Marriage vows.. why bother anymore?
digitalbill
Posts: 1,410 Member
in Chit-Chat
I see so many posts about people talking about leaving a spouse because "I am not happy anymore".
Do the promises made really mean that little anymore in todays society?
Do the promises made really mean that little anymore in todays society?
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That would differ with each individual. I spent years miserable and put up with a lot that I never should have for two reasons. One, because I have two kids and couldn't stand the thought of being a 2 weekend per month parent. And two, because I am a man of my word. If I give my word, I will walk through hell and b!tch slap the devil trying to keep it. That being said, when she decided to screw other guys, I felt I was morally released from any promise I made regarding staying with her.
And, if you are the religious type, Jesus agrees. See Matthew 19:90 -
Vows are made to be broken.
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Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we should just enter into marriages like legal contracts that have to be legally terminated. I'm good with that. I don't think people should stay married when they are miserable. A lot of couples probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.
HOWEVER. I've been with my husband 12 years, married 9.5 and we are very happy. Our vows are important to us and we plan on keeping them. But I'm not one to judge anyone else for not keeping theirs.0 -
People enter into marriage with different expectations and when those expectations are not met, they try to look for something better hoping to find their "prince charming" or their "homely wives" (is that the correct term?). Others get married for fear of getting too old and not being able to find anyone else that will put up with them. That's just my take. I am not and have never been married so I can't say first hand.0
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Some people make mistakes, like my brother who married a crazy lady. He tried way longer than he should have.
Some people don't make the marriage important they get so wrapped up in the kids and the day to day they wake up one day next to a stranger.
Marriage does take work I love my husband married 19 years. Mostly they were good, but you gotta work thru the tough parts. I think many people have the wrong expectation. They expect marriage to fix things or they expect to chane him. Many women were raised thinking that marriage is perfect. They think it should be this wonderful image. Men sometimes go in thinking that they will be taken care of. It just doesn't always work that way sometimes you gotta adapt but not all people can. I don't think you should be miserable forever but the goal is to try.0 -
No. I just think they are more.....uncaring about what others think. Way back when they were just as unhappy, but stayed to save "face".0
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who cares. to each their own.0
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Most people under a certain age can't handle marriage, because we are raised in a society that doesn't value real commitment.
But who cares. There are still some people who have morals, it's just harder to find.0 -
I'm not necessarily talking about marriage but let me just say this.
Just because things were done a certain way in the past, does not mean that they were the correct way to do things.0 -
Maybe marriage should just be a 5 year contract with a renewal clause.... Divorce attorneys could transfer over to writing the contracts and free up the courts to handle more important issues.
It wouldn't matter either way to those of us who actually respect our vows and respect our spouses.
BTW, my wife and I have been together for 19 years (Married 18) and disagree occasionally, but we have NEVER had an argument.0 -
Do the promises made really mean that little anymore in todays society?
We've created such a me culture anymore, most people are too wrapped up in what they get out of a marriage to ever put anything in it. So for many, they will continue to find whatever, and whoever gives them the most personal satisfaction in the moment. Then move on to the easy fix.0 -
I fought for 4 years to keep mine together. At some point I had to decide that him screwing other women just wasn't okay. After I found out about the 4th one I couldn't take it anymore.
I think some people aren't mature enough to know what they really want when they get married and they aren't mature enough to fix problems while married. Other people's relationships are none of my business.0 -
Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we should just enter into marriages like legal contracts that have to be legally terminated. I'm good with that. I don't think people should stay married when they are miserable. A lot of couples probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.
HOWEVER. I've been with my husband 12 years, married 9.5 and we are very happy. Our vows are important to us and we plan on keeping them. But I'm not one to judge anyone else for not keeping theirs.
That's what marriages are technically...a contract. It does fall under contract law.0 -
Here's a question for your question, OP:
Should promises really mean more than potentially spending the rest of your *one* life completely unhappy, just because you said "I do"?
Some people probably back out of marriages far too quickly and with too little effort. But once the effort to resolve the issues has been put in, and things still aren't good, then I think they have every right to leave... regardless of the vows. Life is too precious and too short to spend it miserable.0 -
Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we should just enter into marriages like legal contracts that have to be legally terminated. I'm good with that. I don't think people should stay married when they are miserable. A lot of couples probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.
HOWEVER. I've been with my husband 12 years, married 9.5 and we are very happy. Our vows are important to us and we plan on keeping them. But I'm not one to judge anyone else for not keeping theirs.
That's what marriages are technically...a contract. It does fall under contract law.
That was my point. Lets skip the "till death do us part" vow and just say "until we decide to legally terminate the contract, or either party dies". Not romantic but that's basically what is happening anyway.0 -
Life is too short to spend it with someone that makes you miserable.
I've been happily married for almost 25 years, I picked a good one. Some people pick bad ones and realize it later.0 -
I guess it takes 2 to tango! I meant my vows! I just married an insecure crisis type man! I've dealt with cheating! (In my home! While I was there) And I still stayed! I deserve better than that! So ya! Divorce!0
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A good marriage takes a lot of hard work and love. The vows that I said in front of my husband, friends, family, and God are some of the most important words that I've ever said. Luckily, I have a wonderful husband who makes it easy to stay true to those vows.0
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Just because you see a bunch of posts about unhappy marriages doesn't mean people shouldn't bother anymore. That's absurd. For every negative post, there are likely dozens of satisfied people who feel no need to post a rant about their marriage. You're only seeing the bad side, because unhappy people tend to complain, while happy people just move on about their business.
The 50% divorce rates accounts for all marriages, including repeaters. It's actually not quite as high as 50%. Divorced people are more likely to end up divorced again, and their 2nd and 3rd marriages (etc.) go back into the statistical pool, raising the overall rate.
Anyway, why make other people's problems your own? No need to stress about it. Just make you own life happy. :flowerforyou:0 -
Well, that is an excellent question.Here's a question for your question, OP:
Should promises really mean more than potentially spending the rest of your *one* life completely unhappy, just because you said "I do"?
Some people probably back out of marriages far too quickly and with too little effort. But once the effort to resolve the issues has been put in, and things still aren't good, then I think they have every right to leave... regardless of the vows. Life is too precious and too short to spend it miserable.
Now, I agree that, under some circumstances, divorce is a viable option.
Abuse and adultery come to mind.
It just seems to me like I am seeing more and more threads of people just wanting to divorce simply because they aren't happy.
To me personally, that is like quitting. Now, maybe some want INTO the marriage way to fast but, I dunno.. It really just seems like not only are people quick to call it quits but, there are a lot of people cheering that decision.
FWIW, I was married once. Divorced after almost 4 years. She was the batallion party favor.
My new marrige is going on 15 years.
I am not saying that divorce is NEVER the answer but, it just seems to be to simple of a solution from what I have been observing.0 -
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You're only seeing the bad side, because unhappy people tend to complain, while happy people just move on about their business.
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I don't remember what I "vowed". Have to assume it was the standard stuff. Been with my wife for near 20 years. Saying words at a wedding aren't really the binding factor imo.0
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Well, that is an excellent question.Here's a question for your question, OP:
Should promises really mean more than potentially spending the rest of your *one* life completely unhappy, just because you said "I do"?
Some people probably back out of marriages far too quickly and with too little effort. But once the effort to resolve the issues has been put in, and things still aren't good, then I think they have every right to leave... regardless of the vows. Life is too precious and too short to spend it miserable.
Now, I agree that, under some circumstances, divorce is a viable option.
Abuse and adultery come to mind.
It just seems to me like I am seeing more and more threads of people just wanting to divorce simply because they aren't happy.
To me personally, that is like quitting. Now, maybe some want INTO the marriage way to fast but, I dunno.. It really just seems like not only are people quick to call it quits but, there are a lot of people cheering that decision.
FWIW, I was married once. Divorced after almost 4 years. She was the batallion party favor.
My new marrige is going on 15 years.
I am not saying that divorce is NEVER the answer but, it just seems to be to simple of a solution from what I have been observing.
I think what you're seeing, like someone else mentioned, is skewed. People who are happy are less likely to post about their marriage- especially on a fitness forum.
You will *always* see a negative trend in almost everything, because people who are mad/upset/unhappy are far more likely to rant about it.
You also have to consider that not being happy generally isn't a "simple" reason. Most of the time, there are far more deep and complex issues beneath the surface, and it's just easier to tell people "I'm just not happy".0 -
I feel you OP.
However, no one can truly know why a couple decided to divorce, except that couple.
I also think a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons now more than ever. So many of my friends just "want to get married already!" and I feel like many of them get married because their biological clock is itching for a baby or they want a wedding (I cringe at this one the most!). I am only 23 but most of my friends are older and really want kids. I can see why it would be easy to jump at the first guy who will have you even if it isn't the right guy, especially when you really want a baby. Not to say this is only a woman's problem, a lot of men feel pressure to settle down and be married too. My husband has a friend who just got married to a woman 10+ years older than him because he REALLY wants kids. They were only together 9 months before they walked down the aisle. Although I shouldn't judge it is hard for me to empathize, I can't imagine getting married after knowing someone for that short of a time, but that's just me. I also can't imagine having that much in common with someone ten years older than me, but that is also just me. I already see a disconnect between my husband and I and we are 6 years apart (we are happy though!)0 -
I've been married 33 years, 37 if you count the shack up years. It's been mostly a happy marriage, we are lucky. Friends and family who have divorced, I would say the reasons were legit.0
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It is cute how you got up on your high horse and made this thread.
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Vows are made to be broken.
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A lot of things I guess. People hook up and jump into things before they know if they are compatible with the other person. They say "I do", before even knowing themselves. Maybe some just live in the moment, having no real sense of what a commitment entails. Maybe some are just flat out too selfish to ever have one. IDK. Every generation is raised different, and this one is no exception. The good news is, there are people out there who still hold strong values, have character, and can commit through the good and bad.0
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Marriage was when people lived to 'make each other' happy, these days everything has turned to the self. To make oneself happy. People are much to selfish to survive a marriage. There has to be a balance of ~both~ doing for the other person, not one person doing for the other, or both people thinking of themselves first.0
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