Parenthood is it worth it?
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Smart *kitten*-ery aside, ;0) I'm a mom of 4 but I started young and gave up my freedom by 25. I do love my kids, but not sure I'd do that again. My husband and I only had a very few short years before our relationship went from being all about us to all about them. I think that was really the hardest part.
I *adored* my babies as babies. I was a great baby mom. Toddlers and preschoolers were tough for me because I'm not the most patient person in the world and human beings that are obstinate and unreasonable 95% of their waking hours are difficult to manage for impatient people. Now that everyone can speak in full sentences and control their bodily functions (ages 8 to 14), we get along pretty well. Although I maintain that sibling bickering is the definition of hell and I probably would have been a bang up mom if I'd stopped at one.
The sleep deprivation sucks balls but holidays are a lot more fun. Traveling will blow for a decade. I'd advise you to skip it all together and save your money for a friggin' FANTASTIC vacation when the kid turns 10 or 12. The toys are fun. Your photography will improve (because kids inherently look cute in pictures) until they hit the awkward tween stage. Go to the grocery store ALONE, even if that means you go at 1 a.m. Don't stop having sex, even if it's just quickies for the next four years. Don't buy goldfish because those g*da*n things are addictive and have 100,000 calories per handful.
I think that's it. Enjoy.
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Smart *kitten*-ery aside, ;0) I'm a mom of 4 but I started young and gave up my freedom by 25. I do love my kids, but not sure I'd do that again. My husband and I only had a very few short years before our relationship went from being all about us to all about them. I think that was really the hardest part.
I *adored* my babies as babies. I was a great baby mom. Toddlers and preschoolers were tough for me because I'm not the most patient person in the world and human beings that are obstinate and unreasonable 95% of their waking hours are difficult to manage for impatient people. Now that everyone can speak in full sentences and control their bodily functions (ages 8 to 14), we get along pretty well. Although I maintain that sibling bickering is the definition of hell and I probably would have been a bang up mom if I'd stopped at one.
The sleep deprivation sucks balls but holidays are a lot more fun. Traveling will blow for a decade. I'd advise you to skip it all together and save your money for a friggin' FANTASTIC vacation when the kid turns 10 or 12. The toys are fun. Your photography will improve (because kids inherently look cute in pictures) until they hit the awkward tween stage. Go to the grocery store ALONE, even if that means you go at 1 a.m. Don't stop having sex, even if it's just quickies for the next four years. Don't buy goldfish because those g*da*n things are addictive and have 100,000 calories per handful.
I think that's it. Enjoy.
ALL of this is true for me. You are my mothering twin :flowerforyou:0 -
wrong.having pets make you a parent and they replied in such a way that said they aren't ready to be parents.....read the entire thing quote.
Seriously? It doesn't.
Having kids and allowing yourself to grow as they grow makes you a parent.
Having pets makes you a pet owner, no matter how much you love your little fluffy-wuffy munchkins. Fact.
the people I know dress their pets, kiss their pets.....let them sleep in the bed with them.....buy them gifts.....train them.....watch them.....take them on vacation with them....etc I could go on..
kids???????????????????
and seriously people......I'm chilling at work and replying.......geez its no biggie LOL you guys need to evaluate yourself here.
That still does not make them parents. Nobody is getting all worked up. It's your opinion, but it just happens to be different that most of the people on here. Do you have kids?
Ummm....not only do they not talk back, but you also can leave them home alone at the age of 1 without having them taken away. I have a child and two fur-babies. Yes they are a part of my family, but it is not the same as having a human child.0 -
We had a completely planned pregnancy, but I *hated* it, and I *hated* my daughter when she was born and about a year afterwards. There are still fleeting moments when I regret having her (she's almost 3). BUT - I had severe antenatal and post-partum depression, and it was made worse by people telling me "oh, you'll love her as soon as she's born and you look into her eyes" - because I didn't love her then.
Once I started on meds (at a year), it changed. For the most part, I wouldn't give her up for the world, but sometimes the depression triggers and I get those fleeting moments. I just remember her smiles and hugs, and it gets me through the worst parts.
long story short: even if you don't love your baby at first sight - it will come although it may take a long time...
Thank you for your honesty. These topics are pushed out like taboo, but they are SO seriously prevalent and important to talk about! I admire your courage to say what is true.
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Cheap entertainment. Also you get to play with toys again and no one looks at you funny.
Love this one!! Might actually make me consider having some some day...
One word: LEGOS!!!!!!!!!:bigsmile:0 -
I'm a single mom and my son's father hasn't been involved for the last year and a half. It can be tough at times, I'm 28 and there are times I wish I could go out and I can, my parents will watch him for me and stuff but it can be hard being the only parent and not sharing the responsibility with someone, especially when he's being naughty on purpose (almost 3). That all being said he is a great kid and I really can't complain about him one bit, he is sweet, caring, does what he's supposed to most of the time and he's smart. He wasn't planned it just happened, but really I wouldn't change it for the world, he is my everything, I work and he goes to school, he loves school, if I go out without him I feel like something is missing most of the time, parenting has it's hard times but it's also a bond where you can't understand it until you have it. Nothing will prepare you for it but I will say when I first brought him home I was so overwhelmed that I didn't have that instant feeling, of course I loved him but it wasn't all that everyone had talked about, it was a distant bond...I'm not proud of it but I own it and it's not how it is anymore. Just be prepared but don't let someone tell you what you should feel about your kids.0
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The fun of freedom is so not even close to the unspeakable joy of being called "Mama". I wish I'd given up a few years of freedom and started sooner. I adore, love, worship and cherish my little boy every second of every day, even when he's being obnoxious. I can hardly wait to give him brothers and sisters!
I feel exactly the same. I had my first at 38 and my second at 43. As much as I cherished my freedom, I wish I had started earlier. I would have had more energy for all the fun, love, and joy they bring to my life. I feel so blessed that it was not too late for me.
My daughters make my entire life feel worthwhile and everything that came before fades into oblivion. It's amazing that I actually believed my life was rich and full before they came along. Colors are brighter, the world is more beautiful, and I wear my heart on my sleeve for them, I have become more understanding and compassionate toward everyone because of them.0 -
Save yourself.
I'm not having kids, but I would like to rent one on Halloween so I could still go trick or treating. Anyone willing to start a "rent-a-kid" program?0 -
I had my son when I was 21, I've loved it so much I waited until he was nearly 13 to start all over again with my second :noway: (due January) I'd have happily done it sooner, I always wanted 4 with a 2 year gap but it never happened like that. I don't feel like I have missed out on any freedom, just hope I don't get the urge to do it all again in another 12/13 years :laugh: 0
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What a great question! I'm really interested in these responses and in hearing about how things go with you. I'm pondering the same questions at this point in my life, actually.
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I'll never have children because I don't want to give up the life of a non-parent. I decided this when I was a teen and have stuck to it.
ditto. my mom actually says that while she wouldn't trade my brother or i for anything, she really wishes she didn't cave to the pressure to have kids.
When my ex and I decided to try for a baby, (I had issues), we went up north to tell his parents. His dad's exact words to him were,"You know I love you, but if I had it to do all over again, I never would have had kids."
How do you tell your child this? His father was a nasty, selfish, and horrible man, who would get drunk and complain about how his wife ruined his life.
I realized later why his son was so damaged and ended up an alcoholic/drug addict who still cannot sustain a relationship.
Parenting has its ups and downs. Your life is not your own anymore. Someone else's needs come before yours now. But that unconditional love you get from those babies is worth every sleepless night with a colicky baby, or a teen coming home late.
And then one day you get the privilege of helping your baby girl bring her own baby girl into the world!
Priceless!0 -
You miss your freedom, you miss being able to go to the bathroom alone, you miss being able to stay up past 10 o'clock and sleeping later than 6am but it is so worth it. When a little kid comes up to you and makes the kissy face just to get a little kiss or you're having a rough day and start crying and they just come up to you and hug you and lay with you. When I was pregnant with my second and having morning sickness, my oldest would rub my back and tell me it would be ok it doesn't last long. To see them grow and learn and the joy they have in the little things just makes you appreciate life all the more.0
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Cheap entertainment. Also you get to play with toys again and no one looks at you funny.
Love this one!! Might actually make me consider having some some day...
One word: LEGOS!!!!!!!!!:bigsmile:
And Disney movies!!0 -
I never used to want children. Then, at 40, I had a son. Then, our daughter died at 26 weeks' gestation. Since we have had another boy and a girl. I am 46 years old with three living children and another one on the way. And they are...
worth.
every.
second.0 -
I'm a single mom and my son's father hasn't been involved for the last year and a half. It can be tough at times, I'm 28 and there are times I wish I could go out and I can, my parents will watch him for me and stuff but it can be hard being the only parent and not sharing the responsibility with someone, especially when he's being naughty on purpose (almost 3). That all being said he is a great kid and I really can't complain about him one bit, he is sweet, caring, does what he's supposed to most of the time and he's smart. He wasn't planned it just happened, but really I wouldn't change it for the world, he is my everything, I work and he goes to school, he loves school, if I go out without him I feel like something is missing most of the time, parenting has it's hard times but it's also a bond where you can't understand it until you have it. Nothing will prepare you for it but I will say when I first brought him home I was so overwhelmed that I didn't have that instant feeling, of course I loved him but it wasn't all that everyone had talked about, it was a distant bond...I'm not proud of it but I own it and it's not how it is anymore. Just be prepared but don't let someone tell you what you should feel about your kids.
I know that feeling. I'm a single mom with a 3 1/2 year old whose dad has never been in the picture. He gave up when I was 6 months pregnant so I've been doing it on my own. My parents won't watch him because "I need to learn from my mistakes"...a "mistake" he is not. Although the freedom is worth it sometimes, going out just hardly seems worth it because I don't get to put him to bed and sing twinkle little star or give him a kiss goodnight.0 -
it is so so worth it.
I have 2 gorgeous girls, 2 years old and 1 year old. My first slept started sleeping through the night at 10 weeks old, my second only just started sleeping through the night after she turned a year old...but she still sleeps in our bed, we are having trouble getting her into her own bed. The first year, the baby year, I find is the worst on sleep, restricted freedom, etc but it depends on the baby. My oldest was very easy going and would sleep almost anywhere, whereas my youngest likes to see and explore everything and doesn't want to miss a thing and would only nap if everything was quiet or she was so tired she melted down and then would sleep. They are just starting to play together now and a lot of the jealousy from my oldest has subsided but my youngest now gets it if I'm holding my older daughter. It can get fun...just them giggling is enough to put a smile on me, and they both come running and screaming for "MAMA!!!!!" when I get to their daycare just fills up the heart. My oldest first "I love you mama" or "I want a cuddle!" as we are relaxing for bed watching tv. Sigh, such bliss. Worth everything 0 -
I know that feeling. I'm a single mom with a 3 1/2 year old whose dad has never been in the picture. He gave up when I was 6 months pregnant so I've been doing it on my own. My parents won't watch him because "I need to learn from my mistakes"...a "mistake" he is not. Although the freedom is worth it sometimes, going out just hardly seems worth it because I don't get to put him to bed and sing twinkle little star or give him a kiss goodnight.
Wow, kudos to you. I admire your strength and determination. :flowerforyou:
Your parents need a stern talking-to btw.0 -
Have never regretted not having children. I'm still young though, at 31 and whilst everyone around me asks when I'll be having kids, I (sometimes politely, sometimes not) tell them I won't be having any so they shouldn't get their hopes up. My husband and I enjoy what we have. I'm already planning on retirement for crying out loud lol No room for babies in our lives. Only cute puppies :flowerforyou:
Just last month we decided to buy drums and form a band. Ha! Spontaneity ...it's what I live for. That and all the nice trinkets...and extra cash 0 -
Cheap entertainment. Also you get to play with toys again and no one looks at you funny.
Love this one!! Might actually make me consider having some some day...
One word: LEGOS!!!!!!!!!:bigsmile:
And Disney movies!!
Yep! We watched The Lion King the other day, it was great!0 -
Absolutely! It is one of the hardest, most heart-breaking experiences, but also the most rewarding to me. I have a son about to go to college and I'm really trying to prepare myself emotionally. It's tough.0
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to bourbon street at night.
You took your children to Bourbon Street at night? Actually ON THE STREET? Like in the stroller AT NIGHT??
:noway:0 -
bump for later0
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It is the most amazing thing to pick up my little guy at the end of a long day and see that huge smile on his face that is just for me.0
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Raise your hand if you wish your parents had chosen sleeping in or pets over having you? Yeah, that's what I thought...0
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You literally cannot explain the sheer joy you feel as a parent when coming home after a long $hitty day and the minute you walk in the door your 2 year-old Screams "DADDY! (or MOMMY!) and runs full speed across the room to throw themselves at you in a big hug.
My wife and I tag-teamed a soul-crushingly long 9 months of a baby who didn't sleep through the night, switching off with the kid, first for bottles, then for crying over lost pacifiers and blankets.
None of those nights sleeping on the floor while they were teething and miserable matter when you go to leave or put them to bed and they say 'Love you Daddy, me kisses?" and "Twinkle Star Please?"
^^^this. Nothing fills your heart to the point of bursting until you hear your little one(s) tell you they love you, or you are the best or you are their best friend. I have a 4 year old and a 7 month old and not a day goes by that I would wish anything else.0 -
Raise your hand if you wish your parents had chosen sleeping in or pets over having you? Yeah, that's what I thought...
Me.
While I don't want to die, my mom wished that she hadn't had me. If I'd have never been born I wouldn't have known what I was missing.
But now that I'm here, I'm enjoying it.0 -
Congratulations!:flowerforyou:
I am more of a melancholic personality by nature and I love the innocent, inquisitive exuberance of children.
They want to jump into life and explore it, while I want to hide from it
I work part-time as an RN in a nursing home and volunteer a majority of my remaining time at my daughter's school.
I'll take the kids ANY day.
I have my sweet, little old ladies at work, but there is a lot of bitterness in adults that you just don't see in kids.
They remind us about what is good in life and God calls them blessings.
I would agree
ETA: I have two sons 21 & 17, a daughter 9 and a step-daughter 19 so I've been around the block, so to speak.
I'll take the sleep-deprived, diaper-changing, Barney-watching, potty-training, give-up-"my"-life phase any day.
I'm now navigating the murky waters of watching my 21 year old make bad life decisions and fighting the urge to jump in and "save" him so he can hopefully learn from his mistakes...0 -
Everyone of course has their priorities, I've found that what people say of their freedom ending once they had their kids was not the case with myself and my wife. While we've had to make compromises to our lifestyle, sure we weren't huge travelers, party'ers. But we played alot of sports (out of town tournaments, leagues etc) and those have certainly gone to the wayside. Of course I think they would have anyways... I'm getting old and broken. lol.
But for me some of the best things for me are as others said, the pure joy of my little girl shouting Daddy with the biggest smile that would light up a room. Three little words "I love you", the pure joy and pride in her face when she accomplishes something new, cuddling while watching a movie or reading a book before bed time.
Oh PS, tanks by the way for the post. Made me smile thinking reminiscing about the 3 years that I have had the express joy of having my little girl in my life. Seriously Parenthood .. Best Thing Ever.0 -
We're expecting our first in about 3 weeks. I'm very excited.
I've had moments where I kind of wished we'd have waited another year or two (I'm 30, she's 31). We've always been very social and loved going on little trips (skiing, going south, etc.) and I've realized that this won't be possible anymore.
Still, the more I get into the parenting mindset, the less exciting and fulfilling that stuff sounds. Going out and partying and dancing until 2am every Saturday seems so much more 'empty'.
It's definitely helping that a lot of our friends are starting to have kids as well.
I'm so excited to meet her.0 -
Raise your hand if you wish your parents had chosen sleeping in or pets over having you? Yeah, that's what I thought...
Raise your hands if you were a vet in Afghanistan and lost your arms after a bomb blast.
Yeah, that's what I thought...0
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