Horrible experience in the gym tonight
Replies
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k0
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either the dudes at my gym are really nice, or maybe my attitude just simply says let me get to my weights and don't mess with me. I just don't have these kind of problems. And I am always the only girl on the guys side of the gym. I love it there because the scenery is beautiful anyways.:drinker:0
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I'm a bit surprised by some of these comments. You have a legitimate issue here and I'm not sure most of the men here get it. How about going to management and suggesting a women's weight area/room? This is an intimidating issue at least. And yes there is value in confronting or asking them. But there is also such a thing as gym etiquette and you might look around and see if there are places that value such etiquette. At my gym there are busy periods, which I avoid if possible...personal preference.
Much luck on this!!! And don't give up!!
She didn't even speak to a single person. All you have to say is "hey can I use this?" Having a vagina doesn't mean you're a frail little thing who can't speak to a man without the fear of assault or verbal abuse.
That's a hell of a judgemental thing to say and does not resonate with many women's experiences. As a woman in an environment that feels hostile (key word there 'feels' - my 'hostile' may not be yours) that's exactly the response we fear and have to evaluate the likelihood of, and whether or not the risk is worth it, on balance. It's sad, and annoying, that this level of risk-analysis on a daily, continuous basis is necessary, but when you can be verbally assaulted just walking down the street, minding your own business, without anyone batting an eyelid (oh, and don't forget the jerks who will then tell you you misinterpreted/should have taken it as a compliment/are over-reacting should you dare to complain), challenging someone in a situation you already feel at a disadvantage in often feels like more of a risk than one is willing to expose oneself to.
"feels" is the operative word though... just because you feel like you're in a hostile environment, doesn't mean that you actually are. Yes you might *feel* intimidated because you have to speak to another human being who's larger and stronger than you, but that doesn't mean it's okay to assume that they're going to hurt you in some way, or that you should just run away and not do what you wanted to do. Sometimes you have to grow a pair (of ovaries in this case) and not let yourself be intimidated. It's not a male/female thing either. Men feel intimidated in new situations too, or when faced with bigger/stronger men than themselves.
If you let yourself give in to this fear that someone *might* be hostile just because he's male or he or she is bigger than you/whatever, then you're going to forever be a prisoner of your own fear, forever afraid to do anything in an environment where there might be more men than women, or where there might be people who are stronger than you, and afraid to actually be the strong person that you can be, because you're blaming your own feelings of intimidation on other people who haven't actually done anything to intimidate you.
Also I find the idea that it's okay for women to assume any/all men are potentially hostile and a danger to them incredibly sexist. The vast majority of men are not like that. Yes, some men commit violent crime, as do some women. Why is it okay to tar all men with the same brush? For someone that's accusing others of being judgemental, you're incredibly judgemental of men...
Yes I'm female. Yes I've been in situations where I felt intimidated, many many times. Yes I've been in situations where I've had to face actual, real danger (I have PTSD). You have to learn the difference between a situation where you're actually in danger, and one where the danger is imagined, and learn how to act in spite of any fear or intimidation that you feel in situations where the danger is only imagined. Given that the OP said she just felt intimidated by perceived body language, but didn't actually speak to anyone, I think the advice telling her to actually *ask* to use the equipment is good advice. From personal experience of being in that kind of situation, it's common to find that the people are nowhere near as hostile/intimidating as they seemed at first. If they're genuinely hostile, e.g. telling her to f*** off when she asks to use the equipment, then she needs to complain to the gym management. But it's far more likely, if she asks, that they'll move and let her use the equipment. Don't forget this site is full of women who lift weights and have been in the exact same situation the OP is in now.0 -
Did you happen to ask them if you could get a bar?
Did you ask anyone that worked there about the situation?
This.
I'm sorry, but you're only as weak as you want to be. You need to not only find your muscles, but also your voice. Look, you put a smile on your face and start talking with the guys and they'll respect you. It's like any other social situation, you don't automatically get respect, you earn it. So buck up butter cup, say "excuse me, but may I work in?" and join the in crowd. You can either be the wall flower and not get anything done, or you can be the crocus.
I suggest phrases like:
Hi! *smiles* Are you using this?
Excuse me, can I sneak back here to grab that?
Hey there, can I steel a little floor space? These weights aren't going to lift themselves! *winks*
My name is xxxx, you mind spotting me for a set?
Mind if I work in while you're doing a rest set?
What I don't recommend is:
1) assuming that they are doing something wrong by taking up to a few minutes between sets, this is normal (90 seconds tends to be on the low end when power lifting)
2) giving them the evil eye and assuming that they know what that means (it doesn't work on my husband, what would make me assume it works on a man who doesn't know me)
3) imputting personality or assumptions on the situation without actually talking to anyone
4) giving up just because you can't find your voice and then blaming a room of men
5) changing the TV channel (take ear buds if it bugs you that much)0 -
You could report it and see if anything is done. You are paying to use it so you should be able to do so. If it doesn't get sorted, find another gym. They aren't all bad0
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I'm a bit surprised by some of these comments. You have a legitimate issue here and I'm not sure most of the men here get it. How about going to management and suggesting a women's weight area/room? This is an intimidating issue at least. And yes there is value in confronting or asking them. But there is also such a thing as gym etiquette and you might look around and see if there are places that value such etiquette. At my gym there are busy periods, which I avoid if possible...personal preference.
Much luck on this!!! And don't give up!!
She didn't even speak to a single person. All you have to say is "hey can I use this?" Having a vagina doesn't mean you're a frail little thing who can't speak to a man without the fear of assault or verbal abuse.
That's a hell of a judgemental thing to say and does not resonate with many women's experiences. As a woman in an environment that feels hostile (key word there 'feels' - my 'hostile' may not be yours) that's exactly the response we fear and have to evaluate the likelihood of, and whether or not the risk is worth it, on balance. It's sad, and annoying, that this level of risk-analysis on a daily, continuous basis is necessary, but when you can be verbally assaulted just walking down the street, minding your own business, without anyone batting an eyelid (oh, and don't forget the jerks who will then tell you you misinterpreted/should have taken it as a compliment/are over-reacting should you dare to complain), challenging someone in a situation you already feel at a disadvantage in often feels like more of a risk than one is willing to expose oneself to.
"feels" is the operative word though... just because you feel like you're in a hostile environment, doesn't mean that you actually are. Yes you might *feel* intimidated because you have to speak to another human being who's larger and stronger than you, but that doesn't mean it's okay to assume that they're going to hurt you in some way, or that you should just run away and not do what you wanted to do. Sometimes you have to grow a pair (of ovaries in this case) and not let yourself be intimidated. It's not a male/female thing either. Men feel intimidated in new situations too, or when faced with bigger/stronger men than themselves.
If you let yourself give in to this fear that someone *might* be hostile just because he's male or he or she is bigger than you/whatever, then you're going to forever be a prisoner of your own fear, forever afraid to do anything in an environment where there might be more men than women, or where there might be people who are stronger than you, and afraid to actually be the strong person that you can be, because you're blaming your own feelings of intimidation on other people who haven't actually done anything to intimidate you.
Also I find the idea that it's okay for women to assume any/all men are potentially hostile and a danger to them incredibly sexist. The vast majority of men are not like that. Yes, some men commit violent crime, as do some women. Why is it okay to tar all men with the same brush? For someone that's accusing others of being judgemental, you're incredibly judgemental of men...
Yes I'm female. Yes I've been in situations where I felt intimidated, many many times. Yes I've been in situations where I've had to face actual, real danger (I have PTSD). You have to learn the difference between a situation where you're actually in danger, and one where the danger is imagined, and learn how to act in spite of any fear or intimidation that you feel in situations where the danger is only imagined. Given that the OP said she just felt intimidated by perceived body language, but didn't actually speak to anyone, I think the advice telling her to actually *ask* to use the equipment is good advice. From personal experience of being in that kind of situation, it's common to find that the people are nowhere near as hostile/intimidating as they seemed at first. If they're genuinely hostile, e.g. telling her to f*** off when she asks to use the equipment, then she needs to complain to the gym management. But it's far more likely, if she asks, that they'll move and let her use the equipment. Don't forget this site is full of women who lift weights and have been in the exact same situation the OP is in now.
Exactly. Most people will not tell someone to f*** off in that situation unless they are just one of those nutbags whom we all have the displeasure of running into in society from time to time. However, they can be found anywhere, not just in the gym.
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I'm a bit surprised by some of these comments. You have a legitimate issue here and I'm not sure most of the men here get it. How about going to management and suggesting a women's weight area/room? This is an intimidating issue at least. And yes there is value in confronting or asking them. But there is also such a thing as gym etiquette and you might look around and see if there are places that value such etiquette. At my gym there are busy periods, which I avoid if possible...personal preference.
Much luck on this!!! And don't give up!!
She didn't even speak to a single person. All you have to say is "hey can I use this?" Having a vagina doesn't mean you're a frail little thing who can't speak to a man without the fear of assault or verbal abuse.
That's a hell of a judgemental thing to say and does not resonate with many women's experiences. As a woman in an environment that feels hostile (key word there 'feels' - my 'hostile' may not be yours) that's exactly the response we fear and have to evaluate the likelihood of, and whether or not the risk is worth it, on balance. It's sad, and annoying, that this level of risk-analysis on a daily, continuous basis is necessary, but when you can be verbally assaulted just walking down the street, minding your own business, or in a theoretically 'safe' space without anyone batting an eyelid (oh, and don't forget the jerks who will then tell you you misinterpreted/should have taken it as a compliment/are over-reacting should you dare to complain), challenging someone in a situation you already feel at a disadvantage in often feels like more of a risk than one is willing to expose oneself to.
OP, I understand your feeling of discomfort, especially if it has recently become an issue in a previously safe and comfortable space. That said, in a monitored area, such as a gym, I'd agree with those who suggest asking politely to use equipment as a first step. If that gets a negative (unreasonably so, not 'I'm just about to do my last set" followed by fairly quick follow-through!), or aggressive response, you will need to bring up that fact, and the change in environment, with gym management. Ask your trainer to speak to management too, about the changes in the past few months. It may be there has been an influx of new members who need to be reminded to consider other users - reminders of gym etiquette may need to be posted, and there should be concrete steps that can be taken to maintain a tolerable atmosphere for all (sound limiting technology, TVs 'locked' to a standard, general-interest or generic music channel, for example).
Seriously, you think that if she says something to a man she's going to get beaten or other wise abused? I assumed that she was in England by her spelling, maybe I was wrong and she lives somewhere more repressive where public beatings and baratement are the norm? Please let me know where this place is so that I can avoid it.
I am a woman, you do not speak for me, I find your generalizations a little offensive.0 -
I'm a bit surprised by some of these comments. You have a legitimate issue here and I'm not sure most of the men here get it. How about going to management and suggesting a women's weight area/room? This is an intimidating issue at least. And yes there is value in confronting or asking them. But there is also such a thing as gym etiquette and you might look around and see if there are places that value such etiquette. At my gym there are busy periods, which I avoid if possible...personal preference.
Much luck on this!!! And don't give up!!
She didn't even speak to a single person. All you have to say is "hey can I use this?" Having a vagina doesn't mean you're a frail little thing who can't speak to a man without the fear of assault or verbal abuse.
That's a hell of a judgemental thing to say and does not resonate with many women's experiences. As a woman in an environment that feels hostile (key word there 'feels' - my 'hostile' may not be yours) that's exactly the response we fear and have to evaluate the likelihood of, and whether or not the risk is worth it, on balance. It's sad, and annoying, that this level of risk-analysis on a daily, continuous basis is necessary, but when you can be verbally assaulted just walking down the street, minding your own business, without anyone batting an eyelid (oh, and don't forget the jerks who will then tell you you misinterpreted/should have taken it as a compliment/are over-reacting should you dare to complain), challenging someone in a situation you already feel at a disadvantage in often feels like more of a risk than one is willing to expose oneself to.
"feels" is the operative word though... just because you feel like you're in a hostile environment, doesn't mean that you actually are. Yes you might *feel* intimidated because you have to speak to another human being who's larger and stronger than you, but that doesn't mean it's okay to assume that they're going to hurt you in some way, or that you should just run away and not do what you wanted to do. Sometimes you have to grow a pair (of ovaries in this case) and not let yourself be intimidated. It's not a male/female thing either. Men feel intimidated in new situations too, or when faced with bigger/stronger men than themselves.
If you let yourself give in to this fear that someone *might* be hostile just because he's male or he or she is bigger than you/whatever, then you're going to forever be a prisoner of your own fear, forever afraid to do anything in an environment where there might be more men than women, or where there might be people who are stronger than you, and afraid to actually be the strong person that you can be, because you're blaming your own feelings of intimidation on other people who haven't actually done anything to intimidate you.
Also I find the idea that it's okay for women to assume any/all men are potentially hostile and a danger to them incredibly sexist. The vast majority of men are not like that. Yes, some men commit violent crime, as do some women. Why is it okay to tar all men with the same brush? For someone that's accusing others of being judgemental, you're incredibly judgemental of men...
Yes I'm female. Yes I've been in situations where I felt intimidated, many many times. Yes I've been in situations where I've had to face actual, real danger (I have PTSD). You have to learn the difference between a situation where you're actually in danger, and one where the danger is imagined, and learn how to act in spite of any fear or intimidation that you feel in situations where the danger is only imagined. Given that the OP said she just felt intimidated by perceived body language, but didn't actually speak to anyone, I think the advice telling her to actually *ask* to use the equipment is good advice. From personal experience of being in that kind of situation, it's common to find that the people are nowhere near as hostile/intimidating as they seemed at first. If they're genuinely hostile, e.g. telling her to f*** off when she asks to use the equipment, then she needs to complain to the gym management. But it's far more likely, if she asks, that they'll move and let her use the equipment. Don't forget this site is full of women who lift weights and have been in the exact same situation the OP is in now.
I'm one of those women who lifts, and I have indeed experienced that situation. As you'll see from the rest of my response, I echoed the suggestion the OP should first talk to the people in question - the gym is a monitored space, and personal safety from physical assault within its' walls relatively assured, so the risk-assessment is probably working out in her favour.
I agree that it's unfortunate that many women feel they have no option but to view every man with suspicion, and very unfair on the many men who do not pose a risk. That said, we live in a society where victim-blaming is rife, and where disbelief is institutionalised and utilised against victims of rape and physical attack on an endemic level. Until females are given the same respect and intrinsic value as a male, on every level, and in every society, as absolute standard, and the opposite is an aberration rather than a distressingly-common norm, it's understandable, though distressing, that many women run on a permanent level of alert and risk-analysis.0 -
HI I am also going to a gym and there are times things are in use. Last night all benches were in use..one just had a bottle of water on it... aksed "are you using this"..and No was the answer..... it is a shared situation and sometimes we do have to ask the question.... there are times that I have also done my reps on a machine while another was doing another ..and back again..it does and can work.. good luck.. if not I would speak to the gym management !!!
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I'm a bit surprised by some of these comments. You have a legitimate issue here and I'm not sure most of the men here get it. How about going to management and suggesting a women's weight area/room? This is an intimidating issue at least. And yes there is value in confronting or asking them. But there is also such a thing as gym etiquette and you might look around and see if there are places that value such etiquette. At my gym there are busy periods, which I avoid if possible...personal preference.
Much luck on this!!! And don't give up!!
She didn't even speak to a single person. All you have to say is "hey can I use this?" Having a vagina doesn't mean you're a frail little thing who can't speak to a man without the fear of assault or verbal abuse.
That's a hell of a judgemental thing to say and does not resonate with many women's experiences. As a woman in an environment that feels hostile (key word there 'feels' - my 'hostile' may not be yours) that's exactly the response we fear and have to evaluate the likelihood of, and whether or not the risk is worth it, on balance. It's sad, and annoying, that this level of risk-analysis on a daily, continuous basis is necessary, but when you can be verbally assaulted just walking down the street, minding your own business, without anyone batting an eyelid (oh, and don't forget the jerks who will then tell you you misinterpreted/should have taken it as a compliment/are over-reacting should you dare to complain), challenging someone in a situation you already feel at a disadvantage in often feels like more of a risk than one is willing to expose oneself to.
"feels" is the operative word though... just because you feel like you're in a hostile environment, doesn't mean that you actually are. Yes you might *feel* intimidated because you have to speak to another human being who's larger and stronger than you, but that doesn't mean it's okay to assume that they're going to hurt you in some way, or that you should just run away and not do what you wanted to do. Sometimes you have to grow a pair (of ovaries in this case) and not let yourself be intimidated. It's not a male/female thing either. Men feel intimidated in new situations too, or when faced with bigger/stronger men than themselves.
If you let yourself give in to this fear that someone *might* be hostile just because he's male or he or she is bigger than you/whatever, then you're going to forever be a prisoner of your own fear, forever afraid to do anything in an environment where there might be more men than women, or where there might be people who are stronger than you, and afraid to actually be the strong person that you can be, because you're blaming your own feelings of intimidation on other people who haven't actually done anything to intimidate you.
Also I find the idea that it's okay for women to assume any/all men are potentially hostile and a danger to them incredibly sexist. The vast majority of men are not like that. Yes, some men commit violent crime, as do some women. Why is it okay to tar all men with the same brush? For someone that's accusing others of being judgemental, you're incredibly judgemental of men...
Yes I'm female. Yes I've been in situations where I felt intimidated, many many times. Yes I've been in situations where I've had to face actual, real danger (I have PTSD). You have to learn the difference between a situation where you're actually in danger, and one where the danger is imagined, and learn how to act in spite of any fear or intimidation that you feel in situations where the danger is only imagined. Given that the OP said she just felt intimidated by perceived body language, but didn't actually speak to anyone, I think the advice telling her to actually *ask* to use the equipment is good advice. From personal experience of being in that kind of situation, it's common to find that the people are nowhere near as hostile/intimidating as they seemed at first. If they're genuinely hostile, e.g. telling her to f*** off when she asks to use the equipment, then she needs to complain to the gym management. But it's far more likely, if she asks, that they'll move and let her use the equipment. Don't forget this site is full of women who lift weights and have been in the exact same situation the OP is in now.
I'm one of those women, and as you'll see from the rest of my response, I echoed the suggestion the OP should first talk to the people in question - the gym is a monitored space, and personal safety from physical assault within its' walls relatively assured, so the risk-assessment is probably working out in her favour.
I agree that it's unfortunate that many women feel they have no option but to view every man with suspicion, and very unfair on the many men who do not pose a risk. That said, we live in a society where victim-blaming is rife, and where disbelief is institutionalised and utilised against victims of rape and physical attack on an endemic level. Until females are given the same respect and intrinsic value as a male, on every level, and in every society, as absolute standard, and the opposite is an aberration rather than a distressingly-common norm, it's understandable, though distressing, that many women run on a permanent level of alert and risk-analysis.
I think it's erroneous to view those issues as solely about male/female though. Men get raped and abused too, and they often find it a lot harder than women to get help and support and to be believed and taken seriously when it happens to them. Society may have issues in how it deals with abuse and victims of abuse, but women are not the only victims of it.
I really think that people have to stop framing this problem solely in terms of gender, and start looking it as being a human problem, in that some humans like to hurt other humans, and dealing with it from that perspective. Racism and homophobia happen too, and all other kinds of prejudice, and a lot of violent crime isn't about any of those, it's simply about opportunity.
There's never going to be a society where every human within that society is viewed as having the same intrinsic rights and values as every other human, because humans are primates. Just be thankful you're not a baboon, because humans are a lot nicer, more peaceful, less violent, less spiteful and less bullying than baboons are. Yes we should strive for an egalitarian society, but we also all need to learn how to function in a society that's not egalitarian, because the egalitarian one isn't going to happen anytime soon. (but yes keep striving for a society free of sexism, racism, homophobia and all the rest)
Also, while paranoia is understandable given that violent crime does happen, it doesn't mean that people should just give in to irrational fears of being a victim of it. Like I said, I've recovered from PTSD and thankful that I have because i don't want to spend my life living in fear of other humans.0 -
I'm a bit surprised by some of these comments. You have a legitimate issue here and I'm not sure most of the men here get it. How about going to management and suggesting a women's weight area/room? This is an intimidating issue at least. And yes there is value in confronting or asking them. But there is also such a thing as gym etiquette and you might look around and see if there are places that value such etiquette. At my gym there are busy periods, which I avoid if possible...personal preference.
Much luck on this!!! And don't give up!!
She didn't even speak to a single person. All you have to say is "hey can I use this?" Having a vagina doesn't mean you're a frail little thing who can't speak to a man without the fear of assault or verbal abuse.
That's a hell of a judgemental thing to say and does not resonate with many women's experiences. As a woman in an environment that feels hostile (key word there 'feels' - my 'hostile' may not be yours) that's exactly the response we fear and have to evaluate the likelihood of, and whether or not the risk is worth it, on balance. It's sad, and annoying, that this level of risk-analysis on a daily, continuous basis is necessary, but when you can be verbally assaulted just walking down the street, minding your own business, without anyone batting an eyelid (oh, and don't forget the jerks who will then tell you you misinterpreted/should have taken it as a compliment/are over-reacting should you dare to complain), challenging someone in a situation you already feel at a disadvantage in often feels like more of a risk than one is willing to expose oneself to.
"feels" is the operative word though... just because you feel like you're in a hostile environment, doesn't mean that you actually are. Yes you might *feel* intimidated because you have to speak to another human being who's larger and stronger than you, but that doesn't mean it's okay to assume that they're going to hurt you in some way, or that you should just run away and not do what you wanted to do. Sometimes you have to grow a pair (of ovaries in this case) and not let yourself be intimidated. It's not a male/female thing either. Men feel intimidated in new situations too, or when faced with bigger/stronger men than themselves.
If you let yourself give in to this fear that someone *might* be hostile just because he's male or he or she is bigger than you/whatever, then you're going to forever be a prisoner of your own fear, forever afraid to do anything in an environment where there might be more men than women, or where there might be people who are stronger than you, and afraid to actually be the strong person that you can be, because you're blaming your own feelings of intimidation on other people who haven't actually done anything to intimidate you.
Also I find the idea that it's okay for women to assume any/all men are potentially hostile and a danger to them incredibly sexist. The vast majority of men are not like that. Yes, some men commit violent crime, as do some women. Why is it okay to tar all men with the same brush? For someone that's accusing others of being judgemental, you're incredibly judgemental of men...
Yes I'm female. Yes I've been in situations where I felt intimidated, many many times. Yes I've been in situations where I've had to face actual, real danger (I have PTSD). You have to learn the difference between a situation where you're actually in danger, and one where the danger is imagined, and learn how to act in spite of any fear or intimidation that you feel in situations where the danger is only imagined. Given that the OP said she just felt intimidated by perceived body language, but didn't actually speak to anyone, I think the advice telling her to actually *ask* to use the equipment is good advice. From personal experience of being in that kind of situation, it's common to find that the people are nowhere near as hostile/intimidating as they seemed at first. If they're genuinely hostile, e.g. telling her to f*** off when she asks to use the equipment, then she needs to complain to the gym management. But it's far more likely, if she asks, that they'll move and let her use the equipment. Don't forget this site is full of women who lift weights and have been in the exact same situation the OP is in now.
Yes yes yes to all of this.0 -
I haven't used free weights in a while but I prefer going when it isn't as busy because I just don't care for crowds and like having personal space.
But if that isn't avoidable, sometimes you do just have to be a little assertive if there's a need to share. Remind yourself that you have every right to be there as much as everyone else. I think a lot of times people working out are so into what they are doing or just thinking about their day, they aren't always aware of what's going on next to them and may not know whether or not someone else wants to use the equipment. The only time I've ever been aware I was using a bar or item that someone also wanted to use was when they came up and asked me.
"This? Sure!"
It can also help to ask your personal trainer or staff about gym etiquette and what a good way is to approach someone if you're unsure of how to go about asking.0 -
Most "dude bros" are a lot nice than people think, sure they say meathead things, and when they are with their other "dude bros" that act a little crazy, hover for hours and talk about the girl they banged last night, but if you go up and ask them they have no problem sharing or working in. I had one at my gym the other day that was using a weight I needed, but was also going back and forth between that and the area to do pull-ups, so I stopped him on his way over to do pulls, and asked him if I could work in with him, and he literally said "yeah bro, no problem, I would never mind that" So to end a long story, just ask.0
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You pay as much as these guys do. When I go to the gym to lift (which usually I don't, bc I have free weights at home), I walk in there like I own the damn place. Walk in there like you OWN the damn place! Psych yourself up for it if you have to. If you can't find the girl balls to do this, talk to employees, then move it up to management; if you finally get nowhere, switch gyms. We girls need to calmly but firmly let guys know we're not fooling around. You can do it! :drinker:0
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I have a funny story about being at the gym and trying to bench press, I was struggling with getting the bar back on the rack. Suddenly this big beefy pair of hands grabs the bar and I hear a polite voice offering to help.
I sincerely thanked him...he was a pretty nice guy.
The kicker was that he was wearing a shirt that said "SHUT UP B*TCH" in big block letters. :laugh:0 -
I'm a woman. I'm a woman who lives on planet earth. I KNOW how this feels. Any woman does, and any man does too because they know how most men treat women (they've got to know since they live on planet earth too). Problem is, it is very hard for most men to empathize with women regarding this because that would mean imagining what it is like being a woman; they are not going to go there! :laugh:
That said, you really have to speak up for yourself. It is unreasonable to expect the gym staff to act like teachers on the playground supervising who gets to play with the ball. You are an adult, the guys are adults, the gym staff expects you all to be able to sort it out. Next time just walk up to them and ask to use the equipment.0 -
I'm a woman. I'm a woman who lives on planet earth. I KNOW how this feels. Any woman does, and any man does too because they know how most men treat women (they've got to know since they live on planet earth too). Problem is, it is very hard for most men to empathize with women regarding this because that would mean imagining what it is like being a woman; they are not going to go there! :laugh:
That said, you really have to speak up for yourself. It is unreasonable to expect the gym staff to act like teachers on the playground supervising who gets to play with the ball. You are an adult, the guys are adults, the gym staff expects you all to be able to sort it out. Next time just walk up to them and ask to use the equipment.
This. Exactly.
If you don't work up the nerve to assert yourself and just ask, you'll never know. If you end up with a problem or hostility, then bring it to the attention of the staff. In the meantime, to borrow Nike's words, "Just DO IT."0 -
HOW on this green Earth does this discussion turn into a discussion on assault? Are women really that afraid of men? Not every guy out there is scoping the gym for a victim. Men in the gym hoard equipment because they're too lazy to put it away, not because they don't want females to use it.
If you act assertive but friendly, then you get a lot further in life. That applies to anything, not just getting to the 20 pound dumb bells.0 -
1) Muster your confidence and ask them to work in. I do this at my gym and have never had anyone say no.
2) If that doesn't work, talk to gym management.
3) If that doesn't work, find a new gym. Every gym has a 'culture' and if you don't like the one at your current gym, you can probably find a different gym that fits your needs better.
Although, something you said makes me wonder if it's some kind of negative vibe you're putting out there?OK if you want to faff around on some of the machines, run on the treadmills or prance about in Zumba but not when using the weights area. It was always used a lot by big muscly guys admiring themselves in the mirrors and there were never enough weights in the ranges commonly used by women.
That makes you sort of sound sort of judgmental and unpleasant toward the rest of the people in the gym. Are you possibly expressing personal superiority or contempt for your fellow exercisers? Describing others' workouts as 'prancing', 'faffing' and 'admiring in the mirror' sounds pretty disdainful. If people are sensing your inner eye roll, that might make them not want to share/cooperate with you. Just a thought.0 -
Yeah I am sure someone has already said this, but you just have to go up and with a straight face ask if they are using it.
If they say yes, ask to work in, or mention to them that there is only one set (implying that they should stop being dumbasses).0 -
get a gym with women area, you wont have these issues, i enjoy my gym a lot because they have separate women area and never have these issues.0
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Ah yes. MFP. If you can't be assertive enough to ask to cut in or get some space then join Planet Fitness, or give up altogether. I seriously doubt that your troubles begin and end at the gym.0
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HOW on this green Earth does this discussion turn into a discussion on assault? Are women really that afraid of men? Not every guy out there is scoping the gym for a victim. Men in the gym hoard equipment because they're too lazy to put it away, not because they don't want females to use it.
If you act assertive but friendly, then you get a lot further in life. That applies to anything, not just getting to the 20 pound dumb bells.
Leaving weights on the floor and hogging the equipment is tantamount to assault. Obviously.0 -
YES, this is right spot on. As a woman I'd feel stupid doing anything else other than risk analysis on my daily walks ( during day and night ). And trust me if I wasn't doing everything I could to make sure I was making safe decisions and something did happen to me, I don't doubt for one second that somehow part of the blame would be sent my way.....
I agree that it's unfortunate that many women feel they have no option but to view every man with suspicion, and very unfair on the many men who do not pose a risk. That said, we live in a society where victim-blaming is rife, and where disbelief is institutionalised and utilised against victims of rape and physical attack on an endemic level. Until females are given the same respect and intrinsic value as a male, on every level, and in every society, as absolute standard, and the opposite is an aberration rather than a distressingly-common norm, it's understandable, though distressing, that many women run on a permanent level of alert and risk-analysis.
I've seen it happen to other women before and it's horrifying.0 -
I had a similar experience when I was going to the gym (finally just got the equipment I liked at yard sales and set up an area at home, not because I disliked the gym but just found I do more when I don't have to get in the car, drive 5 miles and get frustrated at people for equipment and music tastes) My problem wasn't with the men, it with the women! Many would hog the same piece of equipment for hours. Treadmill was their favorite. They would be walking at an extremely low pace, texting or talking on their phones, which is really annoying if your lucky enough to get an open treadmill! Especially if they are talking loudly and laughing. The weightlifting area was next to the treadmills and my god, there wasn't a women in there that did not stare at you (from the safety of their beloved treadmills) if you were lifting. Not that I cared but it was really annoying. The men seemed to encourage you when they saw you lifting weights....its kinda a guy thing. I just got in the habit of making small talk with the men and they would usually clear out a space for me since I was using the lighter weights anyhow. Maybe just mention that the women are hogging the treadmills and you really just feel like lifting anyhow. Humor always works. Asking advice can change their attitudes as well. These guys LOVE to share what they know! And hey, you might make some friends at the gym that way too! Be careful with non verbals. Guys seem to read these very well. Your frustration is probably showing in your facial expressions and remember men are more forward with what they want, they will respect you more if you just outright say, "hey dude, you done with that?"0
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Outside the nutjobs you see on the evening news, the meanest, nastiest people I have known are women. I would rather face a room of bro's in a weight room, than a group of high heeled chickies. Nasty creatures at times, my gender.0
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I've never been to a gym that's not like this. I hear there are fabled places that are different, but I assume they are on Mars.
I train in my basement because I have zero time for dude bros.
I live on Mars. Seriously though, I guess I'm really fortunate that I have a gym (actually a recreation center that has outdone itself) that is huge, has tons of equipment, and pretty awesome people. I've been going there 10 months and have yet to encounter anything other than people minding their own business and going about their workouts. I think maybe the worst thing I've encountered is being there in the evening and having to stretch while waiting for a machine to open up. But I don't do machines anymore, so I don't worry about it.
OP: Were it me, I would have gone over to those guys, politely confronted them and asked for use of the bar. Assert yourself- you have every right to be there and use the equipment! If it's too uncomfortable for you, maybe another gym is a better option?
but is an outright confrontation the best way to resolve it?
confronting just seems a bit aggressive for the situation especially since how are they supposed to know she wanted to use the equipment?confrontation usually implies that you've gone beyond he level of politely asking which the OP clearly hasnt done besides the eye daggers which really dont mean anything in real life communication
Perhaps there was a better word to use than 'confront'; although 'confrontation' has a bad connotation, it is not exclusively a negative thing. One can confront a situation without being aggressive or rude. But my premise remains; to go over and say "hey, are you using that bar/do you mind if i use that bar" or something to that effect, without being rude (hence my use of the word polite) would likely have been sufficient.0 -
Oh, boy! I have experienced this at my gym too. I was eyeballing a weight machine for my arms and two guys were taking turns doing sets on it and hogging it up. Thankfully, they finally got their tails up and moved to the free weights once I made my way to it, but I did not think they were ever going to release the machine to the public. There are not many people at my gym which is a good thing and most of the guys stick to the free weights and dumbbells side, while the ladies usually stick to the weight machines. But I understand what you mean to the fullest extent! I would complain or go over the trainer's head.
Is there like a set time that one is permitted to use a machine while not being a jerk? Because when I am doing, oh let's say, squat day, I have to do two sets of five, on set of three, one set of five, one set of three, one set to failure, then five sets of ten, all at different weights with rest in between. It takes time. If people working out constitutes "hogging" equipment, then everyone at the gym is hogging equipment. Also, these two guys were working sets in, each using while the other rests- which means they were maximizing use of the machine for the time they had.
wow.
i'm glad I don't have y'all's mentality about working out. I don't view myself as at odds with other folks. I view us as all being there for the same damned thing.
I am so with you here....I mean really sounds like the OP is "uncomfortable" at the gym and projecting that into "imagined" negative behaviour...trust me the men don't care you are there....they just want to lift and get done and go home....0 -
In fact, men work better with an audience, so women equal very heavy lifting:laugh: Maybe the guy hogged the equipment in the hope you will come an ask for it so he can chat with you? I:drinker: f you don't ask, you won't know.0
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HOW on this green Earth does this discussion turn into a discussion on assault? Are women really that afraid of men? Not every guy out there is scoping the gym for a victim. Men in the gym hoard equipment because they're too lazy to put it away, not because they don't want females to use it.
If you act assertive but friendly, then you get a lot further in life. That applies to anything, not just getting to the 20 pound dumb bells.
God knows and to be frank most men I know are in awe of woman in the gym lifting heavy and are intimidated themselves because well she might lift more....
This sounds like projection to me.....or PMS.0
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