Marriage vows.. why bother anymore?
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who cares. to each their own.0
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80% of statistics are made up on the spot. Citation is needed. Marriage is a *****, its work right up there with raising kids. We all have the ability to make choices. You either try and make it work or not. Its really simple, unless they r crazy then thats a whole nother subject. Oh yeah and sex have lots and lots of sex. Make sure ur partner is satisfied.:bigsmile: Oh one other thing I just proved the statistics cuz u probably just believed it.:laugh:0
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The problem really isn't society and whether or not marriage "matters'. Most Americans WANT to marry, and the majority of them believe that marriage is a beautiful, wonderful thing that they will only do once.
Statistics speak otherwise, but people go into marriage wholeheartedly believing that that's what they want. Whether it's ACTUALLY what they or what they're TOLD they SHOULD want are two different things. Really, the divorce rate or people wanting to leave are not signs that people just suck or don't take marriages seriously; it's perhaps more of a reflection of the changing societal views on what they should or shouldn't have to put up with.
Perhaps it's not the people that are wrong. Perhaps it's the contract of marriage as it stands that needs some remolding and re-shaping. It's not a "new" concept. People used to marry multiple wives, children, and they did so for reasons that don't exist today. People don't marry to have children; they don't marry for social status. They also don't marry because they're obliged to do so to "exist", which is what most women had to do barely 100 years ago.
Society has changed. We no longer allow children to marry, and we insist on marrying for love and companionship rather than social obligation or procreation. Why do we keep trying to fit the same "model" of lifelong marriage onto people that obviously aren't able to make it fit anymore? Why can't we change the definition of marriage to include a legal time frame, or something that opened up and allowed people to define what they wanted from their marriage rather than simply going with how things have always been, because there aren't other options?
lovely point
long standing social institutions that have been designed by church/religion and governments/law makers, and accepted by people for generations would be so very hard to change, and without a clear definition as to what this would look at I think many people couldnt adopt it. I like the idea though marriage has evolved.0 -
I don't understand this at all. How is love predictive? Love is a feeling, feeling change. Love is not a promise, although promises are made by those in love. I personally think love is all about the present, and if in the present you don't love anymore, then it is a love for the past.
Brilliant.0 -
So, because I have an opinion about keeping your word or a promise, I am on my "high horse"?It is cute how you got up on your high horse and made this thread.
I think it's cute how you took the time to fling a petty insult.
With all due respect and rainbow glitter, having an opinion is fine if there is context behind it. Your thread doesn't have context, it just came out of nowhere so you could lament and belittle other's choices to end their marriage.
It isn't your marriage, it is someone else's.0 -
Meh, marriage isn't important to me. I actively do not want to get married to my boyfriend because it is a custom that I do not believe in- I don't like the idea that only marriage shows true love.
My boyfriend agreed with me that if we get to that point, we'll just have a reception. We're going to call it a commitment party :P0 -
When I married my husband, I took my vows as seriously as I've taken anything. We dated a long time, then had a long engagement, and talked daily about our expectations. I respect him more than anyone, I love him more than anyone, and he is my best friend. We are open and honest with each other, even if it's something we may not want to hear. He's the first person I turn to with a problem, or when I am excited about something, he's the first person I talk to about it. I look forward to coming home to him every night. I trust him, and he trusts me.
Is it always easy? Hell no. He's a freak & a tightwad concerning money, can be a HUGE baby when he's not feeling good or stubs his toe, and when a problem arises about his job or something with the house, he obsesses over it until it drives me insane. I, on the other hand, tend to get grouchy and snippy when I'm not feeling well (or when I stub my toe
), and I can be pretty sloppy at times (DON'T LOOK IN MY KITCHEN, OMG).
We're near total opposites, on favorite foods, hobbies, even video games. But it makes us interesting to each other.
Even were we to ever divorce, I couldn't marry someone else, no matter the situation. He is the only person I will ever call HUSBAND. He means that much to me, and I wouldn't trade him for anything.
It's about work. Everyday is a challenge, sometimes big, sometimes small. We rely on each other to get through it. He's my cheerleader, my comfort, my one and only.
Btw, we've been together 20 years, and have been married 12.0 -
That would differ with each individual. I spent years miserable and put up with a lot that I never should have for two reasons. One, because I have two kids and couldn't stand the thought of being a 2 weekend per month parent. And two, because I am a man of my word. If I give my word, I will walk through hell and b!tch slap the devil trying to keep it. That being said, when she decided to screw other guys, I felt I was morally released from any promise I made regarding staying with her.
And, if you are the religious type, Jesus agrees. See Matthew 19:9
THis was really well written, I agree. I think vows are important you should try as hard as humanly possible to stick to your word. If BOTH people in a relationship feel that way, divorce wouldn't be an issue. Usually both people don't care, or one person is breaking their vows by cheating, being disrespectful, etc. At that point there really isn't anything you can do. No one should have to put up with being unhappy because their spouse changed their mind and isn't honoring their marriage.0 -
Such a heated topic.
People change, as do their values. Being judgmental will get you nowhere fast. It sounds more like you are making a statement/judgment, not being genuinely curious.0 -
They mean an awful lot to me. I am realistic though and realize that isn't the case for everyone. It would be devastating to be married to someone that didn't consider their marriage vows to be important.0
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I just wanted to have sex without being judged by Baby Jesus.
Yeah. I was just tired of my gran being all 'you're living in siiin.'0 -
Commitment is important but both parties in a marriage have to believe that. .Up and downs are going to occur and if you are honest with other then you can weather them. However I don't think anyone should ever stay in an abusive unhealthy relationship EVER .0
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May I have your number?Vows are made to be broken.
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Sovi... I love you. Can we get married?I just wanted to have sex without being judged by Baby Jesus.0 -
Why bother? Because this...0
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lollier than thou0
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Head in hands.Why bother? Because this...0
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I agree with those who say to each, their own. OP, you are certainly welcome to your opinion but without knowing each person's situation, it comes off as condescending and disrespectful. My marriage did not end due to abuse or adultery, so according to you, I just gave up. I'm not going to air my dirty laundry here because this is not the proper place for that and frankly, it's none of anyone's business. But I chose to leave an unhealthy relationship, despite the fact that it meant I wouldn't get to see my two kids on a daily basis, because it was the right decision for me, for my kids and for my ex-wife. If you want to judge me, go right ahead. But it's my life and I sure as hell was not going to spend the rest of my life miserable just because I was "supposed to." Life's too short.0
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Some of us are in love with the thought of marriage and make a promise at a very young age. My parents are beautiful people who have been married for 43 years until my father passed. So much. I learned and so I jumped to conclusion thinking that that's how my life would be. But making decision based on what I grew up to know, compared to a complete individual, it's a bit different trying to make a house a home when your spouse grew up a completely different life style. It's alot harder than one thought. If there was one thing I wish my father could've told me, is marriage is hard. But I did learn that you don't just walk away from things that are broken, you try to fix them first.. but to make yourself happy and to love your children unconditionally. The rest will fall into place.
Ps.
My kindle doesn't like to type normal, so sorry for any errors.0 -
I know my marriage and my vows will be special. It's a choice and I will make sure someone else truly believes in that choice as well. Therefore, it will mean something to me.0
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Arguing on the internet...why bother? XD0
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I know my marriage and my vows will be special. It's a choice and I will make sure someone else truly believes in that choice as well. Therefore, it will mean something to me.
^this0 -
I see so many posts about people talking about leaving a spouse because "I am not happy anymore".
Do the promises made really mean that little anymore in todays society?
Taxes! Man the benefits are amazing, all the tax shelters you get for being married.0 -
That's why I refuse to get married. I've seen people cheat on their wives/husbands, & it seems like marriage is just a joke these days or holds no real value. Plus, I'd rather have less to get out of commitment wise if I ever was with a guy, that way I could just kick his *kitten* out. Lol.0
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Here's my opinion. Take with several grains of salt and tequila.
If your vows say until death? That's what it means. Unless spouse breaks other vows, is unfaithful or violent, or they leave you despite your best efforts, etc, everything else can be overcome if you are willing to work with it.
If you don't like that vow, don't take it. My entire wedding ceremony, vows included, was written for us specifically and I will not break them, because I PROMISED. (10 years next May, go us) If you want a "unless you piss me off" marriage, then have one. Just don't promise something and then break your promise. That's just lousy.0 -
1.) You love them. 2.) Tradition 3.) You love them. 4.) If you change your mind, oh well, it's life.0
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I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. We've been married almost 25 years and have seen the good, the bad, and the very ugly but have managed to be by each others side through it all. Plus I told him the only way he could get rid of me was to kill me....and since that hasn't happened (yet) I guess we are good for at least another 25!!0
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Heck lots of people these days can't commit to a sensible diet. And the food doesn't argue with you either.:laugh:
That said, I'm celebrating my 15 year anniversary this year with a yacht date on the SF BAY at the end of the month. How I've stuck to my vow?....................................I conformed.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Here's a question for your question, OP:
Should promises really mean more than potentially spending the rest of your *one* life completely unhappy, just because you said "I do"?
Some people probably back out of marriages far too quickly and with too little effort. But once the effort to resolve the issues has been put in, and things still aren't good, then I think they have every right to leave... regardless of the vows. Life is too precious and too short to spend it miserable.
I agree 100% - from personal experience.0 -
Some interesting insights to how people view marriage.
I read a blog that shed a whole new light on marriage. It was simple and honest and wondered why I never thought of it that way before. Maybe many of you have already read it as it has gone viral, but for those of you that haven't, take a read. It's well worth it. :happy:
http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/0
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