a fit and healthy life and plenty of people enjoy zumba but still use weights and even if not, it can be quite serious business, though I do understand what you were trying to express rather badly.

    ^^Ha! I was was beginning to think I was the only one that noticed this rant began by seemingly dissing women who choose machines and Zumba, and then continued into complaints about feeling dissed at the weights. OP: Maybe check your attitude and assumptions at the door? If you follow some suggestions given here and then complain if people are rude to you, or B) find another gym - if this one's not "working out" for you.

    ah, you seem to be referring to the dreaded 'mfp vortex'. :laugh:

    Just my 2 cents....what goes on on MFP, should stay on MFP.

    Take what you need & leave the rest.

    To take on the attitudes learned on here and apply to real life can be problematic, just as the reverse doesn't always apply. How many trolls do you know in real life?....yeah, it gets old pretty quick but here?...no way. New people abound every day to fall victim to the trap & one has to wonder why it doesn't get old for the person trolling. Shaking head. A lot of people on here have some serious problems :blushing: ( I'm referring to the attitude that lifting is the ONLY activity worth doing)

    Whatever, that's not the point, just an example. As is the whole 'tough love' thing especially since there has to be love in there somewhere, not just snark.

    If you want to play devil's advocate, then say so and get on with it.

    I get that the environment in your gym is less than hospitable, it's not working for you & it would not be working for me either. Find another alternative so that you can keep to your goals.

    What goes on here does *not* always translate well to real life, you need to take that kernel of knowledge & tweak it to make it work :wink: I'm sure you'll figure out what you need to do :flowerforyou:

    Meantime, good luck with your fitness goals & don't let anyone stand in the way of the things you want to accomplish.
  • smallbutcurvy
    smallbutcurvy Posts: 53
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    Made me think of this video.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-91_iXATY8


    LMAO love it!
  • BigCupOTea
    BigCupOTea Posts: 66
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    Where do you workout? Good grief, I might bust some balls if I were in your position. Not to go all religious on you but you know what they say, God helps those that help themselves. Don't wait on them, get in there and get it done. You want respect, go get it.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    I don't think you should have walked away. You should have approached them, asked to use the weights, made conversation. They are just men, not monsters. Talk to them, make some friends, and you may well find it stops being so awkward there. Confidence will also get you respect.

    Management are only necessary if they are actually rude to you.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    I have never had a problem with asking guys who are lifting at the gym if I can share the equipment or if they are finished with it. In fact, they have been pretty nice about it and have even helped me out when I am not sure if I am doing certain things correctly. Just ask, and if someone (male or female) does happen to genuinely act like a jerk about things and hog unused equipment for spite, I am sure your gym has rules in place about such behavior. However, that really doesn't seem to be the issue here.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    never enough weights in the ranges commonly used by women.

    Just firstly: lift the same as the men :p

    Secondly: Did you ask the guys whether you could use the equipment? Were they rude in their response?

    If they were rude and/or intimidating then you should definitely speak with one of the staff members: if they just said no it might just be worth looking at how you're EXPECTING to be treated. Sometimes we put filters on situations that look worse than they are - I know sometimes I expect blokes to be looking at me oddly because I'm female lifting, but actually, often at a second glance they're just resting between sets preoccupied in what they're doing.

    If you're really uncomfortable though maybe find another gym :smile: :flowerforyou:

    ^^^^ this

    it's very easy to misconstrue people's intentions, especially when you're already feeling new/scared/unsure of yourself. They probably do act like they own the place if they're regulars as that's what regulars tend to do. But that doesn't mean they're not going to let you use the equipment, or that they don't want you to be there. If you're just hovering, afraid to actually ask to use the equipment, you can't expect them to know that you want to use it, even if you think it's obvious. You have to ask. Even many people who are quite resentful of new people being around, if asked a direct question, won't actually say no or be rude in their response, because that's a whole other level of rudeness/hostility than giving out unwelcoming body language. And some people give out unwelcoming body language by accident.

    And the one who was working out next to all that equipment... maybe he was just getting all the stuff he wanted to use ready so he could use it, and wasn't trying to stop others use it, just getting it ready for himself. That's not the best thing to do etiquette wise, but it's not necessarily hostility or an attempt to stop you from using the equipment.

    Unless you actually asked them to use the equipment, and they actually refused to let you or told you to get out of the weights area, then you can't really say that they were hogging the equipment and refusing to let you use it.

    If there's a problem with a lack of equipment, then complain about that to the management, but don't complain about rudeness/hostility from other members, unless they've actually been rude/hostile.

    And BTW this comes from personal experience, i.e. I've been there too as the new person who's feeling scared and unsure of themselves (in a lot of different situations)... but in my experience even most people who look really intimidating actually are nice and friendly when you actually ask them for help, or to use something. If people are actually hostile, then by all means report them to management.
  • sloane70
    sloane70 Posts: 45 Member
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    I really couldn't read through all of the comments, but did you talk with your personal trainer about it? S/he may have some clues as to what's going on.

    There is definitely a dudebro gym culture at mine, but I paid my damn membership fee, I'll use what I need. And I've not gotten pushback. And if I do, I'll complain. My membership costs about 3-4 hours of what I make in income, damn skippy I'm going to get my money's worth.

    Also, talk to the other woman who's there and seems like she doesn't know what to do. Maybe work out with her. Create your own group of two, where you can support each other & have fun. Don't let the guys be the only ones :)
  • ijavagypsy
    ijavagypsy Posts: 109
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    I used to ask if I could work in with them. They either finished up quickly and handed over the weight or let me work in with their rotation. (I was a 5 foot tall female who weighed 100#. Maybe they were a tad embarrassed that I used the same weights that they used lol!)
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
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    I'm a bit surprised by some of these comments. You have a legitimate issue here and I'm not sure most of the men here get it. How about going to management and suggesting a women's weight area/room? This is an intimidating issue at least. And yes there is value in confronting or asking them. But there is also such a thing as gym etiquette and you might look around and see if there are places that value such etiquette. At my gym there are busy periods, which I avoid if possible...personal preference.

    Much luck on this!!! And don't give up!!

    She didn't even speak to a single person. All you have to say is "hey can I use this?" Having a vagina doesn't mean you're a frail little thing who can't speak to a man without the fear of assault or verbal abuse.

    That's a hell of a judgemental thing to say and does not resonate with many women's experiences. As a woman in an environment that feels hostile (key word there 'feels' - my 'hostile' may not be yours) that's exactly the response we fear and have to evaluate the likelihood of, and whether or not the risk is worth it, on balance. It's sad, and annoying, that this level of risk-analysis on a daily, continuous basis is necessary, but when you can be verbally assaulted just walking down the street, minding your own business, or in a theoretically 'safe' space without anyone batting an eyelid (oh, and don't forget the jerks who will then tell you you misinterpreted/should have taken it as a compliment/are over-reacting should you dare to complain), challenging someone in a situation you already feel at a disadvantage in often feels like more of a risk than one is willing to expose oneself to.

    OP, I understand your feeling of discomfort, especially if it has recently become an issue in a previously safe and comfortable space. That said, in a monitored area, such as a gym, I'd agree with those who suggest asking politely to use equipment as a first step. If that gets a negative (unreasonably so, not 'I'm just about to do my last set" followed by fairly quick follow-through!), or aggressive response, you will need to bring up that fact, and the change in environment, with gym management. Ask your trainer to speak to management too, about the changes in the past few months. It may be there has been an influx of new members who need to be reminded to consider other users - reminders of gym etiquette may need to be posted, and there should be concrete steps that can be taken to maintain a tolerable atmosphere for all (sound limiting technology, TVs 'locked' to a standard, general-interest or generic music channel, for example).

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